A/N: omg guys I actually updated this within a feasible schedule. The world might be ending soon. Hold onto your seats, we're in for some more Nejiten shenanigans! (Still kinda rusty guys; this idea was just a quick one before the absolutely hilarious main one from ep22.)
NarutoSD reference: ep22
Chapter 2: Symmetry
"Hinata," Tenten said, taking great care to enunciate each word as she was necessarily inebriated, "does the Hyuuga family value symmetry?"
The Hyuuga heir blinked at Tenten's random question. "Symmetry?"
Tenten nodded. "Yeah. Like, if one of your shirt arms got ripped off, would you rip off the other one too just to make it symmetrical?"
"No. Way." Ino slammed her glass onto the bar countertop, instantly guessing the perpetrator. "Neji did that?"
Tenten threw up her hands in the air. "That's what I want to know!"
Tenten, Hinata, Ino, and Sakura were once again at a Konoha bar. The girls weren't particularly picky – alcohol was alcohol, so long as there were hot boys (for Ino), a clean bill on the food inspection (for Sakura), and not located in or near the Red Light District without too many creepers (for Hinata, or rather, her father). The bar today was a nice little establishment, with cool blue colors and only a few patrons at this hour. Shinobi came in at random times due to missions and training, but most of the civilian population of Konohagakure was still at work.
"You can't possibly be serious," Sakura said. Neji? Ripping off his shirt? That was almost straight out of the cheap romance novels she—that Ino had given her, right.
"He did," Tenten groused, cupping a hand around her beer glass. "Right out of nowhere. Okay, almost nowhere, but still!"
"Tell, tell, tell!" Ino grinned and shoved her stool even closer to Tenten, anticipating yet another hilarious tale.
Tenten rolled her eyes – sometimes, she thought Ino came only to obtain the latest gossip, except Ino never really blabbed, truth be told. Usually because the tale was too crazy to actually believe, which made it poor gossip material.
"We got this mission two days ago to escort a civilian schoolteacher to another village. Along the way we got challenged by a pair of thugs – probably the reason we were hired. Except the thugs were wearing this incredibly impractical armor..."
Tenten hadn't believed what her eyes were telling her when she'd first seen them. First, that anyone thought that armor was actually useful. Second, that their team, the elite Team Gai (if she did say so herself, crazy team notwithstanding) had been hired for this.
Said thugs were wearing plate armor with giant, enormous spikes everywhere. Helmet, chest plate, gauntlets, greaves – you name it, they were wearing it, with spikes jutting out in every direction, on every conceivable location. They were like giant metal porcupines with rhino horns.
Tenten couldn't figure out how they'd even walked through the forest without tangling themselves on everything.
After the understandable few seconds of Just Plain Gaping, Lee had promptly made a self-challenge to defeat them hand-to-hand because sensibly wiping them out with a few thrown kunai would be too easy.
And before Tenten could stop him, Lee had thrown himself at the Giant Metal Porcupines. Luckily, Neji had reacted in tangent with Lee, so Tenten didn't have to worry about Lee impaling himself or something equally ludicrous. One aborted Konoha Senpuu, one neat Neji-pluck, and three kunai a la Tenten, and the thugs learned that spikes meant nothing against one well placed blade in an chink of armor.
"Stupid Lee, his outfit got ripped all over from the spikes. And Neji, well, you know, he's got those long, flowing sleeves, so they got torn up a bit too. And then..."
In the aftermath, where Lee wailed a farewell tribute to his beloved green spandex suit that Gai-sensei had given him (ignoring the fact that Lee had seventeen more just like it in his closet and three in his packs), Neji had eyed his ripped up shirt with some distaste. At least, Tenten thought it was distaste.
"So Neji looks at me, like I'm gonna fix it – but just because I'm good with weapons doesn't mean I'm gonna sew stuff for him!"
"Hear hear," Sakura grumbled, raising her own glass to Tenten's side-rant.
Tenten automatically clinked glasses and took another sip – because she wasn't nearly enough out of it for the next part.
It just – Neji had just had this strange look, that Tenten half-began to wonder if those thugs had done some genjutsu or pulled off some weird grass pollen jutsu.
"So then – so then – Neji just rips his sleeve off!"
WHILE STARING AT HER.
"And THEN he rips off his other sleeve too!"
STILL STARING.
He'd even flexed his arms, testing this new way of wearing clothes. Like he was expecting a reaction.
Well, he got one.
It wasn't the one he expected.
Back in the bar, Tenten threw up her arms. "What was he thinking, that he was some macho Tarzan ninja?"
Envisioning Neji Hyuuga as a macho Tarzan ninja made the rest of the kunoichi at the bar break out laughing. Even Hinata, although it was more a bit of a chuckle at her cousin's expense.
"I don't get it!" Tenten continued to rant. "It's not like Neji's not built like one – Ino say anything and DIE – and I'm pretty sure Neji wasn't on drugs, but really! Where did that come from?!"
Tenten whirled around and grabbed Hinata's shoulders, brown eyes desperately focusing on white ones. "So. You have to tell me Hinata, or I'll go crazy. Is it some sort of Hyuuga symmetry thing? Is Neji OCD? Does he hate having one thing longer than the other? Why did Neji RIP HIS SHIRT OFF?"
Meanwhile Sakura and Ino were laughing hysterically on the other side, Ino slapping her hand so hard against the countertop that their beer glasses rattled.
She'd never thought it'd turn out to be this.
Not that Ino could say anything, or else Tenten would reportedly kill her, but Neji had stopped by the flower shop three days ago. He hadn't bought anything, just browsed.
But he could have noticed the cheap romance novel Ino had been idly flipping through while waiting for a customer to make a purchase. Hey, Ino had been bored; it wasn't like Neji was going to buy flowers for anyone. The cover of the novel had been the typical hot model, muscles rippling through a half-torn shirt as he trenched through a jungle background.
Ino was pretty sure Neji had seen it. It wasn't like Ino had been hiding it, after all.
And Ino could link two and two together.
Too bad Tenten couldn't.
