Chapter 2: Ties That Bind Us
I glanced over at Sachi out of the corner of my eye. She was leaning against the stone staircase leading down to the waterway, deep in thought. Did my previous statement affect her that much? I might have been a little too detailed about the first floor boss, I would be facing tomorrow. It didn't feel right to me to keep such information from Sachi. My decisions affected her, as much as they affected me.
"Is this something you have to do?" Sachi whispered, the slight tremble in her voice pulling at my heart strings.
"Yes." I replied softly, unable to meet her eyes. Was it wrong to be the one to volunteer to take the risk for the both of us? It was my fault that Sachi was trapped in this game. I was the one who begged her to join me in Sword Art Online in order for us to spend more time together. It was my selfish desires that got us into this mess, thus making it my responsibility to get us out of it.
"Damn you, Sano! Don't be such a martyr."
Her statement caught me off guard. I flinched at her angry tone, diffident to look her in the eye. It took every ounce of strength within me to lie to her. "Don't accuse me of things you don't understand, Sachi. I will get to the top floor and end this horror story, even if it kills me." I remarked, trying to display conviction in my words without choking on my lies.
"Same old Yuki," Sachi murmured, shaking her head sorrowfully, "why can't you be honest with me and yourself?"
I sighed, stifling a hollow laugh at her words. Without ever intending to, I had revealed more of the truth to her then I would have liked. It was time to stop shielding my childhood friend from the harsh realities of our situation. I decided to divulge my reasoning to the one person who deserved answers. "I refuse to die in this world." I conveyed calmly, ignoring my initial reaction to lie to her.
Sachi's response to me was laughter. What was so funny about not wanting to die in this world? Was she making fun of my natural instinct to preserve myself? I glanced scornfully over in her direction, insulted by her callousness.
"Don't give me that look, Sano." Sachi choked, her words broken from being out of breath from the laughter. "Don't you dare give me that crap, Sano."
Anger brimmed beneath the surface at her tone. Who did Sachi think she was? I was the one risking myself to get us out of the game. What right did she have to question and belittle my efforts to free her scared and lazy ass? The answer was: none.
"Shut up Sachi. If you don't like it, you can fight your own way out of this game." I spurned, anger rushing hot through my veins. I was sick of her lazy tendencies and holier than thou attitude. If she wanted to escape from this game, she could do it herself.
My anger wiped the laughter right off her face. Her expression dimmed, bordering on sad or depressed. I was unsure of which of the two emotions she embodied the most at this moment. Her body fell dejectedly against the wall behind her, the fight within Sachi leaving her. "Why do you do it?"
I paused, the anger within me dimming. "Excuse me?" I asked, confusion flooding me at her declaration.
"How can you keep going forward after what Tarou did to you?" Sachi undernoted her eyes glassy with tears. "Aren't you afraid that you are going to die?"
My hands shook at her questions. I willingly chose to ignore the reference to my brother. My heart wasn't ready to come to terms with his actions. However, the word die sent chills down my spine, overwhelming the anger running through my system with fear. Was I afraid to die? Thinking about it, the answer was simple. Yes, I was afraid to cease to exist, to depixelate from this game, to die. However, there was just as simple an answer to why I kept going forward. "I want to fight for you Sachi. I won't leave you here to rot. It is my fault you are stuck here." I declared, giving Sachi a tense smile.
Sachi shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes at my statement. An agonized gasp escaped from her lips while her body was violently racked by her silent sobs. She reminded me of a scared child at that moment, a frightened child that just realized that they needed someone to save them because they couldn't do it themselves. It made it hard to stay angry at her.
My heart went out to her, despite my inability to comfort her. We used to joke that my emotions towards others were stunted. It was funny how true that joke turned out to be. In Sachi's greatest time of need, I was unable to be what she needed. I could only stare at her, tortured by my lack of compassion and disturbed by my lack of urge to ease her. What was wrong with me?
I licked my lips, hesitantly stepping towards her. Tentatively, I placed my hand on her shoulder in an awkward attempt to ease her pain. "We will get out of here, together. Nothing will stop us from being free of this wretched game. I promise, Sachi." I cautiously stated, giving her a timid smile. Why did this situation have to suddenly become this awkward? I don't do well with tears.
Sachi nodded her head, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. She hiccupped, giving me a watery smile. "You mean it?" She asked, uncertainty dancing in her eyes.
My hand squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "I'll come back for you. After each boss, I will personally come back and fight alongside you to reach the next floor. We will survive this, together." I replied, my body tense with the weight of my words. I was promising Sachi a lot.
She gave me a hopeful smile before whispering, "Thank you, Yuki…"
I shyly nodded my head in acknowledgement, deciding it was time to take my leave. This conversation had gone from a quick informative meeting to an emotional affair. I averted my gaze from her, allowing my mask to slide back into place. There was still a lot I had to do before the fight tomorrow. I turned my back to her, slowly taking a few steps away from her before uttering, "Wish me luck sister."
"Good luck, Sano…"
Her words gave me the strength to keep walking. I crossed the bridge without looking back, courage eluding me with each step. It took everything within me to leave her behind. I had always been there for her since we were kids. This time wasn't any different. However, I had obligations and duties that took precedence over her feelings. It was time for me to grow up.
Laughter and voices snapped me out of my morbid thoughts. I must have walked farther then I thought. In my determination to get away from Sachi's tears, I had entered town and walked directly into town square. I groaned in annoyance, mentally kicking myself for not paying attention to where I was going. My eyes took in my surroundings, trying to figure out what I should do now.
It was Kirito's hair that I spotted first. From what I could see, he had Asuna with him. They were sitting down and eating their dinner, oblivious to everyone around them. Jealousy coursed through me, much to my surprise. Was it their obliviousness that was getting to me or something else? I shake my head, trying to clear it of these idiotic tendencies.
I needed a distraction, a way to temporarily forget that I was responsible for another. What better way than to interact with my party mates. The question was whether or not they would welcome my intervention. I bit my lip, wondering why I was overthinking the situation. Was this game starting to have an effect on my psyche? I dreaded the answer to that question.
With a tentative heart, I casually walked over to them, sliding my emotionless mask into place. Anonymity was what I needed at this moment and only they could give it to me. I kept my face blank, refusing to give away my uncertainty. The heaviness of my rapier and dagger were comforting weights at my sides. My weapons were quickly becoming my security blankets, much to my chagrin. Wasn't I too old for such childish penchants?
"Have you found an answer to your question yet, Kirito?" I inquired, catching them both by surprise. My presence immediately caused them both to tense up. Asuna refused to look at me while Kirito settled those dark eyes of his on me. I left no indication that their response bothered me. His reply to my question meant more to me than a little discomfort. I waited with baited breath for his answer.
Kirito's eyes were guarded as he studied me. "I want to trust you, Sano." He implored, his bland expression giving nothing away to me. "I have to ask. Do you trust me?"
My breath caught in my throat, shock at his question hitting me like a battering ram. Did I trust him? It was a valid question to ask and a hard one to answer. It was hard for me to trust my own family. I had trusted my brother and he had almost killed me. Could I trust someone I barely know not to kill me?
I wet my lips before speaking, my voice breathy and soft, "Do I have a choice?"
His eyes met mine, mutual understanding passing between us. The bond that was needed among us tomorrow meant more than trust, respect, or any other small deemed necessity. It is only a tie that would form among those in a life or death situation. The reality of it was that tomorrow was life or death for all of us. We would either make it through the boss tomorrow alive or die trying. Our eyes held the same horror, the same fear that drove us forward to fight.
I gave him a fleeting smile before answering, "I don't know if I would ever trust you. However, I respect you enough to give it a try."
Kirito responded in kind with his own smirk, nodding in agreement to my assessment. "I can live with that."
It might not be much but it was something we could both live with. I didn't trust Kirito. I don't know if I ever would. However, there is something between us worth exploring whether it be comrades at arms, friends, or something more. With that thought in mind, I had no intention of dying tomorrow without finding out.
