Chapter One:
Thoughts and Feelings
Look at her, Quinn thought as she sat through listening to another perfect performance by none other than Rachel Berry.
She's flawless! Once again she's pitch perfect and giving it so emotion and feeling that I can't believe she didn't write the song herself. God; she's so talented! How is it that someone so small could have such a huge, powerful voice? It's such a cliché but it's true! She's incredible.
The blonde sighed quietly as she unconsciously licked her lips when the brunette opened her eyes. She quickly scowled and tried to look bored at the song, when in actual fact she was anything but bored. As far as Quinn was concerned there was no more beautiful sound in the world. In fact she could listen to that voice all day, everyday.
And she did. She would never admit it, but when Artie's dad had video recorded their performance at Sectionals, she asked to borrow it so she could 'show her parents what they missed'. Of course was more than happy to lend it to her, but she wasn't going to show her mother the video. No. Why waste Rachel's talent on her? No, instead she took it up to her room and made a copy. Whenever she was feeling down or needed a pick me up or just wanted to, she would take her laptop and select the file and watch Rachel sing.
Getting lost in her voice was one of her escapes. Since she quit Cheerios, after school once she had done her homework she would watch Rachel sing 'Get It Right' over and over again until she felt like a creep and would turn it off.
It didn't stop there though. When her mother was out visiting friends or running errands on the weekend, especially warm weekends, Quinn would shut her bedroom curtains and lock her door, just in case. She would then turn off the lights and get into her bed, putting on the film footage of Rachel singing. She would then, casually as she could, allow her hand to touch her own lips let it wander to her breast. Massaging it and imagining Rachel doing it to her. She would sometimes be clothed, but once or twice she would take away the barriers of her tops and bra and have skin to skin contact. And, only once or twice, did she allow her hand to wander further down.
Of course, every time she would do this little ritual, she would shut down her laptop, pull out her bible and prey. Beg for forgiveness. Not that doing those things was socially wrong, but it was wrong in the eyes of the Lord. No matter how dark she made her room, how many locks she put on the door or how thick her curtains and duvet were, He would always see her. Always know what she was doing, and she felt dirty.
Dirty and wrong.
All because she wasn't thinking about a boy or imagining a boy doing those things to her; but because she wanted a girl to do it. Do it with her.
Our Father, who art in heaven...
As much as she (secretly and sinfully) enjoyed her little 'weekend breaks' nothing could compare to real thing. Watching Rachel Berry sing in front of her made her lose her ability to breath, think, swallow...she just forgot everything and knew only her. Only Rachel Berry.
Of course, once her singing would stop, so would her trance and she she would resort back to be the bitch everyone saw. Her romantic feelings for Rachel would retreat back into the darkest shadows of her mind and stay hidden away until she was alone.
"That was great Rachel!" Mr Schuester applauded, and encouraged the others to do so too.
No matter how many times she sang and heard the applause, she never blushed or looked phased. She was used to it. Despite spending most of her school life alone, she always had her 'fans'. Well, in her head she did anyway. Although, out of all the future fans she was sue to get once she was a famous Broadway star, Rachel Berry always sighed sadly when she wished there was one person who would fall at her feet and beg to hear her sing again and again.
Well, to be more precise; one girl who would fall at her feet and beg to hear her sing repeatedly.
Of course, Quinn Fabray was straight. Straight as...well...straight as they came! Not that Rachel was gay. Or a lesbian. No. She just had a mammoth crush on the blonde ex-cheerleader. So perhaps that meant she was bi? Bi what? Bi-curious? Bisexual? No. She wasn't interested in labels; only love.
She wasn't exactly sure when these feelings of admiration for the girl turned into a crush, but she was certain of one thing: they were only going to progress.
Sometimes she would dream of the blonde. Not only would she be in her dream, but she would do things to her in her dreams. Naughty things. Things that made Rachel blush in real life. But in her dreams, she was fox. A sexy little vixen that knew how to rock Quinn's world – and the blonde knew how to make her reach some high notes she never thought she could reach. She would wake up panting and her pyjama bottoms sometimes not just sticky, but uncomfortably wet.
A smile would be held on her lips for a little while; imagining and thinking that Quinn Fabray was actually her girlfriend. But, of course, once she got into school she would be hit with the cold, harsh reality that she didn't have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. And she wasn't anyone's girlfriend.
Whenever she sang a romantic song or a sad song in Glee, the first pair of eyes she would lay her own on would be hers. She would pour her heart out in front of the girl. Sometimes she would even be able to hold her gaze for a little while. But, sadly, just when Rachel thought she was getting somewhere with the blonde, of silently confessing her feelings for the girl, Quinn would scowl, huff and look away.
Shattered heart once again, Rachel thought.
As she took her seat, the bell rang signalling the end of the day and the teenagers filtered out of the room and went off to enjoy their weekend.
Rachel went to pack her bag, seeing as one of the boys – or Santana – had carelessly knocked it on the floor and sent her things flying out and spread all over the choir room floor.
Quinn saw her bend down and scoop up her things.
Okay, this is your chance! Quinn told herself as she shuffled over to her and slowly bent down.
Rachel's brown eyes flickered up to see the face of the shadow that had joined her.
"Quinn?" She sounded a little shocked, thinking the blonde had left already with Brittany and Santana. "Hey." Quinn mumbled, not looking at her but sliding papers, pens and a little packet of biscuits up off the floor. "Here you go." Standing she muttered and handed the shorter girl her belongings. "Thank you." Rachel took them and smiled at her.
Both girls' hearts were thumping.
Stay calm, they both told themselves
"Rachel I was wondering if you could help me with something." Quinn suddenly spat out, blushing and her head racing; her brain asking her mouth why she suddenly said that. Rachel was a little shocked again but played it cool. "Oh? Of course, what is it you need my assistance with?" She asked, bouncing a little on her toes. "Well," Quinn bit her lip as she tried to think. Was she really going to ask Rachel to sing with her for the next Glee meeting? Yes. "I was wondering if you'd like to sing with me for next Glee Club meeting?" She asked so quickly that Rachel blinked and had to replay what she had heard in her her head before answering. Also she was a little surprised and taken aback.
Oh my goodness. Quinn just asked me to sing with her. Quinn Fabray! Oh my goodness! Quick, say something! She ordered herself.
"Sure, maybe you could come to my house and-"
"No!" Quinn stopped her, snapping a little. She didn't mean it, but knew that if she went to Rachel's she may not be able to control herself. It was one thing being in school and somewhere public – or even her own house – because there was no way she could ever admit her feelings, especially not act on them! So there was no way she could go to the girl's house! She swallowed her nerves and tried again. "I mean..I mean why don't we just meet early before school on Monday?"
Rachel was a little disappointed that she wouldn't be able to get Quinn in her house. But, then of course, what if someone saw her going to her house? What would Quinn Fabray be doing going to a loser's house?
"Okay. That's all right too." She smiled, trying to hide her hurt. Quinn smiled too and took her bag off the floor, slinging it over her shoulder. "Great. Bye."
"Wait did you have a song in mind?" She called to the blonde, but the girl had sprinted out of the room as fast as she could, leaving Rachel standing alone in the choir room, left to think of the perfect song for her to sing with Quinn.
Preferably a song that showed her true feelings for her.
Nervously smiling, Rachel bit her lip and giggled like a little girl as she made her way out of the room, through the empty halls and out to her car.
