(Before I start my A/N, I wanna say that in The Bottom of the Well's A/N I wrote, "Don't like to me." I meant "Don't lie to me." It was bugging me. Phew.)
A/N: Here's another one! Don't get used to me updating so much. I don't know how long it's going last. Anyways, this one is longer, so I'm sorry if it's kinda boring. I never really mind doing this part of TP, but at the same time, it's like "Can't I just get to the dungeon already?" Too much going back and forth, here and there, back over to this place, and it's like WE GET IT! But oh, well. It's a great game, nonetheless. Twilight Princess is my absolute favorite Zelda game. Hey! Stop throwing tomatoes and cabbages at me! I'm entitled to my opinion!
I hope there are some who agree that this "quest" is a little much, to say the least. Please review once you're done reading. I love reviews! Midna loves thee! Enjoy to the best of your abilities!
"It's Not Easy Being Link"
"Remember when I had to find the shards of the Mirror of Twilight?" Link asked Zelda. They were both lying on their stomachs in front of Hyrule Castle's largest fireplace; it was big enough to fit ten Twilight Mirrors comfortably. Zelda resisted the urge to sigh and turned her dirty blonde head to look at her green-clad friend. She had long since grown used to him blurting out his past experiences, often to complain about how asinine the tasks were.
"Vaguely. 'One in a snowy peak, one in a sacred grove, one in the heavens,' right?" she recited.
"Uh huh, that's it," Link nodded, his enthusiasm growing. "Well, see, I was looking for the last one; the one in the heavens, right?" He waited for his friend to nod before continuing. "Well, I figured it would be pretty easy getting up there, since it wasn't too hard finding the locations of the other two. But, boy, was I wrong. Before I could even think about making it to the heavens, I had to help Ilia get her memory back, since her memory was important to finding out where the City in the Sky was. Remember my old friend Ilia?" Link asked.
Zelda suppressed a yawn. "I think so. Side ponytail, mayor's daughter?" she recollected.
"That's her," Link confirmed, snapping his fingers. "Well anyway, I had to go out of my way to get my memory back. And somehow it was unanimously decided that I would be the only person responsible with getting her memory back!
"Well first, I went to Telma's Bar, because she always has useful information. She gave me a letter to give to Renado – the shaman. So I went to Kakariko Village to deliver the mail. In return, he gave me a letter to give to Telma! I was just there! So I had to go all the way back to her bar. Once I gave her the letter, she gave me an invoice that I need to give to the Town Doctor. This was a job for the Postman, and I wasn't him! She also said that Ilia had a wooden statue with her that the Doctor might know about.
"So I went to the Medical Clinic to talk to the Doctor – who I had only met once before – and gave him the paper. After a fit of rage at the amount he needed to pay Telma, he huffed about and said he knew about the wooden statue, but spilled foul-smelling medicine on it, setting it outside to air out, but had disappeared soon after. After an awful lot of backtracking, I found out that Telma's cat had stolen the wooden statue, but had it been taken from her by a pack of wild dogs. By that time, things were starting to make less and less sense, but I couldn't stop yet.
"I waited outside South Castle Town for these wild dogs until well after dark. I roughed them up and they gave me Ilia's stinky wooden statue. Going back to Kakariko, I gave the statue to Ilia and she had this big fit and everything came back to her. She gave me a next to useless Horse Whistle, but that's beside the point. She explained that a woman in a hidden town helped her, and Darbus broke the boulders that blocked it, so I could speak with her. But of course, even that was an ordeal. I had to kill a horde of Bokoblins, and the whole time I was thinking, 'Can't one thing I have to do just be simple?' And the answer is, no, apparently not.
"The woman gave me a book of Sky Writing that I guessed Shad would be able to decipher – he likes that kind of stuff – and talked about the City in the Sky. After talking with Shad, back in Kakariko, I had to look for these Owl Statues. There were two in Eldin Province, one in Lanayru Province, one by Lake Hylia, one in Faron Woods, one all the way in the Gerudo Mesa, then of course the original one in Kakariko. Seven of them! And most of them were no walk in a meadow to get to!
"Once that nightmare was over I once again spoke to Shad, and lo and behold there was a cannon behind that Owl Statue! Now I knew how to get to the heavens! It was broken though, so I brought it to Lake Hylia to get Fyer to fix it. Don't ask me how I got it there. After spending 300 Rupees, I was finally, after all that painstaking travelling, able to get to the City in the Sky! Isn't that so extremely ridiculous, Zelda? …Zelda?" He looked over to the Princess, whose head was resting on her arms, eyes closed. "Zelda!" She shoved her shoulder.
She bolted upright, startled. "What? I'm listening!"
"You fell asleep!" Link yelled, near the point of pouting.
"Well, no offense, Link, but that was the most boring story I have ever heard. You literally bored me to sleep," she said rubbing her eyes.
"And I had to live it! That's my point! It's preposterous!" Link shouted, his frustration peaking. "Why am I always forced to do such stupid things? The Goddesses have a sick sense of humor," Link sighed, now hanging his head.
"What would you rather do? Fight and battle with hundreds and hundreds of vicious monsters and beasts, risking life and limb just for a little excitement?" Zelda asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It might not be safe, but at least it's more fun!" Link defended. "Being the legendary hero and being forced to accomplish dull tasks is simply torturous!"
"You poor, poor thing, you," Zelda teased, her words dripping with sarcasm.
"Don't mock me!" Link exclaimed, acting as if he had been personally insulted. "It's not easy being Link."
A/N: There it is. This is as accurate an account of Pre-City-in-the-Sky as it gets. I know it by heart, since I've done it no less than seven times (no more than eleven), and I looked it up online to double check. If I did do anything wrong, then blame the people who wrote what I looked at. This one drags on a bit, but that is the point, mind you. I bet at least one of the people who read this just wants Link to stop explaining it, but that's the point! So sorry for ranting about something so boring... Now you know how poor Zelda feels.
I think I'm gonna keep up the trend like this. Have it be like a re-telling of Link to Zelda. Maybe it won't always be Zelda, but y'all get it.
Hey! Give me ideas! Is there anything that you've had to do in a Zelda game that was just painstakingly boring or over-the-top unnecessary? Please tell me! Mind you I haven't beaten all the games (But I have beaten 9. WoOt!), but I'll do my best. Someone tell me about their least favorite Anju-Kafei quest! Or all of the Anju-Kafei quests put together! I'll probably do the Triforce Charts and Shards somewhere along the line. Please refrain from doing "optional" pain-in-the-ass quests (pardon my French) unless you just hate them that much. I love your ideas! I love them more than cookies! Okay, that was a lie... but still.
Review, pretty please! It keeps Zelda from dying of boredom. Midna loves you very muches!
