Hello and good to see you, reader! Apple Fairy here! .

Well, here's chapter two! Still sorta bland…sorry. Dx

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tales of the Abyss.


Unspeakable

Story by Apple Fairy


Closer.

Ever closer. Just a bit more.

Ah. There we go.

Isn't that better? Being friends, than acquaintances?

Just a bit more though.

A little longer.

And then, we can be lovers.


The unfortunate thing about candlelight is that it's very ineffective in darkness like this. It's much too dim, and it hurts my eyes because of it. I dearly wish I wouldn't have to use such primitive modes of lighting, but a lamp would attract unwanted attention. I mean, it's not as if I would want anyone to read this…It would cause quite a stir. It would bring about that scandal we had so sorely feared, yet luckily avoided. It still remains our secret, our 'dirty laundry', if you would. Unless one of us was to confess to it, then, and only then, would anybody else know.

But with you trying your best to bring back the Gardios line, and me, being the prideful princess of Kimlasca, I don't think that it will be happening anytime soon. Thank goodness.

We had kept it a secret back then; so very tight a lid was on it. No one knew. Not Luke, or father, or even Asch…

Asch.

…Either way.

The bottom line is, is that I'd dread it if someone were to read this.

Yet, why do I write it then?

If I do not wish anyone to read this as I claim, then why am I writing it in the first place? As stated before, a scandal of an amazing caliber would occur if this were found. Is it because of what is going to happen? Is it because of what has already happened? Perhaps I just want to get this off my chest, before I have to see your face again. Before my heart tricks itself into thinking it's okay now. That there is nothing holding us back, that our love is very well accepted now. That Malkuth and Kimlasca are on good terms, that we are both of the same status, that he probably feels the same way as I do. Locked up and full of love long past dead?

What a foolish heart I have.

Either way, I'm not full of dead feelings. Yes, your goodbye left a lot to be desired, but, my love, it does not mean I miss those days. Those passionate and sweet days that made me feel so warm and good, reaching into the core of my body, and making me feel loved.

When I was in love with you, I felt…childish. Spoiled. Loved. Very well loved.

I have to admit, without any shame, my love; it was like you were born for it. To be charming, to be doting, to be gentle.

The perfect lover.

However, that certainly does not mean I still harbor such feelings for you. Goodness no. Those were days long since past. These feelings are dead. I trust that you do not feel such a way, too, my love?

Actually, now that I have noticed it, why am I addressing as my 'love', all of a sudden? Why not 'Guy' or 'Count Gailardia' as I will tomorrow?

No, I have not fallen for you. Still, I can't help myself but call you that…

Perhaps it is because I am resurfacing memories that should have never happened. Because I am digging up old feelings, old recollections, and thus old habits are being brought up as well.

I'll go with that.

Now, enough of this musing and stalling; back to the job at hand. What comes next? After my first attraction, then I…

Oh. Yes.

The library.


In the castle's library, there are many sorts of texts, all listing the history of Kimlasca of geography, of other trivial things like fonons, how they work, and normal information of Kimlasca. No fiction here; strictly business.

But some of the things we did in there must have been a dream. Something out of a terribly, cheap romance novel. Perhaps it's you, Guy. You always fit that type; the romance hero who would do anything for his 'true love'.

You'd laugh nervously at that, wouldn't you?

Either way, some of the things we did in there either bring a blush to my cheek, or a swell, a soft squeeze of happiness, to this tender heart of mine.

This event, however? It's hard to say, because this was still in our 'Acquaintances or not?' days. We were still uncertain about what we were to each other. Yes, I spoke to you more, reached out to you more after the incident in the rain. What could I have done anyway? I was indebted to you in a way and…fascinated with you.

…More on that subject later.

Either way, we were awkward on the subject, on the thought of it. We weren't sure how to act. Was it okay to ask personal things? To strike up a conversation without Luke as our excuse? Could I proudly call them my 'friend'? We were of different statuses, but no one said that being friends with one of different bearing was a bad thing, right?

We were…somewhat confused. More so when we refused to ask each other about it. We merely went with the motions, talked when it was convenient, yet didn't make a move to reach out any further. We didn't ask permission; we were too worried to.

However that day…I couldn't help myself.

It was a warm afternoon, the window open. The first thing I remember about this day was my blonde hair, tickling my face, dancing with each zephyr that came into the room. I didn't mind, and only pushed the locks behind my ear, only for it to become loose with another baby gust, and for the cycle to begin all over again.

I was too focused on the book in front of me, of brushing up on my poetry. A lady should always cultivate herself, should always have something to talk about with guests. I didn't mind this either. The occasional parties we would hold for new nobles or old friends had become a nice part of my life. I didn't hate it; goodness, no. I favored them. I loved conversing with people, of getting to know one better. Of getting to know the people that lived in this country I so loved and was proud of. And, of course, seeing as my…'mother'…was deceased I had to entertain the guests in place of the Queen. I didn't mind; I found it training for the future, for when I would take the throne with Luke…

…I mean, Asch.

Well, would of.

…Either way, I ramble. My apologies.

I can't correctly remember the author I was reading, or what the poem was about; I think it was about what peace was to a person, but I can't be entirely sure. It didn't matter, seeing as how Guy came into the library with no warning, causing me to jump.

"Guy?" I asked, slightly stunned at the chance appearance. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Princess Natalia? You're here?"

At the age of fourteen, he was a little shorter than he is now, of course, but still growing up quite well. I looked him over, and frowned.

"Guy, I thought servants weren't allowed in the castle's library. What are you doing in here?" I pressed. He smiled a good-hearted smile. I don't think I've ever seen him give a sarcastic roll of the eyes to anyone. Perhaps a tired sigh, but that was it. He's a gentleman, after all.

"I have permission to borrow some books from here."

"For what, may I ask?"

"Luke."

"…Oh."

That was all that needed to be said. I understood why, and the subject didn't need to be pursued any further. It's not to say I didn't like to talk about Luke's amnesia. It was just a topic that had already been discussed.

"Anyway, I'll be quick, and out of your way, princess. Don't mind me at all." He gave me a curt nod, and went on about his business. I looked at his turned back for awhile, then back to what I was reading. The wind blew through the window once more, and turned the pages for me. I frowned, and turned them back. I heard the birds chirping outside, stopping at few times, another one beginning where the other one ended. I heard a flap of wings and saw one fly by my window. I leaned over, watching it fly away, then swoop down, disappearing behind the roof. I heard the other bird, chirping behind me, having been left alone. I heard the distant response from the other bird; much further away, a quaint small noise.

I felt the wind blow the hair in my face again, and leaned back into my chair, fixing it. It blew harder, once again making me lose my page. I sighed in annoyance.

Then, a quiet chuckle.

I snapped my head back to where the noise was coming from, not sure of the expression I made. Guy was smiling at me, and then soon turned his head away, as soon as I caught him staring. I glared at him, feeling the embarrassment heat my ears. I turned back to my book, wishing to say something to him, but deciding not to. He'd…he'd say something first anyway. Right?

He didn't. It was silent between us. The birds were having a better conversation then us, both chirping at separate, irregular times. There was a rustling of leaves with each gust of wind, and Guy's footsteps could be heard in the large library, stopping at places, a sound of books being taken, or put back. Then he would begin again, looking for different ones for his master, still deciding to not say a word.

I hated it. I hated these sounds.

I had barely gone back to my book, didn't even bother to turn back to my previous page, not even when the wind changed it again for me. I felt the wind warm my face, the sunlight warm my exposed arm, the only thing in the area of the sunlight. I pulled it back, rubbing a hand over it. It felt hot. I pushed aside the urge to sigh in annoyance, and bit my lower lip.

His footsteps got closer and I knew he was nearer to me. Not next to me, but closer then he was before. I heard a shuffling of books, a flipping of pages, then a closing of a book. I heard his clothing shuffle with his movement.

I looked behind myself, to his turned back.

It was like I wasn't there. Did he not wish to talk to me? Did he not notice the awkward air that had settled? I heard the pages of my book shuffle again with the wind's power, but didn't care to notice. I felt my hair invade my face and yet, didn't care to notice anything around me.

The way Guy moved, how his legs would lead him just like that, how his shirt would stretch a bit when he raised his arm, how his neck would bend just like this when he looked down was all that existed then. His body and how it worked, his simple ways and habits were all I wanted to know.

Guy fascinated me.

It was not his handsome looks, nor the kind words he uttered that caught my attention. It was him. As a servant who was more refined, more gentle than other servants. He was different. He stood out. How he acted, who he was, who he could be…all of this caught my attention. I wanted to know him. I wanted to know more about this person.

I craved his presence.

Then, I had enough. This urge to know him was getting to be too much, and…I couldn't handle it.

If he wouldn't come after me, I would go to him.

"G-Guy?"

He turned his head to me, surprise in his eyes, possibly forgetting that I was there. The birds chirped behind me and he spoke.

"Yes, your highness?"

I quickly cursed myself. I hadn't planned ahead, only acted on want. What could I say? What conversation could I strike up with him?

Suddenly, in the middle of my worry, a zephyr attacked me out of nowhere, my book getting a mind of it's own once more, my hair, deciding to take the place of Guy in my field of vision. I yelped in surprise, and quickly brushed it out of my face, embarrassment once more falling on me in an avalanche.

And he was laughing a small, quick laugh. I felt my cheeks heat, and glared at him.

"Wh-What?! What is so funny?!" I snapped, frustrated with the wind, this situation, and my still-whining hunger for him. He grinned.

"Sorry, princess, it's just…your hair…" He chuckled, pointing at the subject of his sentence. I frowned, and reached up, smoothing it down, not knowing how it looked previously. I was sure, with all the wind that I allowed on myself, it had looked quite silly…

"H-How embarrassing…" I muttered. He pursed his lips, the laugh gone from his face.

"Why don't you tie it back?"

"Pardon?"

"I mean, it always gets in your face…It'd be less of a hassle if you just tied it back or something…" He offered, leaning against the bookshelf, moving the books he had collected to his side. I considered it for a while. I had never thought it as a hassle…I had wanted to grow it out, however, to appear more lady-like. As a child, I liked it short; it was easier to take care of, and the maids needn't have to fuss with it endlessly. It was less of a hassle, then.

This just proved my theory of hair being a bother when longer.

I shook my head.

"It's too short." I explained, and pulled it back with my hands, some strands falling around my face, much too short to go with the rest. "See?"

Guy frowned, and brought his thumb to his chin. After a while of being with him, I would notice this was a habit of his whenever he thought about something deeply.

But that was later, and this was then.

"…What about a headband?"

"A headband?"

"Yeah. To hold back some of your hair. Would that work?"

"I had never considered that…"

He shrugged, and turned his back to me once more. I suppose the conversation was over.

But I wanted more. I wanted to know more of him. My hunger was not yet satisfied. Yet, I still didn't know what to talk about. The problem of my hair had been solved, no more elaboration could be done on that. The weather was a fine topic, but was always the last thing to go to; the last resort.

My mind kept reeling until I heard the shuffling of my book once again. I looked to it. It had already turned itself to midway. I began to read it once again, absentmindedly, leaning against my elbow, letting my eyes scan it lazily. The wind calmed down, only softly playing with my hair.

Then, an idea came to me. It was not an idea that suited a princess, or a noble way of living, but I didn't care. This hunger was eating away at me, and I wanted to be fed.

He intrigued me that much.

"Guy?"

"Yes?"

He responded more quickly this time. It made me think that perhaps he too wanted to speak to me, waiting for me to make the first move, contemplating whether he should first instead.

What a naïve way of thinking, I told myself.

"Can I…May I ask for your assistance? You see, I'm having trouble understanding a word here…" I explained in fake shyness. He nodded, oblivious to my acting.

"Alright." He agreed, sauntering toward me, laying the books he had on the table I sat at next to me, not taking the other seat available, only barely leaning over. "Which word is it?"

"This one."

"Pessimistic?"

"Yes."

"That means 'To look on the dark side of life'."

"O-Oh, thank you."

"Anytime, your majesty." He gave me a curt nod, and stood up fully. My heart quickened in panic. I called to him.

"W-Wait! Th-There's another one, I'm afraid…"

Lies. I knew what they meant. All of them. I was not foolish; I just wanted an excuse to talk to him. I knew it was un-lady like, and that it went against the rules of etiquette and pride I had for myself, but…I craved it. I craved him. His presence, his intriguing nature…I wanted to get closer to him, wanted to be friends with him. I hated being 'only acquaintances'. I wanted more.

I wanted him, near me.

Besides, it had been proven successful. I…had gotten what I had wished for, a while into our conversation. For example...

"Are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you vain, Guy?"

He looked at me, a mix of confusion and shock. "D-Do I seem like it?" He asked, taken off guard. I smiled behind my book, my eyes glancing to the word in question that had began this conversation, me faking ignorance to the word. It was cute seeing him being not so perfect.

"It's just that you always appear so flawless…Do you spend time on your appearance?" I asked simply, using a proper, lady-like tone. Perhaps if acted politely, the guilt of doing an action against it wouldn't get to me?

"Of course not! I just…Well, not as long as you probably think!"

I fought back the urge to giggle. Cute. So very cute.

"Women focus on those sorts of things anyway."

"I do not."

He smiled at me. Payback, perhaps? "I never said you directly, princess."

"You implied it."

"Then, I'm sorry."

I looked at him from my book, peeking over. He was smiling a lazy smile. I smiled back. And once again, I could feel my heart swell with bliss. It felt…good.

"…I'm considering wearing make-up. When I get older." I piped up, my eyes returning to the pages. I didn't really care to read, I just didn't want to see the look on his face.

"I think you look beautiful just as you are now."

"What of other women who decide to wear make-up?"

"They're all beautiful as the way they are, as well."

"…Are you perhaps a womanizer?"

I looked up to him, with what I was hoping was a sly look. He widened his eyes and shook his head, his face a fine shade of red.

"I-I'm not! I…I just think women are cute is all!" He explained flustered. I shrugged.

"That only suggests you're more of one, Guy."

"D-Don't be so cruel, princess…"

I finally giggled, unable to hold back my love of the moment. I…loved talking to Guy. It felt so…free. Carefree, really. A sort of lazy happiness, making you feel relaxed and warm and good, all at the same time.

The fact that the wind stopped, and that only the sun's soft, warm rays comforted us, helped the fact as well.

The sun, however, also betrayed me.

"Oh!" He exclaimed, looking behind me from the chair he had finally taken. I furrowed my brow in confusion and looked with him. I was surprised to see that it was sunset, the molten sun sinking into the horizon, washing us in an orange light.

Had time really gone by so fast…?

He chuckled a goodhearted chuckle, his hand meeting the back of his head.

"S-Sorry, princess…I didn't mean to hold you up…"

"N-No, Guy, it's fine. I…I enjoyed our little chat."

He dropped his hand and gave me a look I couldn't classify. "Did you really?"

"…Y-Yes."

"…I…I did, too."

I smiled out of instinct, feeling my heart lift. I felt good. Even after we said our goodbyes, and after I told him "We must do this again.", and after he smiled and agreed with that casual smile of his again, I still took a while to realize that…my hunger was fed.

I didn't crave him. No. I cherished him now. I loved talking to him. I didn't regret reaching out to Guy, at all. We were…although unspoken…we were friends.

Friends.

How wonderful.

And even before he left, when I had said "Thank you for your time, Guy." And he responded with "Think nothing of it, Princess Natalia."…

He had been the only thing I could dream about that night.


Curse this candlelight. It provides near to nothing…who even invented candles, anyhow?

Well, I suppose they needed something back then to help them. Sad that I have to resort to such a thing like this. Curse this candlelight, and my inability to write this when the sun gave me a better light to write by. I suppose it doesn't matter though. What's done is done, and I must pay the price now.

Either way, that was the foundation for everything. Our blooming friendship. I should've been delighted with at least that, but no. I had to take it further. I had been young, and foolish, and…and spoiled. How unwise of me.

No; even those are excuses. I pursued a relationship with him, and I did it knowingly. I was only irrational in the area of caring. If I had even thought about the promise I made with Luke, even just a smidge, maybe I wouldn't be as filled with guilt as I am now…

As I said before, what's done is done. I must pay the price now.

I wonder if I had been more cautious, would we have never had fallen in love? If that's the case then…I'm happy I was irresponsible, even just a little.

After all, what's done is done. I…regret the affair, but not the happiness your love gave.


That's the end of chapter two! Thank you for reading! x3

Sorry for the story dragging on! I…I'm sorry if it's not that interesting. And sorry if they're OOC! Oog, I need more confidence. Dx

Either way, thank you once again for reading! I promise the plot will speed up as soon as possible! Ciao! :3

-Apple Fairy