Chapter 2: Drunk Last Night
Emma woke up the next morning. The first thing that she was aware of was how much her head hurt. Next she became aware of the fact that she didn't know whose bed she was in.
She didn't remember much of last night. Not after having left the apartment.
What the hell had she been thinking?
The answer to that question might actually answer a few of the others that she had as well.
"Good morning lass."
The voice startled her, for multiple reasons. She sat up and searched for its owner and found him sitting at the desk across the room. She finally recognized that she was in one of the inn's rooms at Granny's.
"What happened? Why am I here?"
"Having a few memory lapses?" Killian's smirk came across his face as he spoke.
"Last night, I may have been slightly…" Emma struggled with her word choices.
"Drunk." He finished for her. "I noticed." He winked at her before he stood to stretch.
"Did you sleep in that chair?" She looked at him confused.
"I am a gentleman, lass. Not a saint. If you think for one minute that I could lay in that bed with you after all those lovely things you said to me last night and not touch you, you know nothing about a man's limits."
"I don't understand. Nothing happened last night?"
"I wouldn't say that. I found you out in the rain in the middle of the night. You told me that you had been looking for me. I told you that it must be my lucky night. And then you started yelling at me."
"I yelled at you? About what?"
"How I needed to stay out of your thoughts. How I wasn't supposed to leave. How I was supposed to care about you."
Emma was trying desperately to remember. The only thing she could remember was the feel of his lips against hers. She brought her fingers up and pulled at her bottom lip. That memory seemed to be very different than the one she had of Neverland and too realistic to be a dream. "We kissed?"
Killian sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor. "We did. And that's why I need to know now that last night was real."
"I don't even know what happened last night." Emma said defensively.
He wanted to argue with her but knew that it would just be counterproductive. He still couldn't take his eyes off the floor as he spoke though. "You told me that you cared for me."
Emma put her feet on the ground on the opposite side of the bed. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair to organize it neatly behind her ears. "Yeah, well, I was drunk last night. And I didn't know what I was saying. And you've never been clear on what you feel for me." Emma paused and decided to add, "Or how you don't feel."
He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. They were looking into each other's eyes and they were both half on the bed. "I have never been anything other than clear about how I feel about you. Since Neverland, it has been very obvious how strong my feelings are for you."
"And since we've been back from there, you haven't even tried to see me or noticed that I was avoiding you. That doesn't let me know how much you care."
"As I already explained, I promised Baelfi- Neal that I would give him his fair shot and not get in the way of his family as long as I thought that was what would make you happy."
Emma looked down at the bed, "You wanted me with another man to make me happy?" She wasn't sure what to make of that. It seemed sweet… but not quite right.
Killian placed his hand on her cheek and raised her face so that their gazes were even, "I never want you with another man. But I'll always want you to be happy. So, if you could just let me know what you are feeling, I would know how to make that happen."
"I can't. Henry…" Emma trailed off as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
"What does he have to do with this?"
Emma jumped off of the bed. "He's my son. I need to make him happy. And he wants me to get back together with Neal."
"So, you do want to be with him then?" Killian's gaze was lowered to the bed.
"NO!" Emma said vehemently. Emma kneeled on the bed and put his face in her hands, forcing his gaze to meet hers. "No. After everything, I couldn't even if I wanted to be with him. But I'm not in love with him."
"I don't know everything, but I know he hurt you lass. I understand that. I would NEVER do that to you."
"I believe you." Emma assured him. She stroked his jaw several times before letting her hands drop.
"You seemed to want something more from me last night." Killian seemed like he had more he wanted to say but he felt entirely too bold with what he had already said to continue.
"Last night was just bad. I was alone. I was drunk. I was…" Emma trailed off having run out of adjectives that she was comfortable identifying herself with.
"Would it be so horrible to care for me then?" Killian was growing upset with the situation and he was beginning to let it show.
"Yes it would." Emma shouted, moving her gaze to the floor now. "It just wouldn't be fair to anyone, least of all you." He could only look at her with his confusion plain on his face. "I'm damaged goods, Killian. Between Neal and my parents' abandonment of me, I'm just not worth the effort. And with all of their righteous justifications I can't even truly be angry with them."
He ran his fingers under her chin now and forced her to look him in the eye, "You are worth every effort."
She forcefully turned her gaze away. She couldn't stand for him to look at her that way. It made everything much more difficult. "Maybe it seems that way to you... But I would…"
Killian moved to stand in front of Emma and leaned his forehead down onto hers before interrupting her, "Love, listen. Life isn't easy. It isn't meant to be. It's hard and it's painful. And while I wish I could take all that away for you, I can't. But I can promise if we're together I can make those times bearable. I will always be there to support and comfort you. And I'll do what I can to make sure the good times are as good as they can get to make those difficult times seem like nothing."
A tear streamed down Emma's cheek. She whispered, "I think I love you Killian."
He didn't hesitate as he let his lips crash down onto hers.
