So sorry this has taken so long to get up! Things have been crazy and I haven't had any inspiration what-so-ever. If you all like this enough, I might extend it from a two-shot and make it an actual story.. Let me know? If you think I shouldn't, I'll just make it a 3-shot and end it at the next chapter.. whatever you all think(:
Joe's POV
13 hours, 43 minutes. 44. 45. 46. As the minutes passed by and I felt my heart beating slower and slower as my body started to give in to the urge to sleep, I wondered why my heart was beating and I was thriving and alive and Miley wasn't.
I knew she wasn't dead. I knew some part of her was still here with me and that she would come back.. but I still had that little bit of doubt in me. The 'what-if's' kept running through my head. What if she doesn't come back? What if she has a choice, and chooses not to? What if this is my fault for not being there?
Emily had fallen asleep sitting in the chair next to mine and looked extremely uncomfortable, but I couldn't worry about that. At least she could have the feeling of being uncomfortable.. Mi couldn't even feel that. I walked out of the bright white hospital room, shutting the door quietly behind me so I wouldn't wake Emily. I entered the waiting room and pressed the button on the elevator, as it lit up in bright orange. Ding, ding, ding. I could hear the elevator indicating that it was coming down floors to get me, and when the door opened I saw a little girl, about 6, with her mom. Her mom was talking on her cell phone, the girl was holding a teddy bear and she looked scared. I smiled at her, giving her reassurance that I didn't believe in myself.
She looked broken and fragile, sitting in a wheelchair. She had a bag on a rack attatched to her through a cord, filling her with some kind of clear fluid. Her hair was only there in patches, and her face looked pale and green at the same time. It worried me. I knew she had cancer. She looked up at me and gave me a smile back, and signed something to me that I didn't understand. Only then did I see the hearing aids in her ears that were there but weren't helping her hear at all. The chemo had caused her to be deaf; and somehow, she still had a smile on her face.
The elevator stopped at the 3rd floor, the pediatric oncology floor, and the girl's mom stepped out, pushing the wheelchair.
"Hope," she mouthed. "I'm Hope," and gave me a smile before her mom pushed her away, down the hall, out of my sight.
I sat at a table in the cafeteria sipping on a glass of apple juice. I'm not sure why I picked that over some stupid herb tea or soda, but I guess it was because the juice reminded me of my childhood. I thought back to the days when I was Frankie's age, when the meanest thing someone could say to you was that you were a poopy-face.
Never would I imagined that I'd be sitting in a hospital because my best friend had tried to commit suicide.
Suicide. What did that even mean? Suicide is when you kill yourself; but Mi didn't kill herself; it was the others who killed her.
In front of everyone in the entire cafeteria, I bowed my head, put my elbows on the table, raised my hands, fingers intertwined, resting my forehead on them in front of me; and I did something I haven't done in a very long time; I genuinely prayed.
I didn't know anything specific I wanted to ask for from God. I just talked. I let everything out.
Dear God,
Things have been a little crazy lately, and I'm starting to loose hope. My mind is spinning in a million different directions. Miley is in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. People are so cruel, God. They did this to her. I know that noones perfect, the Bible taught me that.. but sometimes I wish that people had a little more respect for one another. I'm no person to be preaching about world peace, but I just wish respect was used more often around her and everyone else for that matter. People don't care if they hurt other people anymore. Actually, they find pride in it. It's sick. I want Mi to be okay. I'm so worried. I know that if she does leave us, that you will take her under your wing and make sure she's okay until it's my time.. The thing is, I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself if she was gone. Please let her wake up, please bring her back. I'm loosing hope, God.
I'm loosing hope.
Everytime I thought of keeping hope, I thought of the little girl in the wheelchair. Despite everything she had been through, she still had that huge smile on her face. I pressed the elevator button again, and the bright orange filled my eyes. This time, though, there was no one on the elevator but me. Instead of pressing 5, the ICU, I pressed number 3 and headed to the pedatric oncology floor.
The door opened and I was filled with bright colors and laughing children. Nothing what you would expect a cancer ward to be like. I walked out into a waiting room which looked more like a daycare's playroom. Toys, rugs, a tv and a Wii. I went to the reception desk and saw a nice lady with lollipop scrubs on. I knew she wouldn't be able to help me, but I was going to try anyways.
"I'm looking for a girl," I told her.
"Do you have a name, sir?" She smiled at me.
"Joe Jonas. Oh, you mean her.. I don't know her last name... I just know her first name is Hope."
She typed something into her computer and squinted her eyes in a defeated manner.
"Are you sure your on the right floor? I'm sorry, but it seems like we don't have any patients named Hope at all. I wish I could help you."
I looked at the floor. Her name wasn't hope. "I'm Hope." echoed in my head as what I imagined her voice to be. I smiled at the lady with the lollipop scrubs and told her she was of help, and thanked her before I stepped back on to the familiar elevator again, and watched the receptionist smiling before the door closed, and I was alone again.
I went back to Miley's room immediately after that. I needed to see her, even though I knew she wouldn't be there. Her body would be there, but her mind was somewhere else. I wondered if she had gone to California, or Florida. She loved Florida. Maybe she was at Disney World; she felt like a child when she went there, and like the world was care-free. I promised myself that after all of this was over, I'd take her there- just me and her, and maybe Emily. I entered her door and saw what I had seen when I left; a fragile girl laying in a bed with countless tubes hooked up to her, all alone, by herself. Emily must have waken and left. I sighed. I knew she'd be like this, but in my mind I had hoped that she had waken up while I was gone. I sat down in the chair beside her and grabbed her hand, carful of the IV.
"Mi.. please come back to me.." I sighed, I highly doubted she could hear me.
Miley's POV
I had no idea what happened. I mean, I did. I knew what I had done to myself, but I had no idea what was happening at this moment. I thought I was okay; I didn't know that it'd end up like this. I knew I was trying to get away from the pain and pressure everyone was bringing me.. but I thought it would be quick and simple. I thought I had died. I'm hearing Joe's voice, and now I'm not so sure that I'm dead at all. Thing is, I have no clue where I am.
I heard a knock on the door and heard footsteps that weren't familiar, I assumed they belonged to one of my many nurses.
"How are you doing?" she said, asking me as if I could respond.
"It's your choice, baby girl. You choose to come back, or to leave.. I know it's hard, sweetheart, but you can do this." She said. I heard movement of the bags that pumped fluid into my body and tape being ripped off of my hand, and new applied- but I didn't feel any of it.
I didn't understand. It's my choice? Whether I die or live? Did she know I could hear her? That I was contemplating letting go? This made no sense. I pondered so many things and so many thoughts ran through my head, giving me a headache that I couldn't signal to anyone else that I even had.
"It's my choice.." I murmuered inside my head, because no one else could even hear me.
Joe POV
As the clock ticked and hit 15 hours, I tried to convince myself to hold on to the little bit of hope I had left. I felt the tears on my cheeks and knew I needed to vent—so I grabbed my notebook out of my bag I had brought with me and began to write.I looked up at the clock again; 15 Hours, 1 Minute. I thought back to the 1st time I met Miley, how awstruck I was, young and wild and free.
1 Minute and my earth began to shake
2 Minutes and my heart began to break
Another minute and she makes me feel brand knew
That's just 3 minutes with you…
4 Minutes and she's everything I see
5 Minutes and she's where I want to be
Another minute everything just feels so new
I need 6 minutes with you…. 6 minutes.
I looked at the paper and thought to myself that I just needed 6 minutes with my Miley, and I would be content. She's my best friend, and I needed to tell her how much I loved her and that I loved her more then I did just a friend… If I had 6 minutes left with her, I'd tell her she was beautiful no matter what in my eyes.
Staring at the paper, I started saying what was on my mind, whether she heard me or not.
"If I had 6 minutes left with you… I'd tell you I love you. I'd tell you that I love the way you smile, when you show your teeth and you squint your eyes. I love the way you throw your head back when your laughing uncontrollably. I love when your shy and look down at your hands. I love when you look at me for reassurance. I love the way you hug me, when you wrap your arms around my neck. I love when I'm with you and can make you feel safe…"
Miley's POV
I was so glad I was still capable of hearing, as I discovered earlier. I would feel so guilty if I couldn't. Joe was pouring his heart out to me and I just wanted to wake up right then and there, give him a huge hug and tell him I was so sorry for making him worry like this. He kept talking sweet and I assumed he was holding my hand, although I couldn't feel it. I wish I could listen to his voice for ever. The sweet sounds of it made me smile.
"Mi, I love you. I didn't realize how important it was to tell you that until this happened… You have to come back to me though. If you can hear me, just move your hand… just a little. Please Mi, I can't live without you.." I heard a quiver in his voice and knew he was crying.
I had to move. I tried, and I couldn't. I tried so hard.
"Help me Joe.. I'm loosing hope." I thought to myself. Would I ever find the strength?
Breath, Part 2, ladies and gents! Sorry it was super long- I got into it! Review, please? Much love, -xoxo Hannah.
