A Week Later
Dear Diary,
I guess the Laws of Attraction always work. First it was him ignoring me that left me perplexed, but for the last one week, I decided to return the callousness to him. And guess what? It seems that it hit him in the right place J
The other day, we ran into each other at the library. Any normal day, I would have excitedly greeted him and asked him how he was doing. But I decided to return the stone expression on his face with a stonier look. I just shot him a short glance, picked up my books and brushed past him. I could feel his eyes piercing through my back though, but I did not turn back and moved on to the classroom.
That very day, Randhir changed his seat in the classroom. From the second last row, he shifted to the far end of the same row as mine. This I did not see for myself; I heard YoYo call out to Randhir as to why he had changed his favourite place. I did not even once look on my right to see him seated just two chairs away from me. Why should I, for all that I now wonder why he couldn't have come and sit next to me? *frowns*
Yesterday, Sahil, Jiggy, YoYo, Kaustu and I went to the canteen to have our evening tea and snacks before we got on to our Dream Team project work. Randhir was already seated at the only table with empty chairs. I looked around to check if we could settle somewhere else. Then I heard Sahil walk upto Randhir and ask, 'Randhir Bhai! If you don't mind can we share this table with you?' Randhir must've nodded in agreement, because next I knew that everyone was making themselves comfortable at the same table. As I stood there deciding on my course of action, Kaustu called out, 'Sanyu, come and sit, I'll place the order.' I looked around to realise that the only vacant chair on the table was the one next to him. Something churned inside me and I very determinedly looked up to Kaustu and said, 'You guys carry on, I'll grab a quick sandwich and will have it on my way to the lab. I just remembered something which I need to check in the lab immediately.'
As I turned around to leave, I saw him staring at me. His face devoid of any expression and his glance completely cold, yet it had an extremely unsettling effect on me. I looked away in dismay and speeded my way to the lab. I sat there digging my face into my palms. After what seemed like eternity to me, I stood up to begin my work. After all, I did have a lot of work to do and I could not waste my time and energy on that god forsakenly proud creature.
I had just picked up the pliers and bent down to the machine, when I heard someone walk into the lab. Without looking up, I called out, 'Kaustu, you guys came? Please give me the clasps. This bolt seems to be stuck; it'll need some extra help to unscrew it.' Unmindfully, I picked up the clasp from the hand that reached out to me and continued my job. 'Need some help?' I heard a hoarse voice from behind me. I fought a fierce urge to stand up and say 'Yes! I do need help. But more than that I need the normal you back in my life. Can't we just get back to being friends?' But I didn't budge from my place and without even raising my head just replied, 'No Thanks. I'll manage.'
As always, Randhir made up his mind to not listen to me and did exactly the opposite of what I said. He bent down and tried helping me with the clasps and I held the pliers, determined not to look at him and remained pokerfaced. As we worked on the machine, there came a point where my hands were cupped into his very strong and coarse pair of palms. My entire body shuddered at the feel of his touch. I felt like I would daze out and struggled the urge to hold his hands and throw myself into his arms and break down. I just wanted to hug him tight and apologise to him for anything that I might have done to deserve this treatment from him. But i fought my very irrational urge, pulled my hands from beneath his and clenched them into fists. I felt so flustered that I stood up and picked up my bag to leave.
As I walked past the door of the lab, I saw the rest of the gang coming in. I fought the tears from welling up my eyes and said to Kaustu, 'I'm not feeling well. Slight headache. I'll go to the room and have some rest. Rest of you carry on.' I hustled my way to the room, hardly able to keep the tears at bay. And here I am with you, extremely hurt and drained out.
But again, the same question. Why is that creature having such an impact on me? I have had good and close friends earlier in my life and had fights with them too. But never in my life have I been so disturbed by a tiff with anyone of them (but with Randhir, this time I did not even have any tiff !). And what was that? That chill that went down my spine upon his touch! Why did I suddenly want to hug him so tight and never leave him?
All this is driving me crazy God! Please help me sort this out. Please do !
