Okay, so I wasnt going to carry on with this story but Ive now decided to write some more as this idea just wont leave me. I love doing this, so leave a review to keep my faith in this story alive. First time writing in EPOV so let me know what you think ..
(oh i have to mention this chapter is rated T for swearing....you've been warned)
So previously, Bella caught Edward in the act with a mysterious blonde.
Chapter 2: Panic.
EPOV
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cursed as I snapped my phone shut and threw it across the room hearing it hit the wall but not caring where it landed or the damage Id done. My whole body ached and the adrenaline coursed through my veins. Worry and panic began to creep all over me.
I had tried to call Bella to try and explain everything, I needed to make sure she knew that it was the biggest mistake of my entire life and that I was sorry. I needed to hear her voice to make sure she was alright.
"Edward, calm down Jasper" repeated following my footsteps as I paced up and down this apartment "shes alright, Alice is with her tonight
I stopped short and pinched the bridge of my nose in anger and frustration, things were really messed up, I completely ruined everything.
The look on Bellas face when I saw her standing in the doorway nearly killed me, how could I have been so stupid?!
Jasper came behind me and gently took hold of my arms and led me to the sofa and pushed me onto it before sitting down next to me. He waited patiently for me to compose myself enough to face him not bothering to mention the fact that I had probably dented his wall. His blue eyes found mine and fed me worry and sympathy, I looked away disgusted.
I didnt need his sympathy, I had done this to myself, to my poor sweet Bella. I had probably ruined everything that we had built up together for the past 10 years. Edward Cullen has fucked up once again. Well done! 100 points to team Cullen! God I was such an asshole and now Id hurt the love of my life all for one lousy roll in the sack.
I really didnt know why I had even done it. If I could take it back I would.
"Edward, please take breaths" Jaspers voice broke me from my trance and I sucked in a breath that I didnt even know I was holding. I let my head fall into my hands and I let out a shaky sigh.
"Ive really messed up man" I said.
"Your telling me" Jasper replied "Alice is furious,"
"Wants to kill me right about now?" I asked wincing at the thought of Alices wrath, my eyes shooting up towards Jasper who gave me the You betcha look. I groaned.
"Ed, what happened?" he asked.
"Jazz I really fucked things up, I hurt her really bad. It was just a moment of weaknessLauren my new secretary at the hospital asked me to go for drinks with her, Bella was running late so I thought what the hell. I called Bella and told her I was working late. We went to a bar. Man, things got weird and she was telling me all about her boyfriend and then she started crying and then we were kissing" I said knowing that I didnt make much sense "I knew I shouldnt have done it, but I dont know what came over me. Next thing I know is were back at mine and were....you know" I said not having the backbone to say the words having sex. "then I look up and Bella is standing in the doorway, oh god looking at me with so much hurt and betrayal. I tried to stop her leaving but she just took off.. Oh fuck, man what do I do?"
Jasper was silent for a long time, I knew that somewhere deep down he hated me right about now, he was disgusted with me and I deserved it. I was sickened with myself, and all I could think about was what I could do to make it right. I couldnt even grasp the idea of us being apart, that just wasnt an option for me I needed to fix everything and make her love me again and get the haunting vision of the look on her face when I saw her standing there, her big brown eyes that I had seen everyday full of love and wonder now filled with something completely opposite. I shuddered.
There was no Edward without Bella. She was my whole entire life, the air that I breathed and the oxygen that filled my lungs. She set my whole body on fire with one look and filled my entire being with passion and my heart with love.
I had broken everything.
I wasnt sure how much time had passed when Jaspers cell started ringing from the kitchen bringing me out of my Bella infused haze, light spilled into the room and I realised that it was morning and I hadnt even slept.
Looking down at the table I saw a hot cup of coffee sitting next to my cell phone.
I looked over to Jasper wondering when he had the time to change his clothes and silently thanking him for finding my phone. I looked back down to the cup and grimaced knowing that I couldnt stomach anything.
My ears pricked up at the mention of Alices name and I nearly broke my neck craning to hear the conversation.
"Hey sweetheart..yeah Im okay. Did you sleep?" he asked and pursed his lips, his eyes flicking to me for a second before he glanced over to the kitchen counter "How is she?" he asked followed by a frown and a sigh "is she still asleep..yeah dont wake her.., hes still here" Another glance in my direction I could hear even from on the sofa the shouts that came from the phone, her voice shrieking down the line "Alice its none of my business...yeah of course I am...ok....is that her now?Okay, Love you. Bye."
He snapped his phone shut and gave me a half smile before pouring some coffee.
"How is she?" I blurted out quickly, not even bothering to say good morning or ask him if he was alright with me crashing out on his sofa or anything, God I was so selfish.
"Alice said shes a mess." Jasper said bluntly making me wince, hed always sugar coated things for me when it came to Bella but not when Id hurt her. I knew he was pissed at me and he had every right to be. Bella was like a sister to him but he was still my best friend. I really wanted him to punch me to show me that he hated what Id done to her.
"Edward Im not going to lie to you, I think youre an ass, you had such a good thing with Bella. That kind of thing doesnt come around very often. Right now I know I should hate you but youre my best friend and I guess even you need someone on your side in all of this. Im not going to tell you what to do and I dont know why this happened at all. I just wish you would have come to me if you and Bella had problems." he said then he took a deep breath. "I wish I could tell you how to fix this, but I cant. I dont even know if you can. It seems to me shes really broken about this."
My heart dropped to the lowest point in my chest and tears came to my eyes. Hearing those words from Jasper was making the whole situation seem so much more real and definitely 100 times worse.
My eyes searched his waiting for his opinion of me to change, to let me know how little he thought of me right at that very moment but he held my eyes for a long time, then he sighed and looked away ashamed. 'Finally' I thought.
He pushed himself away from the counter and headed towards the bathroom eat he mumbled "Im hitting the shower before Alice comes home"
Which I read as 'I dont think you should be here when Alice gets back' and so I waited till I heard the bathroom door lock flick across the closed door before I grabbed my car keys and quickly left.
I parked across the street from Bellas apartment staring down at the steering wheel, my fingers gripping onto the wheel tight my knuckles turning white and my whole wrist began to shake.
Alice had left looking tired and worn out, although she didnt see my car sitting across the street I could see the worry in her eyes as she pulled out her cell phone and began typing furiously as she opened her car door and climbed in. Her yellow bug- her pride and joy came to life and she sped off without even glancing in my direction.
Moments later my cell phone buzzed. 1 Message from Alice. I took a breath and opened my inbox.
YOU had better not go to her. Youve done enough! Me and Rose will get your shit. Stay away!
I wish I would have listened to that damned pixie.
I cant remember how I got out of the car or how I even managed to be standing in the middle of Bellas hallway. All I knew was that I was standing there looking around, probably already guessing that I would never see these walls again. My eyes fell on the table across the hall with a little silver picture frame standing with pride in the centre. It was a photo of the two of us back when we were in college, I remember it being a sunny day as we were back in Forks on summer vacation. Bella insisted that we stay at her fathers house for the first week then finish our time at my parents house up in the forest. She had always loved my house up in the middle of nowhere, made her feel safe and secure she used to tell me.
That photo was taken as we lay on a checked picnic blanket she held the camera up in the air at arms length and she clicked away. But neither of us were looking at the camera, we were both gazing into each others eyes. I had forgotten those days.
Things were simple back then, we didnt have reality looming over us. We lived in our own little cocoon.
A broken sob threw me out of my thoughts and I jerked my head in the direction of the bathroom panic filling every fibre in my body, and I ran toward the cries.
I gasped when I opened the bathroom door, the sight that was in front of me made my knees tremble and my heart sink. Bella. Curled up in a ball on the shower floor her whole body shaking with violent sobs. Bella crying out my name over and over again, tears filled my eyes and escaped down my cheeks at the sight of her broken and alone looking so vulnerable on the tiled floor.
Without thinking I went to her opening the shower door and reaching out to her the hot water soaking through my clothes as I held her body to mine. Her arms wrapped around me as she cried harder. I held her tight, my hand in her hair as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.
For a long while we stood under the pouring water sobbing while I caressed the soft skin of her back soothing her slightly knowing she loved it when I ran my fingertips along the skin of her back.
"Edward?" she said finally, confusion in her voice.
"Bella.I.." I began but she cut me off, her lips came crashing down on mine taking me by surprise. I responded quickly and deepened our kiss, savouring every second she was giving me, knowing that she would come to her senses any moment and push me away. But she didnt.
With the water still pouring down both of our bodies I reached behind us and switched the shower off and lifted Bella off the ground, she instantly wrapped her legs around me and I groaned closing my eyes kissing down her face and neck then ending back at her lips. In a frenzy she began clawing at my shirt and jeans until we were both as naked as when I had found her.
I really want to tell you that me and Bella made love. But it wasnt making love. No words were exchanged and she kept her beautiful eyes closed tight. I tried to kiss her eye lids but she pushed me away and turned her head pining my hands to my sides. As I watched her in awe I knew that she wouldnt be mine for much longer and that thought ate me up deep inside me. This used to be so perfect. Now I will forever remember the look etched onto her beautiful lips, those tears running down her cheeks, the broken gasps, the violence behind her actions trying to punish the both of us. I hated this. But Bella didnt stop.
We lay for in the dark for a long time, no words were spoken between us as I pulled her into my arms. She lay stiff and on edge with her face turned away from me.
My heart pounded in my chest as my mind searched for the right thing to say, I was positive she could hear it too and I could feel her heat beating rapidly through her back, could see her pulse point on her neck rising and falling quickly.
I had to say something.
"Bella" I whispered "Im sorry"
For a few moments she was silent, I thought she had drifted off to sleep until I felt her lift herself off my arm and turn away from me, I sat up and reached out for her as she tried to stand from the bed "Bella, please dont-"
"Stop it Edward!" she said "I dont want to hear any of your excuses or explanations, I just want you to go"
"Bella I have to-" I started again reaching out and taking hold of her hand, but she pulled it out of my grasp quick, as if I had burnt her. She began to dress quickly.
"No, you dont get to touch me now" She said looking me straight in the eye, her own brown orbs so cold and distant. "You dont ever get to touch me again. You shouldnt have come. I was stupid for letting this happen....you need to leave" she said throwing some dry clothes at me.
I shook my head and wrapped the bed sheet around me "Im not going anywhere, I need to explain, I need to make you understand that I love you and Im so sorry. I fucked up. Please give me another chance." I begged.
She wasnt listening, instead she pulled one of my old shirts on that I had left here and she left the room quickly.
Sighing I quickly dressed and looked down the bed sadly. Suddenly a loud smash filled the apartment making me jump, few seconds later another smash, then another I ran into the lounge to find Bella throwing cushions across the room, tears running down her face again. I glanced around the room and across the hall to find that there were plates and glasses covering the floor in the kitchen. Bella was trashing the place.
"Bella stop it" I called out trying to grab hold of her arms but she turned her back and held out her hand swiftly moving it along the mantle piece the ornaments and trinkets flying everywhere and theyre broken wails pierced the air making me wince.
"You never loved me!" she screamed
"Of course I did, I do love you" I reasoned with her being helpless to her outburst.
"LIAR!" she shouted as she threw a vase of flowers at the wall I watched as her favourite flowers, the ones that I had got her the morning before, sank to the floor in a messy heap.
"Bella please stop this, youll hurt yourself" I cried.
"You've already done that!" she shouted back throwing more stuff in my general direction then her hands flew to her hair and she pulled at it hard "How could you do this to us?! How could you be so selfish? Wasnt I enough for you?!" she cried. "I hope she was fucking worth it."
I waited until she had calmed down enough before I made a step towards her but she flinched away. My heart broke at the action, she actually looked scared of me. I had never given her reason to be afraid of me but I suddenly understood all the faith and respect that she had for me had disappeared. My shoulders felt heavy and my head span from the realisation that in Bellas eyes she never knew me at all. But she was wrong. She did know me. And I love her with all my heart.
"I hate you" she whispered loud enough for me to hear.
My whole world stopped at her words. I hated myself even more.
I had to keep trying.. "Bella listen to me-"
"Im leaving" she said quickly "I have to go"
NO!
"What, where?" I demanded quickly "You cant go, not when youre this worked up we need to talk"
"I need to think, Edward I need to breathe. Just please leave me alone." she replied, then something in her eyes changed and I could see my Bella looking back at me again, "I'll be ok I promise, I just need to go-" she said her tears cutting off her words, she lowered her head and wrapped her arms around herself. She was so fragile. I walked closer towards her.
Tears fell down my own cheeks and my breath caught in my throat as I tried to push down the lump that had formed painfully lodged in my throat. Was this goodbye?
"Bella I love you" I said my fingers reaching out and caressing her cheek, she cried harder at my words and nodded. "Im sorry" I added. Her breaths were laboured and her body racked with sobs as I pressed my lips to her forehead.
I reluctantly turned around and headed for the door, glancing one last time to see Bella, the love of my life crouch down in the middle of the floor and break down into heavier sobs. Completely heartbroken and defeated I opened the door and walked out of her life.
I promised her at that moment I would go to the ends of the Earth to fix what I had broken. One way or another.
She loved me, and I betrayed her.
Its official, I am Edward Cullen and I have broken Bella Swans heart.
Please let me know what you thought of it. A big surprise is coming soon so keep tuned..
