Thanks for reading and reviewing! 4 story alerts already, I'm proud. Sorry for the wait. I've been busy with school stuff. I've got a week off now, so I've got the time again!
Back to the story; The offical wedding bits aren't going to be too detailed, I've never actually been at a wedding or anything, so yeah. Just to say, I'm fast forwarding a bit to the reception part. It will be more interesting anyway.
Anyway, I'm starting this Word Document with an authors' note, so it can go any way.
11.35 a.m.
back at the chapel
We took the back exit and stumbled inside. Everyone was staring at us. Dave was just laughing.
How typical.
one minute later
I took my place on the brides' side. Mum adjusted her nungas. The vicar was staring again. I shot him a look. He cleared his throat and restarted the cermony.
thirty minutes later
in the "car"
Dave and I are in the back with Libbs squeezed in between us. Our "car" is really conspicious, everyone's in black shiny cars. Granddad and Maisie even are in a limo.
Que-est ce que le point, you might wonder.. Just to catch the bull by its whatsits, everyone's in a car with four wheels.
I'm just making my point here.
one minute later
Dave is having the time of his life.
He keeps saying "I have always wanted to ride in one of these cars."
"Isn't it exciting, Gee?"
And, worst of all "When I'm eightteen, I'm getting one of these."
I just stared at him.
"What?"
one minute later
Libby lurves him, despite his poor taste in cars. I think she even forgot about Josh.
five minutes later
Dave pulled Libby onto his lap. Aw..
I'm surprised at how calm she is.. She has to throw a fit soon.
one minute later
Libby exploded. (Not literally, you loons, you know, getting vair angry and all that) She started bouncing around and screaming.
I'm Mystic Meg of the forest.
No. Just Mystic Meg. Not the forest. I'm not getting involved with any type of nature-thing soon, I'll tell you that.
one minute later
Mum threw her purse at Libby. Libby picked it up from the floor and started playing with it. She instantly calmed down.
one minute later
Oh, what larks! Libby managed to force the window open, and threw the purse out. Dave looked at me. I shrugged.
He whispered "Should we tell her?"
"No.. She'll explode."
He grinned. "We should definitely tell her."
"You tell her, she'll kill you."
ten seconds later
"Mrs. N? Libby threw your purse out."
"What?"
I said "Libby threw your purse out of the window, Mum."
"WHAT?! Bob, stop the car, NOW!"
Mum opened her window and leaned out.
"Oh, drat. Bob, we need to drive back."
Her purse was only about 50 metres away.
Dad said "Connie, you can surely walk over there to get it."
"No, I can't, Bob. Turn around."
37 years later
Eventually, Vati turned the car around and drove 50 metres back to get Mum's purse. When he wanted to turn back, he drove into a ditch.
I'm actually stuck in a three-wheeled so-called car, in a ditch, with the Swiss family mad. And I'm having snogging withdrawals.
This is how sad my life has become.
one minute later
Mutti and Vati both got out of the car to 'check the damage'. What kind of damage could be done to a car that's obviously already wrecked? It's got three wheels!
five minutes later
Mum made me and Dave walk down the road to 'look out for help'.
one minute later
'down the road'
I don't see any 'help'.
ten seconds later
Dave pushed me in a ditch. How typical.
five seconds later
Oh my giddy God. Dave jumped in and sat on me. He's got my hands forced down above my head. He's just looking at me like a looking at thing.
one minute later
He's leaning in. But still looking at me. My lips are puckering up vair badly.
five seconds later
Bad, bad lips. Dave must have gone mad, hanging above my face like that.
I said "Dave? Have you gone mad?"
"Mad for you, my Kittykat." And he snogged me. Whilst sitting on me. Oo-er.
five minutes later
Somehow, I ended up on top of Dave, with my hands under his shirt.
I wonder if that counts as number 7..
one minute later
It probably doesn't.
one second later
Or does it?
one second later
It does.
one second later
Doesn't.
one second later
Shut up, brain.
one minute later
It is the upper body though. And in a way, I'm fondling it.
one second later
Oo-er.
one second later
SHUT UP!
three minutes later
Nuzzling Dave's neck. He did a bit of that moany thing. Has he gone jelloid?
one second later
"Dave?"
"Hngh..?"
Fab!
one minute later
I rolled off him. Dave's arm is around my shoulders, whilst lying down. It is very comfy.
five minutes later
We were peacefully staring at the sky, with an occasional number 6 in between, when Vati's giganticibus arse suddenly appeared at the horizon.
"What in the name of arse are you doing? You were supposed to look for help!"
We sat up straight and looked at him.
Mum came mumming over. "You lot are so irresponsible, it's unbelievable." She adjusted her nungas and tutted off.
Vati said "Aren't we lucky that I used my amazing mechanical skills to fix it all up?"
Dave looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders.
He probably used his gigantic arse to push the car out. That's what he calls mechanical skill.
ten minutes later
The reception is being held in a "cute little bar", as Mum so ingeniously put it.
It's called "The Dead Chap".
Giddy God's pyjamas.
one minute later
When we went inside, the first 'person' to meet us was Uncle Eddie. He was wearing his feather codpiece over his suit. On his bum. That must mean the elastics are framing his..
SHUT UP BRAIN!! OH MY GOD!
five seconds later
He yelled "Oy, look at my tail!" He shook his bum. Mum started laughing like a loon on loon tablets and did linksie upsies with him. They bantered off.
Vati said he was off for a drink.
How typical.
five minutes later
Granddad came scampering up to us.
"Well, hello Georgia! Fancy seeing you here! Who's this fine lad you brought with you?"
"This is my boyfriend, Dave."
"Ah, the boyfriend, eh? How long has that been going on?"
"Er, six weeks."
"Ah, I see.." Granddad stroked his beard.
"Granddad, where's Maisie? Why aren't you with her?"
"I was off for a wazz, actually." He turned to Dave. "Care to join?"
Dave shook his head. "No, thank you, I think I'll pass."
Granddad gave us both a fiver.
"You kids be good!"
one minute later
We sat down at the family table. Dave put his arm round my shoulders.
two minutes later
We were just sitting there, being Norm and Norma Normal, when Cousin James sat down right across us.
He was giving Dave the evils.
one minute later
Dave leaned into me and said "Who's the lad sitting across us?"
"That's Cousin James. He's the pervy one."
"I see."
Dave grinned his cheeky grin.
I raised my eyebrows at him. "What are you thinking, mister?"
"Let's have a little fun with James, shall we?"
five seconds later
Dave's nuzzling my neck. James is ogling like an ogling ogler.
one minute later
He actually huffed, got up, and scampered off! Oh, what larks I'm already having.
one minute later
My face is a bit itchy though.
It's probably the twenty layers of makeup.
five minutes later
tarts' wardrobe
I left Dave at the table with Maisie. That's bound to work out, right?
one minute later
I washed it all off and reapplied the essentials, i.e. foundation, mascara, eyeliner, lippy, lipgloss.
I think I look quite decent, apart from the healthy redheadedness Miss Stamp enjoys so much.
one minute later
Get out of my brain, Miss Stamp, this is my Granddad's party, not a random popping up momento (oo-er)
one second later
SHUT UP BRAIN!
one minute later
When I walked out of the tarts' wardrobe, I saw Dave talking to Jas'n'Tom.
And Robbie.
Bugger.
So, what do you think?
Review review review!
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