I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR READING AND FOLLOWING AND FAVORITING AND ALL OF THAT.
JJ: THANKS! I will!
fseventh: Thank you! It is kinda of intriguing! Perfect word for it. It was just a dream but anything is possible ;) Trying!
SugarCakes123: I will! I will! Thank you so much! Haha you'll just have to wait and see. I think you'll be very surprised.
When Madge awoke for a second time, the sun was a fine line of orange. It was slowly arising from the horizon. She turned to look at Gale, his arm was draped over his eyes and his mouth was hanging open. She smiled and stretched.
Madge turned over and looked at the clock. Before she was processing the time, her stomach was churning with unsettling motion. She threw her sheets off her with force. They landed in a heap on top of Gale. She stumbled out of the bedroom with her hand clamped over her mouth.
She gripped at the bathroom door handle. She banged the door against the wall. She dropped to the floor and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Madge smacked the toilet's lid up and heaved over the bowl.
Madge couldn't focus on the bangs covering her eyes. She could only feel the painful burn in her throat and the constriction in her stomach. Tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped off her chin. Her hands slipped against the white porcelain.
"Madge?" A sleepy Gale asked from the doorway. She leaned forward again, gagging and crying. She squeezed her eyes shut. His hands were warm as they pulled her hair back from her face. His knees cracked as he squatted behind her. He kneaded his thumbs into her shoulders.
"Shhh. You're okay." He said as she retched into the toilet bowl again. She wanted to scream at him. He would feel worse once she told him the news. She finally sat back, breathing coming easy out from her mouth and nose. Gale flushed and closed the lid. "You alright there?" He asked and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
"I'm," pregnant. It would be so easy for her to spill. "I'm," pregnant. Her mouth stuttered and she took a deep calming breath. "I'm fine." Gale nodded. "I have to get going. Mines open in an hour. Don't do too much today, take it easy. Make sure you catch up with the sleep you have missed." She made a face, "Madge," he laughed.
"Fine, fine." She sighed and got up, balancing herself on the sink counter. She slid against the wood floor back into her bedroom. Gale came up behind her and pulled at a curl. "Go to work." She smiled and turned looking up at him.
He rolled his eyes and left. She went to the top of the stairs and waited until she heard the door click closed. She walked slowly back into her room. The walls screamed out to her. Pleading for her to do something useful with herself.
Madge couldn't think of anything easier then covering her head with sheets and blocking out the world. She slid between the cool sheets and curled into her knees. The pillows loomed behind her. Madge decided the easiest way to off herself would be face down.
Suffocation. That would be the fastest way out of this pregnancy. She couldn't bring herself to do it though. Death scared even the strongest people and Madge wasn't strong. She was weak and careless. This pregnancy was something she would have to get used to.
But she wasn't getting used to it right now. She wrapped herself in sheets and covered her eyes from the sun outside. Madge didn't get up when her father and mother returned from their weekly doctor exams.
She didn't answer her father when he asked if she was okay. She did not come down stairs when the food was put on the table. She chose to not do anything. Nothing but bask in the solid misery that was her present life.
"Madge, are you ill?" her father asked sternly from the side of her bed.
"No," she replied.
"So are you getting up?" He wondered.
"No." She groaned into her arm, "Just leave me alone for once."
"Is it because of that boy?" He asked timidly, "Believe me Madge; he did not deserve your heart…"
"It's not Gale, Daddy." She sighed, it wasn't all about Gale. "It's just that I haven't been sleeping. I'll be fine." It was an easy lie to tell. Mr. Undersee's feet shifted and wandered out of her room, pulling the door behind him.
In the morning, Madge pulled herself out of bed. She pulled on green Capri's and a navy cardigan and white tank top. She tried to curl her hair but it turned out oddly layered. She pulled it back into a ponytail. She shuffled out of her room.
"You look terrible." Casper said when she walked into the kitchen.
"Thanks for your support." She said lamely and pulled out a bowl.
"The bags under your eyes are enough. The hair, the chewed nails, the scaly elbows, the super chapped lips. Madge you don't normally look like this. What has gotten into you?" What has gotten into me? She wanted to scream.
"I'm tired." She muttered and opened a box of oatmeal; she poured in the oats and water and turned on the stove.
"I guess." He said, his bushy gray eyebrows flying to the top of his forehead. He patted her hand, "let me."
"I only have two days left anyway." Madge sighed. He nodded.
"Yes, that is true." He said and stirred the oatmeal. She sat at the table and poked at the oatmeal with her spoon. She stirred and scooped it up and dropped it. "Are you going to eat?" Casper asked, puzzled.
Madge took a bite, then another, and another. She placed her bowl in the sink and excused herself upstairs. She brushed her teeth slowly, feeling the bristles scratch over her teeth and gums. She spit into the sink and turned on the water.
She looked up at herself. Madge knew in her heart she didn't look like herself. She looked down at her father's razor. She could easily sit on the floor as slit her throat. She could bleed out and have Casper find her in ten minutes.
She left the bathroom. Casper looked up from cleaning her dishes but she ignored him. Instead, she slipped on shoes, picked up her school bags and opened the door. She sucked in a breath and walked out. The wind numbed her cheeks.
It was a good feeling, the harsh chap of her lips as she dragged her feet over the sidewalks of town. Everything was dull around her. She felt in tune to the gray skies and the bland everything. The school was even gray. She pulled open the door.
Her classmates were filing in with her, carrying books and bags others dragging in lunch pails and pads of paper. Madge ignored everyone by keeping her eyes locked with her feet. She wandered into her quiet classroom and headed for the back.
It wasn't where she usually sat but today she didn't feel about learning or asking questions. She leaned back in her chair, soaking up the cold classroom and the hair rising on her arms. As the bell came closer, she started getting looks.
Her classmates were sure to be wondering why Madge Undersee was sitting in the far back of the class. She wasn't even sitting by the window. She ignored their looks and got out her notebook. Neat curly handwriting filled each page.
She started sketching the room from her dream. The blank white walls. The vacant dusty window to the right of the mattress lying on the ground. A white sheet covered the mattress and two lumpy pillows were placed against the far wall.
A crack went up along the wall directly above the left side pillow. There was a plain dresser stuffed into a corner on the front wall next to the doorway. She shaded in shadows and looked over her drawing. It was eerily familiar.
"Listen up." The teacher started and Madge shut her journal completely, hoping she could let her mind waver to Panem and the Quarter Quell. Instead she blinked up at the clock, her hand resting on her cheek. Her eyes drooped.
The bell rang and she hopped up, eager to go to her art class. She couldn't focus there either. Madge was watching her classmates work the pottery wheel with little or no effort. Her eyes drooped and she gazed up at the clock.
The bell rang. She pushed her chair back. Madge walked from the room into the bustling hallway. She walked into government. The teacher's voice boomed loudly and echoed around the empty walls. Her eyes were wide starring down the blank chalkboard. Then up at the clock.
She dragged her feet back when the bell rang through the room. Her book bag was heavy and her back was getting tired. She moved through the halls like a ghost. Her eyes dropped to her feet. She talked to no one. The Quell was on in the next class. Madge covered her ears and fell asleep.
The bell rang. She didn't know how long she could last. Her knees shook. She tried to push the door open but it was heavy. The boy behind her held it open for her. All she could do was nod. He sat next to her in the back of the classroom. She ignored him. He tapped his pencil on his note pad.
Madge hated study hall. No one talked, no one coughed, and no one sneezed or wheezed. It was just quiet. Now the boy next to her was pounding away on his paper, causing a disturbance. Yet, it seemed only Madge noticed. She looked over at him.
The boy sitting next to her was Rory. She sputtered and her chair moved back with a slight screech. The whole room turned to look at her. She glared down at her shoes. Rory smirked. She tore his pad of paper out of his hands.
What are you doing here? She wrote quickly and tapped it until he took it from her.
Same as you "studying" He wrote and wiggled his eyebrows with finger air quotations.
Uphold the peace She sighed and covered her head, lying down on the table. Rory tapped on her head with his pencil.
Make me.
Just leave me alone. She rolled her eyes and pushed the pencil off the table. Rory bent to pick it up.
What's wrong with you? You always tease me.
I don't feel like it today. He left it at that. Rory stuck the pencil behind his ear and sat back in his seat, folding his arms over his chest. Madge felt bad but she would never admit it. Soon he would think different of her.
The bell rang. She looked into the classroom of her next class. She walked by and out the front doors of the school. Madge dodged the busy stores and cut back by the fence. She stopped and turned to look up at it. She wished that it were on. That way all it would take is her body pressing against a fence.
She sigh and kept walking. She unlocked the door with her key and turned the doorknob slowly. She pushed the door open with little effort until it reached the point of almost squeaking. She slipped inside and shut the door with a light tap.
She turned bit by bit, trying not to disturb the house. "What do you think you're doing?" Casper asked once they made eye contact. "I do believe school is still in session." He said checking his pocket watch. She groaned.
"I couldn't stand it anymore. It was dragging on. I had to get out of there, really." She said making a face and pleading. He rolled his eyes.
"I do think you could have made it through four more hours." He said and raised an eyebrow. She groaned for a second time. "But I will call you out and won't say a word to your father." She let out a breath.
"Thank you Casp." She beamed and kept walking. When he disappeared into the kitchen she turned off the smile. Her eyes dulled, her limbs pained. She looked up the stairs. She would probably hurt herself enough on stairs to have a miscarriage.
She took the stairs gradually. She hesitated outside her room then pressed the door open. It was cool. Her bed looked welcoming as did the little couch in the corner. Her feet pivoted to both. She sunk into the bed sheets and closed her eyes.
Her father asked her to come to dinner. She thought about refusing. Instead, her feet touched the ground. Her head spun from being in bed for so long. She stood up and wobbled. Her father was waiting. He was reading through a file or two that were scattered in front of him.
The dining room table looked polished. What a waste for such a small family, her heart realized. She sat down across from him and waited for him to acknowledge her. He did not. Madge looked down at her table serving then back up.
He did not look up. She folded her napkin out on her lap. He did not look up. She moved her silver wear closer to her. He did not look up. Their steaks came out juicy and warm. Filling the air with a hopeful aroma. He nodded at Casper.
She looked only at her father. After ten minutes of shoveling food into her mouth to get him to look up at her, she was out of ideas. She screwed up her face in several different forms. She paused on the longest most frightening one.
"You're face will freeze like that." He said looking up from his paperwork. He smiled, "wouldn't want that for graduation, right?" He asked and looked back down at the files. She glared and huffed. He went back to ignoring her.
"I'm pregnant." She said. The words cutting the air like a machete. He looked up, startled.
"Don't joke, Margaret. If you want my attention use a name or clear your throat." She left it float in the air. She could almost see the lines floating through his brain and out his nose and repeat. She wanted to smirk at the success and hide at the same time.
"Father," she sighed, "I am really pregnant." She said and looked down, folding her hands in her lap.
"Is it the minor's?" his worn-out voice wondered. She nodded but realized he wasn't looking at her directly.
"Yes." She said and her voice cracked.
"Does he know?" The Mayor looked up, surprisingly calm and even tempered. Madge shook her head."I didn't think so." He rubbed his temple. "I guessed something was up. You've been acting strange." She raised an eyebrow. She picked at the last bit of steak on her plate. "I'll set up a doctor's appointment as soon as possible."
"Why?" Madge wondered, starting to laugh awkwardly.
"To take care of it." Her father took another bite of steak and looked down at the files once more. Madge sat stock still. This is what she wanted. He turned pages, he chewed, he turned pages, and he wiped his face.
"No." She said. Madge wasn't sure what came over her. "No. I don't want to do that." Mayor Undersee looked up, amazed.
"No?" He said turning his head to the side.
"I… don't think that's humane." Madge admitted. It's one thing if it's an accident. It's a whole other situation if someone is ripping it out of you. "It's my mistake. I get to make my own decisions about it." Her father opened his mouth to disagree.
"Madge…" he said clearly confused.
"This is what I want. It's my fault." He went back to ignoring her. "I want you to agree with me." He didn't answer. Madge stood up straight, waiting for him to reply. Finally he closed up the files and placed them under his arm.
He scooted away from the table and made his way to her. He leaned down and kissed her wrinkled forehead, "you are so brave." He said and touched her shoulder. "So brave." He left her in the dining room.
Madge sat there dumbfounded. She had expected a fight. A brawl. He was supposed to strike her. She was supposed to fall and have a miscarriage. This was supposed to go to plan. The way she had mapped it out in her mind. She pushed back her chair and waited from him to come back.
"Leave it." Casper said from somewhere behind her. She looked back at him her eyes glazing over with unshed tears.
"What did I do?" She whispered, "He was supposed to be mad. He was supposed to force me into abortion. He was supposed to be a father. I thought he hated Gale."
"You would be surprised, Madge." Casper said folding his hands. "You're father cares about your decisions very much. Since you're practically an adult I think you should be able to make mistakes and learn from them." Madge glared.
"So what do you think of me then?" she asked, "Well?" she pressed. "You usually call me out. Go on." She let the tears fall now. "Tell me." She hissed. Madge stood up waiting for his lips to move. He turned and left the room.
He came back out with a large glass of water. He forced it into her hands, "I suggest that you get some sleep." He nodded towards the stairs. Madge watched him glide back into the kitchen.
She looked down at the glass. Madge left the glass on the table and pounded her way up the stairs. She opened the bathroom door and slammed it shut behind her. She paced back and forth in front of the small mirror. Maybe she should have taken her father's offer.
She turned on the water until the cold water numbed her finger. She splashed her face until she could no longer stand the feel of the burn against her cheeks. The turned the knob back to off. She looked up at the water dripping down her face.
Her fingers pulled at the matted hair sticking her face. Her mascara ran down under her eyes making the dark circles grow darker. Her nose ran. Her eyes were almost bloodshot from crying through the cold water. Her cheeks were a deep red.
She left the bathroom after wiping her face clean and brushing her teeth. Her feet were heavy as they pulled her into her room. Like a drone, Madge took off her clothes mechanically. She tied on her pajamas. She looked at herself in the floor length mirror.
Madge turned and looked at her stomach. Her fingers traced over her abdomen looking for any sign of life. The realization made her skin crawl. She would be able to feel the thing growing inside her. She would be able to see the skin bulge with life.
She turned away from the mirror and climbed into bed. She starred up at the blank ceiling. She waited for sleep to come. She prayed for sleep to come. She forced her eyes closed. She tried to slow her breathing. She tried but Madge could not go to sleep.
Review please! I want to hear what you have to say! Anyone surprised she told her Dad first instead of Gale? I was. I seriously was like: why did I write that. But I liked it so I went with it. Okay I'm done babbling. REVIEW. Seriously :) I will love you forever. Or you can message me... either on here or on my Tumblr: ministryofoswin. K BYE.
Erin
