Author's Note:
Hey guys. Back with a new chapter, I guess. Well, so most of you guys didn't get the first chapter and is wondering "how the hell with Contestshipping come in when Drew is the ex-groom?" Well, it will and only I know how it will-because I'm the writer. (: It's really simple, actually. You just read along and see what's going to happen next. And I'm planning on making this a really long story-so obviously the first chapter won't have fluffy CS moments! :P
Eh, the point is for you all to be just patient and see how it'll turn out before jumping to conclusions . . .
Yeah, I'm rambling but well, sometimes it kinda ticks me off if people are dense like this. Anyway . . . let's start before some people take what I say personally and pellet me with rocks Dx
| ~ | ~ | B l u e . E r s a t z | ~ | ~ |
2
"No Air"
-SuzieQuaKes-
"Losing you is like living in a world with no air."
When I was little; I used to wonder why all the little girls weren't named after months. It seemed to me like the most natural thing in the world to be called May, to share the meaning of something known across the entire planet as cheerful, bright and the start of spring. I remembered feeling a sense of pity for Kate, my best friend in the first grade, whose name meant nothing. Her name conjured no happy mental images, no bright colors, not symbolizing anything. My room was wallpapered with flowers, hers with mermaids. Absolutely no connection whatsoever. Poor thing.
It wasn't until I got to Junior High that I actually realized that my name was not only synonymous with sunshine and flowers but also with Christopher Columbus's ship as well as all things bovine. It was hard to be twelve and be May. The popular girls in my suburban area simply tended to poke fun at this fact, if they weren't already busy with ignoring me. The rest displayed a kind of compassionate pity for the girl which evoked images of a dirty old ship.
The boys?
Well most of them had watched enough reruns of Dukes of Hazzard to be able to remind me that life is never fair. And people with the name May don't often get much respect.
I never told my father that the lovely name he chose for me didn't had as much cultural appeal as Jessica or Natalie. Once, I had told him about the kids at my school calling me Mayflower. He thought it was cute and even joined into the chorus. I wouldn't exactly call it fatherly help. Not to say that my little brother was a stand-up for me either. He would rather laugh than sympathize.
The only person I had ever known who called my name playfully and lovingly was . . . as much as I hate to admit it—him. It wasn't that my ex-fiancé was anything except narcissist and sarcastic—but I felt that I had understood him so well. I felt that he had a whole different side of him that he displayed to me and me alone.
Which could explain the reason why I was horrified when he called just when I was slipping on my beautiful wedding gown and asked if I had gotten his voice message. I had seen the flashing red light that blinked a staccato warning on my phone when I last checked—but I dismissed it as the caterer calling to make last-minute details, or the florist phoning about the baskets of white and red roses she had dropped off.
I hadn't seen him for a couple of days before the wedding because his father and friends kept him away—sort of like doing their own thing while the girls were struggling with their own problems. I hated to be away, so near the wedding—but the thought of pledging our lives for each other was enough to settle me down. I didn't want to seem too clingy either.
But when Drew asked me whether I was sitting down—chills were immediately crawling down my spine as anxiety took me over. He finally said—with an odd sedate voice—that he wasn't going to show up. His excuse was that he wasn't ready for serious commitment. Of course; I found that explanation being simply appalling. We had been dating for two years, and he had turned twenty-four. Wasn't it about time to stop playing the field and settle down? Where did all those "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you" go?
I didn't faint or anything like what he expected when he asked if I were sitting or standing. But I felt a cold and strange feeling sweep over me like an unexpected wind on a still night. There was no sadness or grief—just unexplained dread.
It was after the whole day of humiliation that I felt the tears wash over me like I had just realized it for the first time. I curled in my bed, hugging my wedding dress that I never got to wear and cried myself to sleep.
Painful memories.
"MAY!"
Standing up straight from reflexes, my head darted up from the sink and collided with the medicine cabinet. Soapy water drizzled down the front of my pajamas as I groaned and rubbed my head. I was washing my hair, when that voice came and knocked me into the fifth dimension. Okay, maybe an exaggeration—but hey, that hurt.
It was Saturday, the one day that I took a break from my boutique. My mother took my place every Saturday, leaving me to relax and spend the day in peace before heading for another round of finding the right dress for the Karens and Nicoles, all the while leading them away from mine.
I heard amused giggles and they did not pleasant my ear. I growled, whipping around, water-drops flying from my hair and what I saw was a pesky brat. If my father heard me; he'd have said that it wasn't very nice to call my little brother that. Max wasn't a little brother. Sometimes I swear that he was dropped at our doorsteps by aliens.
Max had grown up, though and he looked like a small replica of my father—so the genes were still there. Thank God. He sniggered, his dark little eyes oozing with laughter. But they weren't friendly 'ha-ha' laughter. They were the 'mwa-ha-ha' type. Call me crazy-but I refused to believe Max was anything but annoying, no matter how old he was.
"Look at you," he boomed and exploded with laughter once again. Normally, I kept the bathroom locked when I go inside and take a shower. Somehow; I managed to forget that I still lived with an annoying nineteen year old brother and two parents that were too busy to teach him some manners. Seriously. You'd think being twenty-three would make me have my own place to live. But, well, we all know how my hopes were crushed by somebody I wouldn't care to mention.
"What do you want?" I hissed, grabbing a towel and wrapping my hair in a bundle. "Don't you ever know how to knock? What if I were actually taking a shower? Gosh, I need a bathroom attatched to my own room."
"You talk too much," Max answered, and I tried to ignore the fact that his usually high voice had deepened over the years. Now it felt like an earthquake every time he spoke. "I knew you weren't taking a shower, duh! The water wasn't running!"
I rolled my eyes and brushed past him; make sure to bump him hard as I stomped back to my room. Max ran after me. "Hey! Don't you wanna know why I barged in?"
"Maybe because you're Rat-Face?" I asked sarcastically as I turned around to face him. "Hi, Rat-Face! What's up, Rat-Face?" Then I covered my mouth with my hand in mock shock. "Oops, did I just call you Rat-Face? Sorry, Rat-Face!"
Max hated the name that I gave him since we were merely kids. I couldn't help but torture him, though. What were little—or well, big because he had grown taller than me by four inches—brothers for other than your own personal item to make fun of? As expected, his eyes darkened like rain clouds. "You're a rat! In fact, you're a whole rat! Go eat some cheese, rat!"
Oh yes, we haven't grown up yet.
"Whatever, lame-o," I muttered and spun on my bare heels, drying my hair with the drenched towel. Before I could finally go inside to the privacy of my own room, a familiar chuckle interrupted and I felt my knees melt at the joints and I dropped my towel. I tried not to swear—because my mother said it was a horrible habit and not very lady-like. Actually, no—she said she was going to ground me if she heard me swearing around in the house. Ah, I couldn't remember.
I gathered enough courage left in the partly-drenched, PJ-clad body of mine and turned around to stare into the perfect milky brown eyes, shaped with its dark brows and crinkles around the edges. He stared at the towel on the ground before back into my surely surprised azure eyes. Oh my God; I just died a little bit.
Well, to say that I was over my ex-fiancé—even if he left me—wouldn't actually be me telling the truth. But then again, saying that I didn't have a crush as big as the Grand Canyon on one of my father's assistants at the stock market he worked that-would be a lie again. To rethink it over; he was everything that every girl wanted. He had choppy hair, the color of sand-dunes in the desert and eyes that flecked with gold in the sun. He also had a warm sense of humor—which Drew could sure use. Why was I thinking about Drewanyway?
"Hey guys," Daniel 'Danny' Parker grinned as he flashed us a thumbs-up. He wore that smile that people do when they're trying hard not to laugh but it shows through their eyes anyway. And did I mention that Danny was four years older than I was? Yeah, that would explain why he called us 'guys' and not by our individual names. He opened his mouth again to speak—and I prayed that he wouldn't mention about the way I was looking. Please, please don't.
"Had a little accident in the bathroom, May-o?"
I groaned silently. There was the answer to my prayers. Note to self: kill Max. I laughed nervously instead of grabbing any sharp weapon and pounding the little pest. The idea was tempting though. However; the thought of sitting in jail for the murder of your brother wasn't. So the idea was impossible, but still tempting. "Uh, yeah."
"I told you there was a reason behind my barging in," my little alien brother chimed in. "Danny wanted take us out for pizza."
"Yeah, your dad wanted you two to stop bickering all the time and go out a little," Danny answered, like it was his cue to come in. "And I happen to be free today. He said he trust me with you guys. But, uh—you might wanna go change before we head out, May-o."
Danny always called me May-o because he said my name reminded him of mayonnaise. Yeah, my name reminded people of a lot of things that I didn't like. But I let him call whatever he wanted. Even if he decided to call me Rotten Fish Eggs one day—I would comply with glee.
"Oh, do you mind if I call Dawn to tag along?" I suddenly asked, remembering my blue-haired best friend.
The reason why I wanted her to come was that she was a big fan of Danny too. It was sort of relieving to have someone to share all your fantasies with. When I was together with Drew; Dawn had a big crush on him too—so we'd stay up till over midnight, discussing what we'd do with him when we had him all for ourselves. Well when Drew left me . . . let's say Dawn was anything but pleased. She even threw out of her magnificent Drew-tastic Collection that she had worshipped for the past decade or so. Dawn was a great friend, needless to say.
The sandy-haired, twenty-six year old shrugged. "If you want, go ahead. Dawn is no problem."
Max, on the other hand, groaned. "Oh, no! Not Dawn!" Max hated my best friend because when she was there, it was technically like having two sisters, instead of one, that torture him to no extent.
"Okay!" I chirped happily, ignoring my brother's outcry and almost forgetting that I had wet tangles of hair falling across my forehead and my pajamas were covered with faded pictures of rabbits. "I'll be right back!"
"You might wanna take your towel with you, rat." Max pointed out as he adjusted the rims of his glasses. I sheepishly picked up the damp garment and smiled.
"See you in fifteen!"
Danny laughed and waved me off. A little flutter arose in my heart as I practically jumped back into my red-painted room. When I said red, I meant really deep, bright red. And as a result from the dark paint—my room felt shadowy all the time, but I wasn't one to care much. I grabbed my cell-phone from where it lay on my study table and dialed Dawn's speed-dial, waiting in anticipation for the blunette to pick up.
"Hey, chickadee! How's it going?" I felt a smile form on my lips as her bubbly nature showed through her voice. People say that we were a lot like each other—except for the fact that Dawn was slightly more over the edge and dramatic while I held some sarcasm and fire.
"Take a wild guess," I amusingly replied as I hurried to my closet, and looked at the clothes stuffed in with disgust.
"Eep! I don't know!" Dawn squealed from the other end. "Give me clues!"
"Okay, it's good news," I told her as I grabbed a hanger and looked the outfit over before tossing it away where it fell to the floor, unwanted. "And you'll totally scream when you hear it."
"Drew came back to you?" Dawn asked uncertainly. I almost felt my smile drop at the sound of his name.
"Um, no, not quite," I answered in a quiet voice. "Keep guessing though."
"Umm . . . you're having a party!"
I laughed. Trust Dawn to wish for a party. I felt a bit relieved to laugh because I was stung when Dawn's first guess was that Drew came back. Was she really expecting him to? Was I? I didn't know. I guess I was, though, despite of it all.
"No parties just yet," I replied, as I spotted a shopping bag pushed into the corner. Now that waswhat I wanted to see. My new cotton J. Crew Sylvan dress in jet black that I had bought the other day. "Well, I'll just go ahead and tell you. Danny's taking us out to pizza!"
"What?" my best friend squealed. "No way! What am I going to wear? You're so lucky to have that new dress!"
"Just mix-n-match, Dawn," I told her with a laugh. "You're amazing at that."
There was a slight pause on the other end which indicated that Dawn wasn't listening to what I was saying. I could just see her running to her closet and deciding what to wear. Clothes were such an important part of life.
"Hey, I'm going to go, okay?" I said into the phone, holding it in the crook of my shoulder, pressing to my ear as I looked over the dress and deciding that it was good enough; laid it on the bed. Hearing a murmur from Dawn, I smiled to myself and hung up the phone, tossing it over the dressing table.
Somehow, if I had known what was going to happen at the pizza place—I would never have agreed to go. Because soon enough; my defining moment was yet to come.
Patter. Pit. Patter. Pit.
It was drizzling. Danny told us that it was just a mere spring shower, nothing more, nothing less. But the wind was strong and cold and it made my dress fly like the streamers on the day of my wedding. Why did everything have to lead back to that?
We got a cozy booth near the back of the crowded restaurant. It was as if almost all the residents of Petalburg had decided that today would be a great day for warm, cheesy pizza. Well; I guess it just so happens that it was a perfectly good day for pizza. Although I would love to eat the triangular pieces of cheese and tomato any time of the week.
Dawn sat facing me; Max was on her side (looking very helpless all of a sudden) and Danny sat by my side. His musky cologne drifted my nose and I almost sighed. He was enticing, really. The only person I knew who was even more tantalizing would be Drew—and that was just because he was so unpredictable. One moment he would be picking at my flaws, making snide remarks and the next, he would act like the sweetest person in the world.
Oh well. What's over was over; that was what Mom would say if I ever mentioned this.
"You know," Max remarked when the waiter left with our orders, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "It's turned two years today."
Oh, crap. He remembered. I hoped he wouldn't go off and tell the entire story to Danny. It wasn't like I needed him to know that I was previously thrown to the side and made a fool out of, two years ago. I mean—he would have considered me as . . . cheap and kind of stupid, probably.
"What's turned two years?" the sandy-haired man asked absentmindedly as he flipped through the menu, reading the interesting names. I saw Dawn nibble on her lower lip in the corner of my eyes. She remembered too. I guess people really were concerned about my love-life.
But I knew that Dawn, unlike Max, shared my anxious feelings. My 'little' brother, however, just wanted to embarrass me.
"Since May's wedding," the dark-haired teen chirped with a smug smile thrown to me.
Surprisingly, Danny laughed with his brows raised up dramatically. "May's married? I never knew that."
"She's not," Dawn said quickly, elbowing Max slightly. She laughed nervously. "That's stupid, Max. Why would May be married?"
"Well, technically she's not, but—"
"My little brother does that, sometimes," I cut him off, and turned to Danny with my own nervous giggle. "You know. He makes up stories."
"That's not true! May was going to get married! But the guy didn't come!"
Well, thanks a lot, dear brother. The secret that I had kept from him had just blown up in front of my face. And if that wasn't enough, Max's cry almost caused half of the restaurant to look my way. He was so going to get it. Among all the other strangers that stared at me, the milky-eyed young man was among them. His look was of surprise and pity, I suppose.
"Really? How come you never told me?" he demanded, and I tried not to stare at the crinkles edged around the corner of his bright eyes and the lamp shades above the table that created little shadows onto his dazzling features.
"There's a lot she doesn't tell you," Max kept on chirping, ignoring the looks that I was throwing at him. "Like how she—mmph."
I kicked him under the table, making him shut up. God, little brothers were annoying.
"How inhuman of him to just not show up." Danny observed with a smile of sympathy. The same kind of grin that everybody displayed when they hear my tale of tragedy. "What was he like?"
"Just stupid, insincere and arrogant," I muttered, all the while knowing that I was telling some lies. At first sight; Drew may appear that way. On the inside . . . Well, I just didn't know anymore. It had been too long since I last saw him.
Suddenly Dawn gasped and shakily held her hand out to point to something behind me. Max looked the way she was referring and his dark eyes flashed under the thick glasses and his mouth dropped a little bit.
I saw Danny raise a brow and turned to look at what they were looking at, their faces tight with horrid. I, too, followed his lead with a redundant pout. Just what was so intensifying that they had to look this way?
"Speak of the devil!" Max murmured from behind me and what I saw made my heart drop. My insides tightened with dread and yet, I felt myself getting excited just for a teensy bit.
It was him. Yes, it was him again! After two long years without seeing his face—there he was, in plain view. His hair had gotten longer; I found myself noting. They fell over his eyes, and I could feel his air of confidence just from far away. Oh Drew! I felt my heart quench as if he had came back . . . for me. He raised a hand to his shiny green locks and shook them a little so that drops of rain fell to the ground.
But it was when a female followed him—that was when I felt all my hopes fade away. My mind finally started to work, and the horrible truth was revealed to me. Drew was not here for me. He came, just like any other person in here, to get some pizza with his . . . girlfriend? It was possible. She smiled up at him before grabbing his arm and following the waiter for a table.
I felt everything around me disappear. He had found another girl. My fist clenched and I felt a nausea sweep over me, and suddenly felt sick. I tried to tell myself that we were over, a long time ago and that finding him with another girl shouldn't hurt! It shouldn't, at all! But the hideous truth was that it did.
The couple disappeared from my view but I still stared at the empty space that he stood, just a moment ago. I guess that was what he was. Just . . . a wonderful illusion. All the times that we had together flashbacked into my head as I kept staring. Drew calling me cute, tossing a rose ever so often, getting down on his knee to propose . . .
"May? Are you all right?"
A sudden soft voice that I recognized to be Dawn's, interrupted my sea of thoughts, and I felt myself being plunged back into reality even though I didn't want to. Closing my eyes tight and just forcing everything to go away; I swallowed and found my voice.
"Just a little surprised."
A little surprised? I felt proud of myself for sounding so reassuring. I guess it was easy for me to hide my feelings because I had done it so many times since the past two years. But I knew the truth; and it hurt me, marred me and seemed to poke fun at me.
Nothing was more bittersweet than still loving somebody who had thrown you away like an unwanted flower.
Absolutely nothing.
Author's Note:
R E V I E W.
My writing was so sloppy. Most it were kind of deliberate because you have to sound like the character when writing first person. But then, most were not.
Well, shoot me.
-Suzie x
PS: Long chapter (;
Edited: 4th September '10
