~~Thirty minutes prior to the shooting…~~
000
Obi-Wan followed Master Jinn through the spaceport. The Master hadn't said a word to him since leaving the senator's office on Bandomeer.
He'd been surprised that Qui-Gon had allowed him to accompany him into the office, in the first place.
It felt uncomfortable standing next to Master Jinn as he was projecting his annoyance with the senator through the Force.
It stemmed from the fact that his mission to oversee the signing of a treaty, between the Home planet-agri-Corps and Off World Mining Corporation had been postponed for a month because he'd been late in arriving on Bandomeer.
The delegates concerned had other business to attend too, and couldn't return for some time.
.
Obi-Wan and Master Jinn were on the Corellian barge called the Monument, when trouble erupted causing the delay.
The ship was on its regular run bringing workers to this planet to either work for Agri-corps, or one of the mining corporations.
First the Hutt's who were miners had a disagreement with the Arconan's another group of sentient beings that were heading for the Agri-corps. Their arguing caused Master Jinn some problems, and during the ensuing arguments, Obi-Wan worked alongside him to ease tensions and settle their dispute.
Then they'd been attacked by pirates, and during the consequent battle the captain and co-pilot had been killed.
He'd been sent by Qui-Gon to pilot the ship, a vocation that Obi-wan had trained for; although on a much small scale of craft.
The Master fought off some pirates and protected the crew and passengers; assisting them to repair some of the damage that occurred in the battle.
Piloting such a large ship had been quite nerve racking for him, and he was relieved when they finally set down on solid ground.
It had been a harrowing experience and something that Obi-Wan never dreamed would happen to him at such a young age.
He'd come to acknowledge through their hazardous exploits on the trip that the Force he thought he knew, was more complicated and powerful than he'd imagined.
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It humbled him seeing Qui-Gon use it to help the passengers. He tried to understand how difficult it would be for a Master to accept an initiate that had a tendency to be uncontrolled; hasty, and lacking when it came to using and understanding the living Force.
He'd learned a lot in the last few days and he recognised that taking an apprentice was an immense responsibility for a Jedi Master.
His respect for Qui-Gon had grown and in consequence of their short time together he felt a connection to him, even though he wasn't bonded to him.
The Force sang to him and conveyed its approval. He hoped that Qui-Gon would feel the same way and change his mind, and take him as his apprentice.
However, he could tell the man was proud, and wouldn't take kindly to being constantly harassed with his pleadings.
Therefore, he would take heed of the Forces urgings. The message in his head had been clear, 'be calm and patient and all will be well.'
Now he stood in the spaceport waiting for Qui-Gon to speak to him.
.
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"Wait here Obi-Wan, I'm going to the ticket office."
"Yes Master Jinn." he said with optimism in his voice.
A feeling of hope rose in him, as he watched Qui-Gon's robe billow as he strode across the spaceport.
The flickering sign 'ticket's here,' caught Obi-Wan's attention.
Was Qui-Gon buying them tickets to return to the temple?
Oh how he'd prayed to the Force for such a miracle. Yet he felt opposing emotions fill him; he wanted to believe, imagine or hope that his wish would come true. However, his fear of rejection sat heavy in his soul.
Qui-Gon was an enigma to him, and no matter how much he wanted to be a Jedi; he couldn't shake the bad feeling that his future may not be with Qui-Gon or as a Jedi.
A sinking feeling filled him as a blank faced Master walked back toward him. He tried to bolster his confidence and kept repeating the mantra, 'calm, patience.'
.
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"Here's your ticket, the shuttle bay is just around the corner. We have a few minutes before the 'Sierra' arrives. There's a shelter there that we can sit in while we wait for it."
"The Sierra?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yes it's the Agri-corps shuttle, and it will take you to your destination."
"Oh, I see." Obi-Wan managed to answer as his mouth went dry and his heart ached; as though it had just cracked open.
He looked down at the ticket and the truth of his situation came rushing at him.
Qui-Gon wasn't going to change his mind. Obi-Wan knew it in every fibre of his being.
He tried not to expose the emotions onto his face, but they were bouncing around his body, as Qui-Gon began to speak.
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"Obi-Wan, I want to explain some things to you!"
"E-explain… What is there to explain?" he forced, trying to keeping his voice from wavering.
"On the Monument you had moments where you controlled your anger and your impulsiveness. However, those moments were far and few between. It became obvious to me that you are unable to obey orders without opposition. When I gave you an order, you disagreed with it and put your own opinion forward."
Obi-Wan thought back to the monument, and he remembered when Qui-Gon told him to go to the bridge to fly the ship.
Fear of the unknown had filled him and he'd used his alarm to say that he'd be more help by his side.
Qui-Gon had grasped his arms and told him to listen to him and do as he was told.
In his untrained mind he didn't realise that if someone didn't fly the ship away from the pirate's ship, they may have succeeded in taking control of the monument.
He'd been nervous; after all he was just an initiate, thrown into the virtual deep end, and had never flown a ship this large before; only in simulations.
He'd been ordered to perform like a seasoned apprentice.
Nevertheless, in the end he'd done his best and piloted the ship away. In doing so he prevented the pirates from getting control.
He desperately wanted Qui-Gon to see that he'd obeyed him in the end, but he knew that he'd been disrespectful.
– Speak with patience and humility.
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"You are right Master Jinn, I was scared and I apologise for my disrespect. I realise that without the proper training, I'll always be impetuous, but I learned a lot on the Monument and I'm grateful for the trust you placed in me when you asked me to pilot the ship."
Obi-Wan held on to his composure as he spoke, praying that Qui-Gon was testing him.
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Qui-Gon was astounded that Obi-Wan had taken his rebuttal without losing his composure, but that wouldn't do, he had to convince the boy that the agri-corps was the best place for him.
"Obi-Wan I sense that you believe I'll change my mind about you. Well you're mistaken. I won't and you'll have to get used to that fact. Your path does not coincide with mine and I have no intention of rescuing you from the difficult situations you seem to find yourself in."
Obi-Wan felt his composure cracking and he drew the Force around him holding back his pain.
"Master Jinn, I don't wish to be disrespectful, but I didn't cause the situations on the Monument, and how can you say that our paths do not head in the same direction." He said taking a calming breath.
"When we were fighting the pirates, I distinctly heard your voice in my head, and I know that when I sent a plea for help, you heard me. I was taught that only Jedi connected by the Force could hear each other. Doesn't that mean we are connected? Isn't it the will of the Force when that happens?"
"What do you know about the will of the Force? You didn't let the Force guide you on the Monument. You let your emotions rule you. You charged the pirates recklessly and fought like a dangerous man, like there was no tomorrow. Your impatience will one day be the death of you or perhaps your Master if you had one."
"M-master Jinn, I didn't expect to be in a life and death struggle on my way to Bandomeer .Yes, I was fearful, but after my initial fear subsided; I felt the Force guide me in piloting a ship that I had no knowledge of flying. I don't believe it was impatience that filled me; it was concern for everyone on the ship."
Qui-Gon knew the boy was right, but wouldn't accept that. He could tell that Obi-Wan wasn't going to give up easily, so he pushed harder.
"As a Jedi you must keep a clear mind and concentrate on the 'here and now,' you have no such ability. Your mind is full of your own selfish wants and needs. You say that you want to be a Jedi and yet you cannot control your emotions."
..
Obi-Wan couldn't handle this kind of pressure and he could feel his self-control slipping.
He could sense that Qui-Gon was letting his own emotions rule him too, which annoyed him.
He was trying so hard to 'be calm and patient,' but the provocation was too much to bear.
Heat rose and before he could stop himself the dam wall that contained all his pain and anguish burst open.
..
"Please Master Jinn, if you don't take me as your apprentice, there'll be no tomorrow for me! My impatience comes from my worry about being sent to the agri-corps. If my anxiety kills me then I probably deserved it. Nevertheless, I would never put my Master at risk. How could you even suggest that?" He said crossing his shaking hands across his chest before he continued.
"I watched you on the monument and at times it appeared that you found it difficult to keep your thoughts in the 'here and now' yourself! In my heart, I know I'm meant to be a Jedi; yet no one will give me a chance."
..
Qui-Gon had hoped he could've walked away from him without tearing him apart, but the boy was as stubborn as he was.
"You have to earn the right to be given a chance," he said abruptly, but immediately regretted his sour vindictive words.
"Obi-Wan, I didn-"
Obi-Wan felt the sting of tears fill his eyes and his mind filled with such distress that he couldn't hold back and cut Qui-Gon's words off.
"I think you've made your point! You don't care whether I live or die; perhaps you're angry because I didn't kill myself on the monument. Have you always been so cruel, did you treat your last apprentice like a pest, did you hate him as much as you hate me?"
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"You know nothing about me initiate Kenobi, and you certainly have no right to speak about things that do not concern you!"
"You called me dangerous! Well I think that gives me the right to defend my honour. I heard that you – killed - your former apprentice's Father! If I'm so dangerous then what does killing him make you?"
Obi-Wan couldn't control himself now, his tension overflowed and he stood shaking with his hands balled into fists.
"At the temple you said that I am likely to turn to the dark side – well I will never turn; I would kill myself first! – But I'm not so sure about you - if this is the way you treat an initiate that has done nothing to you, then you could easily turn and I think you just might!"
The words that Obi-Wan threw back at Qui-Gon hit their mark. He could see the shadow of anguish that crossed Qui-Gon's face. Obi-Wan hadn't meant to speak of such things.
He'd heard the rumours around the temple about Qui-Gon killing his former padawan's father during a failed mission, and even though he'd heard that it was in self defence, Obi-Wan couldn't stop the words from hurting the man.
He realised he'd made a big mistake in accusing Master Jinn of foul play and he regretted opening his mouth.
He sensed the boiling emotions building in Qui-Gon and he waited for the hammer to fall.
..
"Once again you've proven to me that your anger and spitefulness is festering inside you. You are a prime candidate to turn to the dark side if you can allow such words to fly out of your mouth. You're disrespectful and I'm glad to wash my hands of you."
Obi-Wan knew he'd dug a hole and buried himself in it. Nevertheless, he knew it was too late now and he was hurting.
..
"I may be disrespectful and foolish, but never in my life have I been as nasty as you are now. A Master is supposed to guide and teach; you only teach how to hate. When did you guide me or teach me anything, you just gave me orders on the monument and I obeyed them to the best of my abilities! Oh that's right I don't have any abilities do I. You say there's no bond, because you don't want it, well I suppose you're right, but I can sense bitterness festering inside you. I didn't want to agree with the others at the temple that say that you're a rogue Jedi, but I can see now that they are right and there is no hope for you either."
Obi-Wan heard the shuttle land outside. He hadn't meant to say such cruel things, but he knew he was way past apologising.
Perhaps in a few days he would write to Master Jinn and apologise to him. However, right now he couldn't bear to be in the same room as him and he bolted out the door running up the ramp.
His face was red and his skin felt like it was on fire. He couldn't hold back the tears; thankfully, there was no one in that section of the shuttle to see him crying.
He sat down heavily and dropped his face in his hands, letting the feelings of unworthiness fill his being as he gave in to his misery.
The Force was nudging him to open up to it, but he didn't care. What good was the Force to him now, his dream of being a Jedi was gone.
There was no point in calling on the Force for guidance anymore. He was going to be a farmer, not a Jedi Knight.
He didn't want the Force to help him be patient and make plants grow.
The shuttle lifted off and Obi-Wan raised his head to watch the spaceport grow smaller and smaller.
The sun shone in through his window and the glare of it made him squint. His eyes were sore from crying and he felt drained.
He glanced back but couldn't see anything but small dots where the spaceport was.
He'd thrown all his pain and anger into his words to Master Jinn and when he'd said them he'd wanted Qui-Gon to hurt just like he was hurting, but now he felt thoroughly ashamed of himself for speaking to the master that way.
Looking down he could see the landscape passing him by and in the distance, he could see fields of green and a large complex of buildings getting closer and closer. It was the agri-corps facility and he would be there in a few minutes.
He certainly didn't want whoever was meeting him to see the tear tracks on his face, so he went to the fresher and cleaned himself up.
By the time he'd washed his face the shuttle had landed, and the other passengers were heading down the ramp.
Obi-Wan could see a man in a brown robe standing in the middle of the waiting area as the ramp cleared of passengers.
He couldn't make his feet move and several other passengers ran past him waving to people that were waiting for them.
Obi-Wan felt sick and knew that there was no one there he'd want to wave too.
He waited until the shuttle was empty and then he stepped onto the ramp and slowly walked towards the man in the brown robe who was staring at him.
As Obi-Wan approached the robed man, he remembered seeing a picture of him in the temple library. It was in the Agri-corps reference books.
He had a cane similar to Master Yoda's and he was old, perhaps not as old as Yoda, but he didn't really know or at this moment care.
Obi-Wan glanced down at the trolley next to the tall master. There were several boxes of seeds on it, all stamped with the agricultural seal.
Seeing that stamp made his depression flare and he wanted to scream out 'no! I don't want to be a farmer.'
Nevertheless, he assumed that this man didn't care what he thought and he didn't want to show the man that he was a baby who couldn't control his emotions.
He lifted his head and tried to hide his pain behind a composed face.
Tbc…
