Disclaimer: I don't own ATLA
II. Addiction
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
~Kelly Clarkson, Addicted
One week. She repeats the words in her head over and over again until they begin to sound strange. One week, seven days, one hundred sixty eight hours, eleven thousand three hundred and forty minutes, six hundred eighty thousand four hundred seconds. One week, one lifetime. It was far too long. She fights to get through each second, each agonizing second of separation. Without him, the feeling of emptiness, of loneliness and boredom is more than she can bear.
"Katara, you're daydreaming again," Mai said, removing her dagger from the hem of the waterbender's dress. "How am I supposed to practice if you keep daydreaming? And pay attention; you're going to get hurt if you keep that up and I am not going to be responsible."
"Sorry," Katara muttered. "I've just been distracted lately."
"This wouldn't have to do with Aang leaving, would it?" Mai wondered.
"No," Katara said, although her blushing betrayed her. "It has nothing to do with Aang leaving."
"Well, this is perfect," Mai said, throwing her hands up in the air. "Suki's busy moping because Sokka went with Aang and Zuko and you're busy daydreaming and Toph refuses to spar with me, so I can't practice."
"You've been doing this all day," Katara pointed out. "Ever since Zuko left. Can't we take a break?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I need practice," Mai replied.
"No you don't. You're only practicing because Zuko's gone and you need to keep busy otherwise you'll start daydreaming too."
"What? That's the craziest thing I ever heard."
"Maybe," Katara said. "But you know it's true."
Mai scowled.
"Lighten up," Katara said. "I was just teasing."
"Unlike you and Suki, I'm not addicted to my boyfriend."
Katara burst out laughing. "Who're you kidding, Mai? Even Toph knows that's a lie and she can't see."
Mai just glared at her before rolling her eyes and stalking off to practice by herself.
Smiling, Katara sat under the shade of a tree in the courtyard and watched Mai's daggers whiz through the air. Normally, the little metal disks always found their mark, but today, Mai didn't seem to be too focused and Katara had a pretty good idea why.
"You know," the older girl said, coming to sit by her. "I hate it when you're right."
"What was I right about?"
"I'm just practicing to keep busy. With Zuko gone, I have nothing to do."
"You could do some paperwork. You've spent enough time with him at all those boring meetings to help."
"He took the papers with him," she said, sourly. "Besides, paperwork makes me grumpy."
Katara yawned. "You're grumpy enough as it is."
"I could try working on that new technique Suki showed me."
Katara nodded absently. She was always up for learning new moves, but somehow the thought of Suki and Mai combining tactics to make new moves wasn't too appealing.
"I think," she said, after a few minutes, getting up slowly. "I think I'll practice my waterbending."
"But you don't need practice," Mai pointed out, smirking.
"It doesn't hurt," Katara answered, standing in front of the pond in the courtyard.
"Katara, you're not bending," Mai pointed out after several minutes of inactivity.
"I know," the waterbender said. "I need a partner and…"
"And?"
"I'm too distracted," she said, miserably. "I can't focus on anything. And I miss Aang." The last part was uttered so softly Mai didn't hear.
"You should try…" Mai began but was interrupted by Katara who had suddenly burst into laughter. "What's so funny?"
The waterbender couldn't answer as her body shook with laughter. She was struck with the sudden realization that perhaps, just perhaps, she was in fact addicted to the young airbender as Mai had said. It seemed ridiculous, but ever since Aang, Zuko, and Sokka had left, she hadn't been herself. She had been too distracted, too unfocused to be able to do much of anything but daydream.
"I still don't understand what's so funny," Mai's voice said, reminding Katara that she was still there.
"I don't really know how to explain," Katara admitted, resuming her seat beside her.
"Just try."
Admitting that she might be addicted to the Avatar wasn't something she could just say, especially to Mai, even if it was marginally true. Perhaps that was an understatement. It was completely true. She was hopelessly in love with the young Avatar, but she didn't know if it went as far as addiction. Love and addiction were two separate things, after all.
Who are you kidding? A little voice in her head whispered. You're completely addicted to him. Just look at yourself.
Katara had to admit if she was trying not to appear like a love struck idiot, she was failing miserably. Mai had already caught her daydreaming several times and every now and then, Katara would catch herself slipping off into one as well. She was so bored without Aang; it wasn't as if she spent every waking minute with him when he was there, but she had always spent a large portion of her day with him. Still, her boredom didn't prove she was addicted to him, did it?
Of course it does, the little voice in her head began again. You can't stand the separation.
She was surprised to realize that this was the longest she had ever been separated from Aang and Sokka. One week seemed too long. Sokka had sometimes gone hunting with their father when she was little. The two would disappear for two or three days on end, but it never bothered her until now. Oddly enough, she missed Sokka too.
But you're not addicted to him.
No, she agreed silently. I'm definitely not addicted to Sokka. She loved her brother, but when he went away she wasn't daydreaming about him.
Either way, Katara, you've got an addiction and there's no cure whatsoever.
She had to admit it could have been true, although she wasn't too sure about the last part. Some part of her, she supposed, had always known that she was addicted to the young airbender although she hadn't been willing to accept it. Even now, she was hesitant to accept it. It still seemed ridiculous. She wouldn't deny that she was in love (mainly because she wasn't sure she could) but she still wasn't too sure about being addicted. It just wasn't possible. She couldn't have fallen so hard as to become addicted.
Oh please. Remember what happened at Ba Sing Se?
It wasn't a memory she liked to recall, but Katara had to admit that that annoying little voice had a point. After Aang had gotten injured, she hadn't left his side for days. When Sokka and Hakoda had mentioned it she had pointed out that someone had to help him and she was suited for the job since she could heal. She knew it was a lie; even then she had known it was a lie. The real reason she refused to leave him was because she knew she couldn't, wouldn't let him die. Not when he still had his destiny to fulfill and not when she was beginning to realize that he was her destiny.
Their failure at Ba Sing Se had taught her much, though she would have much rather preferred the easier way to finding things out. Aang had nearly died before she had started to accept that she felt something for him. Even though it had been a while, she still clearly remembered sitting beside him aboard that captured Fire Navy ship, trying to sort out her feelings. She had known then that she needed him but she hadn't been smart enough to realize that she loved him. It wasn't until she realized that even her healing might not have been enough to save him that she had been truly frightened and willing to accept she cared about him. After that, she nearly worked herself to death trying to heal his injuries. When Toph and Sokka had protested and told her she shouldn't work herself so hard, she told them she had to, for him. But it was really for herself she had been trying. Because she wouldn't let him leave her. Because it distracted her from contemplating the thought that he could have died.
What about when he ran away?
That had taken its toll on her too. She had nearly died of fright when she had realized he was missing. For a split second, she hadn't been able to breathe or think. When her mind had finally started functioning logically and she finally had enough air, she had run off to tell her dad and in the end they had found him.
What about the dance party he threw?
That was a much pleasanter memory, one she even liked to recall. It had been an interesting evening, watching Fire Nation children let loose for once. Only that girl On Ji, had bothered her, but she had forgotten about her and all the other girls staring at him as soon as Aang had offered to dance with her. It had been one of their best nights in the Fire Nation and she hadn't wanted it to end.
What about when he left for the invasion and then again when he left to fight Firelord Ozai?
It hadn't been easy to watch him go both times, but she hadn't been too preoccupied about it because she had her injured fatherto look after during the invasion and an injured Zuko to worry about during the fight with Azula. Of course the moment they were okay, she had started to worry all over again even after she had told herself he would return.
So if he left you now, if he disappeared, what would you do? The little voice asked.
Katara hadn't really given much thought to what would happen if Aang did something like that but she had a pretty good idea.
There you go, Katara. You said it yourself: he's your destiny and you're completely addicted to him.
"Katara?"
The young waterbender looked at Mai and grinned.
"I think," she said, choosing her words carefully, and smiling a little wider. "I think I'm addicted."
