Light. Blinding sunlight. That's all I could see, or couldn't see. The smell. Of green, green forestation. All around me trees rose from the ground, towering in the air, swaying with the wind. When the breeze flurried through the trees, the forest would shift and change right before my eyes. Patches of sunlight filtered through the ever changing leaves.

The smell of bloomed flowers held in my nose. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind, the insects, the creatures all within the forest. A home. Somewhere, a wind chime came to life. Everything is alive. The soil, the grass, the plants.

Every part of me was telling me to sink into it all and become the earth, I not only belonged here, but I am part of it, myself. I'd felt this before when I was around gardens and such at home. But this feeling right now was amplified, as if I could speak the language of the trees being moved by the winds. Feel every dew drop on the flowers, smell every ounce of soil and greenery.

I inhaled a deep breath through my nose, and opened my eyes. My whole body felt amazing. I felt less tense, more secure and focused. I felt infinite. This was nothing like the city, where alive was used to describe the people and the busyness.

I walked around the yard, which was mostly just grass which lead into dirt when the perimeter of the forest started. In a section near the forest were bushes taller than me. On the bushes were pink flowers that looked like a sea plant, that were home to dozens of butterflies. They flit from flower to flower, occasionally two would fly off together in a flurry of wings.

What was I planning on doing here? I'd forgotten everything in the world for an instant while I became one with the earth. I plopped a pink raspberry into my mouth. Eating a byproduct of the earth only added to the experience.

When I could, I would dedicate my time to being outside, I thought. It's so wonderful, why not stay? That's why, I saw a swirling mist of grey emerge from a nearby bush. Gnats. Along with those came mosquitoes. If mosquitoes could drop from the planet this instant I think it would make a lot of people happy.

I ate a few more berries and walked to the road. I couldn't get over how green everything is. The sounds of the cicadas in the tress were dull but powerful. There was life absolutely everywhere here. It made me feel alive. I felt blissful. This was September.

The small dirt road ran East to West from my house. Other than my Aunt and Uncle, there were a few other people who lived here. On a private road, not many people visit. Which was fine by me, I loved being alone, it makes me feel secure. There's never anybody to tell me I'm wrong, or people to entertain, nothing to worry about. I love it because I don't have to pretend to act like anybody I'm not, worry about things that don't concern me, become involved in the tragic place that is called the World. I try to distance myself from that.

Another fruit into my mouth. This one was a pineapple cube. I hope someday to travel the forest. I'd have to wait, and get more bug spray. The mosquitoes buzzing around forced me to return to the front door. When I entered the room seemed darker than when I left it. I found Melinda at the dining room table making a grocery list. She looked up. "We need to discuss school plans. You start this Wednesday." I already knew this. It seems soon, but like I said I need to get on with my life.

"Do you think you could pull up the school's website? I'd like to try out for soccer." I said almost bashfully. Hopefully soccer would give me something to do other than sitting around at home with everything on my mind.

Linda jotted down more store items. "That's right, I forget you got back into it."

"About a year or so ago. I've still got my stuff."

Her smile created creases in her face that weren't there before. "That's great then."

"It'd be a shame if I missed try outs."

"I doubt it, and even if so, I'm sure they'd make an exception." She said with a wink. "Right. So, you'll just plop right into school and pick up from there, I've already arranged a few things. You'll have a buddy with you, she'll show you around the school and catch you up on lessons and work. I think it'll be a great experience."

I'd have someone to shadow Wednesday and I won't have to fit in on my own, I guess that's a good thing. But I kept hoping that I could skim through this year and maneuver around the meeting people thing. "Super."

I'm going to come straight out and say that shopping isn't for me. I never really bothered to do it before. Usually when my clothes were washed, I would find clothing in my room mixed up with mine and claim it. They were almost always my moms.

"Well what do you like?" Melinda asked nicely. I looked down at my clothes. I wore baggy brown pants that tightened around my legs mid-calf, a shirt that's sleeves came down to my elbows and cling to my torso and my arms. And simply black sneakers. At home, I would've never worn this arrangement.

"This is pretty laid back isn't it?" I said. She considered. "I suppose. But whatever you like it's not a problem."

I suggested, "let's just pull off clothes from racks and see where we go from there." She took me seriously.

For the next hour and a half we fiddled, searched and exchanged clothing that, as I forgot sometimes, would be worn by me.

When we got to the register, I pulled out money that was crammed in my pocket. Before the cashier could take it, Melinda stopped me. "That won't be necessary.

The neighborhood that we drove in must be worth a fortune. Everything gave off the feel of wealth, to the perfectly tailored lawns and clean white garage doors, down to every last leaf on the shrubs. After we passed a few dozen or so of these houses, Linda took a cement path I didn't realize was there before. It curved into the forest where the plants grew more naturally. Just like my house, the trees rise into the air and sway with thick mountain air.

The road was about a quarter mile long, and when we reached the end the trees parted to a green plot of land. Here the wild grass was mowed and the plants surrounding the area were kept at bay. A house stood in the middle of the terrain, looking new and modern. The walls were painted white, and the roof painted a dark blue. A porch made up a section of the front of the house, the other was a garage.

It was a beautiful home, but not flaunting it's wealth. "This is where Mr. and Mrs. Vega live." Melinda said. I wondered if Troy would be predictably stuck up, like most rich kids are. Then I remembered I wouldn't actually be friends with him, I probably wouldn't even fit into his high school clique. I needed to remember to solidify my emotions and don't let him in. "You are rock. You are rock."

Melinda turned off the car, "I think Troy is out at a friends house, you can wait in the car if you like while I return this Tupperware." Relief flooded my chest, I don't have to speak to him, at least not today. She grabbed a plastic container and shut the car door on the way toward the house. She glanced back at me but I gave her only a thumbs up. Right as Melinda was greeted at the door, a young boy walked out of the house and jogged right to me.

Emotions twisted in my stomach. So I will meet him. I leaned over from the passengers seat and turned on the car and rolled my window down just in time for him to stop at my window. Humid air filled my lungs.

"You must be Beth," he said.

"Troy." I returned. He squinted his eyes and looked around at the woods. He had pale skin that contrasted with his black shaggy hair, stuck up in weird angles all over his head. His jaw was a straight line from his chin to his neck, his bottom lip was full while his top lip was thin. Unlike my nose, his was wide and held a roundness to the tip. He looked around 5'10 and had a wide yet willowy figure to him.

"Well, welcome. My family was speaking about you earlier. I'm so sorry for your loss." Troy looked past me into the drivers seat. "I've lost someone as well, and I know it's good to keep the people left around you close."

This time he looked at me while he spoke. His eyes were a golden color, like dark honey.

"Thank you," was all I said. I shifted in my seat so I wouldn't be facing toward the dash board awkwardly. I said, "I thought you were at a friends house."

"They already had plans after school. You are fifteen right."

"Yeah, sophomore." "We're in the same year, I'm a grade behind." He drummed his fingers on the car door.

"A grade behind?" I asked. He thought about it a bit. "I'm sixteen, a few people judge me because of it. But I don't listen to what they have to say anyway."

I thought about the kids that do judge people in that way. They aren't very smart. Or bright. Or likable. "They must be pretty dim." He gave a half hearted laugh. "You have no idea. These kids excel in school. But outside of school work, they're about as deep as a plate." That noticeably made him feel better. He laughed through his nose. "High school. Can't wait to get out of it." That made two of us.

It was probably that noticeable I wasn't planning on being his friend in the first place because he said, "Anyway, once you warm up to me, I'm not that horrible." He swat his arm once and said under his breath, "damn bugs." He spoke louder, "sorry for that, they're probably in the car now." Great.

Maybe his whole approach was to be nice to me, so I wouldn't go off telling people at school how he's really like. By the way he spoke about people judging him, he obviously cared about his reputation and worked hard to maintain it. Maybe he was one of the many guys who have bipolar personalities; nice one moment, and with his friends whispering about you the next. Either way, I wasn't buying into it.

Two can play at that game. My smile was small but a notable change in my behavior, just enough to make him think I might be warming up to him. "As beautiful," and hot, I thought, "as it is here, there's always those bugs." I didn't immediately act interested in what Troy had to say, but gradually began to act more comfortable around him. I continued this for several minutes while we spoke about moving, and the area. He didn't ask about the city, or my life away from here, and I did respect that.

When he asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, not a profession, but things I wanted to do when I was older, I answered truthfully, "I've always wanted to go exploring, in the forest, underwater, canyons. There's so many beautiful places." I looked far into the distance imagining all the unexplored, breathtaking things. "That's a good answer." He said it genuinely.

Just when the car was starting to get a little too hot for my taste, Melinda reappeared at the front door of Troy's house. She walked quickly to the car, plopped into the drivers seat, and to my relief quickly turned on the air conditioner.

Troy gave me a look of exaggeration and said, "sorry my mom is really busy, maybe you can meet her at school sometime." I looked over and smiled at Melinda, "that'd be nice." I said. "It was nice meeting you Beth, I'll catch you later." He waved to Melinda, took his weight off the car and jogged back to his house. Melinda drove home.

Half an hour later I laid on my bed, pondering my life decisions. Actually, I was just thinking about food. To distract myself, I dug through my boxes in the corner of my room and found the box marked "books". Inside was a variety of books from my years of collecting. I picked up the first book my hands found and read until dinner. After my meal, I sat at the kitchen table and read, until it became late enough to go to my room and picked up on my book from there. When I was too tired to continue, I laid down my book, tip toed to the bathroom and made sure that the window was shut and locked. There was no way I was going to let whatever happened, happen again.