(5,893 words, bigger than my usual) This is a much lighter chapter, so will the next one but the fourth will go back to being dark. And here's the conversation in my head,
Serah: OMG, update, it's a christmas miracle!
Arianna: It's easter you moron, and who cares about an update no one reads this story.
Serah: what the hell are you talking about? it got 18 views, that's 18 people!
Arianna:That's no one!"
Serah: No it's 18, and please shut up you're making Tifa depressed,
Tifa (me): *dying*
Arianna:Hua hua hua.
Serah: Bitch.
Yeah you just witnessed a conversation between my insanity (Serah) and Paranoia (Arianna) They do this constantly, it's pretty damn annoying.
Anyways, on with the chapter, hope you enjoy
Disclaimer: It is more likely that this is a historical event then me owning anything ffVII related.
Wings of regret chapter 2: Of visions and memories
A banging sound awoke erina from deep within a dream, half closed eyes moved to see the culprit. A man with dark brown hair with a large cowlick near his fringe stood grining at her from the other side of the door. Erina shut her eyes against the light from the torch he shown in her eyes,
"Morning sunshine, the world says hello." He chuckled in an obnoixious tone.
Erina kept her eyes closed from the pain she could feel behind the lids, her entire head was killing her. It was a usual side effect from all the drugs, the only good thing about it was that it would mean the scientists would have to wait before administering anymore, the pain was her body showing it had had too much. Hojo wouldn't chance risking the life of his precious little specimen, it wasn't everyday he got one like her, there wasn't anyone else to replace her. Whether she was a side project or not she still held some importance, and for that reason only did they keep her alive.
"Go die girly," She remembered to reply to the man on the other side. He gave a disapointed look to her, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come.
"Oh now you don't have to be so mean, I was thinking of pissing off the assholes for a day." He laughed this time, she could hear him softly hit his head against the bars, resting it there so he could keep his balance.
"Won't people be suspicious if they see you with a little girl?"
"Not overly, I look youger than I am and you look older, does that make up for it?" She took the shifting sound she made out to be him shrugging.
Ignoring the pain she lifted herself into a sitting position, glaring joke daggers at the older man. He was dressed in a crinkled up suit with his tie done up loosely. She could guess the turk wasn't even allowed here, but despite the rules he had come up and seen her anyway. He had reddish brown eyes that just had something cheeky about them. He was around 22, but still had the appearance of someone in their late teens.
"I'll give you icecream." He pleaded, the reply was a roll of her eyes,
"I'm not one for sweets, you know that, this is the fifth time you have used that as a bribe." She swung her legs over the side. She must have been alone in here for awhile now, she was surprised she didn't hear anything when the other two were taken out.
Erina stood up but fell back down as fast as she had stood, a hand went to her head to steady it, she had a major dizzy spin, so bad she hadn't been able to see. She rolled her shoulders trying to ease the soreness, this probably wasn't the best of days for her, but it wasn't often she got this chance. She stood back up keeping the hand on her head, it wasn't as bad this time, but she waited until the dizzyness subsided before she walked over to the man at the door.
He fiddled with a bunch of keys he had had stuffed in his pocket for the correct one,
"So how did you manage to get all those?" She asked with suspicion, tilting her face closer to the bars.
"Because the guard thinks you're adorable and Hojo's a stupid old bastard." He replied simply, finding the right key and putting it into the lock. Smiling as he heard it click and swung the door open.
"Really?" she still held the suspicion.
"Oh it's true, I just made the way he described Hojo less rude. Dont' want to go swearing my head off near a kid." He shugged again.
The small girl stepped around him to outside her cell,
"There is worse things you could do than say some words that are considered bad. At least those can't harm me."
"Whatever," He smirked, "To the stairs then?" He curt-sied as a joke then extended his arm to lead her out.
On the train Erina observed each person that got on and off, there wasn't much else she could do, the man by her side wasn't talking to her.
His name, according to him was Yoshioka, but she was pretty sure that happened to be a traditional Wutanese girl's name. Apparently growing up he had always been called a girl, he had looked very much like one when he was younger and when he bacame a teenager his voice broke later than the usual male. He was very obviously a guy now though, but none the less from the time she had been told his old friends' inside joke she had called him 'girly' and wasn't intent on stopping.
What they were doing now wasn't something far off from the usual. He did this all the time, no one but the science department had a problem with it. Hojo was a nutcase, it was common knowledge, so why should he get his way all the time when no one liked him. So the result of this was that she was constantly let out of her cell where she would either run around the ShinRa building (there is fantastic places to hide in there) or go somewhere in Midgar. She never went in the slums, she wanted to but if she was with anyone they would always stop her, it was said to be too dangerous for her. But she didn't care listen to the words of snobs, what do they know. The main reason she didn't go in there was that she knew that people she used to know lived down there, and she didn't want any kind of reunion with them. It was blue demons' fault that shinRa had found her, it was the mistake of one of their members.
Blue demon was a group of idiots, nothing more to say. They came up with that name out of the blue, it had no meaning to it. She hadn't talked to them for two years now, she had made a point last time she had seen them that she didn't want to see their faces again.
Jessica was the first she had met , brown hair dyed badly red. A pair of headphones permantly around her neck. She was hypo and whenever she talked to her boyfriend she would use this old time kind of talk, it had been extremely annoying since the first time she had witnessed it.
Miku was the second along with Chalotte. Miku was from some noble family that lived in Wutai somewhere, she had had a fight with her dad and left. To help cut off her ties to them she changed her look, by cutting her hair to boys length and dying it a bright blue. She couldn't speak english for the life of her, her family had been against their members learning it. Charlotte wasn't as big as an idiot as the others, she had her sane moments. She was the type to laugh from other people's misery, mainly if she was the one to cause it.
Rhapsody, was afore mentioned boyfriend to Jessica. He was both the most insane and the most sane all at the same time. He didn't actually have a name thanks to all what occured before his birth. His mother was a turk that had had an affair with a rich man, but when his wife had found out she had gone balistic. She was forced to retire as a turk thanks to the fact of Rhapsody's father being an high ranking member of ShinRa. She was then made to return to her home country of Wutai. Her mind had been virtually obliterated in all that had happened to her, she never named her son. His father made it seem like he didn't exist and his life went a normal. Because his mother, Sakura's family was full blooded Wutanese, he was hidden from the public like he didn't exist. Her family had the tradition that it must be the mother to name the child, but she never did and in the end he never got one. So he named himself Rhapsody and everyone went along with it. Erina personally hated the name thanks to a certain boy she met in Banora years ago.
Getting her mind back on what was happening, she saw that her stop was still three stations away, so with not much else to do, she closed her eyes and let her rest. She just hoped to god it didn't land her back into her world of personal torture
It was not that world her mind fell into, but a memory of a time long lost.
"Erina?" A kind voice asked from behind the kitchen counter. It belonged to a woman in her mid thirties. This was Mari, the woman that had raised Erina from a baby to the time she left without a word. A part of her hated her for doing it, but a voice in her head had always said that Mari and her husband James had never really loved her, so what was the point in staying.
A three year old child with lovely black hair tied in pigtails and clips keeping her fringe away from glowing chocolate eyes ran up to her with glee in her step. She smiled brightly at the woman she knew as her mum. She made no sound besides a quiet giggle, Mari watched her with her pretty pea green orbs.
"Are you going to talk to me today darling?" She questioned in a nice calming tone.
The young Erina made no sound past all her giggles, which had increased from the question.
"Can you at least tell me what you want for lunch?" She asked that now, maybe something like that would be enough for a reply.
"Heheheheeh" She again made no sound beyond her childish laughter.
Mari realeased a frustrated sigh, but made the attempt not to look angry in front of her daughter. She fumbled with bread that was placed to the side of her and began making a meal for the two of them.
"Fine then you can just have peanut butter with me." she handed her the second peanut butter sandwich she had prepared, "I'm not sorry if you don't like it. You could have told me what you wanted you know."
Erina took hold of the food with her mouth and dashed back to the corner stashed with toys. Mari watched her as she took a bite out of her own lunch, she did her best not to let her daughter's silence get to her. But sometimes all she wanted to hear was her voice.
Erina's head banged into the back of the seat with a loud thump as the train slowed. She moved herself foward quickly and rubbed the back, growling under her breath.
"You don't take pain well," A man's voice disrupted her, she turned her face to the right to see Yoshioka grinning mischeiviously at her.
"Do not, I have a very high pain tolerance. I just get annoyed by the sensation of pain."
"Like I said you don't take pain well." He sniggered.
The girl moved to shove him but he stood up right as she was about to move her arm.
"Come on, it's our stop." He said with an all knowing smile. Leave it to a turk to be fully aware of her massive urge to knock him over. But she'd get him before the day was over, that was a promise.
She returned the smile before following in his lead and getting off the train.
They walked around for awhile before Yoshioka convinced her to go eat at his favourite icecream palor. For an adult he had one hell of a sweet tooth. After ordering they sat down on a seat outside and ate the sweets. Erina had ordered a coffee flavoured one and Yoshioka a bubblegum, she couldn't stand ice creams but the bitter taste made it standable.
Yoshioka went right in but the girl ate barely anything, instead staring at the ground watching her feet sway from side to side. The man observed her dejected expression, he finished his food and wiped his face clean with his sleeve before asking any questions.
"You okay kid?"
She glanced up with little regard before looking back down acting like he hadn't said anything.
"Kid?"
"That's not my name!" Erina yelled at him when he tried to speak again.
"Well tell me your name then." He asked with a cold voice, she had ever mentioned it to him or had anyone else, despite knowing her for three years now.
"No, why should I?" The mood between them had soured fast. "I don't even know yours."
She held the sweet in her hands tighter, causing the cone to crack slightly.
"I'm a turk, it doesn't count. Can't I have at least something to call you by?" He asked hiding his anger from his voice.
"Ara." she stated it and said no more. The aura she gave out showed she didn't want the conversation to continue.
"Fine, 'Ara'. I know where you took that from keep in mind, you sure you wouldn't go for something else?" He asked in a venomous tone, she didn't reply.
Yoshioka dragged Erina along to other places around the plates, but the depressed pre-teen refused to enjoy any second of it. They did have to remember that if any one was to discover that the girl was gone they had the large chance of someone coming after them. It didn't matter whether she was needed or not, they just rathered for her to be in a place they knew.
The sun was setting by the time he'd taken her into a partially abandoned old club. No one was bothered by a twelve year old being in there, it was the third time she had been after all. It wasn't like some drunk person would try to hurt her, no one got that drunk here. And if that did happen he probably wouldn't manage to hurt her, despite her small size she could stand her ground in a fight, all the experiments did have their advantages, for one she was seriously fast.
He sat her down at a table, where like at the ice cream palor she sat with her head facing down and dangling her legs. She wasn't the type to enjoy things, not when she had to fear someone coming after her.
"Damn kid, can't you live a little?" Yoshioka asked with a beer in his hand.
All he recieved was a glare, "How?" she spat.
Yoshioka's face went a little blank, but he was searching for an answer to her meanly asked question behind the expression that showed,
"Like, by trying to?" He wasn't smart enough to give a proper answer, not like he was a moron but questions given by Erina were hard to answer.
"Yeahhh..." She drawled, "How the crap am I Suposed to do that considering the circumstances of my life?" Her voice was like venom.
She rested her head on the shaky table, she made sure the aura she cast out made it clear she wasn't in the mood to talk. There was a silence around them for sometime, only disrupted by then chatter of the club's other occupants and the sound of a waitress cleaning up the empty tables for any other possible customers. But Yoshioka couldn't keep his mouth shut for very long, he was too much of a chatter box.
"How 'bout some Karaoke?" He asked with a fake pout.
Erina stared at him with a raised eyebrow, not falling for his puppy dog eyes at all, he was a turk faking was second nature to him.
"Are you five?"
"Nonsense, kiddies can't sing for the life of them. Karaoke is for older idiots." He pouted some more but it was replaced by a grin in the end.
"Way to compliment yourself." She rolled her eyes, fiddling with table cloth. "You're not very smart."
But yoshioka ignored it and stood up anyway, with the same obnoixious grin.
"Thanks for the compliment, now I'm going to go be an idiot and sing in front of a bunch'a drunks."
Erina watched him with a smirk as he went and stood up on the small stage, going down the list of songs on the Karaoke machine to find any he knew. She couldn't resist rolling her eyes when he yelled out the fact that there was Wutanese songs on there, he found their traditional language highly amusing. Good part was he couldn't pronounce it for the life of him so there was a very unlikely chance of him singing any of those songs. In the end he chose one he knew quite well, some song called boulevard of broken dreams.
He picked up the microphone and began immediately, he got the attention of everyone in the room, not for how loud he was singing, but because he was brilliant. That had taken her by surprise, she usually expected to hear crap people sing when it came to karaoke. Friends had taken her to plenty of karaoke bars before she had gotten tangled up in ShinRa's mess, no one they had heard had the ability to sing. So hearing one was amazing, not like she was overly interested, singing talent wasn't anything impressive
At the end he had given her the biggest grin ever and ran back to her seat, not for one second did she trust him in this moment.
"And now it's your turn," He forced the remote into her hand.
"Go die." Was her reply, she scowled at him with angry eyes.
"I'm not giving up." He grinned with the most stubborn look he could muster. To add to his fight he pulled the girl up and tugged her over to the stage. Some people laughed at him for the struggle she put up, despite the fact that he certainly wasn't weak she wasn't someone you'd want to fight against. Most people didn't realise this since to them it was a grown man struggling against a little girl, not like they would ever know the truths about her.
In the end Yoshioka won the battle, he got the girl on the stage but she stayed silent for quite some time, and all the begging he did was doing nothing to her stubborness, she continued with her silence.
"Come on, I'll help you hide if you do it?" He begged, his pleading had gathered some attention because to most this wouldn't make any sense.
"I can't hide forever, they always find me in the end. Besides the kiddie likes to have some company." She reffered to the little girl she was currently sharing a cell with.
"You let youself go through torture because you want to keep a kid some company?" He whispered letting the idea of it pass through his lips weighing whether it be insane or perfectly logical. "Look she has her mum isn't that enough?"
"Girly," She started, "She's five."
"So, at least she has someone, hell you're only twelve yourself."
"Yes but she is sweet,kind and five and I'm a bitch. end of conversation" She folded her arms and gave him a cold look.
"But.."
"End of conversation."
"Jesus kid."
"End of conversation." She pronounced it menacingly and Yoshioka finally backed away from her look of purer venom
The two sat at the side of the stage, all other customers had already left and the workers were packing up, but thanks to the waitress currently cleaning the tables while wearing rollar blades, they had been allowed to stay for a undecided amount of time. Yoshioka had won in the end to get Erina to sing, he was just that good when it came to begging. she didn't know many songs so she had sung one of the few she did know thanks to it being a popular one around the town she had grown up in. It was called safe and sound, she'd actually scared some people with how haunting she had sounded when she sung each lyric. But it was intended to be haunting, so she had done a good job in all honesty.
"You know for a kid you have a damn good voice." The brown haired man said from besides her when he finished his cup of beer. He set it down on the stages edge and grinned, getting confused over another glare directed at him.
"Can you stop calling me a kid now?" She lowered her gaze to her dangling feet, the fact that they couldn't touch the bottom annoyed her greatly.
"But you are a kid."
"I don't want to be. People always look down on them because they think they're so much smarter, but how do they know that if they don't even know me?"
Yoshioka let out a huge sigh, "Give it a few more years, they won't always think it. Might want to be happy that you look older than what you are, it means you won't have to wait as long. God I still am." He ran a hand though his messy brown hair, trying to pin down the clowlick that was permanantely stuck there. He did look much younger than what he was, it made sense that he was still looked down on for his youth.
"You're twenty-two, it's not as bad." She said it but her mouth was contradicting her thoughts.
"I look like I'm sixteen or something, I get that crap too."
"I doubt it would ever be as bad as what I get. Some assholes even give it too me for the opposite reason."
Yoshioka winced at that comment, he knew that there were men in ShinRa that could quite possibly over look the fact of her only being twelve. In appearance she was in between fourteen to fifthteen, the only thing that signiled she wasn't was her height. He'd do his best to make sure no asshole would ever touch her like that, sure she could be a bitch at the best and worst of times, but the girl didn't deserve any of the treatment she was getting; anybody that dared make it worse would be getting one hell of an asswhooping from him.
He layed his back down on the stage, he could see through the corner of his eye Erina looking back down at him.
"Why won't you tell me your name?" He said it without the annoyed tone the rest of his words had included, hoping maybe that he would at least get a reply.
"Why won't you tell me yours?" She smirked, resting herself besides him.
"I thought we already cleared that up."
she didn't reply, her mind was too focussed on the slivers of a memory coming into her head.
"Oi! snakey!" A loud voice boomed at her.
Dazed eyes looked up to him the the middle of the truck, she was yet to fully wake up from the sleep that had been rudely interupted by the truck hitting a hole.
"What is it?" The black haired seven year old asked.
"I have a genius idea." The light brown haired boy known as Rhapsody laughed, leaning his back against the side more. His laugh was joined in by the red head besides him known as Jessica.
"No you don't." Erina replied before attempting to return to sleep.
"Aww, how can you say that!" He pouted childishly.
"Iie iie iie" An accented voice called from the back in a sing song tone, one belonging to Miku who jokingly agreed with the younger girl.
"English." The drowsly voice of Charlotte cut in, before returning to her sleep after giving her hyper active friend the one millionth reminder.
"Screw you." It was her turn to pout.
Erina rolled her eyes at the antics of the people around her, they were so stupid, but they were her chance of leaving her town, so she had to take it.
"Fine, what is your idea?" She relented to the idea of the only boy there, for he had been making obnoixous puppy dog whines the entire time since he'd last spoke.
"That every time you introduce yourself to a person you give them a different name." He exclaimed cheefully.
Everyone went silent for a second. Everyone was waiting for the youngest to give a reply, while her thoughts were plain obvious.
"You are the biggest moron I have ever met." She spat.
"Thanks for the complement."
By now the club was virtually deserted, the only other person Erina knew for certain was here was the woman that had previously been skating around the place cleaning. she was currently in a back room fixing up the place for tommorow.
"Yoshioka?" Erina's voice whispered just loud enough for him to hear.
They had been silent since she refused to give him a proper answer over what her name was. It had been a comfortable silence so no one cared to disrupt it, he was taken by surprise that it was Erina that did it after so long.
"Yeah?" He tilted his head to her.
"Why did you join ShinRa?"
He thought about it for awhile, he was more than aware of her negative views about them. He didn't want an answer that could upset her in anyway.
"I've had so many relatives that had been apart of it, I felt like if I didn't join I would be letting my family down otherwise. Seriously, my uncle did some pretty great stuff, sure he was apart of the science department but he wasn't a douchebag like the rest of them. His experiments didn't put others in harm, he was a good man. I only wished that I could have met him."
"Is he dead?" Erina tilted her face to him this time.
"Yeah, an experiment went wrong. It wasn't one of his, but a close colleages, I think they blamed themselves for it."
Erina shivered at how familiar this sounded to her, but she refused to let him become suspicious about her knowing a thing at all about it. for now.
"Do you have any other relatives that were a turk?"
"Hmm, yeah, one at least. He joined when he was eighteen because that was the legal age back then. The training for a turk is suposed to last three years on average, but he did it in two and was better than some ten years his senior. Hearing about that was what inspired me to become a turk, but I know I will never be as good as him."
Erina eyed him for a second, he had the ghost of a smile on his lips. It showed that he was not entirely happy over what he did happen to be talking about, meaning most likely he was keeping facts back.
"How old is he?" She sat up, but he stayed there.
"Old enough to be your dad." He laughed.
She felt another shiver jerk her as he said that.
"Please don't word it that way."
She turned her face away, hidden her expression from his confused one. She was keeping it a secret how much she had recognised the description.
A jolt of pain hit her head, ripping her away from her thoughts, she snapped her eyes closed as a scene moved from behind her eyes
It was dark, a man stood in a destroyed old apartment room. She couldn't see who he was, he hid his face behind stray locks of hair. The lights were off and cold wind blew in through open windows, purple curtains swaying with each new breath of air that slipped in. It made for a haunting scene, with the man's mood one of purer despair. Erina wanted to shut her eyes and ran away, something was not right with the scene openly playing out behind closed lids.
It was some time before she realised he was speaking, to himself of course in this perpetual loneliness.
"Why does he have her? I've always been there, for how long was she slipping from my grasp." He breathed deep and heavy, a chill past down her spine.
"Oh god I love her! Why isn't she mine! The only thing good in my life and now she's too far away to grasp anymore!" A sob racked his body, his breathing turned more erratic and he dug his head into his hands.
"Everything, everything...why does it leave me wanting more? wishing I had more? Why do I lose it when I need it most?..." His red eyes looked to the side, focussing on an object to his left.
"Is it my fault that my life is a mess? Is there something wrong with me?" His head raised slowly from his open a shaky hand he picked up the metal object, too obscurried in shadow to make out what it was.
"Don't blame yourself...Regardless if we had met I would have done this anyway. I have nothing and it's all my fault. I didn't mean it when I said if you would be mine I'd keep living, because I knew you already belonged to another, and you loved them too much to leave him."
A cry ripped itself from his lungs and he almost dropped what he was holding, sobs racked his body hard and he barely let out a breath inbetween each. After an eternity of tears later, he regained his composer, and looked straight foward, eyes red with tears falling down still, but he was a statue of confidence.
"Goodbye Princess."
BANG
Erina jumped at the sound, even when knowing she never really heard it. It wasn't a memory, it wasn't her mind playing games with her, it was something that really happened or maybe but far more unlikely something that was yet to be.
"Ara?" Yoshioka's voice broke through her thoughts. She was unused to the name he had addressed her by, so it took the second time he said it before she turned back.
"Wha..." She had barely moved her head to the side when the man jumped, but she quickly realised why from his comment,
"Shit! your eyes they're...they're"
"Green." She finished for him. "It's not the first time."
He eyed her uncomfortably for a moment, before reaching into his pocket and digging out a pair of sunglasses.
"here, sure it's a normal colour but those eyes aren't normal."
She took them from him and placed them on her head, they hung loosely but stayed on fine.
"Well aware, it earned me the name snakey by old friends of mine."
"I can see why.." He looked down and bit his lip, she knew what he was thinking so made it quick to correct him.
"Don't worry about it's been happening since I was a baby."
"But..It's still their fault isn't it?"
"Yeah." She sighed, ShinRa had already ruined her life before she'd even had one.
"I hate ShinRa..."
Futher conversation was cut short by the waitress returning to the main room, she gave them a smile and asked,
"Hey Yoshi, meaning to ask, but whose the kid?" She inquired curiously.
Yoshioka opened his mouth to speak but Erina beat him to it,
"Evangelynn Yue."
The boy next to her looked plain dumbfounded and the woman in front was repeating her apparent last name.
"Yue..Yue..Yue...You Wutanese or somethin'?"
Erina watched her for one second before deciding to play along with it,
"Yeah my dad is, mum's Midgar born and raised."
"hmm, cool. Bye then." She waved still looking half confused.
Yoshioka waited until she was out of earshot before he made his complaint.
"Great, you just tricked my sister into believing you're Wutanese and gave her a fake name. What the hell?" He raised his arms into the air.
"I gave you a fake name, so?" She stood up to leave.
He rolled his eyes at her smug grin, the atmosphere around them had lifted fast. It was nice this way.
"Do you have a single point in doing this?"
She shrugged, "Just giving people a different name each time I introduce myself."
"And the Wutanese part?"
"Well it's a quater true, on my dad's side to be exact."
He gave her a stupid look, "Retard." He ruffled her hair ruffly.
She gave him a glare.
And done, this is my easter present to you all since it's not possible to me to give you a chocolate through a computer. This is the first time I've posted an update on a holiday, fanfiction made me forget what day it was all day. fun.
I was right that no one would give me a review, despite me making it clear it might help me keep sane. I'm not all desperate and all that shit, I have paranoia and it's getting worse. I'm pretty self-negative so to me getting a review is a stranger telling me I'm actually good at something, I can't take complements well because Arianna tells me that the people that do are lying their head off but it's still nice to get one.
I don't care if it is concrit, it's more than welcome it will make Ari-chan happy and she will shut up for awhile, just
If you care enough drop by and give me a review, it will always be much appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
