Chapter 1
"…never fret, never shy, I'm always here…I'll stay, I'll stand, you're always mine…" He closed his eyes shut, his sweaty hands covering his ears as if tempting to will the sweet song away. He bit his lip as he trembled in his bed, sweat permeating his skin as fear and frustration lingered in the air.
His throat was so dry that he didn't have it in him to scream for the voice to quiet down. But he knew…he knew that she could hear him. She could clearly hear him and just chose to ignore his protests, his anger or sometimes…fear.
"The sun shines bright…no one's hurting, no one's in pain…I'm here, for you…The wind blows like no other, caressing you to comfort, I'll stay, I'm yours…" She continued to sing as if his thoughts weren't on the edge.
He bit his lip so hard that he didn't notice the blood dripping down his chin, soaking his oversized white shirt as silent tears welled up in his eyes. His thoughts drifted to the song, her voice was so soft, but he learned to never trust that comforting melody. He knew who she was, what she was…
…all the hatred, the anger, or the blatant disgust and sometimes, the direct disregard of his existence.
It was all because of her.
And she wouldn't stop those soft caring words, as if she meant them. From what others told him, she never cared for anyone but herself. She was just a selfish monster, no morose for others.
A giggle invaded his hearing. He shivered at the cold feel in it. She knew, she knew…and she was playing with him. Just like all these years. "…you're mine…always mine…" The words were soft spoken, he wanted to believe but he knew he wasn't that needy of affection. Yet. He still had a chance to earn that for himself, and he's not giving in to her. Not like this…she knew his weakness and it's driving him crazy.
Stop lying, stop deceiving me…shut up…just stop… He tried telling her, he pleaded with her, but as always, she ignored it. She always ignored his words, all she cared is about hers. Her voice was always soft, tempting him, calling him, but he resists every day, and controlling himself from her persuasion.
He heard her laugh. He realized. His inner turmoil amuses her. Naruto's all that to her, and he will never deny that. He's just an amusement. For being imprisoned into someone like him, it must be pretty isolating. That's how he pays her back, reminding her, always, how she will be stuck inside him forever…how she will never escape such fate.
It's her sentence. Penalty. Punishment. Condemnation. Damnation.
And Naruto's role would be always to make sure for it to stay that way. He won't give in, not to her, especially not to her.
"…flowing river, sterile sea…I'm always here, I'll be there, stay with me…" She sang, her voice bordering to a whispering quality, tranquil, almost calming, but his mind refuse to slow…it never did as long she's involved.
"Shut up…" He didn't even realize that he just mumbled it out loud. What do you want with me? He always asked this, he always questioned it, and his mind wouldn't let that question go. What did someone like her wanted from him? He has absolutely nothing. Naruto once thought that it was freedom, but her answer only served to disturb him more than he already is.
Naruto could feel her smile, but he knew it wasn't a pleasant smile. "You…I always do, but…" She paused as if considering if she should be asking or not, she just chose the former. "Why?" She questioned, and for the first time, he could feel the honest confusion in her voice.
Why what? The twelve year old blonde asked back. It's been six years since that night. The only thing that he remembers was that it was raining, hard, and he was so scared…very scared. Then she sang. She comforted him. He made the biggest mistake of clinging to that comfort, to that warmth. Then she started whispering in his ears. She keeps whispering about blood, about killing, and about…death.
She whispers those things like no other, softly flooding his ears, as if she wasn't talking about gore, about how someone would die if you cut the right nerve in the eye. He held strong, he kept firm, and he never told anyone. Once he realized what she is, he couldn't afford it. He didn't tell anyone. The people already hate him for simply existing, but what if they knew he can talk to her? They might just do the deed of ending his life.
Naruto doesn't want that. So he fought.
He fought her for as long as his sanity can take.
He barely grasps reality sometimes. Naruto knew that normalcy is slipping away from his fingers. His sanity is draining from his hand as if like sand…
…and that was what she wanted, right? So he doesn't have any idea of the source of her confusion.
Silence invaded his mind. Then she replied. Her voice then held the same tranquil quality moments ago, as if she just recomposed herself. "Why don't you believe me?" Her voice was filled with something close to bitterness, and Naruto almost wanted to laugh right there.
His fear momentary forgotten, he snickered…he then chuckled…then laughed. It sounded broken and hollow, and his throat ached at the forced sound that escaped his mouth. It's a pretty stupid question, really. He knows that she knows the answer as well, she just refuses to believe it. And he will never change that.
The last time I did believe you, I lost my grip on life. You made me this way.
That was true. This was the one of few times she sang a real lullaby. But as she continued to whisper the horrors of death, the knowledge of death, its cycle, its picture, its feeling, and its contact…he barely knew what it's like to live like he is among the living. Every time he walked around the village, he couldn't look at a single person without seeing the best way they should die, how much blood will be spilled…or how beautiful their death is going to be.
She did this to Naruto, and he'd be damned if he gave away himself without even trying to find other acceptance from people.
He will give Konoha a chance.
But…there will never be second chances.
Konoha's wise use of it will determine his battle. It's true that he never gave in, but Naruto never also said that he will never accept her.
If he's desperate enough, that is…
