:Before the Storm:
by Syzeria

Chapter II
Give and Take

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same ...

Tifa screamed herself awake, her eyes wide when she opened them. She found herself curled on her side, gasping for breath, her face stained with tears. Under her ear was a cold, moistened pillow. A thumping resonated through her whole head and all beneath her neck felt deprived of feeling.

She covered her eyes with her shaking hands, feeling like an innocent child. Not real, not real ... she reassured herself. Still, her heart wasn't hopeful as she helplessly embraced a devastating fact. But ... it felt real ...

Moments ago, Tifa's imagination conjured up a devastating nightmare. She never thought her mind could venture into such dark waters and not seek a light in any way. Never before had she imagined his death.

Not only that, but Tifa was even more shocked to find he wanted to die. She tried to help him, to find out what was wrong with him, but he just yelled at her, begging her to leave him alone. I couldn't do anything, she cried inside as she continued to tremble under her blanket, and he didn't want my help ...

She remembered what happened yesterday. Reno had called in the morning, asking for Cloud. It was a struggle to mention him as lightly as Reno had, but it had given her an excuse to call Cloud. Or, that is, leave a message.

Reno had called again after a few hours, telling her to urge Cloud to hurry up. That day, she had left two messages for him, weakly hoping for a response. She got none.

Tifa returned to reality and watched her door open and two heads, half-concealed by the lack of light, squeeze through the gap.

"Tifa," the bottom head said worriedly, "what's wrong?"

"Huh?" she replied to the shadowed heads, lifting her head up as steadily as she could.

"We ... heard you scream ... Did you have a bad dream?" the second figure inquired, its voice nervous and slightly strained.

Tifa's eyes remained fixed on the small figures and her heart swelled with emotions for the two young ones. She suddenly registered the active thumping of her heart, her trembling arms wrapped around her stomach, and the subtle ringing in her ears. She sat up, pushing back her bangs with her fingers. "I ..." she hesitated, staring at their faces, half-hidden in the darkness. "Yeah, but it's nothing ... I'm sorry I woke you two."

The dark outlines shook their heads dismissively, and stifled wide yawns at the same time.

Tifa chuckled and plastered her usual cheerful smile on her face, though she was aware they probably couldn't see it. "Come, let's put you both back to bed."

The figures opened the door wide for Tifa and they walked together through the dimly lit hallway. Once they entered another room, Marlene climbed into her bed and waited expectantly, her eyes never wavering from Tifa. Denzel walked to his bed, his movements heavy as he nestled under his covers. He rubbed his forehead absentmindedly and Tifa frowned.

"How is it?" she asked him.

Denzel head turned away and nodded once dismissively, merely a slight tuck of his chin. Tifa shrugged off the familiarity of that single action and pulled the covers over the boy.

"Try your best to fall asleep," she whispered. Denzel closed his eyes and rested his head against his pillow, a hand still on his scar.

Tifa turned to Marlene and her smile faltered slightly from the look she almost couldn't see on Marlene's face. "You dream about him, Tifa." It was more a statement than a question.

Tifa smiled sadly and her cheeks felt sore. "Yes, sometimes," she whispered as she tiptoed over to Marlene's bed.

"Why don't I dream about him?" Marlene pouted.

The question made Tifa freeze, but only for a second. "Because ... because there's, something you might need to teach Cloud someday, and you'll dream about him when you have. Don't worry," Tifa smiled lazily. Her words barely made sense.

"I miss Cloud," Marlene said gloomily. Tifa leaned forward and hugged the child reassuringly.

"I do too, sweetie ... but he'll come back," Tifa said, the false optimism never wavering in her smile and tone, though it didn't quite reach her heart tonight. It was beating erratically, still half-stunned by her nightmare.

Marlene nodded and rolled over silently, breathing goodnight to Tifa. Tifa looked over at Denzel, who was staring at her with deep blue eyes.

"How do you know that, Tifa?" Denzel asked quietly. Tifa frowned to herself and headed for the door.

"He always does," she whispered to Denzel distantly, who nodded slowly and closed his eyes. Tifa returned to her room and she barely registered the cold floor under her feet as she closed her door and slipped under her thick blanket. Tifa slept under it whether the night was chilly or blazing in the atmosphere, because lately, she'd always felt a little cold.

Tifa shut her eyes and made an effort to push the nightmare out of her mind, thinking of what to cook tomorrow. Sadly, she realized there were leftovers in the fridge, and that distraction was cast aside all too easily.

What happened in her nightmare was ... almost impossible. But, her imagination couldn't possibly create such a melancholic situation and make it seem so real. She curled up, her arms wrapped around her chest as she visualized him as the dream portrayed him ... lying motionless in the garden of lilacs in Aerith's church, grieving and hurting.

She shuddered from under her comforter and buried her face in her pillow, her head aching out of confusion. Her desire to remain optimistic conflicted with her doubts and worries, and she screwed up her face while making an effort to sort out her thoughts.

"He can't be gone," she reassured the pillow in an exasperated whisper. I would know ...

No, her other state of mind contradicted, I'm not sure you would anymore ... The toneless voice echoed in her head. Suddenly, Tifa had the wind knocked out of her and her heart shriveled like a fruit left to die under blazing sunlight. A piece of her heart ripped itself apart and burst into flames in her chest. She gagged and coughed wheezily from the damage just inflicted upon her, the burn inside her weakening her mind and dispersing her thoughts. The next time she regained consciousness, it was morning.

And a piece of her soul was missing.

XOXOXOXOX

Marlene hopped down the stairs, a bright smile on her face. It was as if Tifa's scream was never heard last night.

Tifa stood in the kitchen, silently stacking half a dozen pancakes on a plate. Her eyes were unfocused and once Marlene glanced at Tifa, the girl's happy mood vanished as her smile flipped into a frown. Marlene lowered her head in shame as she walked to the table.

"Good morning, Tifa," Marlene said almost, but not quite, tonelessly. She stared at her guardian expectantly. Tifa's mind drifted along a ghostly path, but then ...

"Oh - good morning, Marlene," Tifa said, pulling a smile on her face. Marlene's face brightened in a flash and she shifted into a comfortable position on her chair with a satisfied expression.

As Tifa walked around the kitchen counter and set the stack of pancakes on the table, Denzel shuffled down the stairs. Tifa had already pulled a smile on her face, so Denzel's facial features changed from anxious to ... well, a little less anxious.

"Hi," Denzel said.

"Good morning, Denzel, and happy birthday!" Tifa said with a smile, embracing him tenderly. She frowned in the slightest when Denzel barely returned the embrace and she walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the forks, the knives and the bottle of syrup before returning to the table.

Marlene excitedly took her fork and stabbed the pancake on the very top of the stack. Quickly, she reached out for the syrup and poured a generous amount over her pancake.

"Mmm," she hummed. Tifa chuckled lightly and looked at the motionless Denzel sitting beside her.

"Go ahead, Denzel," Tifa said, motioning toward the food with her head. Denzel shook his head and looked down at his feet.

"I'm not hungry ..." Denzel mumbled. Tifa stared at him curiously. Normally, he would be almost ecstatic over her pancakes.

"How come? I thought you loved my pancakes ..." she pouted teasingly in hopes of cheering the boy up.

"I do ... I just don't feel like eating much today ..."

Tifa stared at him anxiously. For a minute only Marlene's chewing was heard, then Tifa understood the boy's sort-of-unusual behavior.

"It's your birthday ..." Tifa breathed despairingly. Marlene's chewing stopped and both children stared at Tifa, then to each other, anxious looks on their faces.

Denzel couldn't remember his birth date when they found him, he merely recalled the month. Cloud then gave him a date (they hadn't known he was in the same room as them when it happened), and that day was today. She remembered how the Denzel's tired face lit up like the sun when he heard.

April 21st.

Had Cloud forgotten...?

After a long moment, Marlene gulped down her last mouthful of pancake and grabbed her plate, rushing to place it in the kitchen sink. Denzel bit his lip, looking down again. Tifa remained silent, her mind elsewhere. Incomplete thoughts strung themselves impassively in her head.

Denzel's ... Cloud ... why ...

"Tifa," Denzel called shyly. She lifted her head and looked at Denzel, slightly dazed.

"Maybe we could, go look ... around?" he asked.

Tifa understood the meaning of his words, yet she couldn't bring herself to respond. They'd asked her this countless times, and her thoughts always told her she might –

No, would not be able to handle searching for him, and the fact that people infected with the dreadful disease roamed the streets frightened her core. She didn't want Marlene to catch it, or Denzel to see any of it.

"Denzel, why not some other time?" Marlene asked. Tifa made no effort to acknowledge Marlene's words and Marlene glared at Denzel from behind Tifa's back. Denzel recoiled in his chair and nodded apprehensively.

Snickering, Marlene pointed toward the storage closet to her left, winking and waving her hands to form the shape of a box, then widening her eyes and opening her mouth in deliberate surprise. Denzel's eyes widened and Marlene's face softened and she skipped up the stairs, humming.

Tifa remained frozen in her seat and Denzel slid off his chair inconspicuously to sneak to the storage closet. Tifa's eyes darted in his direction and she forced her more welcoming smiles to appear, kicking herself mentally for her sudden changes in behavior that surely affected the people around her. She'd tried to keep it all inside, but when they mentioned him, it became a hundred times harder to do so. Most days, she could keep herself together and then remain in her room for a silent hour to clear a secretly troubled mind. Today just wasn't one of those days.

"Denzel ..." The boy looked back at her with shy, curious eyes.

Though Denzel hadn't exactly gone through the same hardships as ... him, their eyes were almost identical. Only, Denzel's had more innocence in them, and his held the emotions he had the most trouble showing. Tifa depended on his captivating blue eyes (she kicked herself inside again for thinking about it, though) to show how he felt. However, his glowing eyes didn't always help her out.

They certainly didn't tell her he intended on leaving, and forgetting Denzel's birthday.

Tifa shrugged away the thoughts which would lead to more depression and gestured Denzel toward her. He walked warily back to his chair, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Please eat, it's your birthday," Tifa encouraged him. He nodded slowly and stabbed his fork into a pancake and began cutting it slowly, regret and anticipation quite detectable in his movements. Tifa smiled briefly, thinking it was the pancakes, and helped herself to some food. They ate in silence, and throughout the meal Tifa's head was filled with a haze too dense for her to think straight. Which didn't really bother her.

After a seemingly ceaseless moment, Denzel stood up silently and walked into the kitchen with an empty plate in his hand. Tifa barely noticed his leaving, but frowned, ashamed she affected the children this way.

But today, she suddenly announced to herself, is a special day for Denzel. She was going to make it her mandate to not spoil it.

Besides, she knew deep down, he was still out there. She could just feel him ... She'd always been able to feel him.

He's out there, somewhere...

Tifa heard the storage closet door creak and she couldn't help but smile. The children were really what kept her up and at it, and willing to be strong. If they weren't in her care, she might not bother about anything at all anymore.

Tifa laughed when she heard a stunned gasp from behind her and turned around to find a bounding boy running up to her and hugging her so tightly it almost felt desperate. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The boy exclaimed, jumping up and down incessantly against her. He flashed the slim, black camera in front of them when they parted, his face astounded and zealous.

Tifa was glad and grateful Denzel was overjoyed. It wasn't easy finding the right gift for him, not with so many things out of her and her pocket's reach. Nevertheless, Tifa continued to smile, thoroughly relieved she could still make some people feel better.