Strawberry Panic fan fiction part 2 of Wilted Lily

Chapter 2: Revival

A very worried Chikaru sat by Tamao's side as she watched the blue haired girl's chest rise up and down in a peaceful rhythm. The nurses had pronounced her fine for the moment, but anything that would be stimulating to her psyche or related to 'Nagisa' ( she kept on mumbling the name during her hours in unconsciousness.) should be avoided like the plague. It was classified as 'just a nervous breakdown.' The nurses suggested that Tamao see the school guidance counsellor after she awakened, just to secure her psychological health for the future.

'Yeah right. Nothing can really fill up the hole in Tamao-Chan's heart...' Thought Chikaru sadly.

'I don't think it's likely that I could either.' The evil little voice in her head suggested. Chikaru blushed scarlet when she remembered her confession to Tamao about her feelings. Well, she was in a hysteric state, so it was quite likely that she wouldn't remember anything.

What if she did remember? That was the real problem. Chikaru was not quite ready for a rejection just yet, as she was still reeling from the fact that Shion was just flirting with her all along. ' Doesn't matter. Just as long as I'm close to Tamao. The possible fact that I'm a second choice doesn't really bother me either.'

Due to her sweet and soft nature, Chikaru just didn't have the strength to take rejection, which was why she never really dabbled in relationships at the school. If any girl showed any vestiges of interest towards her, she would simply just deflect it back at them by acting as 'the big sister' type. In fact, she acted like the informal school therapist for a reason she herself could only face every once in a while.

It was a mental defence mechanism. Her 'big sister' role prevented anyone from getting intimate with her, for her role in everybody's minds was ' that sweet, airheaded girl that anyone could lie on for support.' This was how she defined herself. This was her way of filling up her empty void. This was why she loved acting so much. Playing another character was always a good way to pull wool over your own eyes. Chikaru felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as these thoughts ran through her head. Every time she peeked into the corners of her own mind, she saw a deep chasm, empty and foreboding. And Chikaru being Chikaru, she would typically feel like throwing up and killing herself whenever she took a glimpse of 'the truth'

It was Shion who initiated their short lived tryst. Since Chikaru was quite desperate for some kind of romance. ( she didn't want to look weird to the rest of school.) The blonde Spica was took over the dominant role in their relationship, starting their kisses in the public and always scheduling their dates. Poor Chikaru had taken this quite seriously, while Shion secretly ( Wasit secretly? Or was Chikaru just oblivious? She didn't want to know.) flirted with the other girls. When Chikaru found out about this and got into one of her very rare tempers, Shion coldly told her that if she didn't like part time, too bad.

Chikaru stayed in the club meeting room for the rest of the day, numbly sowing something out of the endless wool supply that cluttered the shelves, all the while letting idle tears slide out of her eyes.

The very next day, she smacked on her 'cheerful' mask again and confronted her three club members with the same gusto and optimism that was expected of her. Nobody knew that Chikaru silently cried herself to sleep at night, or that she would stay in her room for hours at a time, looking out a window with a dripping candle stationed right above her hand. When the wax ran out, Chikaru would clean off her burnt hands and put on her gloves to hide the damage. Through all of her years at Lulim, Chikaru only had the courage to steal a few glances at Tamao whenever she passed by. She tried convincing herself that Tamao had a bubbly personality and was easy to get along with, but the fact that Tamao was drop dead gorgeous did nothing to help with her skittishness. The closest she ever got to even talking to Tamao was at the Christmas ball, when she finally gathered up the courage to make small talk with her. Unfortunately, Tamao was engaged with a never-ending conversation with Nagisa, and there was no space for Chikaru to jump in. Furthermore, her face was a cherry tomato red at the time, and there were butterflies spastically dying in her throat. Maybe it was for the best?

That was when she pretty much gave up and resigned herself from ever trying to score with Tamao. She just settled for watching her and wondering about the life they could have shared together.

Chikaru didn't want to admit it, but when Tamao lost Nagisa to Shizuma, she saw this a major opening for her to actually talk to Tamao ( and maybe even develop it into something else.) Tamao would most likely have no idea how long Chikaru prepared herself for their 'therapy sessions' Really, giving psychological balm to the person that you were shit-scared to talk to just a few months ago was quite a daunting task. Finally, Chikaru found the courage she didn't even know she had and comforted Tamao through the ordeal.

She just didn't expect herself to confess her feelings at the time, and the fact that Tamao went temporarily bat-shit insane at their latest heart-heart talk. ( Actually, you couldn't really call it 'talk', for all Tamao would do was embrace Chikaru and sob quietly.) She would occasionally bare her feelings and talk it over with Chikaru, but the hours of 'therapy' was mostly spent with Chikaru running her fingers through Tamao's silky hair and listening to her sobs. Furthermore, Chikaru was quite angry at herself for confessing her feelings for Tamao when she was at her most vulnerable. ' What kind of a horrible person would choose a person's nervous breakdown as a proper time for a confession of love? You sick bitch' the evil little voice inside Chikaru's head hissed. ' A coward, that's what. You will always be a worm, and nothing more. You may pretend to be a soft, cuddly teddy bear that everyone wants to hold on to, but inside that teddy bear is a shrivelled up little WORM.' Chikaru gave a choked sob at this realization and felt tears roll down her cheeks.

Tamao didn't stir.

These were tears of emptiness, the pain of being alone and numbing herself to everyone else around her. If Tamao accepted her, that would probably fill that empty void in her life...but if she didn't...well, she would probably go on living like the worm she was. Tamao was her only exit now. Her only exit out of her self- imposed imprisonment. 'Please, Tamao...be mine...' Thought Chikaru, looking at Tamao's serene face softly. Then, Chikaru did something totally uncharacteristic of herself. She reached over and stroked Tamao's cheek tenderly, feeling the soft skin under her hands. She let her hand idle down to Tamao's breasts, ( which were hidden only under a layer of nighties, since the nurses had changed her and let her sleep on the hospital bed for a day or so.) Evil Chikaru voice was gone now, only her desire to be with Tamao and at least pretend that Tamao liked her back. The soft round contours of Tamao's chest slid across Chikaru's fingers like silk. Chikaru felt a burning heat and desire in her womanly parts as she groped Tamao slightly harder. As much as Chikaru wanted to slide her had under the nightie, her conscience told her 'RAPE!!!!' and prompted Chikaru to embarrassedly pulled away her hand, blushing profusely. As horrified as she was at her actions, Chikaru felt...well...a little bit more normal. Maybe she was not the empty void she thought herself to be...

Tamao stirred and groaned. She mumbled, ' Chikaru are you there?'

'Oh no. She woke up. Shewokeupshewokeup My groping WOKE HER UP! She'll probably think me a pervert and never go near me again! StupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidChikaru!'

' Did...did I blow up at you back at the dorms?' She asked weakly.

'Oh whewww...' Chikaru felt like she was going to pee herself with relief.

' Erm...You just had a little faint because of all the stress. You'll be fine.'

'I said some really horrible things, didn't I? Komenosai. Chikaru. Those...words...I don't know where they came from...really, I should be happy for...'

Chikaru knew way better than to fill in her sentence. 'Why don't you get some more rest? A nervous breakdown is a serious thing. I'll be sitting right here if you need anything...'

'Careful Chikaru, you're stumbling into dangerous territory...' Said the voice in her head.

'Chikaru sempai...I know this sounds a little bit weird...but...'

'Yes?'

'Did you just confess to me while I was...you know?'

Chikaru felt like sinking into the floor right about now and pouring several tons of concrete upon her makeshift grave. But, something in Chikaru made her confirm it. Something that was tired of a facade of happiness . Something that desperately wanted that special someone to love . Of course, it was in the heat of the moment, but the heat of the moment was quite enough.

'I-I-I d-did...ummm...'

A thousand clichéd speeches of love and confessions of love whirled its way through Chikaru's head. In real life, it was nothing like the romanticized plays that Chikaru liked to immerse herself in. In real life, it was awkward and agonizing, waiting for the answer when you knew you said something quite stupid...

Tamao stayed silent and looked away.

' Oh no. She's rejected me. I'm going to die if I don't hear another word from her-

'Did you really have a crush on me for all these years, Chikaru sempai?'

Chikaru's face turned a funny looking puce while she nodded.

' Erm...I...kinda...had...you know? A crush on you too...just...too afraid to...' Tamao's words trailed off into a string of non-discernable mumbling.

This was all that Chikaru needed for a healthy boost to her psyche that looked like she drank ten cans of Red Bull. 'Wh-why? I thought...I thought you liked...' Chikaru dared not say the trigger word.

'Nagisa Chan? Yes. I loved her. She was my best friend, and my crush...but you...' Tamao trailed off and looked away.

'I felt you were something unattainable.'

Chikaru spelt the words out in her head word by word. 'Unattainable? That's new.'

'You were a student council president...while I was just a normal student...I always thought you were one of the popular ones...you know? The social butterfly? I used to steal looks at you while you weren't looking...but...I found even talking to you was...'

'Like scaling up Mount Fuji naked...' murmured Chikaru. 'Oh my! You just made a joke! The worm Chikaru just made a JOKE! DA DA DUN TSSSSST! Breaking the tension won't work, you know. You're stuck in a rut and you know it. Joking won't help you one-

Chikaru mentally told the nagging voice to shut up while Tamao laughed with more energy than before. Chikaru joined in nervously. The laughter eventually stopped, and Tamao's blue eyes were boring into Chikaru's.

' I'm...happy to be your second choice...if that's what it is...I'm just happy to be with you Tamao ch-

Tamao suddenly lunged forward with a strength that wasn't quite expected of a patient after a neurotic breakdown and kissed Chikaru full on the lips. Chikaru's eyes flew open wide, her lips temporarily blocking Tamao's invading tongue for a few milliseconds. Her surprise faded, and she let Tamao's tongue slip into her mouth. 'Well. Well...it worked. Hope she doesn't dump you like Shio- Chikaru mentally blew away the evil voice with a bazooka and slid her arms around Tamao, basking in the warmth of her body heat. Her flushed cheeks burned as Tamao explored her mouth...well...rather expertly, flicking rapidly and twirling itself around her own. Her shame didn't really come from Tamao's expertise, but of her own inexperience. She didn't really share full on kisses like this, even with Shion. Her tongue lolled around clumsily and awkwardly as she attempted to lick the roof of Tamao's mouth. Even so, she embraced the experience with all her heart, and made the kiss last for a minute or two before they broke free. Both girls were a little bit sheepish about the thin trail of saliva that still held a flimsy bridge between their mouths. 'It's all happening so fast...I can't believe I'm actually KISSING Tamao...' Thought Chikaru in a daze. Suddenly, as if something had taken over the social reins in her head, Chikaru offhandedly commented, ' You're such a good kisser...I was wondering...umm...who taught you?'

Tamao laughed and rolled her eyes, ' I'll tell you a secret, but promise you won't tell anybody.'

'Promise.'

Tamao leaned forward and whispered something in Chikaru's ear.

'No way. You learned that from romance novels in the library? And you practice on the fashion manne-'

'Shhhh!!' Tamao lightly cupped her hand over Chikaru's mouth. Her face was flushing scarlet now, ' I swear, if you tell anyone, I'll shave off all your hair.'

'C'mon, Tamao chan, you know I don't just betray people like that.'

'Funny, right? How we've pined after each other for years without either of us knowing it.'

'Tell me about it. I was so scared to even talk to you.'

' Because I'm scary looking?'

Chikaru had some trouble spitting out the response, ' Well...because you're...really attractive.'

' Good job. Nice choice of words. Hooray for Chikaru mental thesaurus!'

Tamao giggled, ' Same here. I've kind of always looked upon like some sort of 'queen bee' girl. I thought a measly first year wouldn't even turn your head...'

'Oh how wrong you are, dear Tamaochan...' Thought Chikaru grimly, ' I'm anything but a social magnet. But, whatever floats your boat...I should try not to think such negative thoughts...'

Tamao floated her hand over to Chikaru's and grasped it gently. Chikaru felt a warm, fluttery feeling in her heart as Tamao did this. As clichéd as it sounded, it was definitely a first for Chikaru, since anything this intimate was way out of her league.

'You were actually my first choice. I just gave up after getting cold feet every time I saw you. Nagisa...was...the closest thing I ever had to an accessible and attractive girlfriend...'

Chikaru stayed silent and waited for Tamao to finish. Today was certainly a day of revelations, it seemed. It looked like Chikaru and Tamao's lives were finally turning for the better...

'I saw her as my last chance. My last chance to love and be loved. I avoided any seriousness though...I never committed to showing Nagisa my true feelings. I would just joke around and make the occasional exaggerated reference of my attraction to her...but I was a coward. I was too scared...I guess...I guess the whole reason she never noticed me was because I held myself back...I didn't have enough courage.'

Tamao's sentences were starting to get punctuated by little sniffles that threatened to turn into sobbing.

' When she rejected me...I felt like it was the end of the world...you know that feeling you get when you miss your plane for a family reunion or something else important?'

Chikaru knew that feeling all too well. She wanted to talk all about the fact that her whole life was centered around that feeling, but didn't want to interrupt Tamao's cathartic speech. She simply nodded.

' Well, this was like missing the only plane. The plane with a one way trip to fulfillment. That was why I was so devastated...'

An awkward silence grew between the two. It was approximately nine-o clock in the evening now, and the school infirmary's lights were being depressingly brighter and brighter in contrast to the evening sky outside.

' Our therapy sessions brought me closer to you, and began to shed a little light on the answer that was right in front of me. When you confessed...I boarded my flight to fulfillment.'

Tamao's eyes were leaking out small droplets of tears as a joyous smile crossed her lips.

Chikaru felt quite numb with happiness right now, it felt like she had finally crawled out of the abyss, boarded a gigantic tractor, and filled it up with dirt while laughed maniacally with Tamao embracing her in the tractor. As ridiculous as the scene sounded, Chikaru certainly felt happier than she ever did her whole entire life, ( excluding the time when she got straight A+'s once on her first year report card.)

' Thank you, Tamao chan.' Chikaru whispered softly.

They locked together in another passionate embrace, kissing each other with a fiery passion. Chikaru ran her fingers through Tamao's hair like she did so many times in their therapy sessions. Tamao did likewise, occasionally toying with the ribbons in her hair that made up a great deal of Chikaru's 'innocent' side. Tamao's hands wandered under Chikaru's skirt, griping for the soft mound under her panties. Chikaru gave a gasp of ecstasy when Tamao found her mark, massaging her womanhood softly and attempting to slip into her silken lingerie.

As Tamao's slender fingers started to caress the soft folds of her hymen, she stopped and looked at Chikaru in the eyes, something was bothering Tamao at the moment, but Chikaru was too immersed in her own little world of ecstasy to notice.

'Chikaru sempai?'

'Whu-what?' That snapped Chikaru out of her trance of pleasure. Tamao's hand slid out of her panties.

'I hear someone coming.'

Pattering footsteps littered the hallways outside. It sounded like two or more people, trying to be discreet but failing miserably. Chikaru had a pretty good idea of who it was. Their position was quite compromising right now, to say the least, with Tamao sprawled in a heap over Chikaru. In a desperate flourish of wiggling and struggling, they finally managed to reset themselves in the 'Chikaru looking after Tamao' position, with Chikaru sitting by her bedside and pretending to take her temperature.

Remon, Kizune, and Kagome barged in, panting from their little jog from Lulim.

'Chikaru sempai! There you are! You weren't here for the club meeting today, so we figured-

Remon cut into Kizune's sentence, ' We figured that you were with Tamao chan or something!'

Kagome was holding a box full of chocolates in addition to her creepy teddy bear. ' Oshibaru says that he was worried about Tamao and Chikaru, so he got the cooking club to make you some chocolates.'

Remon rolled her eyes and muttered, ' You mean we got the cooking club to do our dirty work.'

Kizune piped up, ' Are you okay. Chikaru sempai?'

Chikaru was still reeling from their almost caught in the act situation and was still feeling numb and tingly all over, ' Um. Yes. Never better. Er...Tamao Chan's getting better, right, Tamao?'

Tamao feigned some weakness and said, ' Yup. Just a little bit dizzy though.'

Kagome sauntered over and handed over the box of chocolates over to Chikaru with a deep bow, miraculously not dropping a quite large Oshibaru in the process, ' Here you go, Chikaru sempai. Oshibaru says enjoy and get better.'

'Erm...thank you, Kagome. You three are so sweet! Anyhow, what happened to the drama club today? Was there any progression in the Shakespeare play we're putting up?'

This proved to be the perfect bait for the three girls to latch on to and prattle on about while Chikaru gathered her thoughts. While Kizune was blubbering on about how Othello was a bald guy and how Amane didn't want to wear a bald cap, Chikaru let her train of thought run wild, ' Well, we can't keep our new relationship a secret forever. Someone's going to find out sooner or later...I know Tamao still hasn't really gotten over Nagisa, but I think she genuinely loves me...the way she touched me, you'd think she does it quite often...I wonder if she practices that on mannequins too?' An obscene picture of Tamao masturbating a mannequin popped into Chikaru's mind, prompting her to mentally punch herself for thinking such impure thoughts about her lover. ' Get a grip on yourself. You're becoming a hentai like that pair Momomi and Kaname. I think we'll just keep this a secret until the summer holidays, when there isn't so much stress around the school...' Another worrying thought popped into Chikaru's brain, ' She knows I still have my...ummm...' Her mind struggled for a word that didn't sound too obscene, ''cherry' she must know now that I still haven't lost it yet...Well, it's not like it's anything to be embarrassed about, right? Right? Well, I'm almost eighteen, and I still haven't...yup. It's pretty embarrassing. Oh dear.' Chikaru spaced out for the entire time Kizune was talking, and oblivious old Kizune didn't suspect a thing. By the time she was done talking, Chikaru,( who had a knack for multi tasking.) , took in the main gist of Kizune's speech.

'No. I don't think that Amane should wear a bald cap, and I don't think Yaya or Hikaru would be happy playing Iago. Find Momomi or something...'

'But Oshibaru says that Momomi's scary!'

'She's not that scary once you get to know. She's always hungry for attention you know, this play will be the ultimate showcase for her villainous skills.'

The three musketeers nodded and murmured in agreement, ' Well, thanks for the idea, Chikaru sempai! We'd better get going now! It's almost curfew. You and Tamao Chan should go back to the dorms too!'

'Oshibaru says that Sister Hamasaka will make you scrub the church with toothbrushes if you don't leave soon.'

'Oh can it, Kagome.' Remon mumbled.

'It's true. Oshibaru heard Sister Hamasaka talk about it in the board room.'

Tamao blanched a little at this, remembering the time when she was made to clean all the stairs of the church. To do it with a toothbrush though...that was a little too far.

' Um. Chikaru sempai, I'm feeling much better now. Let's leave. The nurses are off shift now anyways.'

Adding it as an afterthought Tamao said, ' I can't believe they forgot all about me.'

'Don't worry. They're probably grumpy at being underpaid anyways. You know how hard they gave Nagisa the flu shot last time, right?'

'Oops. You let it slip Chikaru.'

Tamao sighed rejectedly, ' You don't have to treat the name 'Nagisa' like a swearword now, you know. I will always have a place for her in my heart, but now I have-

Tamao stopped herself before she could finish. She stole a furtive glance at the three musketeers staring at her inquisitively.

'Now that I have had therapy from the school psychiatrist.'

' You're seeking treatment? Good for you, Tamao chan!' Chikaru lied right out of her teeth.

Remon looked around nervously, ' Um, guys? It's getting a little dark in here. I think we should be heading back.'

That ended the conversation quite well. Tamao got dressed, ( all the while Chikaru marvelled at how thin Tamao had gotten over the past few months.) Kagome said something along the lines of, ' Off we go, Oshibaru.' And the five girls departed for their dorms.