Thanks for all the reviews! This chapter is a flashback one, It's a year before, which you'll soon find out. Most of it will be in Jude's narriation. I liked it better when it was mostly Jude telling her viewpoint of what happened. The next chapter I think will be in Tommy's, but I'll think about it first. Hope you enjoy!
p.s. The lady who does my hair reminds me a lot of Jude's character, her daughter has an odd name, one I've never heard before, but for some reason I find it to be really cute. So here I am using it for Jude and Tommy's daughter. It fits I think.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Two
One year earlier…
"Mommy!" Two year old Farley Quincy called out from her spot on the front lawn, "Look at me."
Jude smiled at her daughter. The weather had been perfect, just right for Jude to take her angel out and play for a few hours. Blue skies, bright in color danced with white fluffy clouds, shading the rays from the sun from being too hot. Summer was in full swing, June was slowly changing into July.
Farley clothed in her favorite swimsuit, hot pink with white polka dots, dipped her small hands into the kiddie pool. Aunt Sadie sure had her influence on the young beauty. Jude had dreaded the hot pink suit. Sadie had been shopping with the two Quincy women the week before, and well two against one always won. Farley and Sadie fell in love with the bright pink number…a suit Jude herself fell in love with once Farley tried it on and broke into a beautiful smile.
Child's laughter filled Jude's ear, Farley loved being outside, her pool was fast becoming her favorite past time activity. Her daughter could sit for hours on end playing in the pool if Jude allowed it. Smiling again at Farley Jude pushed herself out of her lawn chair and made her way towards her daughter.
"Promise not to splash Mommy this time?" Jude grinned down at Farley as she neared the pool.
"Yes," Farley's baby voice broke into the air, "I pwomise."
"Good, because last time I got all wet!"
Two weeks in a row I took Far out to play in her pool. Her small blue pool, the one she loved so much. After Tommy would leave for work, she would always bound over to me begging to go outside. Her blonde curls, which I still cannot believe she came out with my blonde hair. Everyone had predicted she would have Tommy's dark hair. Even though Farley has Tommy's eyes. She would have been a knockout. Blonde hair, blue eyes. A true beauty.
Her baby doll, which she named, "Baby Doll," had to be dressed in a swimsuit just like hers. Pretend, I searched every where for a hot pink bathing suit for a doll, came up empty handed each time. Far settled for a light pink one. Baby Doll went swimming with her everyday, she would always call out, "Mommy, look! Baby swim too." The cutest thing I have ever seen. I wore a smile bigger than ever whenever I watched her play.
That day was no different from the others, after getting Farley dressed in her beloved suit we headed out side for the pool. Her small giggles still ring in my ears… she helped me gather the hose, after filling her little pool with water I sprayed her. She broke out in laughter before running over to me and wrapping her soaking body against my leg.
"Hey!" I called out to her in mock horror, "You booger, you're getting Mommy all wet!"
Her bright blue eyes had looked up at me and I swear my heart almost melted at the sight. Every day I loved her a little more. Every one of her sweet looks made me fall harder for her. She smiled at me with a mischievous grin, causing me to laugh with her. I loved that little girl with everything I had…I still do.
"Mama wet," Grinning Farley dipped her hand back into the pool before pulling out cupping a small hand full of water, "Mama wet," She repeated before slapping her hand against Jude's bare leg.
"Hey!" Jumping from the coolness Jude squealed in laughter, "You lied to me!"
"Sowwie."
Jude bent down and picked her up. Farley squealed in delight as Jude's mouth blew raspberries against her small soft neck.
"You promised and then you turned your back on me," Smiling Farley wrapped her chubby arms around Jude's neck before planting a wet kiss against Jude's cheek.
"Daddy told me," Her blonde curls glimmered underneath the sunlight, half wet from the water, the other half dropped down to her shoulders, sticking out in places from the air dry.
"Oh did he?"
"Yes," Nodding her head Farley looked into Jude's eyes before continuing, "Get Mama wet, for Daddy, he told me."
"I think we need to get Daddy back, what do you say?"
"How?" Farley questioned.
A slow smile lifted Jude's lips as she thought over a plan, "Hmm, he gets off early today, how about we think about it first?"
"Otay, me play now."
A plan we never got around too. Tommy often used our daughter to get me. Somehow with the influence of Spiederman and the band we got into practical jokes. The first year we dated we always had fun setting little scenarios up for one another. They did lessen after we married, and for sure dropped after Farley was born. Tommy always got Far to do things for him. Who could get mad at a sweet little baby? Him telling her to get me wet that day was normal, countless times I was the canvas for finger paint, or the target for nerf balls. I got my husband back, on my own, but Far was perfect, and she enjoyed it.
One time when Tommy was sleeping I took the baby and we put on makeup to look like war paint…after collecting all the rubber and nerf balls we could find we made our way towards my bedroom. Tommy's snores drowned out our hushed giggles… Farley had looked so damn cute with her face painted. Sitting in the bathroom doorway we one by one launched the balls across the room, aimed right for my sleeping husband.
He groaned minutes on end before finally sitting up in bed. More like jumping up, it took everything in me to keep from breaking out in hysterics. His hair jutted out in all directions, Far did break out in giggles. I tried to hush her, but it was too late, we were caught. Tommy had grinned sleepily before climbing out of bed, headed right towards us. Farley broke out in laughing screams before running out of the room, leaving me to face the consequences. Like mother like daughter, I too ran out of the room screaming.
Memories like that always run through my mind, like a slide show of everything good about my life. I only wish that day never happened, I wish I could go back and make everything better… I wish I could get my little girl back.
Forty five minutes Jude sat in the grass next to the small pool, taking hits from the water. Farley kept cupping handful's before splashing Jude. The cool moisture was welcome, cooling off her bare legs and arms, Jude made faces at her daughter, causing them both to smile.
Jude brought her camera out, after snapping the twentieth picture of Farley she finally stopped. Tommy always complained Jude took too many pictures. A mother could never have too many pictures, always her argument…she could not help it, their daughter was too precious not to fill up roll after roll of sweet film.
"Hey you guys!" Jude glanced up to see Kat stepping out of her car.
"Hey stranger, what brings you here?" Jude jumped up and ran over to her best friend, "I've missed you!"
"Missed you too," Pulling Jude into a big hug Kat continued, "I caught an earlier flight, so surprise!"
Smiling brightly Jude hugged Kat again before pulling away and staring in awe at her, "Kat you look gorgeous!"
"So do you Mama."
"I wish I would have known I would have cleaned the house."
Kat laughed before dragging Jude towards Farley. Living in New York pursuing her fashion dreams had meant she had to leave behind her family and friends. Three years she had been gone, she made her way back for holidays and occasional one day trips.
"Is that my Farley Bear I spy?" Kat cooed as she approached the pool.
"Kat!" Squealing Farley climbed out of the pool before waddling over to her mom and Kat.
"Hey baby cakes," Grinning Kat reached down to lift Farley up, "Wow, look how big you've gotten."
"She eats like a horse," Jude commented, "You should see how many cookies she sneaks behind my back."
"No!" Spreading kisses across Farley's cheeks Kat spoke to the smiling girl, "You don't do that do you?"
"Yes!" Farley chuckled.
"Now she tells the truth!" Jude bit out sarcastically before leaning over to kiss her daughters cheek.
Kat showing up was such a surprise, I knew she was planning on flying out to Toronto for a small vacation, but to have her show up unexpectedly was so great. Farley loved her Godmother almost as much as Kat loved her. I wonder often how things would have been if Kat never came that day, would I have had my full attention on my daughter? Was it fate? Would she still have died? Those questions never leave me, I always, always play "what if?"
I let Far play for another hour in her pool before I dragged her out kicking and screaming. Terrible two's was an understatement where that girl was concerned, especially when it came to her pool. She ran back three times after I pulled her out, finally I had Kat take her in the house so I could drain the pool and put it up.
Kat always thinking about clothes helped Far change into one of her pairs of denim shorts, a green tank top with a pink and yellow flower in the center and her white sandals. Farley waddled out of the house with her hair pulled back in a short pony tail held by a pink clip, she looked adorable. Her sun kissed cheeks her bright blue eyes shining, I smile this day thinking upon those images. Some of the last of her still alive.
"Want to play with your ball munchkin?" Jude asked Farley, soon after coming out of the house with Kat.
"Yeah," Farley's hand still rest inside of Kat's, "Where pool?"
"I put it away, we'll get it out tomorrow, okay sweets?"
Sighing Farley looked down at her toes, "Otay," Her soft child like voice whispered.
"Don't be sad, Mommy will bring it out tomorrow, how about we all play ball for a while?" Kat asked in hopes of raising the little girls spirits.
Jude, Farley and Kat all sat down in a circle on the grass, as the sun began to set. Still bright enough to stay out, yet dark enough to prove the day was turning into evening, a game of pass the ball started. Blue from Blue's Clues rolled back and forth over the green grass. Farley loved the blue dog, almost as much as she loved "Baby Doll" her favorite show to watch on Nickelodeon was Blue's Clues having the dish set and toys were her favorite treasures. Jude and Tommy had to replace Farley's blue ball every other week, depending on how often she would pop them. Tommy had purchased the newest ball just days ago, Farley had rolled it over a sharp rock, the air took no longer than five minutes to seep from the ball, leaving a deflated Blue, and a broken hearted Farley. Big alligator like tears had slipped from her eyes, Tommy had been watching her at the time, he jumped up kissed his daughters cheek before rushing off to buy her a new ball. Never one to stand the sight of his daughters crying eyes.
Thinking back, I hate that ball, I wish Tommy never would have gotten Farley a new one. Wouldn't life be better, wouldn't my life still be whole? Only if that ball would never have been purchased. The same blue ball that made my daughter smile, was the same ball that made my daughter die…
"How's New York this time of the year?" Jude asked Kat as she pushed the ball towards her.
"Oh you know, beautiful."
"I'm so jealous, I never made it down there after I got married."
"You guys should plan a trip, I'd love to have Farley sleep over," Catching the ball Kat smiled over at Farley before softly pushing the ball towards her, "Wouldn't you like that sweet cheeks?"
Nodding her small blonde head Farley stopped the ball before lifting it up to her mouth.
"No Far, yucky," Reaching over Jude paused the ball before Farley could suck on it, "Play with it, don't eat it! Silly girl."
"Eat it? Mama funny," Lifting her arms Farley chucked the ball at Jude's head. Laughing when Jude yelped, "Mama owie?"
Kat chuckled, causing Jude to glare over at her, "Did Daddy tell you to do that as well?"
"No."
"Figures, you probably learned that from him!"
"Aw, come on Jude, you have to admit that was pretty funny."
"Yeah, ha ha, you try getting hit in the head daily by some toy or another."
"You know what Farley Bear," Kat slid over to sit next to her Goddaughter before whispering loudly enough for Jude to hear, "Mama is funny."
"Team up with the little monster!" Jude smiled before picking up the ball and tossing it over to Kat.
Soon after my life stopped. Soon after I learned a lesson in tragedy. Soon after my heart was ripped apart and my happy family was destroyed. The three of us played for a while longer before Farley decided she wanted to play on her own. Baby Doll was lonely, according to my daughter, so her and blue took off to play with the still damp doll. Kat and I had picked up the remainder of the pool toys before taking a seat in the fold up chairs I had sitting out.
I always kept an eye on her, I always knew what she was doing… Countless times Tommy and I would sit outside talking while our daughter played in the yard. That day Kat had been filling me in on the fashion gossip, we had been laughing and joking about models. Farley had been running back and forth kicking her ball, playing with Baby. My eyes on her, my ears for Kat. I was doing good…or so I thought.
"I still can't believe you are a mother," Kat voiced from next to Jude.
"Sometimes I can't believe it either, I always liked kids, but who would have thought I'd be the first one to have one?"
"True, true," Kat looked over to Jude, meeting her best friends eyes, "You and Tommy are doing a great job."
Hiding a smile Jude sighed, "I'm so happy Kat."
"I can tell, Tom's happy too, every time I talk to him on the phone he can't stop gushing about you and the baby."
"That's my husband for you."
"Now I'm the one who's jealous."
"Your time is coming," Reaching over Jude squeezed Kats hand.
"I hope so."
"It is," Jude and Kat shared a smile, "It is, I can feel it."
"Mommy! Ball, play ball," Farley ran towards Jude and Kat, chasing after her ball.
"In a minute sweets," Farley stopped in front of Jude, hugging her moms legs.
"Pwease?" Her blue eyes begged for Jude to play with her. Another trait she picked up from Tommy. He always had a way of getting what he wanted, all with one look. Farley mastered it.
"Okay, okay how can I say no?"
Kat had laughed, I knew she was laughing at how quickly I gave in. But come on, who could honestly say no to those precious eyes? After I said yes she had grinned at me before jumping in excitement. I scooped her up and planted a sloppy kiss on her forehead before standing up. Farley hugged my neck, the last time I would ever receive one of her hugs. If I would have known that would be the last I would have never put her down. I never would have picked that damn ball up.
Ten minutes I kicked the ball to her, Kat sat and watched. I heard my camera go off a few times, guessing my best friend was capturing the mother daughter play time. To this day I still have not looked through them. I can't, it hurts too much, I have my daughters images embedded in my head, I see her everyday, the way she looked that day, the way she looked after.
Blue had rolled to the other side of the yard, Far had squealed in delight before taking off to fetch her prized ball. While she was chasing after it I turned my smiling face over to Kat. She winked up at me before smiling. I loved Kat so much, she always had been my best friend, always would be. But that smile and that wink cost me everything, while my eyes were on her, my daughter was out of my care…that spilt second changed everything.
All I can remember is a blur, fuzzy images and a broken heart… Far reached her ball, instead of picking it up she kicked it towards the street. That second my eyes were on Kat, she ran after it. I knew something was wrong when Kat jumped out of her chair. My heart stopped when I followed her eyes, just in time to see the ball rolling into the street, my daughter not far behind it.
"Farley!" I yelled, running after her, "No baby stop!" I repeated those words over and over as my legs carried me in her direction. Kat had yelled the same things from beside me. We both took off chasing after the small child. It was too late, she didn't listen.
The car came out of no where, one moment the street was empty, the next… I don't know, I heard it before I saw it, Kat started screaming, everything turned slow motion. My legs were moving but I felt as if I was going no where. Farley kept getting farther and farther away from me. Panic flooded through me, but it was too late. Far wandered into the street, still too young to comprehend what "Look both way's" meant.
Squealing tires and that horrible crash echo still in my head, the lullaby that sings me to sleep every night. Screaming filled the air, was it mine? Was it Kat's? I can't remember. I made it out to the street, Farley was laying there, blue not too far away from her. I collapsed next to her. Blood was everywhere, her face was bloody. Her sweet beautiful face…I-I can't erase that image, her eyes were closed, yet she was still alive. I felt her wrist, her pulse points, life still beat into her, barely, but enough.
Blurry, fuzzy, I really don't remember anything else from that moment, I believe someone pulled me away from her. After 911 was called Far was rushed to the hospital, I was allowed to ride in the back. She was taken into the Emergency Room… one of her white sandals had fallen off, I do recall picking it up, thinking she would need it when we came home. I had kissed her forehead before she went in, blood had come away on my lips, my babies blood. Her blonde curls matted, her pink flowered shirt ripped, her small hand was bruised…as she was taken away I never thought she would die.
Kat had called Tommy, he rushed to the hospital, but it was too late, by the time he got there, the doctors were coming out to deliver the news. Tommy and I were pulled away, away to a room where we could meet privately with the head doctor.
"We did everything we could," As Tommy's hand clasped on to mine, the doctor had cleared his throat before continuing, "The trauma to her head was too grave, I'm afraid we lost her."
We lost her…I lost her, Tommy lost her. I lost it all.
Standing there in that cold lonely room my heart had completely fallen apart, a start to a life I never wished to live.
Farley Christine Quincy, just two years old, my daughter, my everything, was dead.
