TWO
"Kurt! Kurt, where're you going?"
"Seriously dad, I'm going over to Mercedes' place, we're having a sleepover, I told you this two days ago already."
"Oh well, have fun, what time will you be home tomorrow?"
"Not sure yet, have a nice Friday evening!" shouted Kurt as he headed out the front door.
Mercedes had invited all the girls in the Glee club to a sleepover that weekend and Kurt as an honorary girl had of course been invited. After a lot of drama over love and relationships and life in general, things had been oddly calm in Glee club since Finn and Noah got together. Santana and Brittany were officially a couple now, Mike and Tina or double O as Noah called the Asian girl (he had explained it somehow that he was not comfortable calling her Tina because it was too familiar but on the same time Cohen-Chang was such a mouthful so he dubbed her Double O) were going as strong as when they started to date, Quinn and Rachel seemed to have found common ground, Kurt still wondered what that common ground was but he was not quite ready yet to poke the sleeping dragon and so enjoyed the calmness with the rest of Glee, Mercedes had found herself a boyfriend whilst Artie and Sam still were the same nice guys as always. Not to forget himself, he and Blaine were going strong and if Kurt had anything to say about it then there would be sex in the near future, Finn was totally in love with Noah (although that was nothing new) and his normal nice self to everyone.
Mr. Schue was also having luck in his love life, Kurt had seen Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury making out in her office, but had decided not to comment on it. To sum it up, things were for once going well for the Glee club, Sue had not even tried anything funny lately, and being unusually nice to them which in itself should be alarming but Kurt was not going to overanalyze it too much, it was better to just enjoy the peace while it lasted.
It was not far between his house and Mercedes and so it did not take long for him to get there. When he arrived the only one present was of course Mercedes but also Quinn, ever since the baby gate when Quinn stayed with the other girl, they had been close friends.
"Hello Kurt!" greeted the girls him when he came inside.
"Hello 'Cedes, Quinn," said Kurt.
"So you left Finn and Puck alone at home?" asked Mercedes wiggling her eyebrows at Kurt.
"Nah, Noah had something to do, I don't know what and Finn's playing COD with the other guys." That was not true, Kurt knew exactly where Noah was but he was not going to tell the girls that.
Ever since the rest of Glee Club found out about Finn and Noah's relationship there had been a hot debate in the beginning until the girls came to the conclusion that it was 'totally hot'. This was probably one of the reasons to why there was almost no relationship drama anymore, as most of them had circulated around either Finn or Noah. Kurt found it a bit creepy how fascinated the girls were with the two other boys' relationship, then again, it was somewhat easier for the girls to swallow the fact that Finn and Noah was together than if they had each found a girlfriend, at least now they knew they had no chance at all and it was hot to watch when they kissed.
"How boring, I wouldn't mind seeing some hot man on man action!"
Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn almost fell off the sofa when they heard the loud voice behind them, it was Rachel who had snuck up on them, smiling brightly at them.
"What?" choked Kurt out.
"I said I wouldn't mind seeing some hot man on man action! Either way which one of them is on top? I've always wondered since we found out about them."
"Yeah, I want to know too!" shouted Mercedes, Quinn nodding her head.
"I don't think that's for me to say, and why do you think I would even now that?"
Kurt was saved by the doorbell this time, but he knew they would not forget the question and in a way it would be better to answer it now, than when he was surrounded by a whole pack of horny girls. Pushing the somewhat scary thought aside, Kurt got up to greet the rest of the girls that had arrived, Brittany and Santana came at the same time, and Tina had gotten a ride with them. For the moment, it seemed as the question had been forgotten in favor of food and new gossip from school that week.
After a very good 'bad teacher' starring Cameron Diaz, a lot of gossip, and food later when they were all squeezed into Mercedes' room, eating potato chips and candy, the talk turned a lot more private. Kurt was lying beside Rachel on Mercedes' big and fluffy bed, reading Vogue over Quinn's shoulder.
"So Kurt, you never answered our question," started Mercedes catching the others' attention, "which one is on top, Finn or Puck?"
"WHAT!? You were going to talk about something so important without me here! I want to know too," shouted Santana almost pushing over the bowl filled with potato chips
in her haste.
For the first time in his life Kurt had the urge to face palm himself. Kurt let his eyes travel over every single girl in the room, and had to sigh, they were all looking at him with big eyes as if he was on his way to reveal a huge scandal or something more close to a governmental secret.
"Seriously, why do you even think I know? And who says they've even had sex yet?"
"Please this is Puck we're talking about." The others agreed with Santana's statement.
"So? Still doesn't mean I know about it."
"But you must know, I mean isn't Noah over quite often at the Hudmel house?" said Rachel wiggling closer to Kurt on the bed.
"Whatever I think it's Finn whose on top," said Tina with a determined nod of her head.
"I don't, I think it's Puck," said Quinn.
"I don't know, Finn is tall but Puck's always in charge…." It was Brittany.
A heated discussion started, over whether it was Finn or Puck that was on top. Everyone had their own opinion to why they thought as they did. It would have been kind of entertaining if it was not for the fact that it was a bit creepy, especially when it was Kurt's brother (it did not matter that he and Finn was not related by blood, they were still brothers) they were talking about, especially now when he was long over his own crush on Finn. When they came to what kind of sex and they got into the smallest of details, and when Santana and Rachel agreed that Finn had one nice ass and abs even though most did not believe that, Kurt had to get an end to the madness. He was not going to sit and listen to the girls dreaming and talking about what happens when Noah and Finn get naked, doing the nasty.
"Okay! Fine I'll tell, and just so you know I only know this because they kind of indirectly told me it," pleaded Kurt not sure if his ears could handle anymore of the sex talk.
"YES!" cheered the girls.
"Just spit it out Kurt," said Santana.
"I will, I will… Jeez."
"Come on white boy, I want to know!"
"Fine, Finn is on top, at least mostly!" Kurt just wanted to bleach his brain at the pictures in his head.
By the hysterical squeal of delight coming from the girls, and the 'OMGs' and hand waving, Kurt deducted that the girls did not share his sentimentality about it. It took a few moments before the calm was back but they held their word and did not talk too much about Finn and Puck's sexual dealings, at least not so that he could hear, because Kurt was not stupid enough to think they had let it go, oh not they just talked about it when he was not around. He actually felt a bit bad for Finn and Noah, thinking about the upcoming week, the girls would be crazy.
"So now I've told you want you want to know, so let's change the subject, how's it going with your boyfriend 'Cedes?" asked Kurt.
"Yeah, how's it going for you and Mr. Cute?" Mercedes gave Kurt and Santana a small smile.
"Oh no, that's not a good look," commented Tina.
"To be honest I think he's cheating on me," admitted Mercedes.
"What!?"
"He's been distant and he's always looking at other girls."
"Just because he's distant doesn't mean he's cheating on you," said Rachel trying to be positive.
"I don't know, I just have this feeling in my gut…"
Kurt felt bad for his best friend, Mercedes really liked Ray and they had all thought he was a good guy or at least not a total asshole.
"Well my girl, then there's only one thing we can do," said Kurt sitting up on the bed.
"What would that be?"
"Investigate of course!"
"And how're we supposed to do that?"
"Ah my dear Quinn, we're not going to do anything."
"But then how're we going to investigate, if we're not going to do anything?"
"Now now girls let Kurt work his magic."
"I think it's creepy when you talk about yourself in third person…"
"Thank you for that Brittany now let me handle this."
He could see that the other girls were confused; they were looking at him as if he had suddenly grown a second head. Reaching for his phone, Kurt prayed to Gaga that Noah would forgive him for this, but Mercedes was his friend. Dialing, Kurt hoped Noah was not in the middle of work, which he highly probably was; it did not take long before Kurt got through.
"Hello?"
"Hey, are you working?"
"Yeah but don't worry, it's Derek, he went to the bathroom a moment ago and isn't back yet. Why are you calling, I thought you were going to a sleepover with the girls?"
"I am, but Mercedes kind of needs help. She thinks Roy's cheating on her, and I thought…"
"You thought I could investigate a bit?"
"Yes, please you've got to do it, either way shouldn't you be getting back soon, I don't think the Mr. Green will come out from that bathroom anytime soon…"
"I know, you're probably right, I'll just fix things here and then I'll come over ok?"
"Ok, see you soon and thanks Noah, bye!"
"See ya."
There was silence in the room, no one had spoken while he was on the phone and by the looks of it no one had anything to say.
"So… that was Puck? Why do you think he would be able to help?" wondered Quinn.
"Believe me Quinn darling, Noah can help us a lot more than you think," said Kurt looking very smug.
~GLEE CLUB~
Noah looked at his phone after his talk with Kurt. He knew he should not do this, but Kurt was right, Derek had not looked any less green this time than he had done the first time, and excusing himself to the bathroom had confirmed all of Noah's thoughts. Not that it bothered him too much, but it was kind of boring as he was in a way forbidden from talking with other people for too long when he was with a client, even if said client was hiding out in the bathroom.
Standing up Noah went in search for his wayward client. It did not take long and Noah did not even have to use any of his excuses as Derek did it for him, stuttering and shaking before he ran out, leaving Noah alone in the bathroom. Hurrying back to the firm, Noah did not bother to change his clothes or remove the make-up; something told him he would still need it. Praising the lord that his car was once again useable or well at least moving, Noah was on the road in record time. He was lucky there were no policemen around or else he would have been in trouble, the trip that usually took 45 minutes only took him 25 minutes, as he sped down the almost empty road.
Noah had learned that with Kurt it was always better to be early or at least not dilly dally around when there was things to do. Or more accurately, when there was Kurt's bidding to do. Not that he minded t too much, the faster he got this out of the way, the longer would his weekend be.
Straightening his dress and brushing out invisible creases from it, Noah took a deep breath. After this evening his whole private life would almost be completely none-private from the Glee Club at least the girls. The worst part was that it did not feel as bad as it probably should; here he was Noah Puckerman, badass of Lima wearing women's clothing on his way to 'out' himself to a bunch of girls that already put absolutely too much interest in his sex life.
He had barely knocked on the door, before it was pulled open and he was suddenly standing face to face with six girls and Kurt.
"Hi?"
"Puck?!"
"Okay ladies, let him in, and good you haven't changed clothes yet."
"You didn't tell them?"
"How about no? Do you think they'd have believed me?"
"Probably not…"
"Okay Kurt, explain!"
"I'll explain when you're all inside and sitting down. Brittany please don't poke at Noah, you too Santana."
Noah watched as Kurt ushered the girls further into the house, and took a tentative step forward following the loud voices. In the end he walked into the living-room just as Kurt had gotten all the girls seated and somewhat calmed down. He forced himself not to squirm under the heavy looks sent his way; it was as if they were trying to take him apart with their eyes. The curiosity was so thick in the room; Noah could have cut it with a knife.
Sitting down, Noah let Kurt do all the explaining, as he had no idea what the Diva had in mind when it came to his 'finding out whether Mercedes' boyfriend is cheating on her or not'-plan and only added something once in a while when it had to do with him. There were a lot of questions and shouts and shrieks and stuff… Noah was not really sure what to call it, but in the end everything was under control and explained.
"So everyone understands it?" asked Kurt leaning back in the chair he was sitting in.
"Yes sir!"
"Good, let's put operation: Hera in motion!"
Noah did not participate in the very animated cheer that followed nor the high fives and evil laughter. Somehow he thought idly that things just could not be done normally when someone from the Glee Club was present. With a sigh, Noah fished up his phone from his small handbag, sending a short message to Finn.
Kurt + Plan = don't know when I'm back. I'll call u tomorrow. Wish me luck… XO
Reviews anyone?
