(2 Reasons why you don't give retards Pokemon)
Disclaimer: I like cake but do not own Pokemon. Please pray that one day I will.
Chapter 2:
You had to throw a rock!
XD
Trembling trees swayed dreamily in the light gust of wind that swayed the branches and flapped the tiny leaves. Grass soft with morning dew; Pokemon frolicking in the wild, peacefully communicating with fellow Pokemon of their own kind. Smooth stones scattered across the whole of route 1. A sandy path laid right in the center to guide wide-eyed dreamed filled trainers to their destiny.
A thundering of footsteps interrupted the silence as two panting females ran across the sandy path leaving a sandstorm behind their heels. Both breathless, yet running for their life as thirty two Spearrow squawked angrily in the deep blue sky aiming to kill.
"WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE!" screamed Kirsty grasping for left over cookie in her pockets.
xD
"Why did you throw the rock!?"
"I didn't know their was any Pokemon there!"
"Of course you did!"
"Well... it looked all ugly."
"Its looked all UGLY!? That is not an invitation to throw a huge brick at a bird-Pokemon's face! How many of them are there!?" asked Kirsty frantically.
"Two."
"You cannot count to save your life! I'm so glad I'm religious and will go to the heaven in the sky with Jesus and many other men... some might even look like Ash Ketchum! Maybe I should let them Spearrow peck my brains out?"
"Who said you have any brains, dipshit!"
"You're spoiling my head with ugly language from the devil!"
"I spit on your God... now I think we might have to fight them."
Carefully Abbi turned a tight corner. Kirsty close by with Ash screaming in her arms from the danger they were all facing, whereas Humpy was clearly humping Abbi's leg and clinging onto it for dear life as they started to slow down.
"I'm thinking I shouldn't have ate three stacks of pancakes, fourteen chocolate bars and half a basket of cookies…" squeaked Kirsty turning a freakishly green colour.
Abbi stopped suddenly and gazed towards the flock of Spearrow staring them up and down. Kirsty dived her head into a bush vomiting on a family of sleeping Rattata. Each Rattata was drenched in pancake sauce and chocolate fluid.
"Humpy, I think me and you have to start humping!" Abbi declared pointing her finger towards the Spearrow, "Kirsty! I think our only choice is to fight these demons of the grass! Smack 'em with some more rocks! And burn their ass's, right Humpy?"
"Char!" Humpy unlocked it's arms from around Abbi's leg pointed towards the on coming Spearrows and thrust his hips towards the flock. The flock squawked, freaked by the acts of the small Charmander causing some of the flock to faint.
Humpy clapped in delight at the fainted Spearrow.
"Wow, my Charmander knows thrust attack!"
"Abbi!" Kirsty squeaked running and clinging onto Abbi, "I just thrown up on a family of Rattata and their realllllllllllllllllllllllll angry at me!"
"Look! We have to attack right now! Humpy, jump on that tree branch and burn them bitches to hell!" yelled Abbi.
Humpy nodded jumped onto the lowest branch on the nearest tree, twirled towards the diving Spearrow all aiming their attacks at Humpy. Humpy opened his small mouth to let erupt a large ember towards the first three Spearrow to reach his firing zone. Instantly the Spearrows fell to the ground; burnt, smoldering from the flames of the small dinosaur. Humpy yelped in happiness, just as four on coming Spearrows pecked Humpy right in the stomach, winding the small Pokemon as it fell out of the tree into a pile of fallen dirty leaves.
Like bullet from a gun each of the remaining Spearrow fired fast swift moves to the battered Charmander lying helplessly in the leaves.
"Umm… yeah… my moneys on the Spearrow!" Kirsty crunched on popcorn, "Woo kick dat Charmander's butt!"
"What the hell?! Whose side are you on?! And where'd you get the popcorn?!"
" Oh yeah! Ash, smash them Spearrow with Tackle!" Kirsty called while spitting out chewed up popcorn.
Ash jumped onto his owner's shoulder, springing off her shoulder into the middle of sky, tackling three Spearrow in a row with its hard head just as they were readying themselves for a second wave on the weakened Charmander.
"Ash! Bubble them non-bible worshipers!"
Just as Ash readied for a bubble attack; gravity took a toll as he began to crash towards the ground still aiming his attack at the enemy and letting rip a thin line of dangerous bubbles into four Spearrow's backs. Kirsty rushed towards the falling Squirtle, waving her arms frantically in the air to catch her partner.
"I have you Ash!"
Ash crashed to the ground. Right next to Kirsty's stretched figure ready to catch him in her loving arms. She had missed by 10 centimeters.
"Oops," Kirsty whispered helping her Pokemon to it's feet while it began to rant to her about her lack of co-ordination.
"Humpy!" squeaked Abbi cradling the fainted Pokemon in her arms. It's tail flame dimming slightly, "stupid Spearrow!"
The remaining Spearrows encircled Abbi and Humpy's limp figure on the ground: squawking angrily at Abbi. Flapping their wings high in the air to show their anger at the certain blonde trainer.
"Erm... Kirsty… I think I might die here! A little help?" screamed Abbi at Kirsty's figure, "Hurry now!"
"Huh? Oh yeah! Ash! No time to discuss my clumsy soul: bubble the rest!"
Ash nodded. Charging towards the circle of Spearows blasting bubbles from it's circle shaped mouth, watching as each Spearrow began to fall: except one which dodged this powerful attack. The last Spearow sent a peck towards Ash, who just in the nick of time jumped in the air and landed on it's back. Riding the Spearow like a horse.
"Ash, you're such a clever little Pokemon!" Kirsty cooed, watching Ash pull on the Spearows feathers like a horse rider grasping the horse's mane to keep on it's stern back.
"Squirt! Squirt!" Ash panicked, "SQUIRTLE!" shrieked as the Spearow took flight into the sky.
"O M G. That Spearow just jacked your Squirtle!" laughed Abbi returning Humpy to it's Pokeball.
"Abbi! What is my baby Ashie gonna do! Look at him he is pooing in his shiny little shell!" Kirsty gripped a hold of the nearest branch yanking it from the oldest oak tree on the route; making it brittle and easy to pull off.
"Please tell me your gonna use that as a Javelin," Abbi prayed.
"No way! Not with my aim."
Kirsty gave a large run up towards two nearly touching rocks, jabbing the end of the tree branch into the tiny tight gap to steady the branch as she launched her whole body into the air with one hand clutching the other end of the branch, while the other flapped around trying to grasp her Squirtle from the fearsome Spearow. She had just pole-vaulted into the sky; tasting the purest air and leeching onto the shell of her Pokemon and pulling Ash deep into her breast as the Spearow sped off into the distance.
"I don't believe, she pole-vaulted using a tree branch, I'm waiting for it to snap," Abbi smirked as Kirsty stay stationary in the air clutching onto the branch with one hand and Ash's shell with the other.
"ABBIIIIIIIIIII. I'M STUCK. HELP ME. I'M GONNA DIE. AGAIN. OH MY POKEMON. OH MY POKEMON. I'LL BE LIKE A GIANT PANCAKE ON THIS ROUTE; THEY WILL MAKE A SITE OUT OF MY DEAD BODY! THEY WILL CALL IT THE LARGEST PANCAKE IN THE WORLD AND ROLL ME IN SYRUP. I wouldn't mind being rolled in syrup naked... BUT HELP ME!" roared Kirsty panic in her chocolate brown eyes.
"I'll just wait until the branch snaps," called Abbi, "I'll catch you with my man strength." Abbi struck a mainly pose that resembled a Machoke flexing.
Soon as the words left Abbi's plump lips the branch snapped. Abbi watched as the branch snapped into two with Kirsty and her Squirtle tumbling from the branch onto the sandy soft path with a loud crash; sending an earthquake into Abbi's figure.
"Squirtttt," Squirtle eeped muffled by Kirsty's body.
"It's ok! I'm alright!" Kirsty smiled pulling a fainted Squirtle from under her body, "Sorry Ash, I'm such a terrible person, in the next town I'll buy you a nice bar of chocolate, yes?" reaching for her her Pokeball and returning the poor Pokemon.
"Kirsty… I wouldn't look now… but there is a green Rattata behind you bearing it's large fangs."
"OOOO A SHINEY?" Kirsty answered gleefully.
"Nope. I think it was one of the Rattata family you puked on? Ooo I hope he bites you real good!"
With that Rattata pierced his large fang into Kirsty's large rear causing Kirsty to let out a deafening scream from her large pie hole. The Rattata clung on for dear life with Kirsty running around crazily trying to shake off the rat Pokemon dripping with her own vomit.
"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"
"Don't move!"
"Okay," wept Kirsty stopping in her tracks.
Abbi grabbed the broken branch into both of her tiny baby-like hands.
"Woahhh! That Rattata looks like a fly compared to your huge ass!" Abbi snickered while smacking the branch onto Kirsty's ass repeatedly.
"OW OW OW OW!" Kirsty yelped after every strike hit her ass or the Rattata's small body.
"This should be a sport!" smirked Abbi, "I would win gold! Smacking your BBF with a stick! What a wonderful pass time!"
Soon after that the Rattata let go of Kirsty's behind and scampered off with a few bruises and scratches from the branch.
"Abbi... I think the Rattata has gone! So you can stop spanking my butt now!" chirped Kirsty, "We need to go to the Pokemon center!"
"Okay! Just one more hit," Abbi swung the branch onto the top of Kirsty's head, "Right, lets go! TO VIRIDIAN CITY!" on that word Abbi sped off down the last of Route 1 with Kirsty stumbling behind rubbing her head.
"I wish I had a boy companion... we could get raunchy…"
oOoOoOoO
Abbi twiddled her thumbs absentmindedly waiting for her dear Humpy to be healed by Nurse Joy. Nurse Joy simply smiled at the two new trainers in her center both waiting quiet patiently for their Pokemon.
"Would you both like a drink?" Nurse Joy asked politely, " A biscuit, maybe?"
"Biscuits? What kind of biscuits?" quizzed Kirsty, "If their edible I'll have the packet!"
"How about you?"
"I rather have a nice warm bath with Hugh Jackman washing my back with a spongy sponge while watching a fat man eat a chocolate bar. You got that on ya, Nursey?" Abbi raised an eyebrow sarcastically.
"Erm… sorry no, but I'll get them biscuits. I'm sure both of your Pokemon will be healed in a few minutes," Joy smiled walking away towards the back.
The Pokemon center was scattered with beady-eyed young trainers waiting for their Pokemon to be healed. All were nervous for their partner, hoping that their mistake didn't cost them their Pokemon's life. The smell of the center was fresh. Fresh like the trees on route one. The wallpaper stainless red and a warm fire red much like a Charmander's tail flame. Warm and welcome. Not dangerous and fearsome. Nurses were rushing around with Pokeballs in their arms handing them to certain trainers whose faces raised into large smiles and thanks once the Pokeball was in their grubby hands once again. The floor shiny stainless and squeaky on your step.
"Where is that nurse with my biscuits!" Kirsty shook her fists in the air.
"Calm down King Kong."
Kirsty growled in response.
"WELL IF IT ISN'T THE RETARDS."
"Oh look Abbi! Its Wolbert!" Kirsty pointed to the petite boy walking over towards them. Benny was rubbing against his leg as he began to walk. His eyes sneering and looking them up and down like a Pokemon seizing up its competition.
"You both look terrible. How much dirt can you get on you in a day? I only left you a few hours ago! I bet you both haven't caught another Pokemon yet have you?" sneered Wolbert, "I have caught two! I'm just getting them healed so we can head into the large forest north of this town."
"Omg. Wolbert look! A mew!" Abbi cooed pointing behind him; Wolbert twisted his body around his eyes searching each crack of the Pokemon Center.
"You looked you silly little boy," laughed Abbi once Wolbert's face was facing Abbi; Abbi struck his nose with a large flick making his nose jiggle up and down from his face.
"OW! That hurt!"
"She is a very very very violent youth; isn't she?"
"Excuse me, I have your Pokemon," Nurse Joy smiled handing Abbi and Kirsty both their Pokeballs with glee. Abbi cracked a smiled while releasing Humpy. Kirsty cuddled the Pokeball and kissed it lightly releasing Ash.
Humpy yawned and thrust his hips towards Nurse Joy winking at her.
"Well isn't your Charmander charming," Nurse Joy answered nervously while walking away. "Please come again," she called over her shoulder.
"Does she want us to hurt our Pokemon?"
"Probably… sick bitch. I cannot stand Nurse Joys. My father said they're the most annoying people in this world and if he had his way he would eliminate them off the face of this earth," Wolbert smugly, "One day I'll become like my Dad; even better."
"Who is your Dad Wolbert?" Kirsty asked; cuddling Ash into her stomach.
"Desmond Sneeze."
Laughter slipped from Abbi's and Kirsty's lips their Pokemon joining in after them.
"You're a good Pokemon Humpy! You laugh at that nob!"
"Mmmm. You won't be laughing when I'm the better Pokemon trainer than both of you put together. I have to go; business calls," Wolbert smirked marching over towards the desk counter demanding to know where his Pokemon were.
"Let's spilt like a banana."
"Sure thing... AshxMisty..4eva PEOPLE!" Kirsty called when exiting the comfortable Pokemon hospital.
0o0o0o0o0o0o
Abbi gazed at the beauty of the town of Viridian. Her eyes spun in excitement from the amount of colour that was exposed in this small silent town. The flowers swayed in tune with the deep breezes from the north. Pokemon danced and pranced around their trainer's legs; happy to be with someone they loved and trusted. Towering buildings separated all along the small town holding trainer's worried Mothers and lazy Fathers, inspired younger siblings and crazy grandparents who were once great in their time.
Abbi's eye landed on a straw hatted youth. Her eyes were drawn to the nifty gadget held in his small hands. He was laughing at his dancing Weedle while gazing at a small pocket-sized device that was covered in bright red paint.
Side stepping behind the small boy, peering over his fragile shoulder looking at the small picture of a Weedle, centered in the middle of the gadget, robotic voice spilling out information about the small bug Pokemon.
"Erm... Miss, can I help you? You're kinda dribbling on my neck..."
"Yes you can nerd boy! What is that device in your little hands!" quizzed Abbi.
"A Pokedex. Haven't you got one? I got mine two years ago when I became a Pokemon trainer!" squeaked the boy, "shouldn't you have one, miss? Or have you only just started your journey? But aren't you a little old to be a new trainer..."
"Shuddap child! Only speak your mind when I tell you too! What does it do this Pokedex?"
"Your not very smart are you, Miss? Pokedexs tell you about any Pokemon you come across on your journey, they also log the data into the frame of it, recording how many Pokemon you have seen and caught."
"I'm incredibly smart, child! How much for this nifty little thing?"
"I couldn't possibly sell this miss! It will help me to my dream of being a Pokemon poo inspector. It will help me on my journey to find and identify all types of Pokemon poo in the whole world! I might write a book about all Pokemon poo!"
"Yes... well... I'll give you my BFF for that thing."
"Hey!" cried Kirsty, "Don't you love me anymore?"
"Deal! She is very hunky!" blushed the boy, smitten by Kirsty's ape like features.
"Please! No!" Kirsty cried.
"How about a kiss from your perfect lips my beauty and throw in one of them lovely t-shirts about my favorite Pokemon-shipping!" smiled the boy showing his pearly whites.
"ZOMGZ YOU LOVE ASHXMISTY?!" screamed Kirsty fan girlishly, "Lets get married!"
"Miss! Please calm down."
"We could be the new AshxMisty couple!" Kirsty grasped the boys hands into her's, squeezing the brown tanned skin against her own ivory coloured skin.
"I'm only 12!" squeaked the pre-puberty voice, his Weedle nodded worriedly as a giant Squirtle winked towards the defenseless female Weedle.
"The younger the better I say!"
Ash wiggled his small paws towards the Weedle clasping onto the females sharp pointed spike on top of her head. Pulling her cheek against Ash's cheek rubbing it gently in a romantic way.
"Miss, your Squirtle is sexually harassing my Weedle!"
"You'll have to get rid of that straw hat! Its sick looking! Get an Ash Ketchum hat, I'll dye my hair orange and we will be perfect for one another!" sighed Kirsty dreamily rubbing his chubby fingers against her soft skin.
"Miss, now you're sexually harassing me! And I'm keeping my hat!"
"If you had a hat like Ash's you could leave your hat on," winked Kirsty.
The small child sprung back like his body had been struck by lighting or had received a nasty shock. Pulling his Weedle away from the snuggling Squirtle who was trying to pull the resisting Weedle into his shell, dropping his Pokedex in the progress while disappearing into the distance of the Viridian forest.
"My love!" squeaked Kirsty stretching her plump arms into the direction of the Viridian, "Me and him could of made illegal babies together!"
"Squirt," sighed Ash obviously disappointed about the Weedle he had lost in the process, earning a swift slap from Humpy's aflame tail.
"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... or something poetic like that?" Abbi patted Kirsty's back while picking up the dropped Pokedex, " nice work. We have a Pokedex for free."
"At the cost of my heart being ripped into two!" wailed Kirsty falling to her knees dirtying her yellow tights and collapsing into her Squritle's short arms, letting him rub her back gentling equally upset about his future bride: the Weedle.
"So where is the reset button on this thing?" as Abbi scanned the pocket sized Pokemon computer.
"Char!" Humpy jumped onto Abbi's shoulder gazing at the Pokedex in puzzlement.
"Abbi! Kirsty!" Professor Oak called waving his arms frantically in the air running towards the two teenagers, "I thought I would miss you both! I just saw Wolbert heading into the Viridian forest and he said you were near the Pokemon Center; I have been searching for ages! I forgot to give you both your Pokeballs! I gave Wolbert his hours ago... what took you both so long to get here?"
"Spearows aren't very nice…" Abbi shivered.
"Neither are Rattatas…" Kirsty rubbed her sore backside remember the teeth sinking into her skin.
Oak fumbled in his pockets and produced ten Pokeballs in his hand placing them in Abbi's free hand. Abbi threw Kirsty's five to the ground as she recoiled from embracing her Squirtle for comfort and placed the Pokeballs in her bag; sniffling and pulling herself up and dusting her yellow tights from dust and dirt.
"Heart break is a lonely thing isn't it Squirtle?" sniffed Kirsty as she broke out into song accompanied by her Squirtled version of "Squirt."
"Should I ask?" a worried Oak raised his eyebrows.
"You shouldn't." Abbi shook her head stuffing the Pokedex into her short pocket along with her Pokeballs, "Onwards to the forest of D000M!"
"Char! Char! Char! Char!" cackled the Charmander evilly.
"ZOMGZ I'll wet my pants if there is any creepies," wept Kirsty squeezing her Squirtle into her breasts, earning a delightful squeak from her Pokemon.
"Don't worry; it's not like I'll put any in your pants!" smirked Abbi latching Humpy to her bare pale leg readying themselves for nightfall in the Viridian forest.
"I do worry about them two," sighed Oak turning around and beginning his journey back to his beloved Pallet town whistling to himself.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"What do you have to report?" a gruff voice grumbled.
"Nothing of importance; boss." a high-pitched voice responded.
"Are you sure these are the ones sir?" a much manlier voice asked.
"Yes! Keep an eye on these two..." muttered the gruff voice.
"We will keep tailing them. Even though they were chased by Spearows and bitten by a Rattata."
"Tards," chuckled the manlier voice.
0o0o0o0o0o
END OF CHAPTER.
Abbi: Zomgz stick that in your pie!
Kirsty: MMMM PIE?! Where?!
Abbi:...
Kirsty: Kirsty love da pie!
