Sam laid back on the lumpy motel bed and stared up at the ceiling. The sudden arrival of the angels and then Bobby's stroke had forced him out of his navel-gazing but now the immediate panic was over, his thoughts turned inward again. Dean snored quietly on the other bed. Despite his claim of having a lot he wanted to say, he'd eaten the pizza they'd brought back to the room in complete silence, and then drunk steadily for an hour before rolling over and falling asleep.
Sam hadn't said anything to Dean or Bobby about his addiction. But it had been a week since Ilchester and the need was beginning to claw at his insides. He didn't want to do it. He never wanted to touch the stuff again. And yet, the more he tried not to think about it, the worse the feeling got. Finally, too restless to sleep, he got up and headed downstairs to the soda machine. The night air was cool and it soothed his feverish skin. He was so wrapped up in himself he didn't notice the other guest until he'd literally bumped into him.
"Oh," Sam said in surprise. "I'm sorry." The redhead smiled at him.
"I'm Luke," he said, holding out his hand. Sam took it automatically and shook it, gasping at the zing of electricity that passed through his fingers.
"Sam," he said.
"Nice to meet you, Sam," Luke said. "Are you in town long?" He gave a slow, lazy smile that tugged at Sam's gut.
"Just passing through."
"And how are you feeling?" Luke asked.
"I'm fine," Sam said warily.
Luke's smile got wider. "Really? No withdrawal symptoms? No… cravings?"
"Who are you?" Sam asked angrily. "Why the Hell are you asking me this stuff?" Sam narrowed his eyes at him. "You're not human."
"Neither are you," Luke said mildly and Sam winced. "Not here to start a fight. Just wanted to know how you're holding up." Sam turned to walk away. "I'm on your side," Luke said. "I can help."
"How?" Sam snarled.
"I know where there are some demons hanging out. We go and ambush them, and you can sate yourself silly."
"No!" Sam exclaimed. "I never want to drink demon blood again."
"That's not true," Luke said, wagging a finger at him. "Right now, you can't think about anything else."
"I'm trying to quit!" Sam said desperately.
"I get that," Luke said. "But doesn't it make more sense to cut back and then quit, rather than go cold turkey?"
"Are you him?" Sam said fearfully.
Luke gave him a puzzled look. "Am I who?"
"Lucifer," Sam breathed.
"What!" Luke laughed. "No. Definitely not."
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Sam said defiantly.
Luke looked thoughtful. "I don't know," he admitted. "We could go find those demons. If they bow down and worship me, you'll know I was lying." He grinned at Sam, who stared at him. "If that doesn't appeal, why don't I help you another way?"
"What other way?" Sam said suspiciously.
"You don't want to feed on any more demons, OK. But you do need something to take the edge off. You've got a couple of options. Sex will help, believe it or not. And some other, non-demon blood will ease the pain you're in."
"I'm not a vampire," Sam ground out.
"Of course not," Luke said soothingly. "Human blood is no good anyway. You need blood with power in it. Non-human. Any monster would do of course, except vampires or werewolves. That wouldn't be smart."
"Are you offering your blood?" Sam said dubiously.
"Of course," Luke said with a sultry smile. "And sex too."
"I don't even know what you are," Sam said.
"Does it matter?" Luke asked him.
Despite the need that was scraping at his nerves, this Luke was giving Sam seriously bad vibes. "Yes. If you won't tell me, then I think I'll pass."
"Suit yourself," Luke said, giving a one-shouldered shrug. "I wonder if you'll be so picky a week from now."
Repelled and attracted all at once, Sam forced himself to turn and walk away.
When he got back to the room, Sam collapsed onto the bed gasping for air. Dean shot up out of bed at the sound of his distress.
"Sammy?" he said, his voice blurry with sleep. "Are you OK? What's going on?"
"I think I might have just met Lucifer," Sam said unsteadily.
"What?" Dean barked. "Where?"
"I couldn't sleep, so I went out for a soda. He was there, at the vending machine." Sam was breathing too fast, he knew, but he couldn't get the panic to settle down.
"What did he do?"
"Nothing really," Sam admitted. It was going to sound stupid and he almost didn't want to say it. "He offered sex."
Dean relaxed and began laughing at him. "Only you would run into a rent boy and think he was the Devil."
"He wasn't a rent boy," Sam said urgently. "He wasn't even human. I'm sure of it. He knew things about me. About the demon blood. Offered to take me to where some demons were hanging out so I could…" He broke off, shaking his head.
Dean nodded and held up his hands in surrender. He didn't think it was Lucifer but it was better to be safe than sorry. "OK. Do you want to move on to somewhere else to stay tonight?"
Sam thought about it. "I think it might not be a bad idea. Just in case."
Where the Hell was Sam? Gabriel had tried everything but it was like the Winchesters had just dropped off the grid. They couldn't be dead, he'd know. This was making him crazy. He needed to find Sam and get him cleaned up, the kid would be jonesing hard. He'd intended to catch up with the boys at Bobby's house, but then they'd just vanished. This was Castiel's doing, he had no doubt. He considered revealing his identity to his brother and asking him where the Winchesters were, but he wasn't sure how Castiel would react to seeing him after all this time. He shook his head admiringly, who knew that staid, sensible law-abiding Castiel would rebel? He wondered what had caused his brother to abandon millennia of strict adherence to the rules.
His gut twisted suddenly and he gasped. The time manipulations he'd started detecting a little over a year ago had been subtle and he hadn't been too concerned. This was a big one and he frowned as he tried to figure out what had been changed. It wasn't going to be easy. He cursed to himself, he really didn't want to put off his search for Sam Winchester, but this couldn't wait.
Of course, finding another motel at 2am would have attracted attention, exactly what they didn't want. So Dean had pulled the Impala into a state park and they settled down to sleep in the car. Sam had managed to get a few hours of fitful sleep but now the sun was coming up, it was impossible. He sighed and Dean shifted and snorted in his sleep. Sam watched him for a moment. Stress lined his brother's face, and even sleep seemed to provide no respite. What a pair they were.
After another half an hour of restlessness, Sam carefully opened the door and slid out of the car. He pulled himself up onto the hood of the Impala and listened to the sounds of the dawn. A twig snapped, somewhere off in the woods and he frowned, listening. It was probably just an animal, but all things considered he didn't want to take the chance. Then a flicker of movement caught his eye and before he could do more than just slide off the hood, a woman stepped out of the forest. She was middle-aged, with silver-gray hair that swept back off her forehead and as she got closer, Sam noticed her extraordinary violet eyes, fringed with thick, black lashes. She gave him a sultry smile.
"Good morning, Sam," she said in a husky voice. Sam stared at her, she was so… compelling.
"Uh, hi," he stammered.
She held out a hand. "It's nice to meet you, finally," she said. Sam grasped her hand and shook it, gasping at the feeling of her skin against his. It crackled with electricity.
"Who are you?" he managed.
She pursed her lips and Sam found himself riveted by her mouth. "Why don't you call me Zila?" she suggested.
"OK,' Sam said slowly. "You obviously know me, but your name means nothing to me."
She laughed, a rich sound that made Sam's throat dry. "I've heard a lot about you," she told him. "You've made some interesting and powerful enemies."
"Great," Sam said sarcastically. "Which interesting and powerful enemy in particular are we talking about?"
"Lugh," Zila replied. Sam stared at her in confusion. He had no idea who that was. "Oh, you might not have met him yet."
"Why is he my enemy if we've not met?"
"Because when you did meet, you arranged to have him enslaved," Zila said, amused. "He's very bitter about it."
"Wait, you're telling me that at some point in the future I'm going to meet this Lugh and sell him into slavery? That doesn't sound like me."
She shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know why you did it. I don't really care either. The point is, he's your enemy and my friend."
"So you're saying you're my enemy too? Awesome." Sam snapped. "What do you want?"
"I'm not your enemy, Sam," Zila said. "I need you. I can handle Lugh." She flicked a look inside the Impala and Sam folded his arms.
"I'll ask you again, what do you want?"
She looked back at him, almost pleading. "I was imprisoned, by angels. They lied and they betrayed me and incarcerated me in a terrible place."
"Sounds like them," Sam commented. Another person wronged by angels? That list was getting longer by the day. Except… she wasn't a person, was she? He wondered vaguely what she was.
"It took me a long time to get free," she continued. "And now I plan to get my revenge."
"I keep asking you what you want, and you keep not answering," Sam pointed out.
"Nothing, for now. But if you're willing, I'd like your help when I find the angel who led the crusade against me. Will you help me?"
"I don't know," Sam said. "I don't know anything about you, and as pissed off at the angels as I am right now, for all I know they had a good reason to do what they did to you."
"Very well," Zila said. "I was trying to prevent the Apocalypse from ever coming to pass."
"You were?" Sam said, surprised. "How?"
"It's complicated," she said evasively. "But ultimately, it would have meant that nothing that's happened in the last several years would have happened; the deaths of your parents and Jessica, the opening of the gate to Hell, the return of Lucifer. None of it."
"Wow," Sam said. "Does that mean I'd have stayed at Stanford? Married Jess?"
"I don't know," Zila said. "I can calculate the big things, but it's not possible to figure out every single event if I'd been able to complete my plan."
"Look," Sam said finally. "If you were truly trying to prevent the Apocalypse, then I guess we are on the same side."
"Good," she said, twinkling at him. "I'll be in touch." She sauntered off, back into the trees and Sam let out an explosive breath. What the Hell had he just agreed to?
Bobby was staring out of the window from his wheelchair, but it was clear he wasn't really seeing the view. Sam knew the feeling. Sometimes, he just wanted to disengage entirely too. Especially right now, when the need for demon blood was cramping his stomach and making him twitchy and easily irritated. His phone rang and he answered with a snarl.
"Hello?"
"Sam?" Cas's voice said.
"Castiel?" Sam replied in astonishment.
"Sam, where are you?" Cas asked.
"Ah, St. Martin's Hospital," Sam replied. "Why? What are you-" The phone went dead. "Cas?"
Cas came walking down the hall and nodded to them both.
"Cell phone, Cas? Really?" Dean said. "Since when do angels need to reach out and touch someone?"
"You're hidden from angels now. All angels." Cas said impatiently. "I won't be able to simply-"
"Enough foreplay," Bobby barked. "Get over here and lay your damn hands on."
Nobody moved and Bobby turned to look at them. "Get healing. Now," he demanded.
"I can't," Cas rumbled.
Bobby turned the wheelchair to face the angel. "Say again?"
Cas walked over to Bobby, his face lined with regret.
"I'm cut off from heaven and much of heaven's power. Certain things I can do. Certain things I can't," he told him.
"You're telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life?" Bobby said incredulously.
"I'm sorry," Cas said.
"Shove it up your ass," Bobby growled and turned back to the window.
"At least he's talking now," Dean said to Sam.
"I heard that," Bobby snapped.
Cas gave the old hunter a sorrowful look and then came back to the Winchesters. "I don't have much time. We need to talk."
"OK," Dean said.
"Your plan to kill Lucifer." Cas replied.
"Yeah," Dean said hopefully. "You want to help?"
"No," Cas said firmly and Dean's shoulders slumped. "It's foolish. It can't be done."
"Oh," Dean said, sounding more than simply disappointed. "Thanks for the support."
"But I believe I have the solution," Cas insisted. "There is someone besides Michael strong enough to take on Lucifer. Strong enough to stop the Apocalypse."
"Who's that?" Sam said, his heart in his mouth. Was Cas talking about Zila?
"The one who resurrected me and put you on that airplane. The one who began everything. God."
Sam gaped at Cas in astonishment. Then Dean folded his arms and looked… angry? What was that all about?
When they didn't say anything, Cas said, "I'm gonna find God."
"It's a waste of time," Dean said grumpily. "He's not going to let you find him and he isn't interested in getting involved."
"You don't know that," Cas snarled in his face.
Dean opened his mouth to contradict him and then let out a curse when the hospital room was suddenly replaced by Chuck's living room. Chuck looked up from his computer.
"Nuh uh," he said. "No spoilers. Not about me, anyway."
"Dammit," Dean swore. "You're just gonna let Cas go off on this entirely fruitless quest to find you? Don't you realize what that did to him?"
Chuck scratched at his beard. "Castiel's making his own choices," he said. "Free will, remember."
"Please," Dean begged. "Let me at least tell him something."
"No," Chuck said in a hard voice. "I know this is difficult for you, Dean, but you have to trust me."
"Bullshit," Dean said. "You're making this up as you go along."
"Have it your own way," Chuck said. "But I'm not going to let you let this cat out of the bag. And believe me, pulling you here to talk this out is a courtesy. I could just stop you."
"You do whatever it is you think you have to do," Dean said coldly. Cas blinked at him and stiffened at his tone. He stepped closer to Dean, getting in his face.
"I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world-" Dean couldn't look away from the intense look on Cas's face. "I lost everything," Cas said angrily, poking him in the chest with one finger. "For nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself."
"Cas, I'm so-" The angel vanished. Dean closed his mouth with a click. He turned back to Sam, who had dropped down into a chair.
"Fuck," Dean said. He tapped Sam on the shoulder. "Come on." Sam didn't respond, his head was down and his shoulders were quivering. "Sam?"
"He's right," Sam said in a hollow voice. "We destroyed the world. And he did lose everything. He must hate us."
Dean's stomach twisted. Did Cas hate him? His head began to hurt. "I'm gonna go get us some coffee," he said. Sam nodded.
It took a few minutes to find the small coffee stand. When he finally spotted it, he shoved his hands in his pockets to see how much money he had and yelped in surprise when he was suddenly shoved backwards against a wall.
"Hey!" he complained. "What's the-" It was Cas who effortlessly pinned him and pressed himself against Dean's body. He could feel heat radiating off the angel and he couldn't suppress the surge of desire and longing that swept through him. Cas just stared at him, and then he licked his lips. Dean swallowed the moan that threatened to escape as he followed the movement.
"I did come here for something," Cas said finally. "An amulet. Very rare. Very powerful. It burns hot in God's presence. It'll help me find him." His gaze dropped to Dean's chest. "I need to borrow it."
Dean looked at him, disconcerted. All he could think about was the feeling of the angel holding him against the wall and his brain couldn't process what Cas was actually saying.
"Dean," Cas insisted. "Give it to me."
He struggled against the angel's grip. "Do you hate me?" he whispered.
Cas's eyes blazed. "No," he said. "I should, but I don't. I am however, very angry. So think carefully about what you say next."
Dean stared at him in silence. Then he nodded. Cas tugged the amulet from his throat and placed it in his pocket.
"Great," Dean said. "Now I feel naked." Cas's pupils dilated and all the breath huffed out of Dean in response. He opened his mouth to speak and with a wordless cry, Cas swooped down and claimed his mouth. The kiss was desperate and angry, more like a battle than a sign of affection. And it was the hottest thing Dean had ever experienced. He groaned and Cas broke off the kiss, leaning back and looking a little shell-shocked.
"I-" He let Dean go and touched his fingers to his lips as uncertain as to what he would find. "I'll be in touch." And between one blink and the next, he was gone.
Dean wandered back into Bobby's room in a daze. Sam was sitting with his head in his hands and Bobby had turned away from the window and was watching him in concern. He looked up at Dean.
"What the Hell happened to you?" the old hunter barked. "You look like a pole-axed cow."
"Cas," Dean said faintly.
"What?" Bobby yelped. "What did he do to you?"
"Kissed me," Dean said in that same, bewildered tone. "He kissed me."
"Give me strength," Bobby growled. "I swear your dad must have dropped you on your head as a baby. What are you talking about?"
"Cas cornered me when I went for coffee. He wanted my amulet. And then he kissed me. And it was… incredible."
Bobby rolled his eyes so hard, he was surprised it didn't make an audible sound. Kissing angels, indeed! "Are you out of your mind?" he asked.
"What?" Dean said. "Why?"
"Look, I know he's your friend and he helped you when you were trying to save Sam. Reluctantly maybe, he certainly waited until the last minute before deciding that the Apocalypse probably wasn't a great idea. But, fine, whatever. Don't mistake that for something it's not."
"He kissed me," Dean said. He wished suddenly that he'd kept it a secret. He hadn't banked on Bobby's disapproval.
"Yes," Bobby said. "He did. You mooned around after him for over a year, and you think he didn't notice? And now, he's using you to get whatever the Hell it is he wants. None of these angels have shown they can be trusted. He's using you, and you're too dumb to see it."
"No," Dean denied. "You're wrong. I think he was as surprised by it as I was."
"Even worse," Bobby snarled. "He's already rebelled against Heaven. What happens if he Falls completely?"
"Falls?" Dean said incoherently.
"Yes, dammit, Falls. Like Lucifer, remember?"
"No," Dean said, shaking his head. "No, Cas isn't like that. He wouldn't go darkside, even if he did Fall." Except, last time, Cas had gone pretty far off the reservation. But this time it was going to be different. "Look at Anna, she didn't become one of Lucifer's minions just because she Fell."
"She chose to Fall," Bobby told him. "Ripped out her Grace and decided to live with the consequences. Cas is Falling against his will. Just like Lucifer was kicked out of Heaven and forced to Fall by Michael."
"No," Dean repeated. "No, Bobby. You're wrong about this. Cas is one of the good guys."
"Maybe," Bobby said, relenting. "But either way, I'm warning you. Keep it in your pants. Nothing good can come of it."
Dean glared at him and then grabbed Sam's shoulder. "Come on, Sam. I think Bobby's tired of us for today."
Sam trailed after Dean as he stomped through the hospital. He'd barely been paying attention to the argument he'd had with Bobby and it had scarcely made sense. But he didn't care. His misery was too large and black and all-consuming to spend much time dwelling on other things. He let Dean guide him into the car.
"...Sam?" Dean was saying. He raised his head.
"What?" he said listlessly.
"I said, what the Hell do we do now? Are you even listening to me?" Dean was punchy and aggressive. Sam let his head rest against the window. His phone rang and when he made no move to answer it, Dean punched him in the shoulder.
"Hey," he protested weakly. "Cut it out." Dean snatched his phone out of his pocket and answered it.
"Hello?" he said. Sam could just hear Bobby's grouchy tones through the plastic. "Rufus? Where is he? River Pass, Colorado. Got it. We're on our way."
