"Okay. Now, we're going to be polite, right? Leo, if you make a single inappropriate comment I will never bring you any spare machinery parts ever again. Got it?"
"Whoa! Hold on! There's no need to be that fierce!"
Piper gave him a Look.
"Yes, Piper," Leo mumbled.
"Good," Piper squared her shoulders and stepped toward the door, "Now, I think it would be better if I do the talking, so the rest of you, just—try to look friendly."
Before she could knock, the door swung open, revealing a pale youth with mismached eyes and ebony hair.
"Hello. How may I help you?" he said abruptly.
"Well—" Piper was rather taken aback, "We're looking for directions to the nearest town that has a hotel."
"Ah. Well, that would be Dublin. Do you have a car? If not I suggest you camp out; Dublin is quite a ways a way, at least by foot. Good day."
And with that, he shut the door.
Piper hammered on the door, which swung open again.
"Wait! We don't have any camping supplies! Could we—could we use your phone to call a taxi please?"
The youth rolled his eyes.
"Fine," he said, "Come on inside."
He opened the door wider, grudgingly, and Piper and the rest stepped inside.
"Wow," said Leo, admiring the décor, "This is… just, wow." Piper elbowed him.
"Shut up, Leo," she whispered, then turned their reluctant phone-provider, "Thank you so much. I'm Piper McLean, what's your name?"
"Artemis Fowl," said Artemis, without turning around, "the Second."
"Umm… nice to meet you, Artemis. Thank you very much for letting us use your phone."
"You're welcome. It's over there," he said, gesturing.
"What's the local taxi company's number?" she asked Artemis.
"01 676 1111," said Artemis, closing his eyes with a look of supreme exasperation on his face. Hazel and Frank exchanged an impressed look. Certainly neither of them would have been able to quote the taxi number without thinking.
"Thanks..." Piper said as she disappeared through the doorway Artemis had pointed out. She came back a few minutes later looking satisfied.
"That's done with, then," she said, "Thanks a lot, Artemis. I appreciate it. Our cab's coming in half an hour. We'll be going. Again, thanks so much. Nice to meet you. Bye."
And with that Piper turned, beckoned to the rest of the group, and dragged Leo out of the manor, to tumultuous protests along the lines of 'But did you see that antique car engine? If I could have just a moment to study it…'
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Artemis' mood was not helped by the fact that Butler was clearly trying hard not to smile.
"See, Artemis?" Butler said, "Nothing to worry about. Unless you ever see them again, in that case you will probably attain a high level of embarrassment," he added wryly.
"Thank you for that, Butler. I really needed that," said Artemis sarcastically.
Uncharacteristically, Butler decided to try to cheer up his charge instead of retreating to the safety of not attempting to make Artemis look on the bright side.
"Look. You said yourself that they aren't from around here. What are the chances of you ever seeing them again?"
"Two-point-four percent chance, although more could be considered if you take the Random Theory into perspective."
"The what theory?"
"The Random Theory. Extensively developed by Professor Nicole Warren of Massachusetts University."
"This Random Theory being…?" persisted Butler.
"If things can happen, they will. Some versions of the theory even go so far as to state that the less chance there is that something will happen, there's more chance that it will. It's quite a paradox, and as I said, it's a theory. It's never been proven."
"So really there's about the same chance of you seeing these people again as there is of them being the half-blood children of some ancient gods."
Artemis started to smile, reluctantly.
"A little more chance, my friend, but I understand your point," he said, "Now, let us return to what we were working on before we were interrupted. I believe we were looking at the financial records of a certain Dogbert A. Johnson. I was inspecting an apparently small detail fault that could indeed prove to be quite a bit more major than Foaly assumed. Now, what do you think, Butler?" he then noticed that his bodyguard had frozen and was staring at the screen of the surveillance camera computer, "Butler?"
"Artemis… I think you should see this…"
Artemis crossed to Butler, stared at the screen for a few seconds, then headed for the door at a sprint, albeit a slow one, for this was Artemis Fowl, and tore down the stairs as fast as he could. Piper was just pushing open the door that led from the cellar when he arrived.
She grimaced when she saw him, but stayed silent until the others had filed into the lavish living-room. Artemis mentally checked them off: Piper, the one she referred to as Leo, the one with black hair and sea-green eyes, the blond boy, the bulky boy, his girlfriend—for Artemis was no stranger to human body language, and had guessed that almost immediately—and the blonde girl with gray eyes. They were all there.
And there was someone with them.
He had olive skin and black hair, and was almost exactly the sort of person Artemis would add to his loath-at-first-sight list. He sported a leather jacket, tattered black jeans, and so much silver Goth jewelry he would have glinted even in the gloom.
Piper stared nervously at Artemis.
"Hello again," she said apprehensively, "I'm really, really sorry about this. It's totally our fault. Anyway," she continued, "this is Nico di Angelo, and we're under attack."
