Summary: Hi I'm back. You probably didn't think I would be posting again this soon but I am. I don't really have a choice since I told myself this would be my last fic for the year. It's nice to see that people actually liked this story because it's something that popped into my head a few days ago and wouldn't go away until I typed it all out. Don't want to hold you readers up any longer just want to say thanks for the love. AU from the episode Never Been Kissed.
Disclaimer: I don't own this show and if I did it wouldn't be on FOX. Cinemax maybe but not FOX.
Part Two- The Face Behind the Iron Mask
The months passed and Dave slowly morphed back into the boy he once was. He pulled up his graded to a solid B+ and the anger he felt against the world subsided. Instead of using it on innocent people 'The Fury' saved it for the football field and hockey rink. No longer did he get into fights at school and the bullying came to a halt. When he walked down the halls the kids didn't scatter to the other side to make room for him he simply blended in the best way he could. His teammates constantly hammered him, asking him if he was okay after he repeatedly refused to beat up on the nerds or slushie the kids from Glee but he he told them he was fine. Stating that he was finally growing up and suggested they do the same.
His teachers were happy that Dave was behaving himself and setting a good example for the younger students. His parents were happy that they had their son back and most importantly Dave was happy. Once again he was sitting across from the second person he officially told he was gay, the first being himself.
Dr. Fishel looked up at Dave from her tablet and smiled. Out of all her patients Dave was the most charming and open. He'd come a long way and she was quite proud of him. "Well Dave it's been four months since we started these sessions. How are you feeling?"
Dave gave the doctor a soft smile and a nod. "I feel good," he answered. "For the first time in a long time I want to wake up and not sleep forever. I feel like me again."
"And school."
"It's great," smiled Dave. "Got an A on the history final so I can't complain. Might actually make the honor next semester."
"Your friends."
"They haven't been harassing me lately if that's what you're wondering. In fact they haven't really been talking to me at all outside of hockey but I'm cool with it. It just goes to show that those guys weren't my friends to begin with."
"Still, must get lonely. Not having anybody to talk to."
"It does but I have my lab partner and my notebook," he replied as he pointed to the bright blue notebook in his bag. It was his second notebook that he'd been given by the doctor and that one was already half way filled. "That's all I need."
"What about your life at home?" she asked softly. "Your parents."
"If you're wondering if I told my parents about my sexuality I haven't," sighed Dave.
"Why is that?"
Dave shrugged. "I don't know. Still scared I guess."
"Of their reaction."
"That and them not loving me anymore."
"Have your parents ever expressed an intolerance for same sex couples."
Dave shook his head. "Never aloud but I know they would never accept me if they knew the truth. My dad especially," he replied solemnly. Growing up his dad had been his hero, teaching everything a man should know if he wanted to be a good decent man. His dad was never going to accept he had a fag for a son.
"You won't know until you tell them."
"I'll think about it."
"If you want you could bring them here and tell them. Maybe having me here to talk to them afterwards might benefit you all."
Dave Dr. Fishel another unsure nod but took her offer seriously. If his parents were in the presence of the doctor they wouldn't blow up in front of her. She could be the shield he knew he'd need.
She could tell he was contemplating her offer and decided to move on. "Now that that's out of the way Dave I was thinking that it's time you start apologizing to all those you've wronged over the years."
He let out a heavy sigh. "That's a lot of people," he replied.
"I'm not saying you have to write letters to everyone but a sincere apology from the heart will do."
"What if they don't accept it?"
"That's their choice Dave," answered Dr. Fishel. "The point of this is to bring you closure to yourself and put your past behind you."
"You really think that would help."
"I don't think it would hurt."
After that they talked about random things but all the while Dave's mind completed a list of all those people he'd hurt in the past. Like he told the doctor it was a pretty long list.
The next day Dave put his therapist project into motion. Taking his list out of his pocket he glanced at it when he noticed singing coming from the choir room. That's when he decided to make the kids from Glee his first stop. Since they made up the majority of his list it was best he started there.
Walking into the room, the group stopped singing their song when they noticed the former bully standing in front of the room. While the rest of them stared at him with a mixture of shock, anger, and confusion Rachel simply crossed her arms and glared.
"What is Karofsky doing here Mr. Shue?" she asked bitterly and Dave couldn't blame her. He threw a fair amount of slushies in her face in the past.
The director of the choir shrugged and stared at Dave with the same look at his students. "I have no idea Rachel."
Dave took a deep breath and began. "I came here to talk to you guys if that's alright."
Finn growled angrily. "About what?"
He looked over at Finn and sighed. 'Of course he hated me. I'm the reason his step-brother attended a private school an hour and half away.' Dave just took another deep breath and continued. "The things I've done to almost everyone in this room. The name calling, threats, the bullying. I came here to apologize for everything I've done."
"You're serious."
This time the comment came from the dude in the wheelchair. 'Artie' Dave thought. He gave the group a nod. "I've been seeing a therapist for the past four months and she's helped me realize that the person I was was a complete loser and total jackass. I was so caught up in hiding my secrets that I took it out on innocent people and that wasn't right."
"So that's it." It was Mercedes's voice that bellowed inside the room now. "After years of making our lives a living high school hell you want us to forgive you."
"No," replied Dave shaking his head. "I mean you can if you want to but you don't have to and I don't expect you to. I need to do this for me if I'm ever going to be a better person. I'm not going to be that guy anymore. I can't be if I want to keep looking myself in the mirror."
"It sounds sincere but how do we know this isn't some trick to humiliate us in front of everyone in the school."
"He doesn't look that smart to do something like that Berry."
Dave looked at Puck and smiled. "You're about that Puckerman I'm not that smart but I thought I could sing a song to show that I'm serious about this."
"You can sing,"asked Santana
"Not really but I figure you can always use video footage to post on Youtube if I'm ever an ass you any of you again. The song I got is kinda girly but it's one of my sister's favorite so-"
Dave didn't wait for them to respond, walking over to the band kids and the piano guy, and whispering a song title in their ears. Slowly the music started and Dave took another deep breath.
I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?
And I ask myself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
and I tell myself
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..
Dave hadn't noticed that some of the Glee girls were now standing beside him, singing along with him during the chorus. He just hoped he was doing it right.
You are moving through the crowd
Trying to find yourself
Feelin' like a doll left on a shelf
Will someone take you down?
And you ask yourself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
Gotta tell yourself
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..
By this time everyone was standing up and singing along. This time he noticed when a hand touched his shoulder. Looking over he realized that it was Rachel and she was actually smiling up at him.
Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall
You turn the light on to erase it all
You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless
So open all the blinds and all the curtains
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..
We are moving through the crowd...
The music stopped and it was as if the world stood still as well. Suddenly, Mr. Shue appeared from behind and started clapping his hands.
"That was great Dave,"smiled Mr. Shue still clapping. "You sing well for someone who wasn't sure if they could sing or not."
"I usually sing in the shower or when I'm totally alone. Never did in front of people before."
"Yes Dave while there were times you became a bit pitchy I believe that with practice you could be really good," Rachel had to add.
"Thanks Rachel."
"Just because you got a nice voice and apologized for the stuff you did doesn't mean you can join Glee club," Finn stated, crossing his arms.
Dave smiled softly and chuckled. "I don't want to. I got to much on my plate already and like I said you don't have to accept my apology if you don't want. It something I needed to do." And with that Dave Karofsky left the choir room.
He spent the remainder of the day cornering students and apologizing to them. Just like the kids from the Glee club they were shocked and confused by the bigger boy but after promising to never bothering them again they walked away happy. Dave even apologized to a few teachers.
That night he looked at his list and saw the person he hurt the most name in big bold letters. Kurt Hummel. The boy he'd ridiculed for so long when all he wanted to do was kiss him until he was breathless. Dave needed to apologize to him but not like he had to anyone else. It had to be different, more intimate and heartfelt. Grabbing a few pieces out of his binder, he sat down at his desk and began writing.
Dear Kurt,
I know you're probably wondering why I'm writing this letter to you of all people but I need to get a few things off my chest. My therapist says it will be the only way I can find closer and put the past behind me so here I go.
You see I've know that I've been gay since the eight grade when I had a wet dream about J.C Chavez from N'SYNC one night in my sleep. The next night I dreamed about Nick Carter. That pretty much proved that I was different. That and when I kissed Erica Richards at my first boy girl party it felt like I was kissing my sister.
I didn't know how to handle it then, confused and terrified by the feelings that I was having, wishing I had to talk to but I didn't. So, I did what any scared homosexual would do. I threw myself in the closet and buried my feelings. I tried out for football and hockey, hoping that it would curve the feelings that I felt and then I met you and I feel hard. From the moment I saw you I knew that you were just like me but completely different. You, in your Armani jeans and Prada waist coats, and more than likely Gucci socks. You weren't afraid to be who you were and deep down I was jealous of that. I wanted to be that open and honest with myself I just didn't know how.
It was because of that jealous that I picked on you so much. I thought that if I could break your spirit then it would make me more a man and my feelings would go away. But you didn't break. No matter how many times I slammed you into lockers, tossed you in the dumpsters, or threw slushies in your face you just kept walking with your head held high. Like you knew in the end we were all nothing but insignificant creatures that you would step all over one day.
Until that day when I pushed you to far and kissed you. Seeing that look on your face made me want to go home and slit my wrist and drown in bathwater mixed with my own blood. And when you came to me that next day, offering your help after what I did, it killed me a little more inside. That's when my parents decided to make me see a shrink and she's helped me...alot. She made me see that the only person I could ever disappoint was myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did and making you feel scared and angry all the time. And I know you probably could never forgive me for what I've done and that's okay because I don't deserve your forgiveness. Just promise me that you won't let anyone break you ever again. That you won't run and hide away because you're special Kurt. You've always been and even a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary he is can see it.
I don't know if you're going to keep this letter or not, or even read it but I had to do it. Maybe someday, hopefully not to far in the future, we could actually be friends. I'm not going to hold my breath but a boy can dream right. Have a good life Kurt Hummel.
Sincerely,
Dave Karofsky.
P.S. I sang today, in front of your old Glee club members and apologized to them as well but you probably already knew that. Mr. Shuester even video taped it so if you want a quick laugh he'll probably make you a copy.
Using the Internet, he googled Kurt's name and found his address. Thankfully he already knew Kurt's father's name so the list of Hummels' in the area were narrowed down to one. Dave then went down to the kitchen and grabbed a stamped and an envelope from the drawer. After writing Kurt's name and address on the outside of the letter, he folded the letter, stuffed it inside, and licked it closed. Then applying the stamp he walked outside and placed the envelope in the mailbox.
"Can you tell us why were here?" asked Paul
Two weeks after Dave mailed his letter to Kurt he came to the decision that he would tell his parents the truth about his sexuality. He hated keeping the secret from them after everything they'd done. They'd gotten him help when he was close to throwing his life away. That showed how much they cared about him, loved him and if that was true then they would support him more now then before.
Paul and Teresa sat across from Dr. Fishel who simply sighed and began speaking. "I asked you here because Dave has something he has to say to the both of you. But before he does I need you to remember that you're his parents and what you say will effect his life forever.
Now they looked more worried than ever as they looked over at their son.
Dave bit the bottom of his lip hard and took a deep breath hoping it would calm his nerves. It didn't but he went for it anyway. "Mom...dad I have something I need to tell you."
"What is it honey."
"I'm gay," he said with a swift breath.
The silence was deafening. Dave's heart was pounding so fast he could actually felt it was going to come crashing out of his chest. He couldn't look at his parents and see the disappointment he knew was in their eyes.
"Is that why you acted out the way you did," asked his father.
Dave just gave his dad a nod.
"Mr. and Mrs. Karofsky I think we should take a moment to internalized what your son has told you and try to support him in a way that makes him feel loved."
"We would you think you wouldn't feel loved."
"Because I'm a freak," he said with quivering lips as tears began to fall from his eyes.
Teresa couldn't stand it any longer and got up from her chair. Walking over to her son, she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "You listen to me David Karofsky and you listen good. It would take a lot more than you telling me you're gay to make me stop loving you. You're my son, my heart, my everything and nothing's ever gonna change that." Engulfing him in a hug, she kissed the tears off his face.
His mother pulled back a bit, giving Dave room to look up at his father. He couldn't identify what his father was thinking or feeling but he needed to know. "Dad please say something."
"Say what," huffed Paul. "That my son was to afraid to come to me and tell me that he's a homosexual. Do you really think I'm that much of a jackass that I wouldn't be able to accept you."
Dave shook his head and frowned. "I was scared that I would disappoint you by not being the son you wanted."
"Dave you disappointed me more when you were running around school pounding the crap out of the other kids. That's not the boy I raised and that's not the boy I ever want to see again. Got it."
"I promise to never become that person again."
"Good," smiled Paul as he took a deep breath of his own. " So, are you sure you're gay. This isn't a phase or anything is it."
"Yep I'm pretty sure."
"And you have no doubts whatsoever."
"None."
"Well then there's nothing left to say except we'll get through this as a family and we'll support you any way we can. Just don't expect me to march in any parades. That's just not my thing."
And with that Dave laughed. He laughed until his sides hurt and water fell down the side of his face. Luckily for him this time they weren't tears of sadness but tears of joy and happiness.
Part Two is up and done and the third part should be up in another couple of hours. I want to have it all up before the new year rings in and that is exactly 5 hours and 28 minutes. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and favorited, you guys rock hard. If you hadn't heard the song before it's called No One by Aly and AJ. It's a good song, even if it came from Disney. Hope you enjoy part two and until next time,
Rock out the new year loud, proud, and safe,
LadyCizzle.
