Potions Partners
"Well, well, well," chuckled Filch grimly, a malicious grin twisting his face, "Pottter and Snape dueling, wouldn't you know it. You know fighting isn't permitted. It appears I'll have to punish you, won't I? What's an appropriate punishment for young wizards who break the rules, mmm? Detention, the two of you. Forbidden Forest. Evening, on the day after tomorrow. And don't let me catch you at it again. The consequences for any more misbehavior will be much, much worse, I promise." The two boys stared in horror at Argus Filch's retreating figure.
"Now you've done it, Snivellus," snapped James, "you've gone and earned me a detention! We'll get you back for this, don't worry." He stalked angrily away, his trio of chums following.
Lily stepped forward and took her wand back, her face apologetic. "Sev, I'm so sorry. I should have made James stop."
Severus gazed admiringly at Lily, and was painfully aware of his wet clothes and dripping hair. "No, you shouldn't have. It doesn't matter. I'm fine. Really. I just -" Snape broke off mid sentence, not knowing what to say. It did matter, and he wasn't fine, but of course Lily would blame herself. She always blamed herself. "Look, Lily, I'm going to the common room. I have things to do, homework, and… um… you know." It was a weak excuse to leave, but Lily just nodded, and Severus tried not to run as he fled to the castle.
Snape couldn't find peace even in his own Slytherin common room. It seemed to Severus that no matter who he was with, he was shunned by the other students, either because of rivalry between Houses, his poverty, his being a studious bookworm, or simply because everybody, regardless of their House, followed the lead of popular James Potter in tormenting him. Hogwarts was, at least, better than being at home, which was hardly a true home to him, merely a house, and after all, Lily was at Hogwarts, too. Lily, who was really Severus's only friend. In his dormitory, Severus drifted of to sleep with his Hogwarts, a History book in his hands, dreaming of a girl with long red hair and bright green eyes.
It was a relief to be in Potions class the next morning. Potions was something that Snape was really good at, something that he loved to do… until Professor Slughorn, in an attempt to let the students in different Houses spend time together, assigned the Slytherins to partner up with the Gryffindors. Snape stood, his hands behind his back, and his back against a wall, watching as all the students quickly paired up, the soft hum of conversation filling the room. Finally, there was nobody left to partner with besides the dimunitive, slim figure standing alone in the center of the room. Remus Lupin. Severus could understand why the small, shy boy didn't have a partner; he was the strange student who disappeared regularly, and quite often, but for seemingly insignificant and varying reasons. Maybe the others didn't know what the Lupin boy was, but they sensed the difference and moved instinctually away. It was almost - Severus felt a slight pang of lonesomeness as he realized this, not for the first time - almost like how his classmates avoided him. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, Snape reminded himself as he slowly crossed the room towards Remus, who still stood awkwardly at his desk, alone. Like a lone wolf, thought Snape, and he half smiled at his own pun. But his quick, rare grin quickly turned down into a scowl as Lupin's face lit up in response, supposing that Severus's smile was intended to be one of welcome and acceptance. Seeing his mistake, the boy blushed, and, muttering something incoherently, turned toward the storage room to get the ingredients for the potion. Serverus found himself feeling odd, almost… remorseful… about how he treated Remus. No, Snape shook his head, it must be pity. He wanted to say something kind to Lupin, not for Remus's benefit, he reminded himself, but so that his conscience would shut up and give him some peace of mind. All the other groups, however, had already begun mixing their potions, and there would not be time for any casual conversation. It would take long enough just by being partnered with a stupid werewolf, and the potion was one of the more difficult ones, even for Snape's superior skill. Of course he'd read about it in Advanced Potion-Making but Severus couldn't be sure of himself until he began to make the potion. Snape bent over the textbook, and began preparing the ingredients: two roots of this plant, finely chopped, one-third of a vial of the essence of spider venom…
It turned out, Severus realized, walking back to the Common Room, that making the potion hadn't been so bad, after all. It was simple, really, once you understood the fundamental concepts. And, surprisingly, Lupin had kept up perfectly, doing his share and even explaining the few parts Severus had trouble with. Odd, that werewolves could be intelligent. Of course, Remus was probably an exception, always walking around with his nose buried in a book. His behavior was again, Snape noticed, not unlike himself. However, Severus's peace was shattered when Potter appeared out of nowhere, and grabbed him by the neck of his cloak. "You filthy, pathetic wizard!" James shouted. "Do you even know when the detention that you landed us in is?"
"Tomorrow… isn't it? What's wrong with that?" Snape asked, attempting in vain to make sense of James's tirade. He had seen James insulted, taunting, irritated… but not like this.
"Everything is wrong with that! Everything! But of course you wouldn't know, of course all you care about is your silly books! Are you even aware that my biggest Quidditch match of the season is tomorrow, during the detention that you got me into? Of course you wouldn't. We're going to lose, there's no reserve seeker! You, you…" James broke off, out of breath, his face flushed with rage, unable to find a word bad enough to describe Snape's offence. He shoved Severus backwards roughly. But, instead of tumbling onto the stone floor, Snape was caught from behind. He looked at the hands supporting him, and was surprised to see that the cuffs of the owner's sleeves were of the gold and red of Gryffindor.
"James? James, calm down," Sirius Black was saying. "It isn't really Snivellus - er, I mean Severus's - fault. You were the one who, sort of, you know, started it." Snape expected James to argue, but he just nodded brusquely, and strode away. "I'm really sorry about that," Sirius now addressed Snape, "It's just… you know… Quidditch matters to him a lot. More than he lets it seem. It's not all about being the popular Quidditch player. It's a lot more than that… once you get to know him. Please try to understand…?" Sirius smiled, a genuine smile, one from a friend to a friend. Severus was shocked that Sirius, that Potter's best friend, was apologizing to him. It didn't make sense. And it seemed that the last sentence was more of a request, not an excuse or explanation. As if they could ever be friends, as if they could ever get to know each other.
"Friends…"sighed Snape under his breath as Sirius walked away. It would indeed be nice to have friends, to be able to understand as Black had asked him to. But it wouldn't happen, not with James, who hated him so much. The more he thought about it, the kinder James's chums seemed to be, especially Black. And even the werewolf wasn't so bad. But with James, a truce could never be possible. James was fiercely loyal to those he trusted… and fiercely cruel to those he didn't. Severus tried to push the thoughts out of his mind. After all, it didn't matter. But the conflict in his mind remained, and the longer it did, the more Severus realized that some things truly did matter.
A/N: I'm sorry if Sirius is a bit out of character in this. I know that a lot of people view Sirius (as a child) as a carefree boy who just wants to prank people and make jokes, but as an adult it seems to me that at times he's very sincere and sensitive and perceptive, so I wanted to reflect that side of him as a child, too. But sorry if that bothers you. Please review!
