"I know I said I wouldn't ask." Barney's voice resounded in the silence. They had been lying in bed together for half an hour, neither of them sleeping due to the night's revelations. "Or, really you told me not to ask, but I don't understand how you are so- so unmurderous toward your parents."
"Unmurderous?"
"Yes. Defined as 'how the fuck don't you kill them for letting that happen to you and not believing you?'."
Ted sighed. "We don't talk about things. You know that. I've explained that to you before. I just buried it. I ignore it because I really don't blame them."
"Why not?"
"He was mom's brother. Of course she would believe him over me."
"You're her son. She should have believed you. And what about your dad?"
"Well, I mean, you've met him. He just goes along with everything she says. Mom was never very close to me, neither of them were. We just coexisted. I was so happy to leave for school. I dread every time I see them, but they're my family. When Mom got married though..." Ted shifted uncomfortably.
"What?" Barney inquired, seeing his tension and wondering what could possibly be worse.
"He was there. My uncle. He tried to approach me in the hallway, so I took off. I don't really remember much about the next few days. I drank a lot and I was really out of it. I bought that house obviously, but otherwise it's just kind of a blur." Ted turned to face Barney and saw anger in his eyes.
"You should have told me he was there, who he was, everything then… I would have- Oh the things I could have done to him." Barney shut his eyes and took a deep breath.
Ted looked at him with questioning eyes. "What do you do for a living?" Barney opened his mouth with a smirk, but Ted cut him off. "And no lying or evading! I told you something extremely personal tonight, something horrible that I never intended to revisit again. I want the truth. We are a couple and I want to have a future with you, but I need to trust you. I need an honest answer."
"Promise you won't leave."
"Of course I won't."
"You totally will. You are way too good to stay with me knowing what I do, what I am."
"Please. Just tell me. My imagination is going to be worse than anything you say."
"I'm a cleaner. I handle situations that get out of control or make situations that need to happen, happen."
"What does that mean exactly?" Ted asked, frowning.
"I don't know how to explain without sounding like an assassin or a spy."
"Try." Ted sat up and stared intently at Barney. "I'm smart. I'm sure I can keep up."
It was Barney's turn to sigh as he sat up as well. "First of all you can not under any circumstance tell anyone that you know." Ted nodded his agreement. "Second, you have to know, I choose my assignments and I would never hurt an innocent person. I research everything immensely before agreeing to anything." He took a deep breath. "Sometimes I kill people in order to make a deal possible or start a new regime in a country or end one. Sometimes I threaten and sometimes all that is needed is espionage, but please remember I would never hurt a good person. I promise you. I would never hurt someone who didn't deserve it."
Ted was silent for a few minutes while Barney fidgeted. "When you went to 'China' on a business trip that just happened to coincide with the fall of that dictator in Islamasbad? That was you, wasn't it?" Barney nodded. "Huh. Okay. Well, at least I know if anyone ever tried to hurt me I'd be safe with you."
Barney stammered for a few seconds, formulating a response. "I-You-We-It's-You're okay with this?"
"I mean, would I prefer you did something else? Of course I would, but you said you wouldn't hurt any innocent people and I trust you. Had you told me when I first met you, I would have thought you were nuts, but now I'm okay with it. Please promise me you'll be safe though. I'd hate to lose you." Barney nodded and they both laid back down. Ted cuddled into his side happily. "I think this might be the first time we were completely honest with each other."
"Yeah."
"It feels really good."
"It does."
"Good night."
"Night. Love you." Barney said, incredulity still present in his voice.
"Love you too Barney."
