CHAPTER 2

AN: So I said this would get smutty but I decided to hold it out a little longer… Think of it as foreplay.

After they had gotten back from the Other's camp, Jack had avoided Kate like the plague. He had fallen back into the normal pre-Others routine, checking up on Aaron and Claire, helping with the food and water, joking with Hurley and talking with Sayid about new plans of attack and other "Others" developments.

And she watched it all from afar. She and Sun had started working on the garden again and Kate couldn't help but smile weekly at the guava seedlings that were breaking through the ground, struggling to grow. Sun watched her very carefully but never said a word; she was very intuitive and never pushed Kate for information, which she was so thankful for.

When Kate wasn't working with Sun she was helping in the kitchen or out scavenging the jungle for fruit. She always turned down offers of accompaniment in the hope that if she was by herself and happened to see Jack they could be alone and she could try to talk to him again. They hadn't spoken more than four sentences to one another since they'd come back nearly three weeks ago and it was driving her positively mad.

She had done everything to try and make the situation better. She had tried to be friendly to Juliet, she hadn't flirted or been romantic with Sawyer since they'd gotten back (much to his disappointment) and any time there was a trek she always offered. He gave her the same curt "We're all set, thank you" answer and would walk away without another word. Each time the other members of the team would cast a heartfelt look and walk off behind him, leaving her there alone by herself.

She had decided that this gray morning would be the perfect opportunity to discuss what had happened and to stick around no matter how hard the conversation got. She knew she would probably cry and scream but she needed this situation to change. She couldn't bear not being around Jack and she couldn't stand watching Juliet replacing her.

She had just finished her morning routine when she saw Jack walking into the jungle alone, backpack in hand. She looked around the camp to see if anyone was moving to go with him but everyone was preoccupied; Juliet was reading in her tent, Sayid was braiding vines and Hurley and Charlie were doing laundry.

He looked around at the camp, nodded slightly in approval to himself and walked into the jungle alone. She quickly stuffed a few things into her pack and began to walk through the camp, nodding hello and smiling at all she passed. She tried to maintain her composure as she strode through the tents, trying not to appear overly excited or suspicious. The look of determination on her face must have been pretty obvious because Sawyer stopped her before she could get very far.

"You going somewhere, Freckles?" he smirked, his eyes flashing.

"Just going for a walk, Sawyer. Did you need something?" she asked impatiently. She was looking off towards Jack's direction, avoiding Sawyer's eyes. After she had gotten back from rescuing Jack she had gone to Sawyer and told him that sleeping together was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. He hadn't gotten upset; he hadn't yelled or said anything. He just calmly took in the information, and nodded his head in acceptance when she was done.

She had to admit she was surprised by his reaction. It was true that he loved her and she wouldn't deny that she had feelings for him, but Sawyer reminded her too much of the past she was trying to forget. It was a lot easier to go to him, sure, but she couldn't keep using him as a substitute for what she really wanted and needed.

When she first came to the island it was a relief to finally find someone who truly understood and had been through a situation similar to hers. However, the similarity ended there and she didn't want to admit that she had been using him to get over Jack but they both knew that's what she had been doing. It wasn't fair to him and that's why she had ended it.

"Whoa! Easy there, G.I. Jane. Just wanted to know if you needed any help with whatever it is you're doing," he replied, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"I'm fine, Sawyer. Thank you anyway," she answered and side-stepped him to continue on her path. Jack had since completely disappeared into the jungle but she wasn't worried. He couldn't track or maneuver his way through the jungle worth a damn and she knew she could get to him pretty quickly once she found his trail. She was so focused on getting to him that she didn't see Sawyer glaring knowingly into the back of her skull.

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It had started out as a light mist that was cool against his face. Jack decided that this was the morning he was going to take some time to himself. After he had gotten back to camp he had been inadvertently reverted back to his role as the leader. While he had gotten used to not being in total control at the Other's camp it just seemed right to be in charge again.

Whether he was arguing for Juliet's case to Sayid, checking up on Aaron and Sun or hanging out with Hurley and Charlie he had been busy. He wouldn't openly admit it but he knew that a lot of that was to stay away from Kate. She had offered to come on a few hikes and he always told her they were fine without her. She would try and mask the hurt expression on her face and he would almost reconsider until the vision of her against the cages would come back and affirm his original answer.

The mist turned into a light drizzle as he walked through the forest, the dew on the leaves and the precipitation in the air wetting his clothes and hair. He took a deep breath and kept walking, not really caring where he was going. He looked around and marveled at the electricity and life of the forest; when it started to rain it was like the jungle came to alive and thrived and he loved being a part of it.

Kate had caught up with him a couple hundred feet back but she was pretty sure he hadn't seen or heard her. He wasn't really good at that kind of stuff, she had to admit. The only way he would know if someone was following him was if they called his name or hit him with something. He thought he knew what he was doing but he didn't and Kate thought it was endearing if not really risky.

She watched as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, looking around, smiling to himself. Her mouth turned upwards immediately, happy to see him looking so content. She almost regretted her decision to come out here. It was obvious he wanted some alone time and here she was coming to ruin his day with her issues. Again.

She had taken a small step behind a tree but had stepped on a branch, the small crack echoing loudly. She crouched down and saw him tense and stop in his tracks, his ears piqued and listening. He looked around, his hand moving to the gun at his back, but he couldn't see her so he shrugged and turned to walk away. He walked forward, his eyes concentrated on a spot a few feet in front of him.

She watched him closely for a few seconds and continued following, moving cautiously along the wet ground. The rain started falling a little harder now, muffling her steps on the leaves. She continued until she was about five feet behind him and reached her hand out to tap him on the shoulder when he stopped and turned around.

It all happened so fast she could barely register it in her mind. He grabbed his gun, cocked it and pointed it, aiming directly above the bridge of her nose. Her eyes and mouth fell open, her hands flew up in surrender and her breath caught in her throat. She stared cross-eyed down the barrel of the gun for what felt like an eternity, barely noticing Jack's reaction to the revelation that it was her following him.

He knew before she even approached him that it was her. It was like he could feel her presence all around him in the jungle, even when she wasn't in terribly close proximity. He couldn't exactly explain what it was (a glow? An aura?) but it was definitely there and it let him know that it was her and not an enemy. He knew pointing the gun wasn't the nicest thing in the world, but he wanted to try and show her once again that going off into the jungle alone could be a very dangerous endeavor.

He held the gun at her head, his arms tense. He watched her face contort in horror, her eyes pleading with him to put the gun down. He waited a few beats and then released the tension in his arms, dropping the gun by his side. He shook his head in disbelief, unlocked the gun and put it to rest against his back, the cold steel familiar and comforting.

"What are you doing here, Kate?" he asked, wiping rain away from his eyes.

She blinked furiously a few times, closed her mouth and brought her hands up to her heart. She took a few deep breaths and said, "You scared the hell out of me!"

"Yeah, well, maybe it'll finally teach you to not go off into the jungle following people by yourself. Figured since it didn't work the first few times it might have worked this time," he paused and chuckled to himself, "Guess it didn't."

She nodded sheepishly and dropped her hands to her sides. It was raining even harder now, fat droplets that had completely soaked all her clothes. He was standing there, waiting for a response and she was surprised that he wasn't walking away. She steeled her shoulders back, shook the water from her face and looked into his eyes.

"Listen, Jack. I know you said you were done with this but I need to talk to you. You don't know the whole story and I can't keep going on like this. I need you to know the truth about me and Sawyer."

At the mention of Sawyer's name she saw Jack dropped his head and she again almost wished she had stayed in today. He ran his hand through his wait hair, the droplets spraying everywhere.

"Kate," he said, "You really don't have to explain anything to me. You're with Sawyer. I get it. There's no need to drag this out any further. I'm really OK. Let's not make this a bigger deal than it is."

"No, Jack! This isn't OK and this is a big deal! We haven't really spoken since we've gotten back and it's driving me crazy. I hate being on that beach and not being able to talk to you."

The rain was torrential, drenching everything in its path. The sudden and "end-of-the-world" type weather a person could barely function in.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I guess I don't really have anything to say to you…"

He was desperately trying to be cold and unattached by the broken expression on her face at his last statement was quickly tearing down his walls. She was blinking furiously again, but he couldn't tell if it was because of tears or the rain.

"Listen, Kate… I guess I've just moved on. I thought that we had something great and then we were captured and then I saw you and everything just, well… it changed. I guess I was wrong about all of it. It's not you. It was me. I had it backwards," he moved a few steps until he was standing directly in front of her, the rain pouring off his face onto the ground, "So don't worry about it."

He began to walk past her but she grabbed his arm to stop him. She could hardly see what with her tears and the rain but she needed to look at him. She stepped closer and nearly yelled, "No, Jack. You didn't have it wrong. I had it wrong. I had it completely and utterly upside down and inside out. I've been losing sleep over this; I worry about you, I think about you all the time and it's absolutely killing me living like this."

Jack swung around again to face her, the anger coloring his cheeks slightly, "No offense, Kate, but you gave up the right to be worried when you slept with Sawyer. If you were so worried about me you never would have done it in the first place."

"That's not fair, Jack. How can you say that I'm not allowed to care? After all that we've been through how can I not care?"

"I don't know, Kate!" he yelled, advancing on her, "It would be amazing if you would tell me because I've been wondering the exact same thing! It only took you less than a week to forget nearly two and a half months of 'us.' It must not have meant that much."

"Stop saying that!" she screamed, pushing up to her tiptoes, "I already told you! I was scared and I was desperate and I was-"

"I really don't want to hear your excuses Kate," he looked around, contemplating his next move. He didn't know if he should finally tell her the truth but with how this was going, he didn't know if he had any other choice. If this was going to be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship the only thing he could do was lay it all out on the line. That way he could really move past this "thing" they had and get on with his life.

"I loved you but I guess you didn't love me. I could have sworn that you did and I could have sworn you would have realized my love for you after all that I've done but I guess it wasn't enough. Keeping your secret about being a fugitive, helping you get the key from the Marshall, staying behind to let you and Sawyer go… I thought it was obvious but I guess it wasn't good enough for you, Kate."

Throughout his speech she had been silent, letting the words sink in. She was getting more annoyed as the speech went on, finally working herself up into a frenzy. She knew then that she had to set the record straight. He thought that she didn't love him but he was so far from the truth. She walked up to him and grabbed both of his shoulders, pulling him down to look into her eyes, forcing him to maintain contact.

"No! Don't you dare Jack! I love you more than I have ever loved another human being and that scares the crap out of me! When I thought that I'd lost you, I lost myself and I didn't know what to do. I love you Jack, can't you see that? For the first time, I'm not running. I'm right here, laying it all out for you."

"But what about Sawyer?" he asked, almost pathetically.

"What about him, Jack? I made a mistake, not a choice. Haven't you ever made a mistake, Jack? You may think it was a choice but the fact is I was desperate and scared and I wasn't thinking clearly. I've regretted it since the moment it was over and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I know I've screwed everything up and I know you like Juliet and that this is over and you don't want me anymore but you needed to know."

She released him and turned away, putting her hand to her head. She felt like crumbling to the floor and screaming to the heavens. She was so frustrated and upset with herself she didn't know what to do. She had ruined something that was so amazing and wonderful and for what? For some snappy one-liners and sex in a polar bear cage.

She felt his body heat behind her and could tell that he was close.

"Did you mean what you said? About loving me?" he asked quietly.

She sighed, nodding her head, but she didn't turn around.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" he asked a little louder.

"The same reason you never said anything!" she responded. She turned around and saw him standing there, his chest heaving under his wet t-shirt. "I was scared! I've never felt like this before. I've loved men in my life but this is nothing I've ever imagined. It's so overwhelming I can hardly breathe when I think about it!"

"I never said anything because I thought you wanted Sawyer," he urged, "So I stepped aside. I did the noble thing. I thought you wanted him so I tried to push my feelings down and I tried to shut off my heart and I attempted to not care. But you know what, Kate? I'm tired of being that guy."

He stepped closer and put his hands on both sides of her face, pulling her close. He eyes closed automatically of their own volition, relishing the sensation of his warm hands and the cool rain on her skin. He moved so close to her there was barely an inch separating them, their heat radiating and mingling into one electric force.

"No other woman has made me feel like this," he whispered against her lips, "You infuriate me, you confuse me, you annoy me, and yet I can't stop thinking about you. I worry and wonder about you when you're not around and I dream about you at night. When something funny happens you're the first person I want to tell; when I need advice or I need to think something out you're the only one I want to go to. I can't function without you and it scares the hell out of me but you know what, Kate? I'm done with being scared. I'm done with stepping aside for another guy. I want you and I love you and I need you to be mine."

"Oh god, Jack," Kate whispered, and he leaned down and took her lips in a passionate kiss, their tongues mingling and dueling, slipping and sliding with the rain. She brought her hands up to his neck and held on, completely incapacitated by the sensations.

She had been completely overwhelmed by their first kiss but this was unlike anything she'd ever experienced in her life. She didn't know if she was going to be able to survive if things went any further…