No Need For A Drive-In Movie

By Galaxy 1001D

Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website.

Chapter Two: Let's Go

It was Mihoshi who recovered first. "A drive-in movie. It sounds like fun. Wanna go, Tenchi?"

"Sure but…" Tenchi's reply as interrupted when Ryoko pushed him out of the way to confront the dizzy blonde.

"Hold on!" she commanded. "If Tenchi is going on a date with anyone it's going to be me!"

"I was just asking," a meek Mihoshi backpedalled, "I mean, if he was interested…"

Princess Ayeka couldn't resist getting involved. "You have some nerve thinking that Lord Tenchi would go with you, Ryoko!" the lavender haired lady scolded. "You know very well that he would rather go on a date with someone he wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with in public."

"Keep that up and your face will be so black and blue you'll have to wear a paper bag to go out in public," Ryoko snarled at the princess.

"Is that a threat, Ryoko?" Ayeka taunted. "You and what army?"

"What'sa'matta Princess?" Ryoko growled. "You have to have an army to back you up?"

"As if!" Ayeka snorted. "The power running through the Jurai royal family gives each of us the power of an army, as well you know! Or do you need reminding?"

"Looks like someone needs to remind you to mind your own business," Ryoko growled.

The two rivals growled at each other as electricity crackled from their eyes.

Washu coughed into her fist and then extracted a device that looked like a brass fire extinguisher from under the table. She aimed the nozzle at the two growling women and pulled the trigger. A blinding flash filled the room as a bolt of energy hit the squabbling females and hurled them across the room. Sasami and Mihoshi hugged each other in fear. Tenchi had jerked backwards and was lying on his back from his instinctive dodge. He picked himself up to examine the stunned Ayeka and Ryoko as Washu smirked and hid her apparatus under the table.

"Ooh," grunted a dizzy Ryoko as she attempted to pick herself off the floor.

"Uh…" groaned a dazed Ayeka who just lay there as she tried to get her bearings.

"Ayeka! Ryoko!" Sasami cried as she got up from the table and dashed to their sides. "Speak to me!"

Mihoshi joined the child as she checked her housemates for injuries. "Are you two all right?"

Tenchi knelt down and glanced under the table to look for Washu's gizmo, but it wasn't there. "Huh?" he looked at Washu questioningly.

"What are you looking for, you naughty boy?" Washu smiled coyly. "I assure you, I'm wearing underwear. Too bad for you…" she winked.

Tenchi blushed and scratched the back of his neck, then decided to save face with righteous indignation. "Washu! Was it necessary to zap them like that?"

"I want a peaceful mealtime," she shrugged, ignoring Sasami's and Mihoshi's struggles to help Ayeka and Ryoko to their feet. "I figure that with electrical shocks, I can break them of the habit of fighting at the table. Pavlov's dogs, you know."

Tenchi had no idea who Pavlov was or what his dogs had to do with anything, but he suspected that Washu was referring to Ryoko and Ayeka as witches spelled with a capital 'B'. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Um don't you think that's a little…"

The look on Washu's face told the boy that the little scientist didn't think that she was harsh enough.

"Never mind," he sighed, deciding that unlike two of his housemates, he would pick his battles.

The rest of the meal was relatively quiet. Ayeka's luxurious purple hair was frizzy and askew, but Ryoko's wild greenish white mane didn't really look that different. Mihoshi attempted to ease the tension by making light conversation.

Since getting her driver's license, the blonde galaxy police officer made any excuse to use her driving skills. The others used any excuse not to get into the car with her driving. It wasn't that she was a bad driver, it was the fact that Mihoshi tended to babble and not pay enough attention to the road. That combined with her inexperience…

Okay. She was a bad driver. But she still seized any opportunity to demonstrate her ability behind the wheel.

"So um, what about going to a drive-in, what do you think, huh?" Mihoshi said with forced cheeriness. "I mean, it would be more fun than just sitting at home watching a movie on television, what do you say, hm?"

"Oh, yeah," Washu retorted sarcastically. "I think that spending an evening sitting in a car next to you mental cases sounds like lots of fun. Having to use a skuzzy public restroom is a lot more convenient than watching a movie on DVD at home, that's for sure. If we're lucky, there will be drunk and rowdy teenagers making noise and throwing beer bottles too. Yup. Can't think of a better way to spend my time, I'll tell you that."

"Really?" Mihoshi chirped. "You really want to go? Wow! I'll see what's playing!"

Washu, Tenchi, and Sasami facefaulted. Ayeka and Ryoko were jolted back to their senses.

"Beer bottles?" Ryoko asked. "You mean that you get to drink at a drive-in?"

"Sure," Tenchi nodded. "You can even bring your own food if you want. It's not like a normal movie theater."

"This has possibilities," Ryoko put her hand on her chin. "Sounds like going to the drive-in could be fun."

"Oh boy!" Sasami cried with youthful enthusiasm. "We're going to a drive-in movie!"

"Hm," Ayeka said thoughtfully. "It will be a new experience."

"Um, I don't want to put a damper on things," Tenchi apologized as a bead of sweat appeared at his temple, "but admission for six is more than I can afford. We spent our money on groceries and Dad won't be home for another two days. I don't think that all of us will be able to go."

"No problem," Ryoko gestured in dismissal. "You and the princesses have a doddering old relative you can mooch off of. Just go bum the money off him."

"M-miss Ryoko!" Ayeka sputtered. "How dare you call my brother a doddering old man! He's the crown prince of Jurai I'll have you know!"

"Fine," Ryoko shrugged. "Go ahead and marry him then. Tenchi and I will be quite happy for you. Didn't the two of you used to be engaged?"

"Erg…" Ayeka had no words for that.

After dinner the housemates walked up the stone steps to the shrine at the top of the hill. The house of Tenchi's grandfather, Katsuhito, awaited them, but the old man was not in sight.

"Grandpa?" Tenchi called. "Grandpa, are you there?"

"Haiyee!" the old man cried as he burst out of the bushes brandishing a wooden sword. Tenchi cried out and dashed around the area trying to avoid his grandfather's blows. When the boy made the mistake of hiding behind the girls, Katsuhito leaped over the astonished women and seized the boy by the throat. "You're dead," he told him, "and some villain has full access to these unprotected women. You need to be ready for an attack at all times."

"Grandpa!" Tenchi spluttered as he freed himself from his grandfather's iron grip. "Ease off will ya? We just wanted some money to go the movies!"

"Shame-shame," Katsuhito shook his head. "After the attacks by Kagato and Yakage one would think that you would be ready for any attack and not leave these beautiful women defenseless. Your carelessness has already allowed two of them to be abducted and you complain about my training methods. Tut-tut. I'm ashamed of you."

Tenchi wasn't going to take that one lying down. "For crying out loud, Grandpa, you were there too! And each time you let either Ryoko or Ayeka get kidnapped! What do you have to say about that, smarty-pants?"

"I say that's no way to bum money off your grandpa," the old man winked mischievously.

"Doh!" Tenchi slapped his forehead in frustration.

"Oh please forgive him!" Mihoshi begged as tears began to form in her eyes. "He didn't mean it! There must be some way for all of us to go the drive-in together!"

"Hm?" Katsuhito adjusted his glasses as he peered quizzically at Mihoshi. "You want to go to a drive-in? Then why are you bothering me? Why don't you just hide a few of you in the trunk the way your mother and father did when they were your age?"

"What?" Tenchi couldn't believe his ears. "Mom and Dad snuck friends into the drive-in?"

"That's kind of how they fell in love," the old man winked. "They and their friends drew straws and your parents lost. In the trunk of a car they got to know each other real well if you know what I mean."

"Ew!" Tenchi shuddered at the image of his virginal mother stuck in a confined space with his modern-day father. Rather than realize that his father would have been an innocent boy at the time he couldn't help but see the forty-year old voyeur groping his deceased and thus eternally young mother. "Gross!"

"Yes, it certainly sounds unpleasant," Ayeka smiled as she stroked her chin thoughtfully, "but if it's the only way…" In her mind's eye she could imagine being in the dark trunk with Tenchi. It wouldn't be her fault if the close proximity gave them intimate knowledge of each other's bodies. Why being in a dark trunk, with their bodies pressed together it would be impossible for them not feel…arousal. But surely, no one could blame an innocent princess of such impure thoughts if she couldn't help it could they?

Ryoko made no pretense of innocence. "Hm, sharing a trunk with Tenchi. Could be kinky."

"Now wait a minute…" Tenchi protested. He stole a glance at his grandfather's evil smirk. The old man outfoxed him again! That will teach him to show disrespect to his grandfather! The boy silently vowed to hold his tongue next time.

"Hold on you guys," said a nervous Mihoshi. "Isn't that illegal?"

"It's only illegal if you get caught!" Ryoko declared happily.

"Wow!" gushed Sasami. "Let's draw straws!"

"Where are you going, Lady Washu?" Ayeka asked as she saw the redhead turn and walk down the stairs. "Are you going to get the straws?"

Washu stopped to turn and shake her head. "Nope. The only thing worse than being trapped in a car with you guys is being trapped in a car trunk with you guys. I'm going to stay home and work on my research… or pluck my nose hairs… or stick a thermometer up my butt. All of that sounds like more fun than going to a drive-in movie, no offense. Keep an eye on Ryoko for me and don't make me have to bail you guys out of jail. So long."

Ayeka had an uneasy feeling and she watched the diminutive redhead descend the stone steps back to Tenchi's house. The ingenious carrot-top was almost never wrong. Did she know something about drive-in movies that the princess didn't know about? Or was the public spectacle of an outdoor theater just not the reclusive Washu's scene? Still, she figured that they could go just once and if they didn't like it they wouldn't go again.

In moments, the others had gathered some straws and Tenchi was cutting them to different lengths.

Tenchi immediately took charge. "All right, since Mihoshi is the only one of us with a driver's license she has to drive."

"At least one of us should keep her company so she doesn't get lost," Ayeka pointed out.

"You know, I should go in the trunk," Sasami offered. "I'm small and I can fit in there easy."

"It wouldn't be fair to just force you to ride in the trunk," Tenchi smiled as he shook his head. "We're all going to draw straws and have a chance to ride in the front with Mihoshi."

Mihoshi's voice could be heard. "Oh please let it be Tenchi!"

Ayeka and Ryoko gave the blonde dirty looks.

"I was looking at you and your mouth was shut," said Ryoko. "How did you say that so clearly?"

"It must have slipped out my ear," Mihoshi blushed.

"Okay," Tenchi announced as he clenched that straws in his fist. "One of these straws is long and the rest are short. Everyone grab a straw." A golden hand reached out. "Not you, Mihoshi," the boy added.

The blonde sheepishly withdrew her hand. "Oh, that's right. I'm driving. I see. Hee-hee-hee!" She blushed and giggled.

"Were all going to die," Ayeka muttered under her breath.

One by one the girls drew a straw and soon the winner was determined.

"I win! I win!" Ryoko announced as she brandished the longest straw. "The rest of you are losers but I am the winner! I win! I win!"

Sweatdrops formed on the others heads as Ryoko danced her victory jig.

"She must get out even less than I do," Ayeka muttered.

Tenchi tried to suppress a groan. Ryoko was about as reliable as a broken clock and Mihoshi was… Mihoshi. Still if they got in the trunk a block from the drive-in what was the worst that could happen?

Next: Just Her and Me