Chapter 1:
...ONE MONTH LATER...
Kurt felt like his head was spinning. He couldn't breathe. It had to be a mistake.
He rushed out of the classroom and down the hallway towards the senior common room. Blaine was supposed to meet him there for lunch and he needed to talk to him immediately. He ran down the hallway trying to keep from crying and was relieved to see he was already waiting for him. Before Blaine could say anything, Kurt threw himself in his arms.
"I can't believe it, oh my god, Blaine." Kurt gasped.
"What happened?" Blaine asked, trying to stop Kurt's shaking.
He moved out of his arms and shook the papers he was holding in his face. "I got a fucking A+ on my french test!" He squealed. Blaine smiled widely.
"Of course you did, we spent 10 million years studying for it. I never even studied that hard when I was in that class." He said. Kurt squealed again and kissed Blaine excitedly on the mouth.
They'd been dating officially for a month now, and although things hadn't exactly been perfect, Blaine was patient and understanding. He'd held Kurt when he cried, and talked to him when he was lonely. He told him he was beautiful when he felt disgusting, and helped him work through his problems when he felt like shutting down and hiding.
Things weren't perfect, but more and more Kurt thought he could feel bits of his old self returning.
They walked towards the cafeteria together and Kurt told Blaine for the 50th time how he had been sure he was going to fail.
"Well then, this calls for a celebration." Blaine said grandly. "Friday night, your house. City of Lost Children?" He said, raising his eyebrows. "It's French."
Kurt frowned. Movies had become dangerous lately. "I dunno..."
"Look, the main characters are an older russian guy and a 12 year old girl. No chance for romance, I promise." Blaine said.
Kurt raised his eyebrow. "Have you seen Lolita?"
Blaine made puppy dogs eyes at him and Kurt tried not to care. He had found that he had developed an extreme aversion to movies with romance in them. He didn't know why, but he couldn't enjoy them any more. He felt contempt for the on screen lovers, and resented their good looks and simple affairs. He'd lost the taste for a few of the musicals he had used to love because of this. Kurt sighed.
"Ok, fine but the moment some decidedly average yet extremely good looking guy confesses his undying love for a beautiful yet uniquely quirky french girl, I'm done." He said. Blaine nodded.
"Ok, so see then she was all 'O.M.G I totes don't like Jake Ryan he's lame' but then he was all sweet so then she did like him, and they kissed but then he had to leave for 6 months and she was all "W.T.F!" and now he's back." Paige explained, as they sat on the floor in front of the television.
Over the past month, he had been spending most of his time with Paige. Even so, he still didn't have her all figured out. Not at all. For example, she had an odd obsession with the TV shows on the Disney channel, and he still couldn't figure out if she was being serious or not.
Half the time he didn't know what she was saying, though he had figured out that the things that didn't make sense where usually references to movies or books. Usually.
Most of the time she was bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute but he had discovered that she had another side as well.
Some people had bad days, days when they were slow or angry or in a general funk. Paige had those too, but her bad days travelled in groups.
For days she would lie around, not speaking and barely eating. Her eyes grew unfocused and she was unresponsive. It had taken Finn a little while to adjust to this, but he was beginning to get the hang of dealing with Paige when she was down. It was pretty simple, actually. He would just sit with her, reading or watching TV while she lay there. At first he hadn't been sure she'd been aware of his presence when she was like that, but she had let him know later how much she appreciated his company.
In return, Paige didn't hold it against him when he screamed and smashed his fists against the walls in frustration, or spent all day in his room jerking off and crying.
"What about Lilly?" Finn asked, returning his attention the the TV.
"No one cares about her." Paige said.
"This show fucking sucks." Michael said. Patricia giggled. "Shut the fuck up Patricia."
"That's not very nice." Paige chided. Patricia giggled again. "Shut the fuck up Patricia."
"Paige!" Finn said. Paige hardly ever swore.
"She ripped the head off my doll..." Paige mumbled.
"The Comedian told me to. I said I was sorry." Patricia insisted. Paige glared and stood up.
"Let's go." She said, walking away. Finn scrambled after her.
They walked over to the other side of the room. "I hate her..."
"You hate everyone here." Finn said.
Paige shrugged. "Maybe...come on, the girls dorm just got new porn, lets go look at it." She said cheerfully, and bounced away.
"Why do the girls get new porn?" Finn whined, following Paige. "We're still stuck with Playboys from the 70's and I've discovered that women were hairier back then." He shuddered.
"So now he's coming over on Friday and we're going to watch a french film to celebrate, and he says there's no romance but we'll see." Kurt finished telling his therapist about his day at school, and he waited for her to say something insightful.
"What are the odds he'll agree to fool around with you then?" She asked, tapping her pen against her chin. He rolled his eyes.
"Slim to not going to happen." He mumbled. He still couldn't believe this was an average conversation for them. His Dad had spoken to several doctors about seeing him, and Dr. Claudia Step had been the most recommend. He knew she was theoretically great at what she did, but he still couldn't get over how different she was from Dr. Sincere.
"Have you approached the subject recently?" She asked, leaning back in her chair.
"Define 'approach'." He said slowly.
"Talked to him about the possibility of safely practicing mutually beneficial sexual activities together, in a mature and calm manner." She said, narrowing her eyes.
"Oh...well then no." He mumbled.
"What did you do?"
"Well, we were kissing and I might have undone his belt buckle and stuck my hand down his pants." He said, looking away. She sighed.
"Smooth. How did he react?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.
"The usual 'this is too fast I don't want you to do something you'll regret you're special to me blah blah blah I use too much gel.'"
"Yes, the mature thing to do is make fun of his hair and ignore what he's saying, even though his desire for romance would be extremely helpful to your emotional healing process. Just continue throwing yourself at him I'm sure it will go swell. " She replied.
"Good, I will." he said stubbornly.
"Kurt, we both know you have a very aggressive sexual appetite-" She began.
"I hate it when you say that." He grumbled.
"A very aggressive sexual appetite," She repeated.
"Whose mature now?"
"But, unless you learn to satisfy this appetite in a healthy way you'll never get better. You need to learn to think about sex in a sensual and romantic way as opposed to something about dominance and pain."
"I don't!" He protested.
"Yeah? What were you thinking about the last time you masturbated?" She asked.
The first time she'd asked that (ok, the first dozen times), he'd blushed and refused to answer. After a while he'd opened up...for some reason her extreme frankness had made it seem less awkward. Unfortunately, he now had a problem recognizing boundaries in normal conversation.
"I was thinking about...Brad Pitt from Fight Club." He said firmly.
"Yeah, what was he doing?" She pressed.
"Having sex with George Clooney from From Dusk Till Dawn." He replied.
"Who was on top?" She shot back.
"Umm..."
"Ha!"
"Fine, I was thinking about Finn. Are you happy now?" He snapped.
"No, Kurt that doesn't make me happy. Your experience with Finn cannot continue to be your only model of sexuality. Sex can be a great experience, as long as its consensual and practiced safely. Talk to Blaine. Talk. With words." She instructed.
"He won't have sex." He insisted.
"I don't want you to be thinking about anal sex right now anyways, Kurt. I agree that's not something your ready for. Approach the subject of oral sex, or consider mutual or shared masturbation."
"Can't you find a term a bit sexier than 'mutual masturbation'? That's disgusting." He cringed.
She rolled her eyes again. "Talk to Blaine about giving you a hand-job!" She shouted. "Better?
"Eduardo advanced towards Lillian and swept her up in his strong arms, cradling her in them as his mouth attacked her breasts in a passionate and untamed frenzy." Paige read, her voice strong and deep.
"Oh, Eduardo take me now!" Finn read, making his voice high.
"Eduardo lay Lillian down on the bed, spreading her brown thighs far apart to reveal the sweet oasis between them. 'I'm going to make such sweet love to you, you'll forget about all those years the evil Duke had you locked in that bell tower' He said, before plunging his manhood deep into her begging sex-"
"Paige! Finn! What the fuck are you doing?" Sheila shouted, barging into the room. They both jumped and Paige threw down the book they were reading, titled "Passion in the Bell Tower."
"Nothing. We were doing nothing." Finn said quickly.
"First of all, you are not supposed to be in the girls dorm. Second of all, this is to be used exclusively to satisfy your own personal needs at a private time." Sheila said, picking up the book.
"How can we use it in private, we have orderlies coming in every 10 minutes!" Finn said, getting off Paige's floor.
"I get 15." She reminded him, reaching up her hand for help. He pulled her up and glared at her.
"You don't masturbate, remember." He grumbled.
"Yes but if I did I'm sure I could do it in under 15 minutes, so its nice to have the option." She said.
"You, out!" Sheila said, pointing at Finn. "You...get out also." She fumed.
"Whatever, it's time for group anyways." Paige said, skipping out of the room. Originally they had been in different groups, but the staff had noticed they were good together and switched Paige and Patricia.
That was when Patricia ripped the head off Paige's doll.
"So, everyone how are things?" Duncan asked, smiling around at them. A few people mumbled replies and looked away. George squeaked and Paige flashed him her manic smile.
"Good. Anyone have anything they want to talk about?" He asked. No one said anything, and he sighed. "Ok, I'll just start asking questions then. Finn, any bad dreams lately?"
Finn looked down. He'd had another nightmare last night and didn't want to share. Not yet.
"He did. I heard him crying and moaning the name 'Kurt'." George squeaked. He had the room next to Finn's.
"Shut up, George!" Paige snapped. George looked startled.
"It's ok Paige..." Finn mumbled.
"I'm sorry George." Paige said quickly. "Knee-jerk reaction, couldn't be helped."
"Finn, do you want to tell us about your dream?" Duncan asked gently. Finn shrugged.
"It wasn't much different from my other dreams...Kurt was there...I was..." He put his head in his hands, tears stinging his eyes. He felt a small hand lay itself on his back, comforting him. There was more to the dream, Duncan and Paige both knew that. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
"I had a dream where I was Queen of the World and you all had to bow to me or I would shoot you with my laser eyes." Young said defiantly.
Duncan sighed and turned his attention to Young, who was a compulsive liar with a flair for the dramatic.
He felt Paige take her hand off his back, and squeeze his hand reassuringly. "It was just a dream." She whispered. Finn shook his head.
"The problem is it wasn't."
A/N: So this story should actually be classified as Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Friendship but they wouldn't let me do that. This story is going to deal with the ups and downs of Finn and Kurt's recovery. It will be more upbeat and have bits of humor in it, but it will still contain themes of sexuality and it will have its dark sexual moments.
In case it wasn't obvious (that's not sarcasm, I'm really not sure if this was obvious or not) the part of Finn's dream that he didn't want to share was that it was a wet dream.
