*WHAT* INSERTION?
by Curtis Wildcat
PROLOGUE - Part B
"...And these brain-damaged people have the nerve to look surprised!" - Bill Cosby, Bill Cosby Himself
(And yes, I'm aware of what's going on with him. The quote still applies, even if he doesn't.)
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Location: The world of Ceiphied and Shabranigdu
Time: Late morning
Over a speaker that hung in one corner of his chamber, Inuyasha listened to the conversation between Curtis and Phibrizzo. The former sounded surprised to be here (this Phibrizzo character must've been popular back where he's from, too, Inuyasha thought), but the hanyou tuned the rest of the conversation out as he contemplated the buttons on one side of the room.
Hmm... I never really got too acquainted with the "technology" back home in Kagome's era... and for good reason, too. Maybe now's my chance to make up for it... if I can just figure it out. Inuyasha eyed some of the buttons. Let's see. 'Look right'... 'Look left'... 'Blink'... 'Sit down'... Since I'm inside his head, I wonder if...
Cautiously, he reached out and pushed a button labeled 'Stand up'.
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"So you honestly think you're really back home asleep and dreaming," Phibrizzo said, still slightly unnerved at having his mind attacked from within. "What about your friend in the other room? Is he asleep too?"
"Inuyasha hasn't told me." Curtis took a sip from his drink; even from his point-of-view, his nerves looked jittery. They had every right to be. "All I know about him is that various stories titled after him are pretty popular. That, and he's got a real mean sword."
Phibrizzo smiled thoughtfully. "Interesting. It appears formidable. I wonder how well it would fare against the Sword of Lighwhhhaaa!"
Inexplicably, he had found himself jolted upright and standing on the branch that he had been sitting on just seconds prior. What...?! He placed one hand against the tree to steady himself. Something's going on in there!
He immediately switched from Curtis's chamber to the dog/human Inuyasha's. His eyes dilated. Aw, don't tell me...
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Inuyasha had a wide grin on his face as he observed the consequences of his action. Okay, that's one. Let's try the rest of them!
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If anyone had walked by soon after, 'flabbergasted' wouldn't even begin to describe their reaction. If Xellos had been there, he'd probably ask him to do it again just so he could laugh at him. And then the priest would get blasted for insubordination.
Phibrizzo was flipping around the forest without having any control of where he was going. Every now and then he'd stop and blink rapidly, spin his head back and forth, hyperventilate, rotate his arms at high speed, do a rapid tap dance, flatten himself against the ground and teleport back to where he started- - -and all within 15 seconds; after that he would go through the whole procedure again, albeit not in the same order. It didn't help that he was yelling the whole time.
During the fourth repetition, Phibrizzo finally stopped yelling and started thinking. Can't...make myself stop! If Curtis's telling the truth, then why is that friend of his doing this?! Those little parasites!
In the background faintly, he could hear the voices of said 'parasites'. The human sounded a bit disgruntled. "Inuyasha..."
"What do you want?"
"I think we've disturbed him enough. Quit pushing those buttons."
Inuyasha's voice sounded a bit snappish. "Oh, go sit in your chair and vegetate. I'm having fun here."
The human got a bit exasparated. "Inuyasha, please!"
A disappointed sigh. "Suit yourself."
A split second later Phibrizzo regained complete control of everything he was, and he was finally able to resettle against the same tree- - -this time on the ground. He was starting to get really irritated by now. Proof of that was the dust that occupied the space where several trees had been before.
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Curtis shook his head as he reentered his mind chamber and sat down in the chair. "That guy sure knows how to ruin a conversation," he said, taking a large gulp of soda. Out loud, he said: "As long as we're on the subject of the Sword of Light, where are we in this whole scheme of things?"
The response he got was as he expected, albeit a bit snappish. "You mean my goals? That's simple. My goal is to cause a certain girl's trump card to misfire and envelop the world in chaos. I'm using a friend of hers to help accomplish this end."
"Hate to burst your bubble, but it ain't gonna work," Curtis said, shaking his head again.
Phibrizzo's voice turned haughty. "And why not? What would you know about any of this, mortal?"
"I'll tell you. First off, I know which girl you're referring to, and she ain't gonna go down without a fight. Second, a rival of Gourry's will show up seeking to duel him at an inopportune moment. While he's doing this, Lina uses the Ragna Blade and removes the disguise the hard way. Not an easy thing to do, but she does it anyway."
A touch of scorn. "Yeah, right. How do you know all this, anyway? Or is it just something that'll come about because of your interference?"
"Remember those stories I told you about earlier?" Curtis asked, picking up the television remote and turning the television back on. Despite himself, he wasn't able to suppress a shiver at what he said next. "You're one of the characters in it. It basically details how you're planning to destroy the planet, and I know the story inside and out. Said story includes," he said, smiling a little, "how you're gonna get offed eventually anyway without getting what you truly desire."
Out the corner of his eye, Curtis could tell when Phibrizzo's point-of-view changed of his own accord. Must've sat up suddenly. "Was it something I said, or- - -..."
"Tell me more later," Phibrizzo snapped. "Lina Inverse's coming, and she's ahead of schedule."
"Who's this Lina Inverse?" Inuyasha asked over the speaker.
"You'll find out when she gets there," Curtis told him. "Might as well settle down. This may take a little while." He flipped through the channels until he reached a familiar show, then leaned back into his chair and finished the rest of his soda.
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Location: Phibrizzo's palace, Sairaag
Time: That evening
The battle went as Curtis had told him it would; a swordsman with a pointed hat showed up and ruined everything... except for his contingency plan. After teleporting Gourry to his newfound lair at Sairaag and encasing him in crystal, Phibrizzo sat back in his chair- - -also made of crystal- - -and "gently" prodded Curtis for further details as the hours wore on.
Of course, the mazoku didn't let himself be surprised by Curtis's claims. The occasional reports given him by Xellos had also stated as much, although the human shouldn't have known any of it. Maybe those stories about me back at wherever the parasite originated are true, after all.
And he continued thinking this... until Curtis made a rather shocking remark.
"WHAT?! You're kidding me! The Lord of Nightmares takes over Inverse and uses her to destroy me?! No! Impossible! Complete Refusal To Believe You, written by me and published in twenty kingdoms!"
"Oh, that's good news," Inuyasha growled. "What about us?"
"We'll talk about that in just a bit," Curtis told him. He would've said more...
...but Phibrizzo's protests interrupted him. "Don't you two understand?! If she destroys me before my plans come to pass, everything will be for naught! Everything, you understand me?!" I'll have to come up with some sort of backup plan in case she shows up, and fast!
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Inuyasha was familiar with the plans of madmen, even though they looked like kids. That was why he had continued to examine the buttons and various controls in his chamber throughout the discussion, stopping only to deliver an occasional sarcastic remark.
On the far side of the chamber near the pillar, there was a solitary button labeled "Switch". Right below it on the floor was a large white 'O'; Inuyasha had found himself standing there while he had conducted his search.
Only half-listening to Phibrizzo's ravings, he considered what the word "Switch" could mean. It's a puzzle in itself. He shrugged. Only thing to do is to give it a try. And what's he going to do if he gets mad again, anyway? Hesitating for just a second, he raised one hand and pressed the button.
For the briefest of moments, Inuyasha blacked out. When he came to, he looked around him. His eyes saw the wide expanse of crystal and rock, with Gourry=s crystallized prison not far off. Great; I'm not in that room anymore. Must be on the outside now. About time; that room was getting cramped.
This line of thinking, needless to say, didn't last long. After a couple moments his gaze met with a reflective surface of crystal. It only took him a few seconds to realize that despite the fact that he was fully aware of his surroundings, he still looked like a kid.
A kid?!
"What in blazes?!"
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Hearing the shout, Curtis jerked his head over to where the 'viewport' was. Gasping in surprise, he turned around and exited the chamber on a beeline for Inuyasha's. What he found was only another surprise in a day full of them.
Inuyasha was gone- - -and in the pillar floated a very distraught and angry mazoku. Thankfully- - -or not so thankfully, depending on your point of view- - -Curtis could still hear his voice through the thick glass. "What did that stupid dog do this time?! And let me out of here!"
"Oh, come off it!" Curtis shouted back. "I'd be doing the same thing in his situation!" He turned back towards the viewport, smiling as he caught a glimpse of a reflection in the expanse of crystal. "Although he looks pretty cool, now. He must've found out what that 'Switch' button does. Was kinda curious about that..."
What the button did was 'switch' the positions of Phibrizzo and Inuyasha around. The hanyou was now in control of Phibrizzo's body, although there were some subtle differences: the hair was now white, the eyes were those of Inuyasha's, and Tessaiga now hung at his side.
"The wonders of technology," Curtis murmured, chuckling weakly and watching as Inuyasha unsheathed the sword and re-tested the Wind Scar just to let off some steam. "Just how crazy is this dream supposed to get, anyway?"
"Crazy?! Crazy?! Let me out of here and I'll give you crazy, you stupid human!"
Curtis sighed. "Inuyasha, you'd better get back in here. The psycho wants control back."
The mazoku's left eye twitched. "Psycho? You're really pushing it..."
Inuyasha's voice stopped him from saying anything else. "I can't! I don't know how!"
Think fast, Curtis! "Um... just try to imagine switching back. Say the word 'switch' over and over if that helps."
"I'll go the 'imagine' route, thank you," Inuyasha growled. "You think I'm going to make myself look stupid?"
After a brief pause, Inuyasha reappeared inside the chamber. Simultaneously, Phibrizzo disappeared. "That's much better," his voice said calmly. "Now don't do that again."
Curtis tilted his head slightly. "You're mad, aren't you?"
"Someone put a shark's tooth in my shirt," Phibrizzo murmured, registering a 9 on the Sarcasm Meter. "Yes, I'm mad, Mr. Obvious!"
Inuyasha agreed. "Yeah. Is it me, or do you just have trouble talking?"
There was a soft thud, meaning that Phibrizzo had sat down again. "Don't bother me right now. I got stuff to think about." The light on the chamber's speaker dimmed, and all was quiet.
Shrugging his shoulders but staying silent, Curtis ambled back towards the exit. Turning his head slightly, he matched gazes with Inuyasha; the hanyou was watching him cautiously. Motioning towards the exit, he stepped on through. After a second's hesitation, Inuyasha decided to follow him and see what was going on.
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To be continued
