I really enjoy writing these Edward/Jacob drabbles, so I've decided to add another chapter. I'll probably be churning out several more after this. Hope you enjoy!

Arguments Between a Vampire and a Werewolf

"Edward?"

"What, Jacob?"

"Can I, um, ask you something?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not you'll go away after I answer you."

"Sure, sure."

"So...? What do you want to ask me?"

"Well, this, uh, well it's not really easy to say out loud."

"Shall I get you a pencil?"

"Dude, shut up! I'm being serious here."

"Well then get on with it!"

"Alright, jeez, vampires are so damn pushy."

"And werewolves are so damn slow. What, Jacob!?"

"Well, you see, it's like this. I'm, uh, having some trouble."

"Trouble with what?"

"..."

"Trouble sleeping? Trouble eating? Trouble formulating complete sentences?"

"No, I'm, uh, having some trouble controlling my teeth."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, man. I can't control my teeth."

"Under what circumstances, Jacob?"

"..."

"You can't stop chattering them? You have a toothache? You forgot to remove the candy wrapper again?"

"Dude, that was one time."

"Jacob, please explain yourself?"

"I can't control my teeth under...intimate...circumstances."

"Oh."

"And well I just figured, with you being a bloodsucking monster and all, that you've probably had some, well, experience with this kind of thing? I mean, right? You've had trouble...biting things...during those intimate times. Right?"

"Hmm."

"Edward, you've got to help me, man. If I chew through another night stand...well, a guy only has so many night stands. And then I spend the whole next day spitting out splinters. And frankly, I can't stand the taste of lemon Pledge any longer. And what if I start biting...living things?"

"I see."

"Tell me you've figured this out, Edward. I mean, you're a vampire. You've had biting problems, too, right?"

"I can relate."

"What's your secret, dude?"

"Hmm, my secret. Well, my secret involves...feathers. But at any rate, I think I've got a solution for you."

"Yes! I knew you'd come through for me, Ed. You're awesome."

"Don't call me Ed."

"Sure, sure."

"Listen, Jacob, here's my advice. Get to a computer."

"Uh, huh."

"Log on to eBay."

"Okay, sure."

"Buy a muzzle."

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