From the desk of Dr. Leonard L. Church - Entry 2
I remember these innocent moments we shared in our childhood fondly, Allison and I spent our days together, as my mother would say, conjoined at the hip. We would meet at the school waiting for the other only to berate the other for being late. Afternoons were spent in our own ways, mostly arguing or fighting over nonsensical things but they were always in jest. Unless of coarse I unintentionally upset her in which case she refused to speak with me for days. When my parents went out for the night I would stay at her house, my parents never did find out that her mother was rarely home before 10 and our nutritious supper was comprised of cereal and peanut butter sandwiches as we watched television. If Allison didn't like one of her mother's new boyfriends she'd invite herself in for the night, my mother never minded as she found Allison delightful, even now I still wonder why. Sometimes we would sneak out of the house late at night to gaze at the stars Allison loved looking up at them she always wanted to see what was out there.
Our carefree days went on like this for years even after Allison came upon more friends, the mentally deficient children at our school finally realizing their mistake and I taking up more after school programs that were highly suggested by my parents, we still found time for each other and over time found that we could always depend on each other.
However I remained blissfully unaware of just what extent my feelings towards Allison were. I thought in my naive youth that the feelings I held for her were nothing more than what anyone would feel to their close friend. That is until our first school dance.
We were approximately 13 years old and our bodies had just started to grow Allison was much taller than me but now I was starting to catch up. However Allison was also one of the first students to develop at our school and well lets say I learn of the horrors of PMS very early in life. Now I was never one to be interested in things like school dances, neither was Allison, and if it weren't for my mothers insistent nagging I never would have gone to my senior prom. So when the notion of a dance was first brought to my attention unlike the annoying masses of our school I did not panic nor worry about finding a date, I did not think of how I'd look if I didn't go with a date and I certainty did not think my life would be over if I did not go at all. To be honest I actually planned on spending that night just like any other.
That plan changed a few days later as Allison and I walked home from school. She had just finished with soccer practice and I had waited a few minutes for her after the math team let out. I knew even then that something was out of place that day Allison came out a little later than usual and when she did she look confused. We walked for a while before she said anything I had learnt it was best not to pry with Allison.
"Hey Leonard, you know that dance everyone is going crazy about, are you going?" She said it in such a way that it made her sound as though she was faking nonchalance. I remember my heart started to race for some reason unknown to me, never the less I replied.
"No I'm not going the whole thing seems kinda lame." She laughed at this.
"Yeah it does but I figure I may as well give it a chance. Besides Tommy grew a pair and asked me so I'll go with him and make my decision." I don't know what upset me more that someone else had asked her to go to the dance or the fact she agreed. I was silent the rest of the way home even after Alison left, festering in my anger. I cannot remember how but I came to the decision that if Allison was going to go I was as well.
The next day I found someone adequate enough to go with me her, just what her name was I can't really recall something that began with a C I think so I will refer to her as Cindy, she was a studious girl in my science club she was fairly popular and was pretty but nothing like Alison. In my misguided youth I thought that if I did what Alison had done that made me upset my un-relenting anger would subside. I used this hypothesis many times in my life, and every time it rendered the same results, I felt worse. When I entered that silly dance with Cindy that night I should have known the plan didn't work then and never would in the future. I saw Alison with her teammate Tommy and I felt like I was going to reach my boiling point until she approached me. Dressed in a simple pale blue dress she stood out form all the gaudy things the others were wearing, my date included, her bangs that always seemed to grow just a little too long due the fact that she rarely paid any attention to them were pulled back with a small matching blue headband, she even had on a small amount of make most likely her mother doing. I found myself thanking that woman if Alison had her way she would have come in her normal apparel, and I never would have this image in my mind. To put it simply Alison was beautiful.
"Hey Len. You just get here?" Somehow I managed to get myself composed before she spoke to me.
"Yeah well someone took too long getting ready." I don't remember if I said this only to Alison or if I said it loud enough for my date to hear but I really did not care either way.
"Well don't worry you didn't miss anything. As it is I don't see why everyone was so worked up over this." She joked back gesturing to the room. Alison was right the dance was nothing too impressive only our school gymnasium with some bright party decorations, a few cafeteria benches pushed together to make a meager buffet of snacks and sweets that would more than likely make a few weak willed children over dose on sugar, a few bight colored lights, and one of the music teachers attempting to play appropriate songs that students would like. In all honestly my expectation were met but then they were never high to begin with. I had wanted to continue the conversation but Cindy had decided to open her big mouth.
"Ahem. I think your date is waiting for you." She said in her revoltingly snotty voice why anyone could stand to be around this girl for more than five minutes was beyond my comprehension even back. With that Alison left seeing that Tommy was waiting for her with a drink. And the anger that had subsided was brought back into light even as Cindy dragged me to the other end of the room where her friends were located. In all my years I have never found a torture as horrid as having to listen to snobby teenage girls ramble and as they grew it only became worse. I wasted what had to have ten minutes of my life listening to this babble before I left with the excuse of getting food I don't even think she realized I left, which was better for me really I think the only reason she agreed to come with me was to show off for a few minutes to her friends, I was often consider good looking but what made me desirable was my unattainable status as I never really cared.
I checked my watch showing that it was only half-past seven and my father would come to pick me up promptly in at 8, now I could have walked home by myself but I knew if I did that my mother would yell at me for being so reckless and if I called to be picked up earlier I would have been berated for being antisocial. So in order to not have that battle, which I would have until approximately 10 times a year until the day she died, I moved to the refreshments table only to find Alison there alone. I called out to her.
"Hey Al! So any of this stuff edible?" I asked gesturing to the food on the table. She laughed and replied.
"Yeah the school actually sprung for store made stuff, instead of the crap they usually feed us."
"Probably didn't want to pay the cafeteria workers overtime." Once our laughter subsided a silence took over one that, even I someone who was accustomed to moments like these, disturbed me. I remember looking out to the center of the Gym that was made into the dance floor dozens of a classmates moving around like the idiots they were or rather are if any are still alive, it was a drool scene one or two were actually good and a few pathetic enough to laugh at but none the less nothing to interesting, then something caught my eye. It was Tommy dancing in the middle of the floor with someone who was not Alison, I turned to her and as if she knew what I saw she told me what had happen.
"They're cute aren't they Tommy and Karen, see he wanted to ask her out but she had already agreed to go with her friends as a girls night out thing. So he was too embarrassed to come by himself and he asked me to come. It's no big deal my mom'll be here round 8." With the way she said that to anyone else she would have seemed fine but to me I could see it the pain in her eyes.
"So why did you agree to come if you knew this would happen?" I asked partly from curiosity and partly from my own bitterness.
"Well we are teammates and all I just thought I'd be nice."
"You're lying." I remember being shocked then, rarely did Alison ever lie she never really found reason for it.
"Guess I can't get anything past you Len. Look it's not like I like the guy or anything it's just he asked and I felt flattered." She looked down then and her voice got softer. "It's not like anyone was gonna ask me anyway." When she said that everything suddenly clicked in my mind, I was jealous. I was jealous of Tommy for doing something I had wanted to do but couldn't, I was jealous that he got to spend most of the evening by her side when it should have been and then I felt anger with this revelation because he was able to do this and yet he spent the night starring at another girl. I looked away from Alison due to the embarrassment I felt form what I was about to say.
"If you told me that you wanted to go I would have asked you." I turned back to her then, hoping that she would somehow decipher my confession that she would understand what I meant, and it had looked like she did for just one split second she was surprised but then she laughed it off.
"Yeah but you're my friend it's different." I decided then not to become angry at how she just brushed that off, to not force her to realize that I indeed felt that way about her, instead I asked a simple question.
"Have you danced yet?"
"What?" Completely confused by my question.
"This is a dance after all to fully evaluate the experience we still have that left to do." Alison seemed pleased with my explanation and took my offer, it was an almost serendipitous moment as we got to the floor the music switch from perky pop to a slow medley, we looked at each other and silently agreed that it did not matter, we took each others hands and began our slow dance with the beats. It was awkward to say the least, first of all Alison was at least a head taller than me so she had to lead but then Alison did always seem to take the lead in our relationship, secondly neither of us had any real experience I had only dance this way a handful of times taking lessons on the insistence of my mother, so you can understand way it never stuck with me and Alison never really had the chance then. But as we swayed there trying not to step on each others feet and I held her hand in mine, or rather she held my hand in hers, I felt a sense of happiness not a word I usually used often but I realized later in life that I found it with Alison by my side, and when I caught her eyes in mine as she looked up from the ground just missing my left foot I saw a spark of what I was feeling as well.
I recall that we decided one dance was enough and proceeded to wait for our parents to pick us up on the steps of our school, it was a nice night and found it was far more pleasant outside the school than in it. So there we sat on the steps looking up at the stars with the muffled music playing in the background, we were silent but it was a comfortable silence, eventually Alison broke it.
"It's already 8 what do you think is taking them?"
" Meh. They probably think that they're doing us a favor by showing up late. I could call them if you want."
"Nah. I like getting to berate my mom about things like this cause I sure as hell can't say anything about her loser boyfriends." We both laughed at this and I took this lighthearted moment to ask her a question.
"Would it really be that bad to date?" Alison didn't look at me she just continued to gaze at the stars and after what felt like an eternity to me she gave her response.
"What's wrong with the way things are now? Why ruin this for something stupid like that?" I contemplated her words for a moment back then it made sense to me things were good, why change it? Had I know then what I know now I believe I would have responded by saying something a long the lines of, "because I don't like seeing you with other guys" or perhaps "because it's worth the risk." Instead I simply said,
"Yeah your right. Ugh this is taking forever! Well it's official I'll never do this again." It was now her turn to laugh.
"Well your right there what a waste of a night. I can't believe I missed the final rounds of UFC for this."
"What that was tonight! Dammit! Okay it's official this whole night sucked. Although it was probably worth it to see you in that get up." She yelled at proceed to punch me, but in a friendly way my arm would have fractured if she were actually trying to hurt me.
"It was my moms idea," my guess was proven correct. "Besides your not one to talk with how your dressed Nancy boy." We both had a good laugh at this. When we finished my fathers car could be seen in the distance and I stared to get up. I offered Alison a ride with us but she declined saying rubbing it in her mothers nose would even out the night. My father approach and as I began to walk away, she yelled to me.
"Hey thanks for making my night suck less, I'm glad you came." As I sat in my father car I contemplated the nights events and realized something. It did not matter what kind of relationship Alison and I shared so long as I could be near her it was enough for me, because she was someone worth waiting for.
I'm not sure how I feel about chapter 2 I'm afraid i didn't get my point across, that being Leonard knows he has feelings for Alison but for some reason she doesn't want their relationship to change which will be brought up later.
