I hope you're enjoying this so far :) Thanks goes out to the viewers of this, especially the people I got responses from because that was really nice of you guys
As I felt the seat rumble beneath me as I drew closer to the downtown, I was absentminded to say the least. My hand scribbled in the notebook completely unconnected from the rest of my body, and from any conscious thoughts. I had stopped listening to music, as every song that came up was either by Alex or would remind me of him. I had a connection with that handsome boy from Essex, the one where you can connect every single romance to your own. Instead, now, I let the murmurs of sound of the London Underground rock me to a place far away from the real world. Where only the most trivial of cares and worries could survive, instead of the ones that my mind dwelled on 24/7.
The trains didn't judge you. They were just moving walls of metal. They didn't care how you felt, and in return only asked that you didn't spit flavorless gum onto the floors. I raked my brain for every possible problem to focus on instead of the problem. I believe I was debating with myself over what hair style I could have when I looked down and noticed what I had been drawing subconsciously. Or more like who. Look likes he would never leave my thoughts, my feelings sitting heavy on my heart would remain with me forever. Hmm…maybe I should make it purple. I do look better in purple. I wonder if Alex would like it. No you idiot, you will seriously be punished if you even think of him even one more time. You know what that means. I, the rational part of your brain can and WILL ban you from watching the new Doctor Who until you get over this stupid infatuation with someone who is clearly not interested. But it was hard not to wonder about the what-ifs and if-onlys of having your dream come true. It was also around this point that I noticed an old woman that you could tell had grown old but never grown up.
She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye, "Your boyfriend looks like my grandson." Before I had a chance to stutter out an excuse, "You boys are too cute. My husband's all tied in a knot about it. But you know, I've never seen those old fogies' problem with people like you, young man. Let's just say I'm not very popular at bridge club. They cheat anyway."
I couldn't help but chuckle at her comment, ignoring that even a complete stranger could tell I was interested in Alex. "I'm Eliza, what's your name, sweetheart?" I offered my hand and she shook it.
"Charlie." I knew I was probably beaming just from the acceptance I was receiving about my feelings. Gosh, the word 'feelings' had crossed the myelin in my brain so many times it was starting to sound like it wasn't real word.
"And who's he?" she asked in a voice that suggested we were two middle school girls. Eliza probably still seemed like a teenager. My Gran once told me that she always got confused when she looked in the mirror and saw an old lady because she still felt twenty- five inside. Maybe it applied to all elders
"Alex…" I sighed, completely realizing that I sounded like a fan girl and feeling very embarrassed at the way the word, his name, crossed my tongue. "But we aren't together. He likes girls, for starters…"
Eliza gently patted my thigh."These things have a way of working out, Charlie. You just have to be honest with him when the time comes." I saw that it was my stop, and went to leave. My travel companion winked at me, "Good luck."
I stepped out into the fresh air just as the first drops of rain started splattering against my bare arm, sending small jolts of colds through them to make me regret my decision of not bringing a hoodie. I turned the old woman's words over a thousand times in my head. I desperately wanted them to be true. To be able to tell him everything. To be able to hold him and never let go. I wanted everything anyone in love would want. I wanted Alex. But as the London air bit me again, I came to a realization once more.
I wanted everything I knew I could never have.
