Disclaimer...Not mine.
BPOV
"Soooo, do you think it means anything? Do you have feelings for him?" Alice asks, taking a bite of a carrot. Her eyes are lit up, and she's bouncing slightly.
I eye her over my beer bottle.
"Seems like you know more than I do, wise one. Why don't you tell me?"
We've been at Tyler's for a while now. Alice and I are sitting on top of the island in the kitchen. Mostly everyone is outside, with the exception of a few stragglers. The door to the backyard is open; even outside in a distance, I try not to look when I hear a laugh. I know it's Edward's.
I try to remember when I started noticing tiny things about him and I can't.
When I got off of work, Em and Edward were waiting for me in the driveway. It was almost like Edward hadn't said we would talk. Sitting in the middle of his truck between him and Emmett was hard enough. I felt nervous, like I would crawl out of my skin being so close to Edward, with his thigh against mine.
We got to Tyler's house, and I immediately found Alice and told her we needed to smoke. After, I then told her most of what happened. Of course it didn't surprise me that she had an idea something happened.
Alice throws a piece of carrot at me. "Tell me, dammit."
I sigh.
"I don't know what it means, Ali. I'm not used to this in-between. It's Edward, for god's sake. I've never been nervous or jumpy around him. He's seen me in my underwear, and he's seen me at my worst. I've never had to wonder about my feelings for him. This shit is a new level of awkward, and one almost kiss and like twelve words and it seems to have turned me into some crazy girl."
"You are a crazy girl, but it's about time that you see it. I think you need to think about it, also." She says.
I ignore her, and grab another beer.
Edward, Em and Jasper walk inside. I try not to focus on Edward; it's hard. He stands next to me by the counter, but I can't look at him. I feel like I can't breathe.
"Let's go to the beach." Em says, resting his head on his hands. He looks ridiculous in this small kitchen. "This party shit is miserable without Rose."
Alice seems excited about this idea, I shrug.
We walk outside, and I really need space away from Edward.
"Ride with me." Edward's voice is a soft whisper in my ear. I jump, not realizing he was as close as he is.
I nod.
I try not to think about the last time we were at the beach. The smirk Alice gives me as she jumps into Jasper's car with Emmett doesn't help.
I don't know why Em decides to ride with Jasper and Alice, but I don't want to ask. I definitely don't want to ruin the silence in Edward's truck.
The nervous, jittery feeling is back, and I feel wired. I need to calm the fuck down. Edward's driven me in his truck thousands of times. This shouldn't be any different.
I should have known better.
"So." He says, trailing off.
I look at him, raising an eyebrow, and trying to remember to breathe. He parks his truck and turns off the engine. He doesn't move to get out.
He runs his hands through his hair.
"You've been quiet tonight." He says.
I take a deep breath. I've always been honest with him, nothing's changed.
"It's kind of hard when I've been trying to figure out if you were going to kiss me the other night, and just what it is we have to talk about."
He narrows his eyes at me.
"Isn't it obvious? It's why you went MIA the last two days. Of course, I was going to kiss you."
"But why? Why now?"
He doesn't say anything for a while, his hands are still around the steering wheel, and his knuckles are white.
"Remember that time Ben tried to kiss you?" He says, shrugging his shoulders.
I nod, "You told Emmett, and he told Ben that Charlie would shoot him if he came within twenty feet of me. Ben still won't look at me and that was almost three years ago."
We were fifteen when that happened, and I was so mad at Edward I wouldn't talk to him for a week. It was more the fact that it was Edward that was so concerned about me kissing someone. He was busy kissing Lauren, why should he care?
I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't realize how close Edward is, or that he's looking at me, green eyes so serious. When I turn my head, his breath fans over my face. Lemon heads, beer and mint. His voice creating a fog.
He takes a deep breath.
"I don't know when it happened, but sometime around freshman year and Thursday night, I think I fell in love with you, Bella."
hi.
still not beta'd. i wrote this chapter three times before i felt comfortable with it.
reviews make me happy.
my pawpaw isn't doing well. we don't expect him to make it through the rest of the month. it stinks, but he says he's tired of suffering. i plan on updating soonish, but if not, well...
xo
