Chapter 2: what have I done?
I stare at the faces of my clapping class mates in horror. Yes, I know there clapping for a good reason but the realization of what I just said has made me fill unbelievably sick to my stomach.
"Well done Ms.…Ride, an extremely moving piece of poetry!" Mr. Kimberling said with a loud clap of his hands and a dramatic sigh.
"Um…I….uh….t-thank y-you," I stumble out trying to catch my breath.
The sound of my pulse beating in my ears covers the slight sound of clapping, my body is consumed by heat and suddenly I fill dizzy. I stare down at the paper in my hand the words going blurry, crumbling as my hand clinches into a fist.
I take a step towards my desk and instantly regret it. Bile raises in my throat and I bee-line for the open door. In less than ten seconds I'm outside throwing up everything in my stomach.
After throwing up; I stand up only to slide right back down the wall holding my stomach as I gasp trying to catch my breath while holding back tears.
Oh my god! What did I do? Everyone knows my secreat and what I can't help but do! Why didn't I just take a zero and move on?! STUPID! STUPID, STUPID!
I close my eyes and a few tears tread down my cheeks. I bang my head against the cement wall a couple times.
"Are you okay?" a deep voice asks.
I look up to see Jason Oliver crouched down next to me.
I whip my nose with the back of my hand, look away and stare blankly at the boys track team running around the football field.
Why is he here? Doesn't he have something better to do then worry about little old me? Surely he didn't come out here on choice; Kimberling probably picked him to come get me. Yah, that's more than likely it.
"Max?"
My head snaps up, "how the hell do you know my name?'" I ask bitterly.
He smiles making want to punch him in the nose.
"We've gone to school together since kindergarten, Max." he says in a "duh" voice.
All emotion slips from my face and my mouth hangs open for a fraction of a second. There's no way that's possible! I'm pretty sure I would remember seeing him before August. Then again my memory isn't the best thing out there…
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"Kimberling wants you back in class," he reply's simply.
Did I call that or what?
I nod my head and stare at the grass. Nerves clinch in my stomach because the fear of having to walk back into that room is far too overwhelming.
"Are you coming or are you just going to sit there?" Jason asks me at the door.
I glare up at him, "are you going to shut up or am I ganna have to break your teeth?"
Jason lets out a sigh, "I'm trying to be nice to you and in return you're being a bitch?" his voice has a slight edge to it.
I jump to my feet my hands balled into fist, "you call that nice? You didn't come out here because you care! You came to get me to come back to class! And bitch? Boy you ani't seen bitch! Bitter is the word for it. Cause I can show you a bitch if that's what you want!" I scream at him with white hot anger pumping threw me.
"And all this time I thought you were just some emo chick loner with a wanna be so called best friend" he spits at me.
I'm not going to lie, that hurt me because it was all 100% true and someone else saying it just made me realize how true it really was.
I real back fire burning in my eyes and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Screw you Jason. Have a nice life," I say as I brush past him on my way inside.
I walk back to English and grab my stuff.
"Where do you think you're going?" ask Mr. Kimberling.
I turn around my hand on the door handle, "away from here."
I take off running down the hall depression filled adrenalin keeps me going as I run out of the school hall, off campus, and through the woods until I clasps' into a pile of leaves at the base of some tree.
I sit there gasping as tears run down my face.
He's right, I think, I am just some emo loner chick with a best friend who doesn't even remember me half the time. I am nothing! My whole life I've been told that. USLESS!
I look up and without thinking climb the tree closest to me once I'm about thirty feet of the ground I stop climbing and sink back into the leafless limps.
How could you have been so stupid? Reading that stupid poem was one thing but running out of class? Honestly Max! Then stupid Jason and his 'your being a bitch' crap! Stupid people and there shit! Just…stupid!
I reach into my pocket and pull out a heart shaped eye-liner sharpener, I lift the lid and with a shaky hand pull out one of the five razor blades jammed neatly into the heart.
I lift it up to the sun light and toy with the sharp tip for a moment, it slices the tip of my finger and I watch with interest as the cold blood pools then slides down my finger. I whip it on my jeans and suck on the finger. The bleeding stops almost completely.
More tears slide down my face and I bring the blade down on to my left wrist right over the spot where I almost killed my self not so long ago.
In one swift movement I drag the razor across my wrist and the pain is immediate. I lean my head back against the truck of tree as I let out a relaxing hiss of pain while blindly making several more cuts.
I open my eyes and watch the blood as it slides down the sides of my arm and onto the dark fabric covering my legs. I smile through the tears only resulting in more to flow.
Sometimes I wonder if I have gone insane because only an ill person smiles at the sight of their own blood.
A tear slides down my nose and almost in slow motion plops down into the pool of blood; instantly turning red and blending in to the dripping blood.
I sigh and turn my head to look at the sky. Gray. Beautiful really, this may be odd but to me a gray sky is much more breath taking then a perfect sunny blue one. I don't know why but it's been that way for as long as I can remember.
I stay in the tree for the rest of day. Cutting and thinking mostly, some point during the day I start to climb the tree until I've reached the very top and spent about ten minutes debating rather or not to jump the seventy feet to the ground.
I don't know what time it was but at sunset I got several angry texts from my mom asking where I was and to get home now!
It took everything in me but somehow I mustered up the strength and got down from my tree and lingered home.
Somehow I made it home without getting lost in the woods or getting eaten by some rabid animal and right now I'm standing by the mail box as I rap up my bleeding wrist with the gaze I keep in hand for obvious reasons.
After doing that I pull on my jacket and walk inside just as dark has settled over the world.
The scent of juicy roast and mashed potatoes hits me as I slide off my shoes causing my stomach to growl loudly. I winch at the sound and silently make my way up the stairs.
"Max?" my mom calls at the foot of the stairs sounding very angry.
Crap!
With a great sigh I turn around to face the root of my problems.
"What?" my voice come out sounding way bitterer then I intended it to and I instantly know that I'm in trouble for it.
"What me again Max," she warns.
I roll my eyes. Can I go now and save the yelling for later?
"Where have you been and don't say school because I got a call saying that you ran out of class and didn't come back all day. So you better tell me right now." Mom crosses her arms and stares at me with burning rage in her eyes.
My nostrils flare and my eyes automatically fall in to a glare, "why does it matter?" I spat.
"It matters because I need to know where you were because it wasn't at the place I thought you were."
"Out,"
"Where out. At that girl, what's her name…Nudges House?" she questions.
I fill something in my snap and my cheeks turn red with rage.
"No! Nudge and I aren't even friends anymore! If you must know, I was out in the woods. What was I doing? None of your freaking business, that's what!" I screech filling like crying while yelling my lungs out.
"Maximum Alexandra Ride you will not talk to me like that." She beefs.
I take in a breath my glare falling harder and with as much venom I can master up say; "I just did."
With that I turn and run up the rest of the stairs slam my door shut and lock it.
I sink down on to my bed, hug my knees to my chest and cry hot tears of anger.
A/N there you have it chapter 2! I'm feeling good about this story… read and review!
XXEmilyXX
