Chapter Two

Janice had always been an early riser. It had to do with trust issues, she thought, because she also went to sleep late. Only after everything was quiet and everyone else around had drifted off. She liked mornings for the same reason. Her first morning after joining the Survey Corps, she woke feeling cold, her shoulder and nose aching. She sat up to see the sun just starting to rise above the level of the buildings outside, piercing down to paint dusty lines of light through the air in the middle of the poorly insulated, dusty room. She ran the threadbare blanket through her fingers. Took a look around at the three other shivering recruits who shared the room with her. She sighed. What was she doing in this pit?

As always, unable to get back to sleep after she woke once, she got up and dressed. Indeed, she noted as she tightened the belts of her gear, Captain Levi had been more or less correct about the condition of the MPs and Garrison, as opposed to the Survey Corps. Janice was still small and thin, as she'd always been, but she recalled that after immediately after the intense cadet training, the legs of her pants had felt tighter – with larger leg muscles – and belt had felt looser with a washboard stomach, which these days was noticeably squishier. If she had any hopes of ever getting home, though she vacillated on that topic as everything else, it would be wise to do something about that.

Nothing better to do, she took a walk around the peaceful morning of the compound. Though only half an hour before the morning bell, the training ground was cast in soft sunlit silence, broken only by the chirping of birds and the odd passage of a bee or fly. And now, by her boots meeting the dirt. In the interior, most servants and service workers were already awake and busy at this hour, so this place felt much quieter. She couldn't decide if it was peaceful or lonely.

Her eyes moved against her will toward the officer's barracks, where last night she had deposited Captain Levi. Remembering those moments with him made her feel something that wasn't necessary, so looked away with a self-critical grimace. She definitely hadn't come here for that.

It a was cold and boring wait for the morning bell, but finally It rang. Groggy, sore and bruised recruits and veterans ambled out of the barracks toward the mess hall, and Janice joined them. She scanned the crowd for MPs she knew and for veterans who seemed friendly. No matter how she felt about these people, it was important that she make some friends here. If she didn't, at the very least it would make things a lot harder.

Erwin sending the 104th away right now was the worst possible timing. But there was nothing she could do now. If she were lucky, orders would come in soon dispatching the whole army. Even a few units, she could sneak or bargain her way in. But before any life-threatening situations, it was important she try to make a different impression than she had yesterday.

Fortunately, as she accepted her tray of food (shitty food in comparison to what she'd had in the interior, but food), the mess hall was already starting to buzz with chatter. Something had happened, people were saying.

She searched for a group of veterans that might show the right expressions. Anxiety, impatience, confusion were all fine, but not fear or anger. She spotted a bored-looking woman with long hair, who was now and then flicking the foot that was resting on knee like a displeased cat flicking its tail, and looking off, clearly somewhere else even as her friends were discussing in hushed whispers. That would work.

She approached the table and instead whispered to the veteran's friends, "Hey…sorry, sirs," she added belatedly, still not used to being polite to anyone who wasn't a superior MP. "What's going on?"

One of them sighed, biting his lip. "Something happened last night."

"Something?"

The veterans grew quiet, exchanging glances. "You gonna spread this around?" one of them asked with suspicion.

"Not…if you'd rather I didn't. Sir," she tacked on, still rather artificially.

The bored one shrugged. "They'll make an announcement any minute anyway. Might as well tell her."

Another one of her friends nodded. "They found titans inside Wall Rose yesterday."

Janice instinctively froze in an attempt to keep the shock and fear from her face before she remembered that was a natural reaction. "You mean the wall is broken? We should be evacuating."

The first veteran scoffed. "Already looking for an excuse to run home?"

The one who'd spoken before her shrugged and said, "They looked. There was no break in the wall. And all the titans are dead, the elites took them all down last night and early this morning. But…"

"Squad Leader Mike," said the bored one, softly, her bangs falling in her face as her head lowered. As Janice looked at this person closer, she realized that those eyes that looked bored were in fact totally lifeless. They sat in her living face incongruous as metal, cold and dead. "Not just him. Gelgar. Henning. Lynne. Even Nanaba-sempai. All dead. Out there. For the crime of looking after some newbies." Those dead eyes flicked up to Janice, through the hair which darkened her whole face. "That's not the only news. There's a word on everybody's lips lately. Over and over, ever since it occurred to us that there were more than two. 'Titan-shifter'. And from what I've been hearing, more people than usual are saying it this morning. And people asking…who joined up after Maria fell?"

Janice's muscles tensed against her will, causing her fingers to tighten around her tray. Was her face still natural? She felt sweat start to form at the back of her neck, prickling at her and distracting her from her performance even further.

"Aw, you made the newbie go all pale. That's not nice, Alex," said another veteran from the next table. A tall, skeletally skinny, red-headed woman with freckles. "It's stressy being close to the exterior isn't it? It's stressy! Look at that, it makes all the blood drain from your face," she continued directly to Janice, clearly expressing the popular feeling of disdain the Survey Cops felt for the MPs.

But that was fine. Janice knew how to deal with that. "I know," she said with a wistful sigh. "It's only going to get worse, too. Looking forward to when my face cream runs out. Then we can all look pasty and pock-marked together," Janice said with a smirk and wink.

There was a moment of tense silence, then fortunately the redhead and the one called Alex both coughed up bitter laughter, even though Alex's friends looked a bit confused about whether it had been a joke or not.

"You're getting a head start with that busted nose," Alex mocked.

"Just trying to fit in. I like your scar, sir."

Alex's eyes flicked minimally toward the left half of her face, though her expression remained an ironic smile. Janice was finally able to see, while she was looking directly at her from this close, that she had a line of jagged pink, shiny flesh that stretched almost the whole distance from her temple to her chin.

"You call this a scar? You should get out more," she suggested, nodding backward toward the nearest Wall. "What's your name, chum?" The last word came out a little too strongly to be considered sincere. Possibly, in this case, it had the double-meaning of "bait".

"Janice Robin."

The one called Alex nodded. "Alexis Korhonen. This here is Nifa Smith. Liam Jacobson." She nodded to each of her friends, who in turn met Janice's gaze and nodded summarily in greeting.

"Vanessa," said the redhead loudly, who it would seem was not quite on the best of terms with Alex. "Church," she added with equal volume. A surname, presumably, though no one asked.

Alex extended her leg under the table to push out an empty chair toward Janice where she stood. "Take a seat, rookie, if you don't have somewhere to be."

Janice made an overt thinking face. "Kind offer, sir. But if I get cookies from the sempais, I fear my former cohorts will start calling me a teacher's pet. Another time perhaps."

Alex barked out another bitter laugh, exchanging a glance with Vanessa, who shook her head with a smirk. With that, Janice left them. It was better this way. She shouldn't make waves by jumping ranks yet, it would only make it harder to relate to new recruits. But instead of seeking out those she already knew from the MPs, Janice looked around until she saw some Garrison who'd been watching the interchange. She soon located a squirrel of a boy who was watching her with awe, located in between a tall boy and girl who both looked like they'd had the life sucked out of them. Perfect.

Janice approached and asked the boy with a kind smile, "Mind if I join your table?"

He shook his head vigorously. As Janice took a seat and began to eat, he murmured, "They're our sempais! How can you be so casual?"

Janice sighed around a bite of bread. "In the Survey Corps but not in life. In reality, someone's only your superior if they have power to make you suffer. And the from what I've seen so far, this whole group is too tightly knit to allow anything like that. It's something I'd keep in mind, if you ever get the urge to bully someone."

The boy blew out an incredulous breath, looking around at others nearby for confirmation. "Me? I'm more likely to receive it than give it," he chuckled, but to Janice's eyes, he looked flattered by the implication.

At that moment, the doors to the mess hall clanged open, and three older and important-looking officers entered. "Sorry to interrupt your meal, but orders have come from Commander Erwin."

In moments, the previously active mess hall became eerily still, like a scene in a painting. People didn't even bother lowering their utensils that had been in transit between their plate and mouth, they just waited there, frozen.

The officer continued, "As many of you already know from the rumors, titans were spotted inside Wall Rose yesterday." A collective gasp, even though most had heard by now. "A preliminary evacuation took place, and civilian casualties were kept to a minimum. We dispatched available troops to aid those in the affected area and to discover the point of breach." As all soldiers waited with baited breath, the officer paused. "There was none," he said with a grave expression.

"To put it bluntly, we don't know how they got in. All titans have since been eliminated, so as far as we know, our current location is in no danger. However…roughly ten minutes ago, a rider arrived with a message from Squad Leader Hanji on the edge of Wall Rose. Eren Jaeger, the titan-shifter of the Survey Corps…has been taken. He is currently outside the wall."

Janice felt a chill run up her spine, desperately trying to maintain a blank expression as emotions boiled up inside her. Was this real? Then they'd won. If they had Eren Jaeger, it was all over. She was on the wrong side of a losing war, with no way out. Might have been better to stay in the interior after all, lived a little longer. She tightened her fist on the table, her fingernails digging into her palms although she didn't notice.

"Furthermore, the ones who took him were, as Commander Erwin suspected, titan shifters like Annie Leonhardt, who infiltrated our military after the Fall of Maria. All members of the 104th cadet trainees." Janice bit the inside of her lip, closing her eyes. "Reiner Braun. Bertolt Hoover." She sighed. They'd revealed themselves. There was nothing she could do now. "You may know these names. But the human race knows them as the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan." An echo of shock through the mess hall, and the clinking of utensils finally being set down. "Eren Jaeger engaged them in battle, along with the elites of the Survey Corps, and Jaeger lost. And was taken."

Deathly betrayal and sadness echoed through the quiet mess hall. No one seemed able to meet anyone else's gaze. As Janice had thought more than once, loyalty within the Survey Corps went beyond anything else she'd ever known. Annie Leonhardt's actions had truly injured them, and now that unshakeable trust had been shattered, and they simply looked lost. When some of the shock had faded, the officer continued, "Also taken was a person who appears to be collaborating with them for her own purposes, another who possesses this monstrous, titan-shifting ability, known only as Ymir."

At that, Janice's eyes flicked open. Had she heard correctly? She hadn't even known there was a member of the Survey Corps named Ymir. What sick naming sense. Did these people even know what it meant? Could it be…no, she wasn't about to start believing in that old religious garbage now. But she couldn't deny the fact that hearing that name at this moment sent a chill through her blood. The fact that this person was apparently a titan-shifter, and one that she knew nothing about, also sent some very unpleasant feelings through the pit of her stomach. Of course, it did now mean that eight of the nine were accounted for.

"I understand some of you trained with these people and may think you knew them. You may even have trusted them. But you must abandon such thoughts right now. Rest assured, they are your enemy."

Janice was amazed to see that many of the nearby faces looked doubtful, confused and even angry at this implication. Why were they offended by this? It was obvious they'd been betrayed all this time, and clinging to sentiment like that was only bound to hurt them later.

Apparently having expected this reaction, the officer went on, "One report mentions a statement made by Bertolt Hoover, when questioned by Eren Jaeger on why he was doing these things to us. His reply, apparently spoken without malice, was this: simply, he honestly believes that we all deserve to die."

Despite the cold feeling that sank into her chest at hearing what she already knew but tried not to think about, she took a look again at the faces around her. Not easily, but with certainty, the sadness was fading. Anger and betrayal remained, steadily taking over their hearts like a virus. As it always did. And of course, it could be just as dangerous as any other kind of sentiment, although it was easier to put to a purpose. She looked down, not interested in seeing that anymore.

"Although Eren Jaeger is believed to be alive, humanity cannot afford to wait and hope in this case. Without Eren Jaeger, we are doomed."

Yep, Janice thought bitterly, chewing on her lip.

"Commander Erwin, General Pixis and Commander Dawk have all agreed that all able-bodied troops should move out immediately in an all-division operation to reclaim Eren Jaeger. To you new recruits, I am sorry. Your first mission will be one in which death is almost certain. To veterans, you may be experienced with fear and terrible odds, but I'm sure you understand that in this case, Eren Jaeger is more valuable to humanity than any one of us."

Janice's eyes widened as she stared up at him. Not for the first time, the throat-closing fear started to rise up within her. This was going to be one of those days death would be close. She hadn't really had that many, but each had made an impression she never wished to repeat.

"No matter how many of us fall, we will go outside Wall Rose today, and we will fight against titans of unknown number and some with human intelligence. If, at the end of this day, even one of us returns with Eren Jaeger alive, it will be considered a victory for the human race. Is that understood?"

There were a scattered but definitive replies of, "Yes, sir," but only from the bravest veterans. Every single other face in that mess hall was cast pale with horror.

"Then stand up."

The veterans were on their feet. A few lowered their heads, some were shaking, some grimacing with impassioned outrage. After a delay, and one person who nearly fell when his knees gave out from under him, all soldiers were standing.

"To the last hope of the human race. Offer your hearts!"

Scattered thumps as all saluted, miming piercing their hearts for the sake of humanity. Janice stared darkly at the floor. "For the human race…" she murmured to herself, and thumped her fist against her chest.

And moments later, the mess hall was empty as they all mounted up and rode out after their commanders. The battering hoofbeats, louder but slower and surer than the ones that had gotten Janice to the Klorva gate all those years ago, beckoned a return to that terror. A return to a lot of things, perhaps, assuming she survived this day. She continued scanning the nearby riders for faces that she knew, making eye contact when she could. Some people did like her already, she could tell, but whether any would risk their life for her was something harder to know at this early stage. Truly, what terrible timing.

All Janice's memories and expectations did not prepare her for the experience of riding out of that gate to an area where titans would be. She expected the departure to be loud. Hopeful. Glorious even, in a way. And yes, there was noise. But most of it lost its meaning before reaching her ears. Instead, all her mind could focus on was the beating of her own heart, the hoofbeats over the ground, the breath of her horse. Over and over, like the drumming of an eerie song to which there was no resolution.

The moment they rode beyond the gate, though she was still in the middle of an enormous convoy, she felt as alone as she had as a child. Like the only person in the world. She felt hyper-aware of every movement she saw, though her eyes naturally scanned the distant horizon, looking out for large shapes. She pulled her reins to turn her horse's head, making sure she stayed near those confident-seeming sempais from earlier. Unfortunately, all four of them were currently increasing speed ahead of those nearby. They were heading toward the vanguard. Insanity. But apparently, that was the Survey Corps.

What happened after that would become the source of new nightmares to haunt Janice's dreams. People fell like blossoms, torn away in a storm. One after the other, practically defenseless and so vast in number. She stopped being able to tell the difference between blood, flesh, fabric and mud. Only the winged capes of the Survey Corps, with their hopeful blue and white, stood out against the dirty colors. Janice's back was bare of course, just a regular uniform. The recruits' hadn't been made yet.

No one was safe. Everyone was at the edge of death and they kept fighting anyway. The noises they made, screaming and then squishing and popping, cracking, chewing, plopping, continued echoing in her ears long afterward, until she felt they would drive her insane. Many times she found herself directly in the gaze of a titan, which then became distracted by some closer soldier who ended up dying instead of her.

They were so disgusting. So hateful. All of them, everyone. So dirty. So dismal. If this was humanity, was it even worth preserving?

Commander Smith had ordered them to ride directly into a mass of titans. She saw him charge straight at a 6-meter titan that bit right down on his arm and severed it from his body before his subordinates managed to kill it. And Erwin Smith, that bastard, he just kept urging them on. Even though every fiber of her being was screaming to run away, Janice obeyed that order. Even as one of her sempais, Liam, was grabbed right out of his saddle and dropped down a titan's throat, she kept on riding. Even as the squirrel-like boy from earlier cried and screamed for her to help him as a titan held him upside-down and bit off his legs one by one, she turned away and kept riding.

Others were abandoning their mounts for 3DMG. They were using the titans themselves to lay their lines and fly between them. That was the last thing Janice wanted to do, but there were too many titans. She might be crushed any second. She had to be more mobile.

As Alex and Vanessa propelled themselves into the air, she followed. For an instant, she felt almost blissful exhilaration. As her momentum was caught on an upswing, time slowed as titans swarmed below, little sparrows darting in among them with blue and white wings. Then a titan below yawned its mouth open as she fell toward it. She let out a short scream and laid in her line on another titan to dart quickly away. She stayed airborne and moving fast as long as she could, searching for signs of Reiner, Bertolt or Eren Jaeger. She had already made a decision about what she would do when she found him. It all depended on what state he was in.

After a near miss in which a titan fist that swung over her so fast it nearly took her head off, Janice found a gap in the swarm and tumbled to the ground to catch her breath. Her body ached from every place she hit, and she may have inhaled quite a bit of dirt as she lay there trying to restore depleted oxygen as her muscles burned. She looked up in time to see something incredible.

In the next clearing about fifty feet away, with some titans in between, a defenseless Eren Jaeger was standing protectively over Mikasa Ackerman, who'd obviously been injured at some point. Over them stood an enormous titan, easily 10-meter-class. There were dead and downed soldiers all around, no one near enough to save them.

Eren Jaeger threw his hand against the approaching titan one. He screamed one word. And the instant he did, the entire battle came to a grinding halt.

Standing over Eren, its hard reaching out and ready to crush him, the one who had become known as the Smiling Titan. But moments after this one command, it and every other titan slinked back in fear. Their heads bowed, their smiles unusually absent, they obeyed and gradually retreated.

There was some more confusion as the titan-shifters – without their army to protect them – tried to run anyway, taking Krista Lenz with them. Which was odd. But then another titan, one that Janice had never seen or even heard of by its description, a marsupial-like titan with long arms, short legs and sharp, dangerous-looking teeth, saved her. It even seemed to say goodbye. Then it joined the other two in their escape.

And so, by some miracle, a portion of soldiers had survived this massacre, Janice included. Even Erwin Smith, missing an arm, was able to ride all the way back to the gate of Wall Rose before he collapsed and couldn't be revived. But he was still alive when he fell. And still alive when they carried him to the nearest hospital. Out of everything that happened, that scared Janice the most. Was he even human?

Levi was waiting for them inside the wall. He never looked shaken, but Erwin's injury seemed to have shaken him. And then something extremely embarrassing happened. Janice took a few, shaking steps after dismounting her horse. Then her vision went black.

She woke in the medical unit of the Survey Corps, surrounded by two dozen others, most of whom would never fly again. Now and then a moan or sob would break the soft sounds of movement of doctors and visitors. Feeling sweat break out over her forehead with intense embarrassment, she pushed herself up to sitting position and looked down at her feet in shame.

"Hang on there," said a young nurse. "We need to do some checks if you hit your head somewhere."

Janice gritted her teeth. Without unclenching them she murmured, "I didn't."

"Hm?"

She clenched her fists, even as they shook. Why did she have to explain this? Why had she been taken here for such a minor problem? This wasn't just humiliating, it made terrible guilt rise up in the pit of her stomach, along with self-hatred. "I didn't hit my head," she said firmly. "I'm just a coward. I fainted. All right? Can I go?"

The nurse sighed, and she was sure she saw some disdain in his eyes for her lack of any real injury. "If you can walk out of here, go ahead. I'm not going to stop you," he said, turning away and getting back to attending other patients.

Janice sighed heavily. Even so, she still felt her hands shaking. She felt her legs might buckle if she put her weight on them. Images of death and the expressions of the titans kept flashing in her mind, blending with memories of those she'd seen as a girl. Not, as she had told Hanji, five years ago. She closed her eyes as they overwhelmed her for a moment and she lost the ability to be present in the real world.

"Hey."

Janice gasped and recoiled.

Captain Levi stood across from her, one thin eyebrow raised. "You look like you're about to shit your pants."

She sighed, resting her forehead in her hand and trying to hide the fact that it was shaking. "Hello, Captain. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Levi looked away, toward a soldier who was sobbing, her face hidden by her arm. Her right leg, from the middle of her thigh, was only a bloody, bandaged stump. Janice realized with a horrible shock that she recognized the long hair lying beneath the soldier as belonging to Alex Korhonen. One of the bravest and seemingly invincible veterans.

We're all going to die.

The thought flashed in her mind for only an instant, but it was enough to send fresh adrenaline pumping through her body, sending odd shivers down her shoulders and an ill feeling to her stomach. With wide eyes, she continued staring at nothing in front of her for some time. She couldn't calm down. She tried, but the panic it just kept coming back. There was no defense against them. Leaving the walls meant death. And soon they'd break in…there was no way out.

She realized Levi had been watching her for some time. She tried her best not to let it show, but her hands were shaking at her sides.

Levi gave a diplomatic shrug. "You're not the first one to get like this the first time out."

"I'm not a child," Janice barked back. "I know I'm a coward. I don't need your pity or condescension."

The captain flicked his gaze back to her with a miniscule hardening of his eyes. "Was Nanaba a child?"

Janice covered her eyes again, understanding what he was saying but refusing to acknowledge it.

"She could barely stand after her first mission. Although she did kill a titan her first time out, saved a friend of hers too. Died protecting some dumb kids she barely knew, too. And from what I hear, you kept yourself out of danger today." He shrugged again. "You could play some of that off as still being slow from all your MP down time. But a lot of people faster than you are dead, so. 'Fast only at running away', I guess that's what they call it."

Janice's lips parted as she stared into empty space, her mind filled with the images of others dying instead of her. She hadn't intended to let them, or even cause them to die. But neither had she risked her life, or even gone out of her way, to save anyone else. There was nothing wrong with that, she had to remind herself. That's how she'd lived her whole life up until now. That was the only way she'd had to survive. What was wrong with that?

Even as she told herself all this intellectually, it didn't stop the tears that came burning from her eyes. She sobbed as she recalled that Garrison runt screaming for her to help him. She gripped her hair with a shaking hand. A strange noise rose up from her throat. Why was she still alive? What purpose did it serve for her to survive, when so many others had died?

"Captain…" she murmured. "…how can you keep doing this? Why doesn't it break you?"

Levi didn't seem to have an answer for a moment. He looked away again, eyes scanning the bodies of injured and dying soldiers all around them. "Maybe it does," he murmured.

"Huh?" she demanded.

His gaze darkened a little as his chin lowered. "Maybe you can't stay whole and keep doing this. Or maybe you have to be twisted from the start. More than a few people have said the Survey Corps is a breeding ground for monsters. Those who've been outside humanity too long and can't ever really come back." He met her gaze. She was shocked; she realized that from what she'd observed, he didn't look people in the eye very often. "How about it? Do I seem human to you? Broken or unbroken?"

Looking into his eyes, she saw genuine doubt on his own part. He'd thought about this before. Thought about it a lot. But she couldn't tell whether the answer meant anything to him anymore. And as for what her answer was…the longer she looked the less certain she became.

After a long enough pause, Levi cast his gaze down again and nodded, accepting her answer. "Anyway. You're back now. Coward or otherwise. And if you can get up, then go get the package that arrived for you recruits just this morning."

With that, Levi left her. She couldn't say how, but in some way it seemed his words had calmed the panic inside her. Despair was still there every time her concentration broke. Self-hatred too. But if he could keep going, after all he could seen, then maybe she could too. If all these people could keep fighting for each other even as their comrades died one after another, then why couldn't she? She didn't have to be one of them to copy their coping techniques.

With significantly less shaking in her legs than before, Janice made her way outside. Instead of making her afraid, the sight of the injured soldiers she passed began to make her angry. As always, in a war there was no right side. But there was always wrong. Her knowledge of what titans really were didn't change the burning rage that built up inside her about what they deserved for doing this.

She walked outside into the bright sunlight. Outside the barracks, the next building over from the clinic, a merchant had stopped his cart and had apparently emptied the contents in the bailey. Six big, wooden crates. Around them was a small crowd, a mix of recruits and veterans, all beginning to buzz with hope and expectation, so incongruous with the despair they should be feeling. Jean Kirstein, who had apparently been closest, picked up a crowbar as the merchant drove off. He opened one of the boxes, caught Janice's eye as she approached, and smirked.

"Well. They came a bit late. And there's more than we can use now, but here you go." He unfurled the first item of the contents. The blue and white wings flashed in the sunlight. "Welcome to the Survey Corps."

Along with the remaining live recruits, Janice searched through the boxes for the cloak with her name on it. She pulled it out and watched it flutter in the soft breeze. It was warm in her hands. Heavier than she'd thought, but not uncomfortably so. And the wings, her wings, were more beautiful than she had thought they would be. So now, in name if nothing else, she was officially a member of the Survey Corps.

From that day, Janice trained hard every day, and ate only what she needed to avoid losing muscle. Gradually, she felt herself getting faster and stronger, but not soon enough. The heavy losses incurred by this mission produced a cloud of anti-Survey Corps feelings among the general population, perpetuated by the Wall Sect, and also of course by the Military Police. They had never been fond of the Survey Corps to begin with, but it also seemed that – perhaps by chance and perhaps other reasons – their losses had been the greatest in the operation. It was not long after that that rumors began to circulate about Commander Erwin. That he was plotting something.

Though Janice would have been content to leave him to his plotting – it was always best to let two adversaries destroy each other if they wanted to – unfortunately, if the Survey Corps were accused of treason as a group, that would affect her too. Few things she was truly good at, but one of them was avoiding being seen if she didn't want to be. She was even better now that she was a little stronger and a little leaner. It wasn't difficult to discover where Erwin's recovery room was. So whenever she had free time in the evenings, she made it a habit to find herself hidden underneath the window of his room.

At first she overheard very little. It took him a few days to regain consciousness, so during that time she was only able to catch a few conversations between Levi and Hanji, which were nevertheless informative. And then, she could hardly believe her luck when she arrived and got settled in her hiding place as Erwin received a very important visitor.

"General," she heard Erwin say, followed by light footsteps. "Please sit down."

"You're doing better?" came the voice of one of the most experienced and powerful leader of the Garrison. A pause, followed by a contemplative noise. "You look worse."

"Forgive my appearance. It's still a bit difficult to shave."

"I imagine so. Well. What can I do for you, Commander Smith?"

And from that point, the two men began a conversation about something unbelievable. A plot to start a military coup.

Apparently, Commander Erwin had been plotting to replace King Fritz with the rightful heir to the royal family for some time (she'd known about King Fritz being a fake since her first week or so in the MPs). And he'd suspected the truth about titans ever since he was a young boy. Got his father tortured and killed for asking about it, and instead of that shutting him up as it would any normal person, it made him more determined to discover the truth. This man was truly terrifying. Levi definitely wasn't wrong about the Survey Corps being populated with monsters.

Her heart pounding as she lowered herself from her hiding place, she promised herself that whatever happened, she would not find herself an enemy of Erwin Smith. Her feet lightly touched down to the gravel of the alley behind the recovery house. She turned one way to check that no one had seen her, and was preparing to turn the other way.

WHAM!

"Khagh!" the noise she made as air rushed out of her lungs as she was slammed into the ground by a hand around her throat.

Though momentarily incapacitated in agony as she tried to restore air to her lungs, her hands instinctively grasped at the one currently holding her down by her throat. As her vision flickered red and gradually restored, her eyes widened as she recognized who had attacked her. Cold grey eyes observed her without emotion from beneath dark brows and black bangs.

Levi tilted his head as he observed her. "The science freak was right to warn me about you. It's up to you if you want to go to prison now or later. If you're ready to go now, go ahead and scream."

Janice didn't bother to hide the seething rage from her face. That was part of her character here after all, it didn't matter if she let it out now.

When he perceived she wouldn't scream, Levi nodded a little. Still without a change in his perpetually tired-looking facial expression, he continued, "Personally, I would have chosen prison over what I'll do to you if I find you're really a traitor."

Janice tightened her jaw. Perhaps she'd made a mistake. But she couldn't let him arrest her. Prison was one thing she couldn't get out of by herself, and she had no intention of going back to that hell. Would she have to kill mankind's strongest warrior? Could she, even?

"So," Levi went on. "Before we start the more colorful methods of interrogation, anything you want to tell me? Anything to justify what you could possibly have been doing listening outside Erwin's window?"

Janice's brain went through plausible answers in a fraction of a second and came up with the most likely to save her life. It came from the very fact that he was asking her this question. What an interesting and inconsistent person their captain was. Despite her dire situation, a half smirk met her lips.

"I always wondered about the rumors about you, sir," Janice managed with difficulty, her voice a bit raw. "Something about you never made sense."

Levi didn't seem pleased by her implication. "Meaning what?"

She glanced down at his hand. It was still holding her down firmly, but not restricting her breathing. Not even hard enough to bruise, although she couldn't say the same about her back. Still, she became certain she was right. "Even though almost everyone you know is rightfully afraid of you, they get deceived by the exterior. Or maybe by your monstrous nature. But in reality…there's nothing you care about more than your soldiers. Except maybe Erwin Smith."

"Correct," Levi murmured, still without a break in his expression. "And knowing my monstrous nature, what do you think I'll do to you now?"

Janice swallowed reflexively, but she smiled again. "But before doing that, you'd rather believe I didn't betray you. Because I'm one of your soldiers too."

Levi didn't answer. He let the silence hang, allowing Janice to reason out what might be the best move for her at this point.

Janice couldn't help a small scoff. "Whatever I say, why should you believe me? Just how loyal can you be before it starts to become stupidity?"

"I guess we'll both find out," Levi growled. She shivered as she saw his patience starting to fade. "Try me, titan bait. What were you doing?"

Janice looked away. With an air of resignation, she muttered, "You're telling me no one in the Survey Corps spies on each other? I see. So you're all saints in addition to being martyrs."

"You trying to say you just had a passing fancy to spy on Erwin?" Levi asked, his expression remaining cold but his tone hardening. This was about as angry as Janice had ever seen him. "On the off chance it might be useful to you in the future. You're not working for anyone?"

"Not yet."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "You must think I'm stupid. Would breaking a few fingers make you more honest?" His eyes flicked upward briefly as he considered. "Assuming I'm wrong, I shouldn't decrease our already small fighting force. You can still work 3DMG with two, I guess. What do you think?"

Janice's heart rate rose, but she kept repeating the lie in her head, imagining the life that would have made her act that way, until it felt like truth. And the truthful response that came from her was, "Maybe. But it would take a lot longer to buckle my gear." She pursed her lips with a grimace. "And I really don't want to think about going to the bathroom."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Well, good point! Why should you?" Janice snapped back. Her jaw tightened against her will. "Captain, I don't understand why we're doing this. You and I both know you have no reason not to turn me in right now. Why don't you?"

Levi seemed at an impasse with himself. His eyes glanced slowly between hers. "I don't know."

Janice tried to smile but couldn't. "How can you not know? How can you have survived this long with such a poor sense of danger?"

Levi actually took a moment to consider. "That's actually a good question. I guess, it's been a long time since I've felt the necessity to feel fear from anyone or anything." His eyes bore down into hers without feeling. "How about you? What are you afraid of?"

Janice's lip twitched in another half smile. "Everything that isn't me. Does that answer your question?"

This last statement seemed to have caught Levi by surprise, and his eyes widened just a hair as he watched her. The crease between his brows increased slightly before he apparently made a decision. He breathed out heavily. "I see," he said.

With that, he released his hand from around her neck. She watched in amazement as he stood. And then offered her a hand to help her up. Still somewhat stunned, she accepted and stood over him, watching him and waiting for the next strike to fall. Instead, in a moment that made her hand pound, he held her hand for just a few seconds longer than he needed to. Finally, he let it go.

"Fear's not bad," Levi said softly. "As long as you can stay sane with it. Treat it like a friend."

"I know," Janice replied.

He glanced up at her, though moments later his eyes darted away and he looked somewhat unsure. "At the very least, you seem to have me figured out. So you know there's only one reason to fear me." He looked down the alley and almost looked back at her again, but he seemed to have returned to his normal habit of looking near people when he spoke rather than at them. "And start reporting to me in the evenings. If you're going to spy, you'll do it for us. Not against us."

Janice barked out a laugh, even as Levi flicked one last glance back at her and walked away. When he had gone, she sighed heavily and fell back against the stone wall behind her. She placed a hand over her heart as it slowly calmed down. Yep. The Survey Corps was full of monsters. It was only a question of how much of one she'd turn into by the end of this.