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The Year of the Raven
Chapter 2
Raven rocked in the gentle tidal sensation she felt deep in her meditation. She always associated it with the 'pulse' of the universe. It was a soothing, serene feeling, which aided reflection, and in this case, problem solving.
Step 1: Analyze my feelings toward Robin.
This wasn't too difficult in and of itself; Lust had told her most of what she needed to know already. The problem was being as thorough as possible. She didn't just desire him, did she? They were friends after all. She liked him, and admired and respected him. Occasionally he irked or even infuriated her, but those times were few and far between. Did she... could she even... love... him? She was too pragmatic, to disciplined to say no outright. She also had enough experience to know that denying emotions was always trouble.
Step 2: Why?
Why did she harbor such feelings? Time and proximity were the main culprits, Raven supposed. She had little enough experience with relationships, not to mention people; of courseshe was going to crush on the leader of their little cadre. That was not to say that he wasn't deserving of her respect and affection. He was handsome, strong, a good and kind person, and a caring leader, even, dare she say, noble. He was easy to like, and very easy to crush on, if the mass of fan girls were any indication. They didn't even know his personality, only the way he looked. Getting to know him only made things better. Also, there was an intensity to him which hinted at some hidden depth that Raven wished he would share.
Step 3: Identify flaws.
Most girlish crushes tended to include blinders. If she could identify flaws in Robin, perhaps she could break some of the attraction. Did Robin have flaws? Oh, he certainly did. He could be beyond stubborn, to the point of ridiculousness. Despite his confidence in battle, he could be peculiarly unsure about his leadership ability at times, as evidenced by his defensiveness during the last encounter. He also could be frighteningly single minded, chasing some idea or problem to the exclusion of all else. Sometimes he could even be disgusting, when he let himself be coerced by Beast Boy and Cyborg. He had that 'boy' aspect about himself that occasionally didn't mind not bathing for a week, and wallowing in his own filth, not to mention belching, or farting, or Stankball...
Revulsion at the thought almost broke through even her well practiced meditation.
That was good; it prepared her for the next step.
Step 4: Find a more deserving, or superior object for her affections.
This should be easy. She knew Robin so well, his flaws were evident to her. With an unknown person, she could fantasize and fill them with whatever ridiculous notions she wanted. There was Speedy, with whom comparisons to Robin were inevitable. He was as handsome, and strong, Robin's equal in almost every way. He had an annoying bit of arrogance, though, which could show itself at the most irritating moments. It was almost like he expected every available, and most unavailable, girl to fawn over him, as though he deserved it. It was so infuriating...
OK, that wasn't working.
How about Aqualad? He was certainly handsome too. He was tall, well built, and had a confident air about him. He stayed in the ocean for the most part, which made things more difficult, but hey, this was a fantasy. It wasn't like she was going to marry him. He was royalty, which was romantic, even if it did carry a hint of arrogance to it. And he always carried the aura of the ocean where ever he was. The romantic smell of the ocean... and dead fish.
Raven's nose wrinkled. That would be a problem.
Who else could she think of? Màs y Minos? They did everything together, but did they do everythingtogether? Raven didn't think she was quite up for that. Besides, they were a little... short.
This was getting frustrating. She didn't want to stray too close to home, Cyborg and Beast Boy were like brothers to her.
She shuddered as she considered Beast Boy for a moment. His hygiene, or lack thereof, put him so far out of the running, he couldn't even see the finish line.
Perhaps celebrity; an actor or musician? Musicians didn't appeal to her, they usually were all tattoos and attitude, but actors... there was that actor from action movie she saw recently...
A sudden pulse of emotion washed over Raven, threatening to rip her from her meditation. This time, however, she wasn't going to be led by the nose. Deep in meditation, she was in the perfect position to exert her control.
First she made sure she was grounded. It did not good to let the magic pull her where it would. Second, she reached out with her senses, drawing on her increasingly powerful empathic senses. She followed the waves of emotion to their epicenter.
Robin. Why did it have to be Robin again?
Raven probed with her senses, trying to see if she could tell anything before she went physically. Robin was definitely awake this time, so there was no concern about catching him in bed. He was at a private communication terminal, and negative emotions were rolling off of him. Confusion, anguish, hurt, desperation, all these things and more were swirling around him like a hurricane, as he sat in the eye.
Raven could wait no longer. The raw emotional energy called to her, drawing the demon heritage in her blood out, and waking a feral hunger.
Raven exerted all the control her lifetime of practice and iron will could manage. The dark emotions sang to her, calling her to feed, but it was enough. The call was there, but Raven was centered. She could reject it, at least for now.
With all her control being used to reign in her darker, more primal urges, Raven didn't dare call up her magic. It seemed she was going to have to do this the slow way. She had to walk.
"Bruce, please!" Raven heard as she approached her destination. "I... you're right. I've let things get out of control a bit. Maybe I haven't been as careful as I should have been, but please... I... I'll train more. I'll study more. I'll be more careful, I swear, just... please!"
Raven couldn't understand the response, she could only hear a low, gravelly, rumbling voice which gave a clear indication of finality. There was no arguing with this voice. She paused outside the door, not wanting to interrupt the conversation.
"J-just... give me a few days... or something."
More rumbling.
"Because I have friends here, not that you'd know what that means," Robin shot back, some of his familiar fire returning.
Louder, sterner rumbling.
"No. You don't control me, old man, you only control the money. If that's how you're going to be, maybe I don't wantto be Robin anymore."
Silence.
The silence grew. It drew out until it was oppressive and maddening. As the silence grew, so did the intensity of emotion, until Raven's skin was crawling with the feel of it.
Finally the rumbling voice broke the tension. After the voice had finished speaking, there was a sensation of energy dissipating. That was new. She'd just felt the communication center powering down. She'd never felt anything like thatbefore. She was sensing new things. This could be useful... or complicated. Either way, it was for another time.
She sensed Robin's presence nearing the door, and she stepped back to give him room.
The door opened.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Robin visibly jumped.
"How much did you hear?" he demanded.
"I heard very little. It wasn't words that drew me here"
"Ah yes," he gave a bitter, unpleasant laugh, "your increasing empathic ability."
"I didn't ask for these powers, Robin, and you know I'd give them up in a moment for the chance to live a normal life. I'm just trying to figure out how to use them the right way."
She folded her arms.
"I'll ask again: 'Do you want to talk about it?'"
"Why, so you can question my judgement again too?" he asked.
Raven sighed internally. So it was going to be like that, then. There was no point in pressing him, he'd just sink deeper into his funk, and get more obstinate. He was stubborn that way. She couldn't batter through a wall, but maybe she could convince him to unlock a door. If she tried this more like a seduction...
She stamped on the thought. The last thing she needed was to be thinking along those lines.
She softened her voice as much as she was able, and looked him right in the eye.
"Robin, I am your friend. I care about you. We fight occasionally, and we both know I have issues, but when it's all said and done, I count of the fact that we're friends, and I can trust you with anything. Now please, if something's wrong, talk to me." That was borderline emotional blackmail, but she needed to subdue those emotions before her control broke.
It seemed to have the desired effect. He paused, looking thoughtful
"OK, but not here. Somewhere else where we won't be bothered."
"We can always use my favorite spot," Raven offered with a smile.
Robin actually smiled back.
"Very well. To the roof!"
On the roof Raven sat in an approximation of her usual lotus position. She tried to look at ease, peaceful, while simultaneously looking focused on Robin. It was harder than she'd given it credit for.
Robin sat facing her, cross-legged.
"Sooo..." he started, unsure of himself.
"So?" she prompted.
"So... how should I..."
He was so cute when he got all timid.
Raven quashed the thought.
"This is your story, Robin. Tell it your way."
"I, uh... um." Robin looked disconcerted. After a moment, he appeared to come to a decision.
"Raven, how much do you really know about me?"
Raven cocked her head in contemplation.
"After all this time you think I don't know you?" She saw his mouth open, and cut off his protest. "Joking. I get what you mean. I know you, but I don't know what your real name is. I know you work with Batman, but I don't know if you come from Gotham. I don't know who your parents are, or how you were when you were younger."
Robin looked satisfied at the answer.
"I do know that you're a fairly typical teen, or I assume so with my limited experience. You like having fun, and being with your friends. I also know there's a darkness to you that you hide from us. I know something bad happened to you, and you cover the hurt with 'sound and fury'. And no, I didn't need empathy to tell me that," she said in response to his look. "I have eyes, Robin. I'm not the only one who knows, either. When you were exposed to that drug, and you opened yourself to me, I stayed out of your memories, and tried to stay in the moment. Still, I saw enough to confirm my suspicions, but I didn't see details."
Robin sighed.
"It's true enough. My parents died when I was younger. Murdered, actually." Robin's voice shook somewhat, but his face remained resolute.
"Batman took me in after it'd happened. I didn't know he was Batman at the time, of course. That came later. First is was just this weird guy who took me in and told me he knew how I felt. His parents had been murdered too."
Robin's eyes looked far away.
"That changes you, especially when it happens right before your eyes. With Batman... I dunno. It happened when he was really young. I think he worries about everything now. He wants to control everything. He's scary at times, how hard he is. I mean, he's not mean, he's not cruel. He does care. You wouldn't believe the things he's done, and I don't even mean the crime fighting. One moment he can be the most cold hearted, driven, implacable bastard, and the next, he can surprise you and show kindness to his enemies. He has contingencies on contingencies. It's all tied up in control."
Robin stopped, taking a couple breaths.
"I guess that doesn't really tell you anything, does it?"
Raven simply looked at him.
"You needed to say it, and that makes it important," she replied.
Robin smiled and shook his head.
"Lately it seems like nothing I've said is important. Not with you, and not with him."
Raven smiled back sadly.
"I'm sorry if I've been hard on you, Robin. I shouldn't take my own issues out on you."
"There's been a lot of that going around," he replied. Batman has been... I don't know what's going on with him. He's been on a rampage lately. You know he doesn't approve of me being here? It's true. I think it's because I'm so far away he can't manage me."
"So that call was..." Raven began.
"Him telling me he wants me back in Gotham. He wants me to stop being a Titan. I think he might want me to stop being Robin."
"You really think so?"
"I'm not sure. He's on this thing where I need to follow his rules without question. That might have worked when I was ten or twelve, but I have a lot more experience now. I've led my own team."
"So..."
"So. I don't know. I... I don't know."
Raven sat for a moment, looking at the internal turmoil reflected on Robin's face. She could feel his confusion, and conflict between his affection for Batman, and his feeling of betrayal. It was tantalizingly sweet. It made Raven want to lash out at him verbally, tearing him down and rending his very soul before beginning to eat him alive, still screaming. The very thought made her mouth water.
Instead, Raven sat and centered herself as she did when she meditated.
Breath in.
She disgusted herself sometimes, with how powerful those feelings were, at how tempted she was.
Breath out.
She wondered if they'd ever trust her if they knew how powerful the demon in her was, or how her willpower was the only thing preventing their torture and death.
Breath in.
Breath out.
"I'm not going to give you advice, Robin. You wouldn't take it, and you don't really need it anyway. I think you already know what to do, you just need to realize it, and find the strength to do it."
Robin grimaced.
"That's not very helpful."
"I didn't promise to help," she replied, "I promised to listen. If you want my advice, though, go do something that you enjoy or relaxes you, preferably something physical, that you don't have to think about. You'd be surprised how many answers you find in those moments. If you need someone to listen, I'll always be here."
Raven watched as Robin stood and walked to the door and off the roof. She'd felt bad not giving him answers, but honestly she'd none to give him. Besides, he had to find his own solutions, or he wouldn't have the courage to see them through. He had to own them.
She waited until she was sure he'd gone, summoned her magic, and sent out her 'soul self' to follow him.
Yes, this was technically spying, but Raven wanted to see if he followed her advice. As she followed his aura, she wondered a little jealously if he was going to find Starfire with the intent of 'doing something physical'.
Robin's presence led her to a practice area that Raven wasn't familiar with. The team never trained in this room.
Raven pushed out with her senses to focus on Robin. There he was, not kicking, swinging punches, or any of the other things Raven might have suspected. Instead, he was swinging in the air on what looked like a trapeze. His emotions were rapidly evening out, and despite how high he was, he did seem to be at peace.
Raven left him to his strange exercise, curious, but content that he was taking her advice.
Raven stood in her room, staring into her mirror. She had no intention of entering today, she was merely thinking, and needed something to stare at.
She kept turning the things Robin told her over in her mind. Between his talk about Batman, his admission of his parents being murdered, and his working on a trapeze, Raven's curiosity was piqued.
The question was: should she indulge herself?
If she restricted herself to searching public information, the it wasn't exactly prying, was it? But then again, by going around Robin, instead of asking him directly, she was implicitly admitting that she knew he didn't want her to know, and came perilously close to a breach of trust.
Then, too, were her feelings toward the Boy Wonder. Lust had been conspicuously quiet as of late. She still had feelings for her friend and leader, but they lacked the red hot, gripping nature she associated with Lust. They were more tumultuous, and less defined.
She rolled her eyes at herself. Between her naivety and her 'handicaps', she doubted she'd ever have a serious relationship, but it was nice to fantasize a little. She hadn't counted on the fantasy being this complicated, though. She hadn't even told Robin how she felt, and already things were confusing.
"How do normal people do this stuff?" she muttered to herself. By 'normal people', of course, she meant 'people who aren't half demon and raised by monks on an alien planet in the hopes of preventing them from being the portal for a universe destroying demon.' Not that she knew anyone who fit that criteria.
A knock at her door derailed any further musing on the matter.
"Yes?"
"It's Beast Boy," the reply came.
That was strange. He rarely, if ever, came to her room, and usually it involved sneaking, not knocking.
She walked to the door, and opened it.
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to see how you were, and to make sure you weren't going all Über-goth," Beast Boy said.
"Über-goth?" Raven repeated with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, you know," Beast Boy explained, "when you get all... well... you get all mopey, and you shut yourself up in your room and stop hanging out with your friends."
Raven gave him a look. His face had reddened, and he was fidgeting from the admission.
"I suppose I have been, haven't I?" she admitted.
Beast Boy visibly relaxed.
"Yeah. A little."
"I've just been... thinking. About... stuff," Raven said hesitantly.
"Ah, boy trouble?" Beast Boy ventured.
Raven shot him a hard, hard glare.
"What do you know?" she demanded.
Beast Boy jumped back, shaking his head and holding his arms out defensively.
"Nothing! Nothing! I just... uh... know the signs, ya know? 'Sides, I've been there a time or two myself."
"Boy trouble? You?" Raven asked.
Beast Boy's face went scarlet.
"You know what I mean," he muttered. "So... wanna talk about it?"
Something about this situation struck Raven as uncomfortably familiar. She shook off the eerie feeling.
"There's not much to tell. Besides, I don't really know how to put it in words yet."
"Well, if you wanna talk, I promise I'll give you one of my rare serious moments," he promised.
I'll keep that in mind." Raven hesitated before adding, "You ever want something you know you can't have?"
"Something, or someone?" Beast Boy prodded.
"Same difference," Raven replied.
She shrugged her shoulders, and her face went blank as she reigned in her feelings under her ironclad control.
"You know I have 'issues', right?" she asked rhetorically. "Well, I don't think I'll ever be able have that kind of relationship. I'd never be able to free my emotions enough to maintain it."
"I think you need to give yourself more credit, Raven," Beast Boy replied. "Sure, you had a few problems early on, but your control has gotten a lot better, and you know how to let your emotions out safely instead of bottling them up all the time."
"Less often than you think, but yeah, sometimes it's better to let them out than clamp down on them," she interrupted.
"Exactly," Beast Boy agreed. "Raven, I think you need to give this a shot. I know it's hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to trust that you know what you can handle, and how far you can let yourself go."
"Besides," he added, "if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. At least you've had the experience. I mean, look at Robin and Starfire."
"What about Robin and Starfire?" Raven asked sharply. A little too sharply, she cursed herself.
"You didn't notice they haven't been hanging out lately?" he asked. "You need to get out of your room a bit more, Raven."
Beast Boy turned to leave.
"Beast Boy," Raven called.
He turned and looked back.
"Thanks. You're a good friend."
He flashed a toothy grin.
"Hey, I'm here for ya."
So, Robin and Starfire haven't been hanging out, eh? This required further investigation, preferably right from the source... but not from Robin. It was time for some Girl Talk.
She found Starfire in the kitchen, rummaging through the refrigerator. There was a bowl on the counter containing a very suspicious substance, and next to it, a gallon jar of mustard.
Starfire was having lunch.
Raven almost turned tail and ran. This was the most dangerous time to be around her. You never knew what kind of nefarious monstrosity might be offered up as 'food'.
"Glorious day, Raven!" Starfire called, "You have been quite reclusive lately. I have missed your company. Would you like to share my meal?"
Rats. She was caught.
"No thanks, Star. It looks... tasty..." Raven almost choked on the lie, "but I've already eaten. I actually wanted to talk with you."
"Oh? About what?"
"Nothing in particular," Raven evaded, "like you said, we haven't hung out in a while."
Starfire squealed.
"May we engage in the 'talk of girls'?" she cried.
"Gladly," Raven assured her.
Starfire let out another ear-piercing squeal of delight, and sat down to enjoy her meal of 'mystery food'.
"So, how're you and Robin doing?" Raven asked after quite a bit of mindless chit-chat. She could feel her pulse pounding in her veins.
"We are... 'taking a break'." she said hesitantly.
Raven immediately felt guilty for prying.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad feelings."
"It is fine," Starfire reassured. "We are friends, and we are still close. The term 'take a break' is funny. When you break something it is damaged, but I understand from Robin that this is not the meaning here."
"'Take a break' usually means to have a short rest," Raven said.
"That is what Robin said, however, I don't think this rest will be very short. I don't foresee us resuming our relationship as it was," Starfire said sadly.
"Oh, Starfire. I'm sorry." Guilt surged through Raven before she managed to clamp down on it. She'd been intrigued by the thought of Robin being available, but she'd failed to consider Starfire's feelings. Or Robin's for that matter.
"What happened, if you don't mind my asking," Raven prompted.
"Nothing specifically happened to bring this about. I believe we've been approaching this decision for a while. There are simply too many things outside our control that make our relationship difficult. I am technically a princess, and there is always the possibility I could be called to return to my home planet. He has his friends, his mentor, and his work here, which he takes very seriously. There were also some compatibility issues."
"Uh..." Raven stammered, "you don't have to share anything too personal."
"Huh?" Starfire looked confused. Realization flashed across her face, and she darkened considerably. "That is not what I meant, only that we had some difficulties during more intimate moments."
Raven felt her how face heat up.
"That sounds exactly what I meant," Raven muttered.
Starfire's face reddened even further.
"I... uh... oh. We haven't... I mean..." she stumbled. "You know my strength goes up with my emotions. I had difficulty preventing myself from hurting him as we showed our affection. More than once he came away with bruising."
"Yikes," Raven said in awe. "I hope he likes it rough."
Starfire shook her head sadly.
"Bones are not supposed to creak."
"Ow," Raven whispered.
Starfire could only nod.
"What about you?" Starfire asked. "Have you had any new friends who are boys?"
"M-me?" Raven sputtered, "I have the same problem you do, Star. I'm afraid of hurting someone."
"Perhaps it is yourself you truly fear hurting," Starfire opined.
"Come on, Star. My powers are based on emotion just as much as yours are. If I can't keep control of my emotions, I can hurt people too."
"You do yourself too little credit, friend Raven. Perhaps you simply need the right person to help you see yourself as we do." Starfire's eyes narrowed in speculation. "You need someone patient, and who can intrigue you intellectually."
"Seriously, Star. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm still not convinced I can have one without accidentally killing someone. You're wasting your time."
"Very well, I will desist for now," Starfire moped. "I still think you have a lot to offer someone, friend Raven, and you deserve happiness."
"I am happy, Star," Raven hedged. "I have good friends like you, and I help people in need."
"You deserve to have love as well."
"Sometime I'll have to tell you the parable of the dog and his bone. It breaks down to 'if you try to have everything, you end up with nothing.'" Raven answered.
"'Ask, and you shall receive; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.'" Starfire stated.
Raven's jaw hit the ground.
"A Bible quote? You, Starfire?"
"Wisdom is everywhere if you care to look. Besides, I like that line. If you don't seek something, you are unlikely to find it."
"Next I'll be explaining 'sour grapes'. Can we change the subject?" Raven asked.
"Certainly," Starfire said benignly. "You certainly gave Robin a hard time the other day."
"You mean the warehouse?" Raven asked ruefully. This was not far enough off the previous topic for her liking.
Starfire nodded.
"Yeah, well..." Raven dipped her head guiltily. "Robin's a good leader, but even he has to admit that was a dumb plan."
"You certainly made that clear," Starfire said.
"I though I did a good job, and I was proud of how I handled the crook, and I was embarrassed that I got reprimanded. I gave back as good as I felt I got. I'm not proud of myself, but he needed to give me a break." Raven's face was ablaze with warring guilt and shame.
Starfire appeared not to notice; her eyes far away, her face thoughtful.
"Robin's been dealing with his own troubles. Perhaps you should make things better between you before it affects the team. I know! You should go enjoy a meal together! There's a place which Robin enjoys, but I do not, called a 'bar of sushi'. Why don't you both go and eat uncooked fish and reconcile with each other?"
"So Robin's a sushi person, huh?" Raven murmured. "That's not a bad idea, actually. We should really clear the... air... and..."
Raven gaped at Starfire, completely lost for words.
"Starfire! You... But... How... You..."
Starfire only looked at her sweetly.
"You are trying to set me up with Robin!" Raven finally gasped.
"Well, I know you've always had the 'thing' for him, and..." Starfire admitted.
"Wait. I've always had a thing for him? Since when? Who else thinks this?"
"Yes. It's been obvious for quite a while. I thought everyone knew."
"How could everyone know?" Raven demanded. "I didn't even know! And why are you trying to set me up with your boyfriend?"
"I told you," Starfire said patiently, "we are 'taking a break'. This is the perfect chance."
"But... I... but... Starfire, this is weird." Raven stated.
"Raven, you and Robin are well suited to each other. You share several traits, which caused conflict between Robin and I since we did not. Go. Take this chance, Raven. You deserve happiness."
This was her chance. That's why she'd come down to talk with Star in the first place, wasn't it? Now she had a chance. Robin was single, and Starfire was giving her explicit approval. She could pursue this without guilt, without hesitation. Isn't this what she'd always wanted? It was perfect. She could do this. She was going to do this. She...
"No."
Starfire's face fell.
"But..."
"I'm sorry, Star, but I can't. I'm still too dangerous when my emotions aren't controlled. Besides, I think Robin needs friends right now, not more complications."
"Raven," Starfire shook her head, "please reconsider. I think you would both benefit..."
"No, Star. I... I need to go."
Emotion was welling up within her. Raven could almost imagine them pouring forth from her, and swirling around, threatening to drown her.
As her emotions swelled, so too did her magic. Energy crackled around her, jumping to walls or objects as she stalked by. In the midst of her frustration, somewhere in the back of her mind came the feeling she needed to strangle Beast Boy. 'Boy troubles', eh? 'Look at Robin and Starfire', eh? She'd been set up. She was going to kill him. She needed to smack that smug expression off his face. She needed to...
A light bulb exploded in a lamp next to her as she walked into the living area.
She needed to calm the hell down.
She needed to meditate.
She also needed water.
But Starfire was in the kitchen. She didn't want to go try to meditate when she was thirsty like this, but she also didn't want to go back in there with Starfire. She stood in the middle of the room, caught in indecision. Frustration grew, and the air around her crackled with energy. The smell of ozone surrounded her.
She was being silly. She should go to her room, and get some water from her bathroom sink.
Decision made, she moved toward the hallway...
…right into Cyborg.
"Hey there, Rae-Rae! How's my favorite magic girl?" he boomed at her.
"Having a bad day," she growled through clenched teeth. "Going to go meditate."
"What happened?" he asked.
"Starfire and Beast Boy tried to set me up with Robin," she said despite herself. "Now, out of my way. I need to meditate."
"You didn't go for it, huh?" Cyborg grunted in frustration.
His demeanor caused a minor epiphany.
"You were in on it?" she cried. "You, Cyborg? How could you?"
"Well..." he said hesitantly, "I mean, you do have a thing for him..."
"It's a conspiracy!" she screamed.
Enough was enough. She had to meditate before something happened. She didn't dare use her magic. She pushed passed Cyborg and sprinted to her room, locking the door behind her.
Breath in.
She sat, and tried to get into her lotus position. Tense muscles screamed; she was simply too upset.
Breath out.
Her skin felt like ants were crawling all over her. Her heart was pounding in her ears.
Breath in.
Control. She needed control. She tried to find her center; that place in herself where everything was calm, the eye of the storm where she was safe from the turbulence of the world.
Breath out.
Breath in.
Breath out.
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she calmed. The world started to fade away as she found her center. Unlike normally, when once she found it and snapped into place like a carabiner on a ring, this time it was a frustratingly gradual process. She found her center, but her focus was nonexistent, so it was more like swimming upstream.
Now the current was finally slowing. She was finally able to reach out and ground herself, drifting peacefully in her center.
It was at that moment the alarm went off.
-To Be Continued-
