AN: So…anyone remember those annoying Sasutards? The Sasuke Fanclub™? All those girls (and dare I say a guy or two…) squealing over Sasuke to the ends of the earth? Well, like he is, they're back! Brace yourselves….
Also I've been trying to watch horror/comedy films for inspiration (the Scary Movies are a little too crude for me but I still had a laugh or two…I didn't see 3 but 4, the one parodying War of the Worlds, seems to be my favorite of them if I HAD to choose-though 5 with the baby scenes really CRACKED me up (I'm the type of person to laugh when people get hurt in movies)) and for some strange reason when I decided to bring in the Sasuke Fanclub™ the line "John Tucker must die" popped into my head. XD
This fic is a goddess for starting and stopping mid-sentence .
Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. And before we go to the cabin and let the slaugher-opps I mean kissing, begin there's a few more things I wanted to take care of before departure. And one more thing! No offense to anyone who is a fan of a certain series about a certain family of vampires. I used to be a tard in middle school for it but no more. I promise I won't make fun of it again or reference it unless someone tells me in a review it's okay to. It WOULD be hilarious if the crew was chased by sparkling vamps XD haha. Making fun of it is old and outdated-I'm sorry
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Part 2: The Return
"Haruno Sakura must die!"
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And of course Iruka objected to the very idea of sending his formal pupil to the legendary Akumu Cabin. The terrifying tales he'd heard over the years, though the quantity of them had really decreased of late, worried him to no end. He remembered when he was just a boy hearing his father's friend tell him stories of his friend's sister's friend's aunt's sister's cousin's uncle's friend's unfortunate experiences in that cursed cabin. Tales of people being ripped apart, slashed, mutilated, or worse- being forced to watch a movie about a clan of sparkly fairies... The list of tortures was endless as the haunting and haunters themselves. Monsters, Chucky, female zombies, the clown from It, evil spirits, mermaids, Tele-Tubbies on drugs, demons, sparkling vamps-any creature ever conjured up in the realm of nightmares would terrorize anyone who stayed in the cabin thus earning it the name 'Akumu Cabin'. Nightmare Cabin.
"Kakashi, I deplore you, don't do this!" Iruka begged as he stalked across the hallway after Kakashi. In his frustration he threw his clipboard down. "Your intentions are good but that place is cursed!"
Kakashi stopped in his tracks to face the younger teacher. "Tell me, Iruka. Have you ever seen these so-called victims? Saw their wounds? Explored the cabin yourself?"
Iruka grunted uncomfortably. He was cornered. "No," he finally mumbled. "But…"
"Everything you know about that place, the same old scary stories told throughout the years, is most likely just to scare people away from what's really hiding down there. Actually I don't even believe that anymore. It's just fun, Iruka. That'll all it is. Besides…"
Here Kakashi paused. He exhaled slowly. "When I was younger…Minato-sensei took me there."
Iruka widened his eyes in surprise. Naruto's father? He had taken his team to Akumu Cabin?! Kakashi slowly started his tale again.
"I remember we were young and all very excited. It was a blast-we watched the stars, told stories, spared and swam in the lake…" His eyes seemed distant as they wandered into the past as they so often tended to do. "Then, one night I heard a strange knocking sound but no footsteps. It was really odd, and it didn't stop. I knew whatever was making the sound was outside. It was pitch dark out but I went to explore, regardless. I stumbled around trying to find the source. And right when I was as close as close to be to it…"
Suddenly Iruka felt something grab him from behind. He yelped and instinctively reached for his holster. His fingers didn't even have time to pull a blade out before he saw the smoke from a clone disappearing disperse and heard laughing. He sighed tiredly at Kakashi.
"The person making that noise was Obito. It was just a prank. It's so easy pulling them on people, apparently-especially you, I can't but help notice. Man, Naruto must have had a blast with you during his Academy days," Kakashi said, obviously smiling behind his mask.
Iruka sighed. It was confusing how Kakashi could be so serious then so cool attituded at times. He remembered the time that, much to everyone's shock, Kakashi had actually passed and officiated Team 7 for that first time…It was Iruka who had found his poor student tied to the stump and after freeing him, invited him to Ichiraku Ramen. And for some reason the twelve year old wouldn't sit down-he ate standing up. Iruka immediately realized the sick bastard had performed his so-called Thousand Years of Death technique on the child. Lucky he wasn't a girl…
Iruka sighed as he picked up his clipboard from the floor. "All due respect, Kakashi…there are some things you don't joke about…Especially with Naruto, the war's done something to him…."
Kakashi stooped down to help pick up the scrambled pieces of paper. They appeared to be graded sheets of homework-a lot of which had such crappy handwriting it was amazing the teacher was able to decipher them. Kakashi's eyes caught the words '$%&^ing suck his %&$% then pop-' Kakashi shook his head as he stopped reading the crude chicken scratches. 'The kids of today…Learning things they're too little to comprehend…hee hee. Someday Naruto's gonna be stuck sensei-ing that brat.'
"I've noticed," Kakashi continued getting serious again. "He's been avoiding people he cares about-perhaps a safety precaution. Watching people die on the battlefield…Neji, and even his father once again. He's never been one to handle deaths well. So many died on that battlefield those few days…"
"No one should go through that," Iruka whispered, symphonizing with his pupil and the sensei. The time of Jiraiya's death Naruto had avoided everyone all together…Though this time around he knew Sasuke was too strong to die so he felt safe from Death's glare around him. He knew he wouldn't lose him so easily.
"Doesn't he deserve a chance to take a break from the village and the haste of missions? Go somewhere new? And no more Anbu either. Sasuke needs a break from that chain too."
"Yes-but not there," Iruka stated as he continued to gather the papers.
"Naruto's no longer your pupil."
'Nor is he even yours.' Iruka was so close to retorting it out loud but he knew better. Finally, knowing he had already lost he mumbled, "I won't place a bet."
The silence that followed seemed eerie as they finished picking the papers up. Finally Kakashi broke it.
"Goodness, is this Konohamaru's paper!" he exclaimed holding up a sheet that contained a drawing on the back. "It's illustrated instructions for the ultimate jutsu."
Iruka snatched the paper from him to look at it. Seeing it his jaw dropped.
"So Naruto's your student, right?" Iruka said very slowly.
"Yup."
"THEN HOW CAN YOU LET HIM TEACH MY STUDENT SUCH A TERRIBLE THING! He's WAY too little to even…" He couldn't even get the words out. He tried once more but only managed to get out, "my lands! He's turning him into a minnie-me!"
"Hee. Jiraiya would be proud. He can now conjure up a sexy jutsu with bigger jugs then even the Hokage, not to mention the pole's a nice touch. Ha, that reminds me of a scene in Jiraiya's book where…well I wouldn't want to spoil it-you still haven't read any of his books have you? Oh, and if you have an even more exquisite taste for ninja romance then Jiraiya what provided then try out 50 Shapes of Kunai."
Iruka slapped his forehead. "Forget it-I'm not stupid enough to try that porn out. I have enough of a time prying it from the hands of poor students who don't know any better! Wait-how on earth did we get to this topic? Anyway-I change my mind about the bet. I'll take you on. I slap bet you that they will return home a wreck having run for their young lives."
"Oh, really?" Kakashi asked, glad for the challenge. "What's a slap bet, again?"
"The winner of the bet gets to slap the loser. Consider it payback for letting Naruto pollute the Hokage's grandson." 'The Third is probably rolling in his grave! Again! Why can't people just let the dead people stay dead!?'
Kakashi smiled. "You're so sure you're gonna win….When this is over you'll be sorry you didn't bet money instead."
"We'll see about that…" Iruka smiled.
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"Doesn't that tramp just tick you off!" snapped Sasutard #1, Motoko. Minami, her friend and Sasutard #5, nodded her little head in agreement.
"She must pay for stealing him away!"
The fan group, each member obsessed with Uchiha Sasuke, all nodded in agreement. One energetic girl interjected in, "But, like, what about that new girl?"
"Oh yeah!" piped in another girl. "I forgot about her! I hear Sakura stole Sasuke-sama from her too!"
"I hear she's an Uzumaki!" stated Minami.
"OHEMGEE! Shut. Up."
"But I didn't say anything."
"Not you-I meant her."
"Oh…." They responded even though in the group there was a bunch of "hers" and it was impossible to tell who was talking to who at this point.
"Sasuke-sama is soooo sexy. I mean…that bod is to KILL for! That tramp doesn't deserve him! I heard she even at one point tried to kill him while the rest of us never gave up on him!"
"She must die her sins! Haruno Sakura must die!"
"Totally crucify her!"
The girls squealed again. And kept doing it until Motoko shut them up. "How about we find the new girl and show her the ropes-let her join our side. She is related to the side-kick of the hero, Sasuke-sama, after all!"
"OMGEE!"
Little did either of them know or even realize that Sakura and Karin, gathering herbs nearby, had heard every single word of their cliché clique conversation. Little did anyone else know that they had strangely become somewhat friends. Birds of a feather flock together and apparently both of them had a lot of things in common from their love/anger for Sasuke to their medical jutsu.
Sakura sighed. The Fanclub was really getting old. All of them needed to grow up and embrace the bitter truth. Sasuke didn't care squat about girls…Even though she knew this; part of her still would not give in to the inevitable…
Karin meanwhile moaned, equally annoyed with the fan club. "They're squealing is making me absolutely nauseous…"
'You're one to talk…' Sakura couldn't but help think to herself. It's not okay to talk about people-especially friends-behind their backs but THINKING things behind their back is perfectly okay. Sakura nodded to Karin. "I know how you feel."
"Hey, I might know how to get rid of them for good."
"Really? I've been trying for ages! How?"
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See ya next time! Aaaaaannnd I would love input on things I should find ways to add in. From comedy to horror. I'm really open for ideas and things you want. Especially before we get to cabin-I'll need to have things logically lined up and planned so it don't feel way TOO random. I can't guarantee I'll be able to do add everything, not to mention have seen everything, but I'll try! And if Twilight-bashing is permitted I will DEFINITLY go through with it! Just request, place bets and slap bets (as seen on How I Met Your Mother (episode 'Slap Bet' from season 2) XD May the odds ever not be in your favor!
PS PG-13 sexual content, R-gore only I don't do really crude humor.
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