Chapter Two: Static
No one understands how freezing space actually is. The chill was indescribable and it reaches deep into the bone. No one understands until they are resting in that dark vacuum.
Bellamy sits in the comms room with his eye on the radio, as if he could will it to come to life. His eyes are drooping, he was exhausted. He couldn't remember the last time he slept.
"Still having your pity party?" He hears from the doorway.
Murphy.
The old Bellamy might have lashed out but he just sits there and closes his eyes.
Murphy sighs and Bellamy can tell he's disappointed. He wanted a fight and Bellamy didn't have the energy to give him one.
"Look…I'm sorry Clarke's…ya know…." Murphy says, non-committal.
"Did Raven send you here?" Bellamy speaks and his voice is rough from disuse.
Murphy laughs bitterly, "I'll tell her you haven't offed yourself yet."
He leaves him then and the silence creeps back in. Bellamy finds sleep not long after. There's a blissful moment between slumber and wakefulness that he forgets. He forgets about the burning Earth and the person he left behind. He's not anything in that moment. He's just in darkness, unaware, alive and breathing.
It's the crackling that wakes him. It takes him a moment for his body to adjust, to remember. The memory hits him like a hot iron to the chest. His heart leaps when hears it again.
The crackling was coming from the radio, as if it's sparking to life. Bellamy sits up quick, dizzy from the effort. He hadn't eaten properly in quite some time. He grips the receiver and says, "Hello…can you hear me?"
Silence.
"Hello…is anyone there?" Bellamy asks and that little bit of hope starts to die away.
There's the nothing, not even the crackling.
"Can you hear me?" He tries again and he feels weak, as if he's barely holding himself together. There's a moment when he has to slow his breathing down. He's going to collapse.
"Is anyone there?!" He attempts again. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" He moves to stand up and his legs give out. He falls forward unceremoniously, passing out.
The dread of waking up again pulls at him but he has no choice but to open his eyes. He blinks awake and above him is Raven. She looked terrifyingly angry. Her shoulders were tense and her brows crease together. "I can't keep doing this with you, Bellamy."
"I know." Bellamy replies, swallowing. He can feel sweat trickling down his neck. He's clammy.
"If you don't eat or sleep, you are going to die. That is on you." Raven replies and steps out of his view. Bellamy takes a moment to gain a sense of his surroundings and forces himself to sit up. His bones ached, his thoughts were crooked. They're like a picture frame on the wall that can never be centered.
Later, he does eat. The others are standing in the background pretending they're paying no mind, but he can tell they're tiptoeing around him, like he was made of glass. He chews slowly and he eyes Murphy, who glances in his direction from across the room.
What they didn't understand was how he failed her and how that fact was what was slowly killing him.
That fact.
He closes his eyes, sitting there silently and he could feel their gazes on him now more than ever. He's losing it and they're wondering if he's a liability. He didn't even know the answer to that himself.
Back in the comms room, the deafening silence is broken again by the crackling from the radio. Bellamy sits up slowly this time and grabs the receiver.
"Hello? Can you hear me?" He tries.
It crackles once more before he starts to hear a faint voice beneath the static. He gets up from the chair, moving closer to the radio. It's short bursts of noise and something familiar.
Maybe he had finally lost it because he thinks he hears her voice, Clarke's voice, but he can't make out what she's saying.
"Clarke? Can you hear me?"
There's a sigh from behind him, "Bellamy." It startles him and he turns to see Raven. She's watching him with cautious sadness.
"I heard something from the radio…it sounded like a voice." Bellamy explains and Raven tilts her head at him before walking over to stand beside him.
She indulges him and they stand there in silence. Bellamy musters the last bit of strength within him to keep himself upright.
"I don't think—" Raven begins but stops when the crackling starts again.
They stand there stalk-still. The crackling begins to form that voice again. Her voice.
"Do you hear it?" Bellamy asks with a delirious smile. Raven looks at him as if he's grown an extra head.
Then out of the static. "Bel—lamy."
Both Raven and Bellamy turn to each other wide-eyed. "Tell me you heard that." Bellamy says, quietly.
He was hanging by a thread, a tiny thread.
Raven blinks and then nods. Bellamy smiles again but it doesn't align properly with his tired features.
"Clarke? Clarke…can you hear me?" Bellamy repeats into the receiver.
Her garbled voice continues to crackle but she couldn't hear him.
He tries many times after that, for hours, days, weeks but she can't hear a word he says. He could hear her though, barely. Every so often, he can make out a word or two and that was more than enough. She wasn't lost in the inferno, she was surviving. He doesn't know why he ever doubted that.
Bellamy picks up the receiver and says, "You're not alone, Clarke."
The static doesn't answer back.
