Arie: Hey, do we need a note of us talking at the top like in the last part?
Sarah: No, no. They've had enough of us talking. They probably hate us. They want some ROGER now.
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Dear Diary,
Forgive me, Diary, for I have sinned. I did something bad today… I lied to Mimi. I'm not cheating on her… I would never do that in (um… is trillion a number? Well, I'll be safe and say KABILLION years. I'm positive that's a number.)
But it is WORSE than that. MUCH MUCH WORSE.
It all started when I found Mimi's driver's license on her countertop and picked it up. At first, I just wanted to see her picture, because normally people's pictures are really bad. Hers wasn't too bad… which lowered my self-esteem because mine SUCKS. Of course, she ALWAYS looks good. Even in the morning when she first wakes up! This also makes me feel bad because my hair looks like a rat's nest in the morning. (Even though MARK says it always does.)
STUPID MARK WITH… STUPID STRIPEY THING AROUND HIS NECK… AND HIS STUPID… YEAH, GOD!!!!!
But I'll discuss that later. Back to begging for forgiveness.
I happened to notice that Mimi's full name was Mimi Maria Mercedes Marquez. And I was like, "HEY, you have TWO middle names! HEY, your middle names are Maria and Mercedes! HEY, your first name starts with an M! Oh em gee! Your last name starts with and M! HEY, your initials are M and M and M and M! You have a yummy name. Because even without your middle names, your initials are M and M… like the candy! GASP! M and M and M and M make an mmmm sound! Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup… POSSIBILITES! But before that, their motto… it used to be… MMMM MMMM GOOD! HEY, like your name! Holy shitnerds, your parents named you after soup and candy!"
After this, she slapped. I don't understand why. But no matter. Because I'm supposed to be atoning for my sins. I get distracted easily.
Like right now, I wasn't even talking about my sins!
Ok, right… to the story. So after she slapped me, I was like, "I wish I had an M in my name." Then she asked me what my middle name was.
This is when the sinniness part comes in. I told her it was GREGORY. I thought it sounded masculine. Roger GREGORY Davis. Good, strong name.
But isn't not mine.
Sure the first and last parts are right, but my middle… (deep breath) is… Elizabeth. You don't believe me, do you? Well, all the better. That's one reason I hate my parents… you see, when I was born, they hung this sign in the yard that said, "IT'S A BOY! ROGER ELIZABETH DAVIS!" Apparently, I'm related to a long line of English Queens.
I thought of that Queen part while I was standing there in Mimi's apartment and I blurted out without thinking (as I tend to do). "I could be a princess!"
She didn't get it. But I could be, Diary! I could be a princess!
[Authors' Note: We don't think he realized that he would be a PRINCE, and we think he should watch more Disney movies.
But you see, Mimi didn't seem to understand it. Either that or she was secretly jealous. I mean, isn't it EVERY girl's dream to be a princess? (I know it's mine!)
Anyway, Mimi just acted sort of confused. I couldn't even begin to explain it, because at this point the EXTREME GUILT from the lie I told her had set in. I suddenly felt horrible, and had an urge to crawl into a damp, dark hole and sob.
I think Mimi noticed my change in mood, and maybe thought she hurt my feelings by not understanding the princess comment. She wrapped her arms around me in a sweet little hug.
It was pleasant, but I was feeling so GUILTY that I scarcely found enjoyment in it. After all, Diary, did I deserve her affection after lying to her?
No. I didn't.
So, I'm here asking for redemption… from you… or the Big Man Upstairs. Please forgive me.
Yours Truly,
XOXOXOXO
Roger Elizabeth Davis
