Chapter 1
"There's love of course; and then there's life, it's enemy." –Jean Anouilh
Don't ever question
Arnold sat on the bus as he prepared for his welcoming back home. Hillwood would be holding a Veteran's dinner. After the dinner and the small talk he would make his way towards finding his mystery woman from the picture now nestled in his chest pocket. Arnold pulled out an old tattered letter or rather song he'd kept through his entire stationing he had yet to send it to the addressed. It was a letter to his long pined for but rejected love Helga Pataki.
Arnold opened it hesitant. He had read it a million times the paper tattered and damaged. He had used it to get him through many squelching hot desert nights. He had never had the courage to send it to her though. This time the song would hold new meaning. This time he read it to let her go to embrace whatever fate he may have with the photographed blonde in his pocket.
Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest for every tear you shed regardless of
why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth of the ocean I swam
till I ran out of breath.
I love you, don't ever question that,
that's why we'll probably never get along.
if I was better at finding the right words to say, I wouldn't need to write
this song.
I love you, I love you!
In his mind's eye he could see her silhouette raised slightly above his. He could still taste her swollen pink lips from their secret want ton kisses. He could hear her raspy feminine voice hissing in his ear her philosophies and deep worldly views. A lifetime of deep oceans expressed in a single wasted summer of emotion. Oh how Arnold had wasted away years later for a broken heart. Years of agony for four months of bliss. He'd fallen in love but had also learned what occurs when the other person refuses to catch you.
never, don't ever question that, don't ever question that.
riding the public transit,
I study the blank stares to answer my questions of how and why I got so many
Grey hairs. I take care of the nervous that runs through my extension cord,
and I reflect on that reoccurring dream where we met the Lord.
single file lines, to give her a pound one at a time but when I faced her-
I attempted to embrace her, she looked so fine,
I awoke from my sleep before her bodyguard had a chance to beat me to
submission and I still walk with my religion.
I watched the children scurry in circles around a two-way mirror,
worrying about which side of the glass projects the reflection clearer.
hear the whispers of the wind trying to get me to grin,
gassing' me up about the love that I plucked and I've been stuck within,
for every eclipse that stares at me from the other side of a paper cup of
espresso-
I light a match beneath a kettle,
and for every set of lips that become attached and equipped with that program
to seek success, I bleed my ethics out a slow drip.
His mind reeled as a million memories flashed before his jade eyes. He recalled all the fistfights he'd gotten into in order to attempt protecting her. All the bruises those fights had left across his pale ivory skin. How wrong he knew using his actions were but didn't care because when it came to Helga he could for once in his life be wrong and be naughty. Arnold remembered the date nights huddled together sipping coffees by the chimney at the poetry club. Each moment that he returned to was like picking at a scab. Arnold was a paper man cutting himself with his own pair of scissors. His own memories making him suffer. He knew he should rip the letter. Tare away at every single aspect of his life he'd shared with Helga by destroying the letter. He couldn't erase history no matter how desperately he needed to.
I know a man who met a woman, don't remember where,
big beautiful blue eyes and light blonde hair,
she was from the burbs, he was from the south side of the city,
this was back when Franklin Avenue was still pretty.
two different worlds apart, but the world is just a small town-
we all know how people like to get down.
here we go, Aries, Libra,
feel the flow of the fluid as I swim through it to free my soul.
push shoved the cane without the glove numbed the pain.
the magic from up above what it does for the brain.
make the love, paint the picture, write the song,
make the love, paint the picture, write the song,
make the love, paint the picture, write the song.
He had known her his entire life and weather he was willing to admit it or not letting Helga go would be in essence letting a piece of himself leave as well. He was ready though, it'd been a long time since he'd turned the corner to collide onto the hot pavement with his own little spit fire blonde. They were no longer those two city kids crashing into one another forced to share each other's small worlds. The world had turned out to be a big place. It was time to let go. He had to let her memoir in his heart free in order to let his own soul free. Nothing good or bad last forever. Whatever Helga was to Arnold good or bad it was time to turn the page and forget. He'd never had to question the fact that he'd loved her but she had. She had always questioned him. No more questioning now; now Arnold had an answer. His answer was to wipe his hands clean of a lost cause. Arnold Shortman was ready to wipe his hands clean of Helga Pataki.
I love you- don't ever question that, that's why we'll probably never
get along. if I was better at finding the right words to say, I wouldn't need
to write this song!
I love you (make the love, paint the picture, and write that song).
I love you.. I love you..
Arnold got off the bus and brushed his fingers to the edge corner of the letter. He took a deep calming breath as he began to rip the paper. He had only torn the corner. He could not bring himself to destroy tainted love letter. Angry he threw it into the breeze. Let the words race through whoever's mind that finds it but no longer would he let them linger in his. He released three years of weight from himself as the seemingly weightless paper sailed away with the wind. He wasn't allowed any more time to deeply ponder his decision to let it go.
"Arnold it's ever so wonderful to see you again!" Lila Sawyer called out with her Southern Charm.
Her red ringlets bouncing around her oval face as she rushed into Arnold's arms. He held her taking in her honeysuckle scent. Lila had been right at the bus stop waiting to pick Arnold up. Arnold loved Lila. Weather he was in love with her was another question. She'd been his friend, lover, and ex lover. All in all though Lila had remained his closest ally.
"Lila you look amazing." Arnold pined for her as his lips brushed across her freckled cheek.
She beamed her long fingers tenderly stroking his light bristles of blonde facial hair. "Oh Arnold, I was worried I'd never see you again." A few tears streamed down her cheeks and Arnold clenched his strong jaw as he wiped the tears away.
"Come on Arnold lets go home." Arnold smiled even after being broken up she'd called their old apartment "their" home. Arnold wrapped his hand around Lila's happy to see an old familiar friendly face. "There's a dinner for the soldier's tonight. Everyone is anticipating his or her reunion with you! There's so much to talk about!" She exclaimed excited. Arnold merely smiled as he let her drag him to her little yellow beetle.
Miles away the love letter had at last reached its addressee. As Helga walked to the city hall a crumpled piece of paper had smacked her right across the face. Helga had meant to toss it back into the street when the message inside had caught her eye. She'd read it repeatedly as she walked. It was an anonymous writer but whomever wrote it had touched her heart more in the past minute, then anyone else ever had in her twenty three years.
