Author's Note: I need to fix up the first chapter a bit. Don't you just love it when you notice typos and such after you've submitted something? Bleh. Hopefully the typos in this one are minimal. Anyways, here's Chapter 2, it's a lot longer than Chapter 1 but I've always thought Remus' relationship with his mother deserved way more time and attention than his relationship with his (in my mind) deadbeat dad. Enjoy!


Chapter 2: Mother

June, 1974

Anne Lupin looked at her son fondly; his vacation had only begun five short hours ago and he was already several chapters in to his summer reading. She had missed him more than she realized while he was away at school, his quiet presence filled a void within her that was impossible to ignore.

He looked tired, maybe even a little ill… but that was to be expected with the full moon being less than four days away. She hated the days leading up to the full moon in particular. Her son would grow more withdrawn, temperamental, and physically sicker and there was nothing she could do to help. At least in the days after the full moon, when he was broken and battered she could help him heal.

This month was different however; Anne was almost excited for the impending full moon. This month Remus would be trying a new potion, one she had been saving up for all year. Yes, it was very expensive and yes, she had been warned that it was still in the early stages of development, but she had been told by several different people that this potion would have a noticeable effect. She had eagerly written to her son about it after he'd returned to school in the New Year. He'd expressed some apprehension but said he was willing to try it, just as she knew he would.

Remus peered up from his book and looked at his mother curiously, "What is it?" he asked.

Anne started slightly, realizing she had been staring. "Nothing," she smiled. Remus smiled in return and began reading again.

"Well, actually…" she interrupted, "Do you remember that new treatment I wrote to you about?"

All traces of the smile and amusement that had been on her son's face faded and apprehension replaced it, "Er… yes… What about it?"

"Well, someone's coming by tomorrow afternoon to go over the procedure with you." Remus raised his eyebrows, clearly he hadn't been expecting to have to try it so soon after returning home, "I just thought" she continued, "that we'd be better off trying it sooner rather than later, just in case there are any problems, we have a whole summer to work things out."

In reality, Anne wanted to try it as soon as possible so that she wouldn't be tempted to spend the money she had been saving up for it on other things she knew they needed.

"Oh. Okay." Anne did her best to ignore his lack of enthusiasm

"Everyone I've spoken to says it makes a real difference."

Remus gave a strained smile. "I'm sure it will work this time mum." He was trying to placate her and Anne fought the urge to become defensive. This close to a full moon an argument might leave Remus sulking for a few days and it would be a miserable way to start his summer.

Sighing, she decided to change the subject, "I'm so happy you're home."

He smiled at this, "I'm happy I'm home too."


The next day, shortly after lunch, Emily Turnbull, the potioneer's assistant showed up at the Lupin home. Anne was already well acquainted with Emily, having met with her on several occasions to talk about the treatment. There was something welcoming about the woman; she was friendly, warm, and open—Anne was certain that she wasn't just selling more false hope.

"Anne! It's so good to see you again!" The two women embraced briefly, "How have you been?"

"I've been good! Remus just got back from his father's yesterday. It's so wonderful to have him around again." It was a small lie, but both Remus and his mother had agreed to use it to explain his lengthy absence. His presence at Hogwarts had to be kept a secret.

In actuality, Anne and Remus hadn't seen John Lupin since the night he'd left them. He would send an occasional letter, but they were few and far between. She had been devastated for a while when he first left, but gradually came to believe it was for the best. The overwhelming tension in their home had disappeared with him.

"Well, let's go say hello!" Emily said enthusiastically and laughed as she added, "Not that I mean to invite myself in." Anne smiled and led her through the entryway to the living room where Remus was waiting.

As the two women entered the room, Remus got up and eyed Emily warily. He never knew how strangers were going to act towards him.

Emily grinned and shook his hand, "You must be Remus! It's a pleasure to finally meet you! I'm Emily."

Remus smiled shyly, surprised by the instant acceptance of a complete stranger.

"It's nice to meet you too."

The conversation was light and casual for a while, Anne served tea, and gradually her son became less reserved in Emily's presence and she was grateful for the woman's patience and eagerness to make sure Remus was comfortable.

The conversation began to dwindle and there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the three of them that it was time to put the pleasantries aside and get down to business.

"My colleague, Damocles Belby, has been working on this potion for several years now. The goal isn't to stop your transformations altogether—that would be impossible… the purpose of this potion is to keep you from hurting yourself while transformed. So far we've had some success with many of our other patients. I'll admit though, none of them are as young as you are."

Anne glanced at her son, who was watching the other woman intently. It felt odd to have someone refer to him as a patient. Of course, that's exactly what he was… a very sick young man living a horrible disease… but most of the time 'patients' with Remus' condition were simply referred to as werewolves or by other much more disagreeable terms. 'Patient' sounded so wonderfully human.

"I'm not going to lie to you or sugarcoat this Remus; the potion is still in the early stages of development. There are many risks involved; the dosage may not be strong enough, in which case you'll only see a slight improvement. There's also a small risk that your body will reject the potion—so far we've only had that happen with one patient, but the reaction was fatal."

Anne felt her stomach twist into knots, the odds of that happening are so small, it'll never happen to my Remus she reassured herself.

"That being said, are you still willing to try this?"

Remus looked over to his mother who was watching him with anticipation. Slowly, he nodded.

"Perfect!" Emily's somber tone seemed to evaporate and her cheerful disposition reemerged. "Now then, I'm going to go over the process with you so that there aren't any unpleasant surprises the day of. If you have any questions, just stop me."

"I'll bring the potion over with me about two hours before moon rise. I'm going to give you a different potion beforehand that will stop you from being sick. An hour after that, I'll give you the actual potion. It's a particularly nasty one and you'll have trouble keeping it down without the first one. I'll stay around for a few minutes after you've taken it, just to make sure you don't have a bad reaction. Then, just go through your normal routine. I assume you'll be transforming here?"

Remus nodded.

"Excellent! Well, like I said, just go about your normal routine and I'll be back a few minutes before moonset with one of our healers," she smiled before adding, "Just to be on the safe side."

"Do you have any questions for me?"

"No, I think you explained it all." Remus replied quietly, obviously not wanting to pursue the subject any further.

"Well then," Emily said standing up, "I'll see you again soon Remus. It really has been a pleasure meeting you!"

"Goodbye Emily. Thanks so much for coming all this way." Anne replied before Remus had a chance to say anything.


The remaining three days before the full moon seemed to fly by. Anne watched helplessly as her son became sicker and sicker. She had to keep reminding herself that this new potion would help him. And it's going to work, became her mantra.

"Mum, I don't want you to get too excited."

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean that, you seem very sure that this is going to work and I don't want you to be too disappointed if it doesn't."

She smiled and nodded, "Don't worry about me sweetheart." Daylight was rapidly vanishing from the room but Anne could still clearly make out the look of concern on her son's face.

A sudden knock on the door caused both Remus and his mother to jump.

"That must be Emily!" She rushed to the door and ushered the woman inside.

The two women entered the living room where, once again, Remus was waiting. He looked very ill now: his skin was very pale, his cheeks were flushed, and there were dark circles under his eyes which gave him an almost wild-looking appearance.

"Good evening Remus." Emily said cheerily, "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better" he replied with a weak smile. Emily's expression became softer and she nodded. After a brief pause, she opened the case she had brought with her, pulling out a vial of an opalescent white liquid. "You should take this one now—it'll need some time to take effect." Remus obeyed dutifully.

While they waited, Emily and Anne had a quiet conversation about the treatment's main ingredient, aconite. Being an avid gardener, Anne was fascinated by the technique they had employed to make the plant non-lethal. Remus, meanwhile, became more and more agitated and began pacing. The two women pretended not to notice his growing restlessness and discomfort until finally it was time for him to take the second potion.

Emily pulled out a large vial full of a strange dark liquid. When she pulled the stopper out, a faint blue smoke came off of it. She handed it to Remus who sniffed it and flinched.

"I know it's awful. But you need to drink the entire thing," she coached.

Remus sighed, took a deep breath, and threw the entire substance back with one swig. He began coughing and gagging. For a brief moment, Anne thought he was choking and grabbed his arm, waiting to catch him if he collapsed. Emily didn't seem particularly worried by his reaction though.

Eventually the coughing subsided and Remus pulled a face, "That's awful!" Emily gave him a sympathetic pat on the back, "I can only imagine."

She lingered for a while, making sure Remus didn't go into shock. When she was satisfied that his body wasn't going to reject the potion, she wished them both luck and left.

Gently, Anne led her son down into the cellar. This was always the worst part: locking her son into that cold, dark place. He stumbled a little when they reached the stairs and she noticed for the first time a strange glassy look in his eyes.

Once in the cellar, she helped him sit down with his back pressed against the wall, trying to ignore the way he winced. His face looked almost gray in her wand light and Anne pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. He was cold and clammy, she felt her stomach drop. Usually Remus would be burning up before his transformation.

"Remus?" she whispered.

He looked at his mother without recognition and Anne's heart began palpitating. He's going to be okay she thought desperately, he's going to be okay.

He doesn't even know who I am right now, a more pessimistic part of her mind protested.

"You're going to be alright. This is going to work, okay?" He continued to stare at her with glassy eyes and an empty expression. She felt hot tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Unsure of what else to do, she hugged her son as tightly as she could; his body was limp and unresponsive in her arms. She continued to hold him for what seemed like an age until, eventually, a violent shudder made her pull away.

Remus was shaking, the moon hadn't risen yet, but the pre-transformation tremors let her know that it was time to get out of the cellar. She kissed his forehead and hurried out of the room. Locking the door and securing it behind her. When she was certain the door was fixed in place, she paused for a moment, listening.

Next she had to cast a silencing charm, more for her own peace of mind than anything else. She'd heard him screaming once, during his first real full moon as a werewolf, she hadn't thought to put on a silencing charm and she'd never been able to forget the way he'd screamed.

Normally, he'd whimper and cry in the last minutes and seconds before the change as his body prepared itself, but all she could hear on the other side of the door now was silence. His pre-transformation sounds of pain were awful, but his silence was proving to be much more terrifying.

She strained to hear him. Please, she begged, please just make a sound. Let me know you're okay. As if to punish her for wishing for such a thing there was a sudden, horrible cracking noise which was immediately followed by a scream that seemed to shake the whole house. Anne gasped and fell away from the door. The scream tapered off and she could hear Remus gasping, after a split second pause, another heart wrenching scream filled the air. She fumbled clumsily with her wand, casting a silencing charm as soon as she was holding it the right way, the scream was cut off and the silence left her ears ringing.

A sob cut through the quiet and it took a moment for Anne to realize it was her own cry. Then, as if a dam had been broken, she began sobbing uncontrollably as she tried to scramble up the stairs. She knew she couldn't sit outside the door. The smell of a human just beyond his reach would drive her son mad, and it was that knowledge alone that kept her moving.

At the top of the cellar stairs, she collapsed and continued crying through the night.


Anne was sitting in her living room when 4:30am rolled around. Another fifteen minutes until the moon set, she noted absentmindedly. Her eyes were red from crying and a lack of sleep and she knew that she should try to make herself more presentable for when Emily and the healer arrived, but she couldn't bring herself to get up.

A soft knock on the door shook her out of her daydream-like state and she tried to push the sounds she'd heard just a few hours ago into the back of her mind. She let Emily and the healer, a short, stout woman, into her house. Both women ignored Anne's disheveled look.

They sat in silence waiting for the moon to set. Anne noticed that the healer had brought a rather extensive medical kit while Emily had an owl with her. The minutes dragged by painfully and she was grateful that Emily wasn't trying to fill the silence with pointless chatter.

Finally, the alarm she had set went off, letting them know it was safe to retrieve Remus. The three women made their way down the cellar stairs and paused outside the great iron door that sealed her son in. Anne removed her silencing charm first and listened for something: rustling, a moan, a shuffling sound… anything to let her know what was waiting for her on the other side. But there was only silence. Had her alarm been too early? She wasn't sure. She had been certain when she set it that she had the correct time, but now she was filled with doubt.

"I think it's safe Anne." Emily said gently. Anne gave her a small nod and removed her locking spells. The door swung open and the small room filled with light as the healer quickly pushed past her.

There, pressed up against the same wall where she had left him, was the crumpled form of her son. She felt her heart swell with excitement as she realized there wasn't any blood, no cuts, no visible injuries: just Remus, looking remarkably intact.

"Remus!" She couldn't suppress her smile, but then she caught a glimpse of the healer's grim expression. It had worked hadn't it? Anne looked over to Emily who suddenly looked very pale and worried.

"Oh dear…" she muttered, Anne followed the woman's gaze and for the first time, she managed to focus on her son's face.

His skin was white and his lips were blue. She felt Emily brush past her as she joined the healer at Remus' side. Anne continued to stand in the doorway, clutching onto the frame so tightly her knuckles turned white.

He isn't breathing she realized. He's dead. The room began spinning. He didn't want to try it, he hated taking those stupid potions, John was right. Anne's thoughts began racing. I should've listened, he was right all along and now I've killed my son.

"Remus!" her trance was broken and she rushed to her son's side. "Remus, wake up! Wake up!" She was screaming.

"Please Anne, it's alright. He's going to be okay, you just need to give us some space." Emily's words didn't reach her as her hysteria continued to build.

"He's not breathing!" she shrieked.

"He is breathing, it's okay. The dosage must have been too strong." Emily's tone became sterner, "You need to give us some space. We're going to revive him." Anne nodded numbly; she backed away slightly but grabbed ahold of her son's hand. It was ice cold and she squeezed it tightly willing it to warm up. Realizing that she wasn't going to move any further back, the healer sighed and began chanting rhythmically.

The air became charged with the electricity of the healer's magic. Minutes passed, it felt more like hours though. Remus' lips remained blue and his face white, but as she stared, Anne noticed the way his chest was rising and falling ever so slightly.

Please, she begged, please let him be alright. I promise I will never do this ever again. Never. Just let him be alright. Please. She was crying again, she didn't think she had any tears left in her after last night.

Please.

She felt his hand twitch in hers and he instinctively wrapped his fingers around hers.

"Remus?"

Suddenly, his whole body convulsed and Remus turned his head coughing up strange black goo. Immediately he took a long shuddering breath and groaned. Color returned to his lips and all three women sighed with relief. He didn't open his eyes but life was slowly returning to his frail body.

The healer was sweating from the effort to revive him and Anne realized just how difficult it had been to wake him.

"We can move him to his bed now," the healer said, exhausted.

Once Remus was settled into his own bed, Emily turned to Anne, "I'm so sorry Anne. Damocles must have gotten the dosage wrong. I told him he shouldn't have made it as strong as usual, that Remus was smaller than all our other patients but…" she trailed off. "I need to send a letter; I'll be back in a moment."

Finding herself alone with her son at last, she kissed his forehead and whispered, "I promise Remus, no more. I won't make you do this anymore. I swear it."

She hadn't realized it before, but the belief that one day he wouldn't have to go through his monthly ordeal had made everything else more tolerable. The isolation, the poverty, the sacrifices—it had all been easier to stomach when she had believed one day everything would be alright. But enough was enough, her denial and blind optimism had nearly killed the one person she had left in this world… it was time to grow up and accept her son's condition for what it was—permanent.

After ten years of holding out hope, it was strange how quickly her disappointment and hurt turned into bitter acceptance. It wasn't worth it; nothing was worth her son's life. She grabbed his hand, it was still cold but not icy like it had been, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry" she whispered.

By the time Emily returned, Anne had managed to compose herself. She felt numb and distant, but at least she was thinking clearly again.

"I need to report in to Belby," she said softly, "We'll return tonight to make sure he's recovering properly, but it'll probably be a few days before responsive again and at least a week or two before he's back to normal." Anne nodded silently, unable to meet the other woman's gaze.

Emily made a small noise like she was about to say something else, but instead she sighed and turned away. A minute later Anne heard the front door open and close but continued to stare at her son's face.

"No more, I promise."