A/N: Not so happy with this, as I hit a road block halfway through, but... eh, whatever. Please R&R. (I enjoy knowing that there are people reading this.)
Disclaimer: Camp Rock belongs to Disney, "The Way I Loved You" is Selena's song. Don't know who wrote it, though. Oh well. I don't own it.
naitlyn – the way i loved you
based on the song "the way i loved you" by selena gomez
everything's cool, yeah, it's all gonna be okay, yeah
and i know maybe i'll even laugh about it someday
I held the picture in my hands, thinking of the way it had been. The way it had been when everything was okay.
Then Nate was diagnosed. As if diabetes wasn't enough, no, it wasn't. No, something else followed. It killed me just as it killed him – as it was ready to kill his heart, it was killing mine too.
but not today, no, 'cause i don't feel so good
i'm tangled up inside, my heart is on my sleeve
When I heard the news, his diagnosis, I didn't go anywhere for four days. I cried and cried, feeling like a little baby. Of course Shane wouldn't have called Mitchie to tell her after their breakup, but she heard it on the news and we would talk for hours on the phone.
But it didn't help straighten out my very confused and tangled feelings.
tomorrow is a mystery to me
We didn't know when it would strike its final blow. And without that knowledge, tomorrow was as hazy as if we were stuck in a cloud.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
and it might be wonderful, it might be magical
it might be everything i've waited for, a miracle
A phone call from Jason, confirming my worst fears.
Emails and texts from friends, screaming that they were sorry.
A visit from Mitchie, a girl dressed in black like I was.
Letters from Shane, tear stains decorating the page.
A present from Tess, her autographed guitar.
Everyone said that they were sorry. Why? It wasn't their fault.
but even if i fall in love again with someone new
it could never be the way i loved you
My heart was sick. A new love seemed impossible.
It would never be the way I loved him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
letting you go is making me feel so cold, yeah
and i've been trying to make-believe it doesn't hurt
I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye. I mean, I loved this boy. If I let him go, I'd let go of myself. And pretending it didn't hurt only made it hurt more.
but that makes it worse, yeah, see i'm a wreck inside
my tongue is tied and my whole body feels so weak
Insomnia, blackouts, migraines, they all hit at once. Symptoms of depression? That was what I was diagnosed with. Another diagnosis. More bad news.
And they hadn't held the funeral yet.
the future may be all i really need
Did the future hold the cure to a broken heart?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
and it might be wonderful, it might be magical
it might be everything i've waited for, a miracle
Mitchie pushed me up the aisle of the little chapel. It was dark inside; the shades were drawn to keep the paparazzi out. I barely knew what to say, and I kept tripping over my dress and other various invisible objects as I made my way to the pulpit.
"Nate." I choked again on new tears. "Nate, I love you. You're everything that I was waiting for. You're everything I wanted."
but even if i fall in love again with someone new
it could never be the way i loved you
"After the mark you've left on my heart, Nate, I won't forget you. Ever. If I fall in love again…"
Tears. More tears. I couldn't speak, couldn't see.
It would never be the way I loved him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
like a first love, the one and only true love
wasn't it written all over my face, yeah
As I walk through the graveyard, Mitchie comes running up to join me. "True love isn't always what it seems," she whispers. I know she's referring to Shane, but Shane's still alive. Nate isn't. Nate is dead.
i loved you like you loved me, oh
like something pure and holy
"I know he loved me back, Mitch," I said softly. "Shane might not love you back now, but Nate, dead or alive, loves me still. And it seemed perfect."
like something that can never be replaced
And maybe I'd never fall in love again. That seemed okay with me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
and it was wonderful, it was magical
it was everything i waited for, a miracle
Flashbacks. Running on the beach, playing the guitar, writing new songs. His pretty smile, his curly hair, his beautiful brown eyes. Gone. All. Gone.
The miracle of life was failing me.
and if i should ever fall in love again with someone new
oh, it could it never be the way
A boy on the street walks up to me. I know him from school. Nick. Often teased about looking a lot like Nate Gray. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "About your boyfriend."
"It's fine."
"Um…" He pauses awkwardly. "I know it may seem sudden, especially after his death, but…" Another pause. "Will you go out with me?"
My head spun round. But I remembered this kid. I've known him for a while. He's nice. Normal. And cute, sorta. "Yes," I said. "I'd love to."
"Great," he said. "I'll call you."
no, it will never be the way i loved you
But even if I did fall in love with this new boy…
It will never be the way I loved him.
