Chapter 2:
"Dude!" He sighed heavily. Cartman was rambling about another kid playing superhero. Someone else had become another young vigilante and it pissed Cartman off when he realised this person wasn't in the union. He was the only one who cared. Everyone else in The Coon and Friends franchise was sick of hearing about it.
"It's bad enough we've got Callgirl pretending to be a hero and now anyone thinks they can be a fucking superhero. If it weren't for me no one would be playing superheroes because I started this fucking game!" Cartman whined bitterly.
"So?" He sighed with exasperation. Like everyone else he was sick of Cartman's Mitch Conner scheme. What Cartman failed to realise was they weren't as stupid as he thought they were. They could see through his bullshit and he was beginning to think that he should've joined Stan when he left Coon and Friends for The Freedom Pals.
"You might want to stop fucking with Dovahkiin Hughes." Clyde added. "You're pissing him off."
"Goddamnit Fat Ass!" He sighed heavily when he noticed Cartman glaring at Wendy, Bebe and the new girl Katherine Holloway – who'd only just moved to South Park from Australia.
"Will you stop with your stupid Mitch Conner bull shit?" He yelled in Cartman's face. "I know it's you. I know you're fucking with us and trolling the town. Drop out of the mayoral election race!"
"I'm not Mitch Conner. I have no control over Mitch Conner and I can't tell him to stop running for mayor because he won't listen to me Kyle!" Cartman snapped at him.
He screamed in Cartman's face. "That's fucking you! Stop it!" He wondered if Cartman knew he could see Mitch Conner's face painted on his left hand.
Carman ignored him. "This new superhero will join the union. I'll make sure of it."
He screamed in frustration when Cartman walked away from them. Scott Malkinson and Clyde Donovan backed away from him.
"Cartman is up to something and it's not just his Mitch Conner plot to take over the town." Scott said with concern.
"He's right fellas." Butters interjected nervously. "We all know what Cartman is capable of. W-we have to warn the new hero before Cartman finds them."
"Butters is right." Clyde watched other students walking down the hallway and they all wondered who the new vigilante was. "We have to find this hero before he does. They might not know what they're dealing with."
"H-how do w-we f-f-f-find them?" Jimmy asked. "W-we d-d-don't even k-know if they're a b-boy or a g-g-girl."
"Shit!" He sighed with frustration. No one knew who the new hero was. He wasn't even sure if the city officials knew who the hero was. It was doubtful that even the mayor could tell them who they were looking for.
XXXX
"Get out of here posers!" She watched the Goth kids from the roof of the school as they were yelling at some of the local sixth graders.
She sighed with exasperation because she already beat them up rescuing Big Gay Kirby from them.
The sixth graders tormented the Goth kids as they waited to move a bunch of cats they had trapped in pet carriers. Fury filled her when she could hear the cats and their cries for help.
"This is our spot now!" The eldest sixth grader pushed Pete McDaniels – nephew of the Mayor of South Park – over and he landed face first in the snow.
Even though she hadn't met everyone in town she knew all their names. Her cats told her who was who and told her who she should avoid. She wondered how many times she would have to beat these jerks up until they learned their lesson.
"We were here first conformist!" Henrietta Biggle shouted at them.
"Help us move the cats or beat it forthies!" Jasper shouted at Pete and his friends.
"Okay! Okay!" Pete complied after one of the bigger sixth graders punched him in the stomach.
"Took that like a champ forthie!" The sixth grader high fived his friends as Pete and the other Goth kids helped them stuff the cats into the pet carriers.
"What did I tell you the other day?!" She shouted at the sixth graders who looked at her with bewilderment because they didn't recognise her in costume.
"Oh great!" Pete McDaniels grumbled. "Another Freedom Poser."
She didn't know what Pete was talking about. She only cared about the cats. "Release the cats and no one gets hurt!" She demanded angrily.
"No way forthie!" Jasper flicked a booger at her. She ducked to avoid it since it took her half an hour to wash the last one out of her hair. He ordered his friends and the Goth kids to get rid of her.
The Goth kids complied out of frustration. "Go away poser!" Henrietta screamed at her.
"Looks like I have to deal with you freaks too!" She jumped from the roof and landed on her feet. They didn't see it coming. The sixth graders and the Goth kids didn't get the chance to react. She was too quick for them. Within minutes they were reduced to a crumpled heap. Both Goth kids and the sixth graders were bruised and battered. Pete McDaniels and Henrietta Biggle had black eyes after she dealt with them and freed the cats.
"Who are you?" Jasper demanded. He groaned and clutched his stomach after she'd kicked him.
"Y-you." Stand Marsh was standing behind her and he'd seen everything. "You're the new hero people are talking about?"
"What's going on back here?!" PC Principal responded to the commotion he heard behind the school before she could answer Stan's question.
He noticed her and she was preparing to run when she realised PC Principal didn't recognise her. She also didn't want to stick around and end up in detention. "Who are you?" PC Principal demanded an explanation along with her name.
"I'm telling Aunt Mary!" Pete McDaniels shouted.
"My name is Kitty Litter. Don't wear it out." She flipped him off and disappeared before PC Principal could do anything about her.
XXXX
"Guys!" He found his friends in the cafeteria during their lunch break.
"What is it Stan?" Kenny asked curiously. Since the teams split up and they became The Freedom Pals they didn't even associate with anyone in The Coon and Friends franchise during school hours unless they had to for school projects. The Freedom Pals and The Coon and Friends kept their distance from each other as their rivalry continued.
"I know the new hero's name. The one everyone's been talking about in town." He announced to the group.
"How do you know this hero's name Stan?" Token asked incredulously. "No one has seen this hero. We've only heard about them from people who say they have or vague news reports. This vigilante doesn't even have a Coonstagram page or any other social media accounts."
"I saw her behind the school guys." Their jaws dropped when he told them the hero was a girl. "She beat up the sixth graders and the Goth kids and basically told PC Principal to go fuck himself. She didn't seem worried that Pete McDaniels would tell the Mayor on her."
"She didn't actually tell PC Principal to go fuck himself." Tweek twitched nervously. "No one has the guts to do that! That's insane!"
"She said her name was Kitty Litter and told him not to wear it out. She flipped him off. That's basically the same thing." He explained. "She beat up the sixth graders. By herself."
"It'd be great to have another girl on the team if we can convince her to join us before Fat Ass has the chance to recruit her to The Coon and Friends." Callgirl added. She was the only girl in The Freedom Pals and he knew she wanted another girl to join the team.
"Kitty Litter?" Token looked confused. "What kind of name is that?"
"Mysterion? Since you're patrolling downtown South Park tonight you can find this new vigilante before Cartman does. We can't let him recruit her." Timmy told Kenny telepathically.
"We can't let Fat Ass get to her." Kenny agreed to the mission Timmy had given him. "If she's looking to rescue the cats I think I know where I'll find her."
XXXX
The election campaign was drawing to a close. It was the last mayoral debate before the voters went to the polls. After seeing the overwhelming support for Mitch Conner on Coonstagram she didn't think she had a chance to win this election.
"Mary?" Barbrady was standing behind her. He looked worried. "Are you okay?"
She sighed heavily. She knew in her heart she'd already lost the election to Mitch Conner. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She slid down the wall and buried her face in her knees. "I'm not going to win this election George. I-I don't know who my friends are anymore." A lump the size of a golf ball formed in her throat as hot heavy tear rolled down her cheeks.
"It's the last debate Mary. They haven't even gone to the polls yet. You still have a chance to win." He helped her up when she eventually agreed to go.
She sighed in defeat when she noticed Mitch Conner was already on stage making elaborate promises to stop crime in the city by giving his support to The Coon.
"Oh God!" She couldn't stand to go through with the debate while she was sober. She chugged a bottle of scotch before going on stage to face her opponent.
"Mayor? How do you intend to stamp out crime in the city?" Mitch Conner had already answered this question and now it was her turn. People in the crowd started heckling her before she opened her mouth to reply.
"Get off the stage McDaniels!" A woman in the crowd shouted at her.
She ducked to avoid the rotten tomato the woman threw at her. She was nervous. She tripped over words as she didn't know what to say. She had prepared all her speeches and answers to debate questions before the election began. Her mind went blank and she froze. She didn't remember a thing she'd written down and had to improvise.
"Mayor?" She struggled to reply when everyone was staring at her. "How do you intend to stamp out crime in the city? What are you going to do?"
She cleared her throat. "W-with the support of the... police department and..." She was usually a good speaker, but she squeaked like a mouse and the crowd wasn't interested in anything she had to say. She was horrified and ducked behind the podium when Molotov cocktails started flying.
"Mitch for Mayor! Mitch for Mayor! Mitch for Mayor!" The crowd clamoured in support for Mitch Conner.
"W-what?!" She couldn't believe this was happening. This election had been a disaster since the beginning. She didn't understand how the voters didn't notice the little fat brat hiding behind his podium with his hand up. A malevolent smirk broadened across Eric Cartman's face as he flipped her off.
She couldn't let this injustice continue. She had to stand up for herself. She didn't understand why the people were so blind. This was a new level of stupid she was dealing with from her constituents and she didn't know what to do about it.
When she was sure the coast was clear and the bombardment of Molotov cocktails had ceased she dared to face the angry crowd. When she got up she knew they were calling for her head on a plate.
She didn't care anymore. They were all against her and she'd lost the election any way. Yates and his men had done nothing to help her deal with the crowd. "The fuck's wrong with you people?! How could you be so fucking stupid?! It's a fucking hand puppet for Christ's sake! How can a hand be the Mayor of South Park?!"
"Beat it McDaniels!" A man in the crowd threw an apple at her. It hit her between the eyes. "You're finished in this town!"
"Fuck you, you dumb bitch!" Mitch Conner laughed derisively. "The people have spoken!"
Barbrady rushed to her side and her husband along with her eldest son rushed her to the safety of her SUV. She collapsed in the backseat and started sobbing uncontrollably.
"I hate this fucking town!" She wailed.
