El mayarah
Chapter 2: Become a Man
Hands wrapped around me again and I reacted violently to shake them off. Ready to fight tooth and nail. So dazed that it took me a long while to finally see it was uncle Kal.
"Tyren! Are you OK?"
I franticaly pointed in the direction where the vehicle had gone through a few seconds ago. "Elin! They took her uncle Kal. We have to go after her!" my voice sounded pitched and raw after screaming so much.
He hugged me tightly and I could sense his fear too. "I know embish, we'll bring her back." He called me buddy in Kryptonese, trying to sooth me fruitlessly. Only then I notice the other sounds.
"Tyren?!"
I heard mother calling me urgently, sounding panicked. Uncle Kal pulled me up in his strong arms and carried me back to where mother was standing near that door.
The door which I and Elin had stupidly walked out of. No. The door through which I had stupidly walked us out of. Why did she ran out of my arm? Why hadn't I held her hand more firmly?
My eyes quickly found mother's worried ones and then I noticed the two figures fighting on the ground, or rather one was beating the hell out of the other while shouting.
"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY DAUGHTER?! WHERE IS MY Meril? WHO DID THIS?"
It was father, slamming his fists over and over to the seemingly barely moving and grunting man beneath him, with his every single word. Even in the darkness I saw how his face was contorted with such blazing fury, that for the first time in my life I felt afraid of him.
"Tyren!" Mother called me again with a shaken voice, over father's loud enraged shouts. I closed the distance between us promptly when uncle Kal put me down. Quivering uncontrollably in her arms, I couldn't take my eyes off of father. Mother winded her arms tightly around me, pressing my head into her chest, and tried to turn my head away from the open demonstration of violence in front of us, but I didn't want to look away. I could feel she was shaking too.
For a moment, I, mother and uncle Kal were frozen and rendered speechless from father's outburst. The man had grown silent and static under father's repeating blows.
"Zohr…" Mother called, her voice trembling, showing how close she was to tears.
Father didn't answer. I couldn't remember a time when he hadn't answered mother, calling him Zohr. But it made him stop the punching. He was panting heavily, his eyes wide and sparking with wrath, veins had bulged out on his temples.
"Mon-El?"
This time uncle Kal called with uncertainty, causing father to move away from the man and I finally started to put the pieces together. This was the man who was holding me, trying to drag me into the same vehicle, trying to kidnap me. Father had torn him off me at the last minute and the kidnappers ran away with my sister, unsuccessful to kidnap the both of us.
I saw the blood staining father's hands, which were still clenched into fists, shaking slightly from sheer anger. Blood that belonged to that unmoving man lying on the ground, covering his knuckles. I couldn't see the man's undoubtedly injured face in the low lighting.
No one said anything. We were all in shock. I couldn't look at father in the eyes. Instead my eyes fell on a white object behind where father was standing. A stuffed animal. The doll Elin so enthusiastically ran to get, abandoned and smudged, fallen in a heap on the ground. Its fake wide open eyes were fixed on me, boring holes in me.
Suddenly I felt such an indescribable sinking feeling of regret in my heart that I feared it would swallow me altogether at any moment, like a chasm.
It was all my fault. I hadn't even realized that I was crying the whole time, until I felt mother wiping my tears away with her fingers. I looked up at her and saw her eyes filled with tears as well.
Someone came through the door. It was Uncle Dar-Blaine. Unlike anytime I had seen him before, his eyes seemed alarmingly serious. He inspected the scene, taking in our expressions with a hard face, and turned his attention to my father.
"I've sent out all the scouts. We watch all the roads. They won't be able to go that far. We'll get them soon Mon-El."
Father only nodded. Uncle Dar reached a hand to lay on his shoulder. Father didn't even bring his head up, his eyes fixed on a spot on the asphalt. Uncle Dar withdrew his hand before adding.
"You take your family back home. I will handle the reports on my –"
"Take him to a station. He must know their plans. I want to be there when they question him." Father cut off uncle Dar's words in a voice so unfamiliarly cold to my ears – with a slight tremor behind it – pointing at the motionless bulky man on the ground. Uncle Dar sighed, but nodded in agreement.
"Ok, I'll call the guards in front –"
"WHERE THE HELL WERE THEY, WHEN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH ALL THE EXITS?"
Father's voice boomed into the dark, narrow alleyway, echoing. I shivered as if the words were whipping me. Mother tightened her arms around me. Uncle Dar flinched a bit, but I saw his eyes projecting empathy.
"Mon-El, I can't imagine how hard this must be. Everything went wrong tonight. But you need to take them away from here, I SWEAR to all the gods and Rao that I will do everything to bring Elin back."
It was only then when my father looked up at us. Sighing painfully he brought a bloody hand up to cover his face. Uncle Dar waited a moment to watch him, before coming closer to me and mother.
"Kara, I've called a car, it's waiting at the end of this alleyway. I didn't want you to go from the front door in this state. Please take care of yourselves, I'm sure this will all be over soon. We won't let anything happens to her. I won't stop until we find her."
And I believed him because his voice was the firmest I had heard all night.
"Thank you Dar." Mother answered in a weakly and he walked back inside in quick steps.
I heard uncle Kal calling after uncle Dar and followed him back inside.
My eyes flickered back to father and I saw him looking at us with glossy eyes. Never had I ever, seen my father crying. Never had I ever, seen him so broken and shaken. I felt my chest throbbing excruciatingly from remorse. I tried to wiggle out of mother's hold. I understood she didn't want to let go of me and I didn't want to either, but I couldn't take it anymore. Walking towards father, I stood in front of him shamefully, avoiding his eyes.
"Atar it was all my fault…I shouldn't have persisted to come to this show… I should have told you… I should have hold her better… I should have been more careful…I was stupid…" I poured out the words, shaking and almost sobbing as I confessed.
I waited for him to slap me, hit me, shout at me, call me a moron, irresponsible and arrogant boy, a failure, or even just walk away, ignore me.
What I didn't expect, was him putting his arms around me so lovingly, covering me with his broad chest and holding me tightly. And I couldn't hold myself together anymore and cried loudly.
He gently pushed me away and cradled my face in his big hands, brushing away my tears with his thumbs, and looked at me directly in the eyes with his tearful grayish blue ones, in which I saw nothing but love.
"Shhhh… It's okay Tyren. It wasn't your fault Arne." Father murmured, never letting go.
I felt mother's hand in my hair. "It's ok Tyren. We'd never blame you son." She assured me with her soft voice, kissing my crown.
I found myself squeezed between them when father reached one of his arms to hold mother close as well and she pressed her face into father's shoulder.
We held each other close like that until uncle Kal came back. He pulled me up in his arms again and took me to the car uncle Dar had mentioned before. Father held mother close with his arm wrapped around her waist, whispering into her ear as they walked to the car. I could hear mother crying into his shoulder.
The ride back home felt as if it took forever. No one said even one word and I couldn't help but clutch onto uncle Kal, watching my parents holding hands with intensely concerned expressions. They had said that they didn't blame me, but I still hadn't forgiven myself and couldn't bring myself to ask comfort from them.
At home, mother asked me to go to bed, but I didn't feel tired. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to help. How could I even shut my eyes for a second when my little nessa was in the hands of my father's enemies?
But I was only a boy. A useless, reckless fool and I accepted to leave my parents alone with uncle Kal, so they could do something to bring Elin back. I was only in their way. I had made enough mess already.
No one came up to my room to check on me. I kept walking in circles, occasionally curled up in a corner when I felt tired, fidgeting with the ripped piece of Elin's dress in my hands, cried more a few times, but never touched my bed. Never changed my clothes. I didn't deserve to relax. How could I lie down in my bed when Elin for sure wasn't going to sleep on hers tonight?
Growing tired and thirsty after a few hours, I decided to venture downstairs. I wanted to know what was going on. Passing by my parents' room, I found it dark and empty. I wasn't surprised. Climbing down the stairs I heard the voices coming from the leaving room and sneaked up there. Not wanting to make others aware of my presence, I stayed close to the wall and strained my ears to listen to the conversation.
"… All the northern roads are blocked now. The forces stop every vehicle to search them. Unfortunately they haven't left any finger prints. This was all planned neatly." I recognized uncle Dar's voice coming from the communication device.
"What happened to the suspect you took to the station?" Uncle Kal asked about the man my father had caught – and beaten to a pulp.
"He woke up, doesn't know any details. He was only paid to take the children to a drop point. We went there. They have changed their car." Uncle Da bitterly explained.
"Is he ok?" I heard mother asking in an unbelievably tired and worried voice which confused me a bit. Was she asking after the kidnapper's well being?
"He's… he's holding up Kara. I know you wanted to be here with him, but there isn't much for you to do. You will only feel more distressed…" I realized he was talking about father. Father had gone out to work with uncle Dar. "… All we can do for now is to be patient. The satellite imagery is being processed but it's slow. we need more powerful processors ."
"Is there anything else we can do?" Mother asked desperately.
I heard uncle Dar sighing. "I'm not sure Kara, but is there a way to ask Tyren about the details of the accident? I understand you don't want to involve him, but there could be something we haven't noticed in the investigation."
"I…He's sleeping right now. I try to ask him when he wakes up, if only I feel he's ready to talk about tonight. He's so shaken Dar. You didn't see him after you left. He somehow thinks it's his fault that they took Elin! He doesn't see how close he was to being kidnap as well and we - " Mother's word trembles so hard towards the end that she stops talking. Her words melted the stony cold feeling of shame in my heart a bit as tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I suddenly felt an intense urge to run to her and embrace and comfort her. I never want to hear my mother's voice sound so broken, ever again. Never ever.
After a moment of silence, uncle Kal spoke up. "What about the email?"
"The advertisement Tyren found in his inbox?" Uncle Dar clarified.
"Yes. I know you said these guys have left no tracks, but I think it worth a try."
"That's not a bad idea. We can hack into his email but it would be faster …"
I never heard the rest of the conversation as I hurried back to my room to grab my hologram device. Running back down, I let myself known this time.
"Here! You can have it! I don't care if you break it into pieces!"
Mother and uncle Kal almost jumped out of their seats at my sudden and noisy entry. The hologram image of uncle Dar looked at me with a surprised expression.
"Tyren…" Mother called sadly, but I rushed to assure her.
"No mother, I can do this. I know you don't think this was my fault, but we're a family and I want to do anything I can to bring back Elin."
I even surprised myself with the firmness of my statement. Mother smiled at me proudly.
"El mayarah" she whispered.
"El mayarah" I repeated.
"El mayarah" uncle Kal enchanted as well.
I saw from my window, as our star Rao broke the horizon, chased away the darkness and brought back the day. I would have enjoyed the scene any other day, but that moment all I felt was the constant sickening anxiety that made my mind numb and my body heavy. Even though I felt beyond tired after telling all the details that I could remember of the kidnapping for everyone, I couldn't sleep.
Uncle Kal had gone to help others, taking my hologram device with him, while Mother had stayed at home, taking the calls, rejecting the press and others demanding a meeting, sometimes called father to talk and exchange ideas and updates. I had told her that she can leave me at house and go be with father, but she kissed me on the cheek, claiming she would never leave me behind.
Wandering around the house, my legs took me to Elin's room. Sitting on her bed just like two nights before, I looked around her room. The lilac colored walls – her favorite color – and her toys and painting colors on the shelves plainly represented her world. She had left her room in the middle of a tea party with her favorite dolls. Though this all was making my throat tighten, I couldn't stop. I walked to her little desk, filled with small story books – full of pictures of princesses – and a stack of her paintings. My hand stopped on her latest painting. A red sky, Rao shining and a house. And in that ridiculously small house, she had drawn two figures. One bigger with spiky black hair in a red shirt and the other shorter with long blond hair, wearing a blue dress. Both smiling from ear to ear while holding hands.
Written beneath the painting in askew Daxamite letters I read "Best hanon in the world!"
All I remember afterwards was lying in Elin's small bed and crying. I don't know how long I spent doing so until I felt mother lying down next to me, hugging me from behind. I stirred around and nuzzled into her neck and she held me like that till I finally fell asleep.
When I woke up I couldn't remember why I was in my sister's room instead of my own immediately. It was almost twilight. I sat up and noticed the blanket that someone had draped over me. The memories rushed to the surface and washed away the grogginess rapidly. How long had I slept? Had they found Elin? Scrambling to my feet, I walk out to find mother.
I hear voices from my parents' room. Father was back. I wanted to rush in and hug him, but my steps came to a halt near the door frame when I caught on the grave sorrow in their tones. Mother was whimpering, her words hushed and shook from raw emotions. All this time she had held back her tears for me.
"… Did they say anything? Any ransoms? Any demands? Any threats…"
"No, nothing yet. They know we can track them with Kryptonian techs. They want to keep us in this state of fear with their silence."
I almost didn't recognize father's voice, sounding unimaginably agonized and fearful.
"What about the clown?"
"He didn't know anything either. Just another pawn."
I didn't dare to invade their privet moment. From the mirror hanged on the wall almost in front of their door, I caught a glimpse of them sitting on the bed.
Hugging each other. Lost and afraid. So contrary to all my memories of them, so paradoxical to their eternally bright and confident picture in my mind. For a moment I thought this had to be a nightmare and I would wake up to the sound of my alarm clock and it would still be the day when uncle Kal was arriving on Daxam. But a part of me knew well that this was the bitter reality I was living in now and I felt tears in my eyes again from this cruel truth.
"How's Tyren?"
Father's question drove me out of my internal fight with accepting the tragic actualities.
"He's sleeping, finally." Mother informed him, keeping her head on father's shoulder and eyes closed. I could sense the tension form anxiety and fatigue dripping from both their postures. Father was rubbing her back thoughtlessly, the bags under his down cast eyes and his paleness visible even from the reflection, all the lines of his face were deepened, making him look much older.
"I should…I should go see him."
Father gently moved mother's head from his shoulder, putting his hands on both sides of her head and delicately wiped away the tears from mother's cheeks, whispering "Miar" before putting a kiss on her lips as a single tear rolled down his own cheek. This time I didn't look away like I always did. I watched their lips stay locked on each other's for a long while, as if breathing life into each other and sucking out the despair, so beautiful and so heartbreaking at the same time. Then they moved with each other as father leaned forward, guiding mother gingerly down into a sleeping position, never breaking the kiss.
Running back to Elin's room, I stood by her window and waited for father. It was completely dark now. I couldn't even bring myself to turn on a light, feeling too disturbed from all the information and emotions grappling inside. As if brightness could unsettle me even further, going against all the dark feelings and thoughts that were squashing my whole being in their clutches.
"Tyren?"
"Father?" I swallowed hardly and walk to him slowly and saw his tall pitch black silhouette in the doorway, against the dim light of the hallway.
"Why are you standing in the dark, dear?"
Father turned the light on and I had to close my eyes momentarily against its sharp intensity. When I opened them I saw father standing in front of me, much calmer and like his old self, still wearing the same outfit he had on the last night. I struggled to find something to say, but the words slipped my mind. What was I supposed to say? Ask him about Elin's whereabouts and remind him of that again while he had just come down? Apologize for my incautious idiotic act last night again? Or should I ask how he was?
"Are you hungry Tyren? Because I'm starving."
I looked at him baffled. I was actually famished. I couldn't remember eating anything since last night. Feeling too upset even after mother insisted me eating something.
"Yeah, I'm starving too." I weakly admitted.
"Okay then, do you think you can come help me in the kitchen to make some sandwiches Arne? I'm sure mya would eat too if we make them."
We walked shoulder by shoulder down the hallway and down the stairs.
"Atar is she… is mya ok?"
He sighed and reached a hand to grab at the nape of my neck kindly.
"She's holding up. She's sleeping now."
He then stopped on his track, putting both his hands on my shoulders.
"Tyren, we need to be strong for mya and for Elin. This is too much to ask when I know how all this has affected you, but can you try to look out for your mother when I'm not around? Don't let her be alone."
I held up his gaze the whole time, his request waking up a courage I didn't know I had. I felt a part of me shouted in agreement with father, a fighter rising inside to smack down the hopelessness. A protector ready to give anything for his family. A part of me that I had no clue of its existence up until that moment.
"I will do everything I can to look after them atar. I know we will bring Elin back and I promise I won't let anything happen to any of them ever again."
The fighter in me roared with power, suddenly feeling so confident and hopeful, like the night was over and Rao was shining. Like I somehow knew everything will be alright again even though it didn't seem like that.
Father beamed at me warmly and rested his forehead against mine.
"That's my boy becoming a man."
