Lie with me
"Those three words
Are said too
much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay
here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars"
He's walking through the dark corridors of the Galactica, feeling unusually giddy. Come to think of it… he's been feeling like that for quite some time now. Ever since… their fight. He can't remember ever having felt so strange after beating the crap out of someone, especially if said someone was Kara Thrace.
A few people meet him in the hallway, and he has to hold back not to greet all of them exceedingly overjoyed. They already give him strange side-glances. Or is he imagining it? Even if he isn't, he doesn't care. Not today, and not on any other day he got to frak her. And he pretends he doesn't want to think about why in frakking Hell he'd been acting like that, giving her that peck and everything.
But he does think about it. His mind makes him. It just won't stop obsessing over why he'd not stuck to their silent agreement that they were just having an affair, frakking now and then, in secret. To the public they are still mending their fences, slowly returning to their friendship, slowly returning to be them again. "Friends with benefits", if you want to call it like that. He smirks.
He's reached the quarters he shares with his wife, now, and opens the hatch, as silently as possible. According to her schedule she should already be sleeping, and when he takes a short look into the bedroom, he is assured that she is. As quiet as possible he takes a shower, then returns to the bedroom to climb into the bed beside her, already poised to put an arm around her waist, when he suddenly stops and blinks. He tries again, but his arm just won't lift. Suddenly he just can't bring himself to spoon with his wife.
Turning on his back, he suppresses a sigh. What in frakking hell…? It hadn't been like that the last time. But he hadn't given Kara a kiss goodbye the last time either. He hadn't been acting… intimate like that with her. It had been frakking and nothing else. He turns his head to look at Dee's sleeping form, and suddenly he feels like the worst motherfrakker in the universe. Here he is, having his patient, sweet, understanding wife beside him, and all he wants is… Kara. He wants Kare beside him. To be able to every day act like back in the storage closet. To be with her, not only in the sense of frakking.
He'd been lying to himself. Even after the fight he'd continued lying to himself, and to Dee. It all came down to that. And to Kara. Who would break his heart again if he got too close to her again. Kara knows as well as him that he isn't a quitter, that he meant the "til death do us part"-thing when he'd said it to Dee. She'd not want him to break up with his wife, because she would feel guilty for that. And if there is anything Kara Thrace doesn't need, it's another guilt trip.
Barely resisting a groan he puts his hands over his eyes. She'd push him away, if he pushed Dee away, because in some crazy, twisted way she thinks he'd be protected from her by Dee. But he doesn't want Dee, maybe he never had. He'd just wanted to punish her for rushing off to marry Anders, just after he'd finally gotten round telling her he loved her. It had taken him over a year – and a fight nastier than he'd ever experienced before – to understand what might have been the reason for that.
And now she is free again, while he is trapped in a marriage that is unfair to her, to Dee, even to him. With no way out, or so it seems… "Stop thinkin', baby an' go t'sleep.", he suddenly hears a sleepy drawl from his wife, and resigning himself to his fate he turns around to circle her waist, knowing he has to get out of this, thinking Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll disolve this marriage, and keep Kara from being self-destructive again. But for tonight he would pretend to be the faithful husband again. Half dragging the arm up, he circled his wife's waist from behind, even when his heart isn't in it.
