Chapter 2
-Knock, Knock-
Jude pov: I wish she'd just leave me alone. She doesn't even know...Patsy's death gave me the courage to do this now and I wish everyone just leave me alone so I can get the strength to go through with it!
The door opened slightly.
Tommy: Jude?
Jude: O great it's Tommy, she sighed in her head,I'm not ready for him.
Tommy: Sadie asked me to come see you, he whispered.
Tommy's pov: Though I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be. I just leave ashes in my wake, he thought to himself.
Tommy:Jude?
He saw the pile on the bed and knew it must be Jude. He wasn't sure if he should try to comfort her or leave her to grieve. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.
Tommy: Jude I know you're grieving and you might blame yourself, but you shouldn't.
Jude: Tommy. I don't blame myself. I did, but I know now that she wouldn't want me to do that. Patsy lived in the moment and never slowed down for anything, she wouldn't live in what if's or what could have been's, so I'm taking a page from her book.
Tommy: What does that mean?
Jude: You'll know soon enough, but honestly I'm not ready to see you right now.
Tommy: Why? Sadie said you were still upset about Patsy, but the way you are talking, it seems like something else.
He pulled back the covers that were so piled with clothes he couldn't even see them... Her eyes turned to glass at the site of him.
Jude: It is something else, she said quietly
Tommy: You're still in the same clothes? You must still be grieving over the loss of your friend, but I'm really not the person to help you.
Jude: I'm sure there is some kind of back story to that, but right now Tommy I don't care. And no you can't help me because this is not me grieving this is me...
Jude's pov: I can't tell him. Not yet, not until I'm sure myself. No sense in hurting him if I change my mind. Then again, why should I even care, it's not like he cares when he hurts me. He's got one last chance and then...
Tommy interrupted her thoughts: What are you talking about? Of course you're grieving and you're angry so I'll let that little hurtful comment go. But there's something else too, isn't there?
Jude: Do with it what you want Tommy. Can you please leave me alone? I already told you I'm not grieving, at least not over Patsy anymore. I'm...well it doesn't matter right now.
Tommy's pov: I need to tell her, EVERYTHING! But I can't risk her hating me more than she already does.
Tommy: Than what is it, Jude? What else would cause you to not eat or change for three days?
Jude: I'm not ready to talk about it ok. I just know that losing Patsy was a wake up call. And I'm not gonna sit around and pine and let life pass me by. Life is too short to not go forward.
Tommy's pov: Pine? Does she mean me? I want her to be with her, I do, but I just don't want to hurt her again.
Tommy: Jude? I...I want...
Jude: What? What do you want?
Tommy looked at her. The way that was only for Jude and he felt it. He felt himself getting closer as she sat up eyes wide. Their lips were centimeters apart. He could feel their breathing become one, fast and heavy as what they both really wanted approached. Jude leaned in to complete the kiss, eager to feel his hot breath inside her, but he quickly got up and turned away leaving Jude shocked. Not even a kiss, nothing. He brought her to that intoxicating place and left her there alone with no completion to either's desire.
Tommy: Jude I can't. I want to, but I can't.
Tommy's pov: I want to give in. But what if...
Jude: Not again Tommy! GOD!
Jude's pov: How did I fall for it again she thought as she chocked back tears.
Tommy: I'm sorry, Jude.
He walked out and Jude was about to go after him, but she let him go.
Jude's pov: I'm not doing this again. I won't be that girl chasing after the unattainable man. I'm not just gonna wait around. If he wants me, he'll have to do the chasing. He just made everything so much easier.
She heard the font door slam and the tires of his viper squeal out of the drive way. She made up her mind and had no doubts, or at least that's what she told herself. For the first time in three days she took a shower and changed. She was still grieving over the loss to come, but she knew or at least hoped it was the right thing to do. She was determined to be strong and not let the thought of the loss convince her to stop. After her shower she found herself starving.
Jude's pov: I'm hungry, but since I can't even boil water I'll wait until Sadie gets home, she's an awesome cook.
Jude went upstairs, she had to get ready now that she was sure. Even though she felt in her heart that she needed to do this she secretly hoped that he would stop her. That the fantasy she ran in her head over and over would come true, but she knew that it was too much to ask for.
