Thank you for the feedback, I apprecciated it much! :)
I hope you'll like this chapter too, even if the good is yet to come.
Enjoy! :)
EDIT of May: I wanted to thank my beta that revised this chapter for me. :)
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
Three days passed from the day of the revelation.
Blair seemed to feel better hours after the last test, so Serena decided to return to her home. She said she could call if she needed help, but Blair never called her.
She knew the test was probably wrong, many test could not be exact. There was a slight possibility that she was not pregnant, but her period won't come so the possibility faded with every passing day.
"So, did you go to the doctor?" Serena asked before the bell rang.
Blair rolled her eyes as every time her best friend asked that question, and answered. "No, Serena. The tests were wrong. Nothing is happening."
She tried to lie to herself because she didn't want accept the idea. Her body was changing and her stomach wasn't flat like months before. She even felt the will to throw up, not from the bulimia, her past sickness, but from morning sickness. Thinking about it again and again sickened her more, so she just tried to distract herself with study.
"You have to go. You need to. At least to see if..."
Blair trailed her off. "Again. I'm fine. I don't need doctors to ruin my precious future." She said, her forehead wrinkled with rage and her tone harsh.
"Do you want to have an abortion?" Serena asked lowering her voice.
"Of course I do. If this thing does exist, I will stop its existence for good."
She sounded really cynical when she heard her own words popping out her mouth.
She didn't hate children, she liked them. At least the ones who kept their mouth shut and behaveShe only thought that this wasn't her time to be a mother, she was still seventeen after all, she needed to finish school and go to the University and get her degree. In the end, she would have married Nate and then they would have had children. Not now.
She would not give birth to Chuck Bass' baby.
Serena tapped her forehead and narrowed her eyes. "It's just too early to think about that. Go to the doctor, and then you'll decide. Do it for me." She pleaded.
Blair sighed and looked straight in front of her. She didn't know what to say, she really wanted this baby to die if he or she was in her belly, even if this meant homicide. It was a living being after all. A baby she could have loved and cared for, only if he/she would have come ten years in the future.
The bell saved her. She excused herself to be late for the English lesson and rushed away from the little courtyard. She didn't want to lie again to her best friend.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
"Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in..." It was that very sentence that made her feel really sick. It wasn't for what the teacher said, she loved English, but she felt the instinct to throw up with no reason all of a sudden.
She was sure every student and the teacher noticed her pale skin going whiter like she was going to die. The teacher said she could go out of the class if she needed to.
The look on her face was painful, that's why he agreed.
She rushed to the ladies room but it was closed. There was a woman who was cleaning inside, so she had to head to the opposite direction to the bathrooms in the left wing of the school.
She surely wouldn't have gone in the boy's room if she wasn't forced by the circumstances.
She reached it in a couple of minutes, opened the door quickly and got inside before the two guys that were walking in the hallway could see her.
As if it was an ordinary thing to her, she got down on her knees near the toilet and her ritual began.
She was disgusted by this act like always, but she couldn't admit that this satisfied her.
Although this time she didn't feel like this was caused by her disorder. No doctor could help her now. She even felt she had to stop telling herself lies because this was another proof of...
She cleaned her lips with a Kleenex and looked at the tiny mirror in front of her to check if she was alright, even if she knew she wasn't. She had to try her best to pretend that everything was ok. The people in her school already envied her for her perfect figure, she couldn't ruin her image like that, it was everything to her.
She decided she looked acceptable, or at least that was what she tried to say to herself. She smiled at the reflection in the mirror trying to find the words to say to whom would have asked what was wrong with her earlier.
She jerked when she found someone near the door frame. He leaned against the wall near the door, and he was watching her with a neutral look even if she saw something more than that in him, and it scared her.
"You look sick." He said, his flawless features beginning to relax. "I think you should go home."
She thought he was actually concerned for her. It wasn't the first time, but it was weird hearing it from Chuck Bass, the guy who never gave a damn about what another person felt. She thought he only cared about himself and sometimes his best friend Nate.
"I'm fine as always." She said with a fake smile. He had to believe there was nothing wrong with her. She didn't want Chuck to care about her and her sickness. She really wanted him to disappear in that very moment so that she would have the time to put on some powder and made her cheeks look pinker. Too bad she forgot her bag in the class.
"No, you are not. I can see it in your eyes." This time she really felt he was concerned. His forehead was wrinkled and his jaw clenched again. His hand reached for her chin and she let him touch her for just a second before removing his hand. "And I saw girls talking about how you looked pale. They thought you were going to vomit on them." He added.
She thought he would have laughed after that funny affirmation, but he didn't. He was still serious and really meant what he told her. He wanted to know if she was okay.
"I didn't throw up, if is this you want to know" she clarified with a lie, her fist clenched.
Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes quickly. "Things like this need doctors." He completely avoided her statement.
She curled her lips and clenched her fist more. Not that she wanted to punch him in the face, but she was nervous to hear such things from such person. "It's called indigestion."
"Because of a simple yogurt?"
"Stop telling me what I have to do, you stalker."
He shook his head and shrugged, looking down for a second. She hoped she hurt him with her words, but she knew he wasn't so touchy. The fact that she had called him stalker would have only made him look for her more.
"You better clean your skirt first" he murmured as he walked away from her.
She looked down to see a little white stain on her uniform skirt. Nobody was in the hallway so she decided to hurry and clean it before the bell rang.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
Hours later she was back home. She got trough all classes faking smiles at her minions while Serena kept telling her to go home and get some rest. She was exhausted of course, she really wanted to go home earlier but that meant Chuck Bass would have won, and she didn't want that, so she kind of suffered the whole time. When it was finally time to go home, she sighed in relief. She got out quickly, her car waited for her outside to take her home, but something in the courtyard was different.
Almost everyone seemed to look at her, and she thought for a second that was because maybe there were some stains left from the last session in the ladies room, but her skirt was clean and her bag and coat too. So she picked up her phone from her Marc Jacobs bag and read the text she didn't hear coming. It talked about her, of course. That's why everybody eyed her while she was leaving the building. Gossip Girl had no pics of her throwing up in the bathroom but she had some witnesses.
I was in the bathroom at the sixth period when I heard her. I tried not to let her see I was spying from stall toilet and I saw how devastated she was. She was really sick, her face was white! She used powder to cover it. And that was one. There were other two, but she didn't want to read them so she closed her phone and put it back in the bag and got in the car.
She was home ten minutes later, and Dorota was there waiting for her. "What's wrong, Dorota? Something happened?" She asked.
"Miss Eleanor angry. She want talk with you, Miss Blair." She said with anxiety.
Blair felt the blood went directly to her head while her maid spoke. Her heart began humming in her chest as a hint of the fear she was now feeling. "Where is she?"
"I'm right here." Blair raised her head and her mother appeared on the stairs. She came down quickly and dismissed their maid. Dorota went to the kitchen and leaved them alone.
She noticed a little white bag in her hand and that's when her fear grew.
"Dorota was cleaning up your bathroom this morning and she found this." She raised the little bag. "Have something to say about this?"
Blair tried to stay calm. She could do it. She could fake this time like today with Chuck. She surely could. "They are Serena's..."
Eleanor sighed and a little smile – not a happy one – appeared on her face.
"I called Lily late today when I found this and she said Serena is fine. She had her period this month... Unlike you." her tone was really dour.
Blair couldn't bear this accusation even if it was the truth.
"Came on, you really have nothing to say, Blair? This is evidence." She raised the bag again.
"They are not mine." She lied again, trying to deceive her own mother.
"Blair Cornelia Waldorf" she said with anger "are you pregnant?"
Her stomach turned inside out like the tenth time that day and she instinctively put her hand on her belly. She sighed. Lie. Remember to lie. "I'm not."
When her minions told her something and she knew it wasn't the truth she tortured them with questions until they told her the truth. She didn't let anyone lie to her. Lies were the worst thing in the world for her. She could lie, the others not.
Eleanor was like her daughter. She was bossy at work and demanded the best from her staff. She didn't like people who lied or said things behind her back. She didn't like it when her daughter lied either, above all.
"Then why was this" she lifted the white bag "in your bathroom? I don't think it's Dorota's. She doesn't even have a boyfriend. So tell me the truth and stop lying!"
Blair swallowed lightly and her mouth almost fell open in grasp for air. At that moment she felt like someone was strangling her and she was suffocating. She felt the stomach turned upside down and she could not help but put a hand on her mouth and rush into the bathroom.
After ten minutes she got back into the hall. She hoped her mother was gone to attend her daily routines, but she was still there, seated on the couch. She stood up eyeing her daughter and said what Blair feared most. "We're going to the doctor. Now."
Blair slightly closed her eyes, and without adding a word took her coat and went with her mom while the pain was growing.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
The Doctor agreed to see Blair even if she didn't have an appointment. Her mother told her the doctor agreed because she knew him well, his wife loved Eleanor's designs.
Blair didn't give a damn about that; she just nodded when Eleanor told her something.
It was strange for her that Eleanor was so calm. She looked like she wasn't scared at all of the result of the tests and the consult, or maybe she was only trying to hide the anxiety.
Blair thought that maybe her mother expected that one day she would have to deal with that, even if she considered herself the perfect daughter.
"You can come in, Mrs Waldorf" said the petite blonde nurse.
"I hope you will tell the truth to the Doc." Eleanor said. Blair didn't answer. Instead she stepped forward and got into the Doctor's office. Now or never.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
She didn't speak to her mother until she forced her to go and take the result of the tests the next day. It was a Saturday, the laboratories were supposed to be closed but when you have money you can keep them open for you whenever you want.
She hadn't eaten anything, hoping that the sickness would disappear but it didn't. She threw up two times before her mother asked Dorota to call her because the car was waiting near the building. They had to go to take the damned results.
It wasn't that long until they took them and got back home again. Her mother held them firmly in her hands and didn't give them to Blair neither for a second. She knew she didn't trust her, but this much? The thought of it made her more sick and angry, until her mother dismissed all the people who were in their house and gave the results to her. "I want you to read it yourself."
Blair nodded in agreement and took the long, white envelope from her mother's hands.
Her hands were shaking and she felt some tears would fall from her eyes sooner or later, tears of joy or grief. It was inevitable; she couldn't run away from it.
She opened the envelope carefully and took a deep breath before reading what was written inside. The thick sheet of paper burnt under her hands like it was really made of fire and it made her almost jolt. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest and she couldn't stop it.
When she reversed the sheet to read it, her heart almost skipped a beat. She stiffened and tried not to break down in front of her mother.
"What... What it says?" Her mother asked with a choppy tone. She was scared too.
"I'm... It's positive." Blair said with a low sigh before she broke down and little tears began to damp the sheet of paper. Her mother took it from her hands and like she never did before hugged her only daughter until she calmed down.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
That night Blair didn't feel to go out with Nate. He had called her several times the afternoon but she never answered. She texted him only to let him know she was tired and needed some rest, and he replied that he was fine with that, they could go out another day.
The truth was another, of course, but she wouldn't have said anything to him.
She changed her mind soon. She decided to go out alone and went to Bendel's and Saks to buy some clothes. Shopping really helped her when she was down, and now it was the moment to spend money because she was buried like six feet underground New York.
She couldn't believe she was really pregnant with Chuck. She could not bear the fact that she had not yet graduated and should deal with a baby at seventeen years old.
She hated the fetus so much she could not explain it in words. One reason was that it was Chuck's, and Chuck was a nasty screwed piece of work. He wasn't born to be a father and she realized he would never ever be her kid's dad, not even in the future. She would have had to raise that child all alone and without the support she needed. That thought cut right deep in her veins and hurt her like a knife.
She could almost sense the blood flooding her blouse when she thought about it, but she kept repeating to herself that she was in the street with some other people and she had to pretend all was good. She could not bear to bawl out there.
Her phone rang again that night. She stopped to take it from her bag and when she saw the name on the display she really wanted to shut it for good. It was Nate.
"Nate, hi" she said coldly. She didn't really want to talk with him or anybody.
"You finally answered."
She surely didn't want to tell him what the real truth was. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I had stuff to do and I was really tired. Forgive me?"
He chuckled lightly from the other side of the phone. "Sure. Besides, I read your text." There was a little pause, she didn't know what to say to him. She wasn't in the mood to talk.
A klaxon honked in the background and Blair couldn't cover his sound for Nate. "Are you in the street? Do you wanna come to my house?" he asked as a consequence of it as she feared.
She wanted to answer 'no, thank you I'm tired' but that would have been worse for her. She sighed and started walking again to reach his house. "I'm on my way."
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
She reached Nate's house in about five minutes and the housemaid opened the door for her saying that Nate was upstairs and he would come as soon as possible.
She looked around and smiled at the finest furniture of the house. Everything was made of dark wood, in a classic style she liked for the house of her dreams. The house she dreamt to live in with Nate, in the future, with baby boys and girls running happily in their garden.
She was forgetting about the fact that she was pregnant already. That thought made her shiver while she waited for Nate to come greet her. While she was watching an old painting on the wall she heard Nate's voice and she turned.
She jolted when she saw him, she would have said no to Nate's invitation if she knew her worst nightmare was there with her boyfriend.
Chuck Bass looked so normal and even nice to her when he was speaking with Nate. She remembered him being so likeable only the few times they had sex. When he was in public he loved to provoke her with his witty lines, and she always counted that as teasing, which she found annoying.
"Look, I don't think is safe to do it this way... You should try..." he said with confidence, then he noticed her. He smirked at her like he always did, and that annoyed her.
"Evening, Waldorf" he said with a sensual tone.
She ignored him and she threw herself on her boyfriend with a fake smile. "Blair, I'm glad you came. I really hoped to see you tonight."
"It was a last minute decision, you know. I was tired."
"Yes, I heard. Are you okay now?"
Blair smiled widely so that Chuck could see her. "Never been better." Lie. Lie. Lie. That's what she thought at that moment. She could do it.
"I'm happy. I have to go to do a thing in the kitchen. Wait for me with Chuck, okay?"
Blair nodded swiftly at him and he disappeared quickly to the left door, leaving her with Chuck. Why she was even there to begin with? She shouldn't have come.
She decided to ignore him because his presence there only pissed her off more, but he "didn't agree" as always. He leaned forward to cut the distances between them.
She crossed her arms on her chest while he watched her with a crooked smile. She thought he was going to say something rude or worse, seeing the smile on his face.
Instead, he relaxed his features and the perfect smile became a severe look, almost sad.
"Your face is still pale and your make up a bit ruined." He observed.
Blair didn't want to turn and look at her reflection in the mirror behind her, but she could not help it. Maybe Chuck was wrong, maybe he only wanted to tease her, but this time he said the truth. Her mascara was ruined under her right eye. She had cried before arriving there and she had cursed herself for forgetting her pocket mirror at home. She instantly tried to adjust it with her index finger and she succeeded, then she turned again. His expression was still harsh.
She tried to ignore him again, but he was unstoppable. "It won't last if you don't look at details... Nate is naïve to believe your little white lies, which I'm not."
She narrowed her eyes and curled her lips. "It's not a lie, you envy that I actually have a loving boyfriend! Don't try to trick me. It doesn't work anymore."
Chuck seemed pleased by the answer. In his mind this back-talks were a demonstration of her actual interest in him, but she would never admit it. She scowled at him and turned her head to face Nate that was coming back from the kitchen. She sighed under her breath and waited until the boy reached her.
"Okay, I'm done." He looked at her with at smile and then at Chuck. His face was concerned again. "There's something do you want to do tonight?"
Blair pretended to think about it. She didn't want to do anything, and that was the truth. She didn't even want to be there, to be honest. "Why don't we stay here?" She suggested.
She didn't want him to take her to a restaurant where the 'acting' process would have been more difficult than ever. She knew that if she would have eaten something she would have gone directly to the bathroom and throw it all up in no time, and Nate would have called her a liar for not telling him she was still sick the day before.
Another grin appeared on Nate's beautiful face. He stroked her cheek gently and she almost closed her eyes to make him believe she was enjoying the tender gesture. "What do you want, Blair. We could watch one of your favorite movies if you like."
"It sounds perfect to me" she said grinning in response as she pretended it to be perfect.
She turned towards Chuck. He was not so distant from them, but that little PDA at that moment made him feel like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, just what she wanted. He had to feel like the kind of love she felt for Nate she'd never felt for him.
He had lost her that night at the ball, and the fact that in her belly there was a son or a daughter he helped create, didn't change the hate she felt for him. He had to suffer, she would never sleep with him again. But the sad look she saw in his eyes was painful, even for her. He was already suffering.
Nate shifted to Chuck and Blair, and she noticed he changed his expression quickly. The harsh stare he had, become a slight grin of his. "So, I think I'm gonna go" he declared to the couple. "It's late." He turned and headed to the door, his steps were really slow like he was waiting for someone to stop him and ask him to stay, but it didn't happen. He would have enjoyed it, though. He disappeared through the door and the couple remained alone.
Nate took her hand and led her to the living room where the big HD TV was located.
"I see him too sad lately." He murmured after a long silence while she was choosing the DVD to watch from the collection. She turned her head to face him.
"Who?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.
Nate shook his head and shrugged. "Chuck. He looks like he's unhappy."
She took the 'Breakfast at Tiffanie's' DVD from the big shelf and went to put it into the DVD player. One good minute passed before she answered her boyfriend. "Sweetie, don't be so worried for him. I think some random chick didn't let him go under her skirt and that's why he's complaining. It's not worth caring about such things, to care about Chuck, most of all." The last sentence was referring to her.
"Yeah, maybe you are right. It's just... Is like the look when you lose someone or feel sorry for someone. Is strange to see that kind of look in him..."
Blair sighed at the smartest thought Nate had in days. She knew he was straight right, she had seen that look herself. But she didn't want to admit it out loud to the world. It was clearly harder to even admit she was pregnant with his baby.
"Let's forget about him. We have a movie to watch now." She caressed his cheek and he could just smile and nod while she pressed 'play' on the remote control and tried to forget again for the one-hundredth time that day about the nightmare.
