Carlos sighed as he turned off the last light in the lab, looking up to check the time - then remembering that time didn't really exist in Night Vale. He also didn't keep a clock in the lab. Really, he was just tired. As most tired people do after work, he got his car and started to drive home.
This being generally moon-going-off-the-horizon time, his car radio turned itself on.
There is a reason wishes don't come true. That reason is classified. Welcome to Night Vale.
As much as he liked his husband's voice, the scientist sometimes wished the things he said made more sense. Of course, he laughed. "Oh, Cecil. How do you even come up with this stuff?"
Well, Carlos, I don't actually know.
This didn't confuse Carlos. He had gotten used to the hidden cameras and microphones the Sheriff's Secret Police put everywhere.
"Oh, and Cecil?"
Yes, my perfect Carlos?
"I love you."
I love you too, Carlos.
"Bye Cecil. I'll see you later."
As Carlos drove through the streets, thoughts flew through his mind. Mostly about Cecil and science of course, but others about, well, actually, they were all about Cecil and science.
What tore him away from his thoughts was a black car - a Bentley, he thought - speeding through the streets of the town. He dismissed that as something normal (Well, as normal as it could be in Night Vale, that is) and kept driving.
What did draw his attention was the Bentley taking a sudden, screeching U-turn and drive past him again, the occupants seemingly engaged in an argument. The car pulled over on the other end of the spectrum, and Carlos thought that maybe they were lost. He didn't recognize them, but Night Vale did occasionally drag new people into its borders.
As the pair got out of the Bentley, Carlos hopped out of his own Blue Toyota and walked over.
"Hi. I'm Carlos. Are you two lost?" He inquired.
The pair look over. "Yes, we are in fact lost. Where exactly are we?"
The scientist smiled. "You're in Night Vale."
"Pardon?" the man asked.
"You're in Night Vale," he repeated.
"Could you tell us where Night Vale is?"
"The desert."
"Yes, we saw the sand!" The man gestured wildly. "But, where in England are we?"
"Well, you see, you aren't in England, you're in the United States. I think. Somewhere in there."
"I'm sorry, what?!" The other man shouted, "How exactly do you expect us to believe we got from southern England into the U.S.?!"
"Do I sound British to you?" Carlos laughed. "You don't have to believe it, but it's true."
"Please, dear," the first man chided, "Do you know how we could possibly get back?"
"Nope! Afraid not. Wait...let me ask Cecil." Carlos jogged back to his car. "Hey, Cecil? Is there any way to get out of Night Vale?"
Why do you want to know?
"Some people-" At the word people, the second man laughed quietly. "Some people want to get out."
There is no way out that I know of other than death. Oh! Did I mention that we have a new intern? Say hi, Intern Jeanine!
Oh, that poor, poor, person. Carlos thought. "Thanks anyway, Cec. Love you." He didn't wait for a response, not because he didn't want to hear it, but because the two Englishmen looked like they were about to fight.
"Um, so I just talked to Cecil, and-" Carlos was interrupted by one of the Englishmen.
"Wait, how? There was no one in the car! And you didn't make a phone call."
"Well, Cecil is the radio host, and he hears everything, sees everything. So I asked him a question and he answered back over the radio," Carlos quickly explained.
"Anyways, he said there was no way out of Night Vale that he knew of, other than death."
"Not a pleasant guy," the Englishman in black muttered.
"Neither are you, dear," the one in tan and blue replied, turning back to Carlos. "You'll have to forgive us, this is quite different than back home. Now, if we can't leave for the time being, what should we do?"
"Try not to die in some horrible way. Oh, yeah. I forgot to ask who you are. So...who are you?"
"Anthony Crowley," the one in black introduced himself, making no move to shake Carlos' hand.
"I'm Ezra," the other one smiled and shook Carlos' hand quite calmly. "But about the 'not dying horribly' bit, what exactly did you mean?"
"Night Vale has a... surprisingly high death rate," Carlos admitted. His phone buzzed. Quickly checking it, he groaned.
"Come on Cec. You have to at least try and keep them alive!" He muttered.
"Keep whom alive?" Ezra asked, fiddling with his jacket cuffs.
"Intern Jeanine just died. She-oh God, that must have been painful for her,"
"Oh my," he whispered, dropping his cuffs, "And she was so young."
Carlos looked back down at his phone, looking very confused. "Or… apparently she's alive and uninjured...?"
Anthony looked sharply to his friend, who looked guilty back. "I couldn't help it," he murmured softly.
"That should be impossible, as she was kind of taking pictures of Khoshekh. Er, the station cat," he classified.
"What is it now, Cec?" He muttered, checking his phone as it rang once again.
"WHAT?!" Carlos almost dropped his phone. "There's no way!"
Tony rolled his eyes. "What now?"
"Would you two be opposed to a radio interview?"
"Pardon?" Ezra looked confused.
"Cecil wants to interview you two for some reason. He didn't say why."
Ezra and Anthony looked at each other for a moment before turning back to Carlos.
"Absolutely not."
"Of course!"
Carlos stared at them for a moment. "Was that a yes or no?"
The two turned to each other, speaking in hushed tones. "It couldn't hurt, dear. Radio interviews never really reveal dark secrets anyway."
"And you're willing to risk that, angel?"
"Yes."
Tony crossed his arms. "Fine, but I'm in charge. Deal?"
Ezra nodded, turning back to Carlos. "We'll do it. Could you show us the way?"
Carlos' phone rang. "Cecil says 'Yay!' with a lot of smiley face emoji." He smiled at his husband's immaturity.
"So...just follow me in your car, ok? I'll lead you to the radio station."
"That is what I meant, yes. We'll follow. Oh, and, I'll drive this time."
